A/N: You're probably wondering why am I starting another story. Well the truth is...I'm not. This is a compilation of stories that I've written that are on other sites or have been sitting on my computer for when I just can't focus on anything else. They're mainly Sakura stories as well as drabbles. The drabbles come in three series. Touch, Dysfunctional, and Bound. The others, like this particular chapter, are just stories that I've come up with and never posted on FFN.
So this is the first. This was my original entry for the LJ Tell-Tale Heart Competition that I DIDN'T submit.
Confess—is what I have done and I will say that if you were me you would have done the same. You don't know how penetrating his gaze was as he looked into my eyes that for the life of me could not hold a bit of innocence—because there was none. I had done it and yet I had not and that is what leads us into my tale of half-truths and half lies.
He knocked on my door late one Saturday evening while the moon was high and the stars littered the sky. I had not expected him—at least not that night but some other in the unforeseeable future. As I opened the door and raised my head to take in his visage I was certain of one thing as I had not been certain of any other.
It was why he was there staring at me with that lone, calculating eye. Why didn't he say anything?
The silence was unusual and stifling. Or was it that I should speak first? I instigated this whole thing but what should I say? What should I do?
No, I was overreacting. How would he know that it was me? Anyone could have done it. I needed to calm down before I blew the whole thing. Or maybe I should blow it…I did it because I wanted him to know it was me. I wanted him to come searching for me…but this was too soon. I didn't expect it to happen quite this fast.
I was hardly prepared.
I cleared my throat and shifted from side to side wary for the first time in my life of the man before me. Over the years we had grown close. I could honestly call him friend but if that were really true I shouldn't have done it. I knew this man, and a single act of stupidity could ruin our friendship forever. Yet I committed that act anyway. Does this mean that I didn't value what we had? I'd like to think not but…I was selfish…but he knew that. He could forgive that, couldn't he?
We stood in the entryway of my door for what seemed like eternity, but was perhaps only seconds before he asked that first damning question.
"Are you going to invite me in?"
Had I known then what I know now I would have said no. But I didn't have that knowledge so instead of replying verbally, I stepped to the side well aware of the sound of his light footsteps as he entered my home with the grace that befit the man called the Copy Ninja. The beat of my heart resounded in the room that held only the two of us. I closed the door behind him and the click of the door was loud startling me. I jumped a bit before I managed to calm myself. My lips were dry and my throat parched yet still I managed to produce a little moisture and run my tongue across my chapped lips in a futile attempt to ease the discomfort in them. Then I turned to face him only to find that he wasn't even paying me the slightest bit of attention.
I was overreacting. He didn't know it was me. I still had some time left before he figured it out. With that thought in mind I took a moment to study him and felt an ache in my chest at just the sight. I don't know why. It seemed silly, really. His hands were just in his pockets and his jounin jacket was missing making him a pretty picture in my home. I thought to question him on the absence of his jacket, but the fact was I was more curious as to his sudden appearance on my doorstep.
His eye ran over my apartment with a curious light within it. It was the first time he had been here. In actuality, I hadn't been aware that he even knew where I lived. Whenever we spent anytime together it was generally out on the town or at his place—never mine. It was something I never questioned as it seemed to me that a woman bringing a man home was a very intimate thing-a level that we weren't on. So I guessed it was only natural for him to have a certain curiosity about the place where I lived.
"So, what brings you here?" I finally managed to get out. "Do we have a mission?"
He turned back to me then and just a single glance managed to make my heart beat faster and I was certain then that he knew and was just being damnably teasing with his continued silence but then he answered my question.
"You know why I'm here."
It was the way he said it. The confidence, the certainty all a testament that my earlier actions were irrational and not well thought out. I should have known better. I'm a ninja for goodness sakes! To have been caught this quickly was something of a disgrace. My shoulders slumped; ready for him to tell me the words that I expected to hear out of his mouth from the moment the plan struck me, from the moment I opened the door.
"Why don't you have a seat? I'll make some tea."
He glanced at me for a moment and I could tell that he was a bit impatient to hear my side of the story but for the sake of our friendship—whatever was left of it—he took a seat, and waited quietly.
You can't really drag out making tea, but I tried. For the effort I should've gotten an 'A'. The look on Kakashi's face, however, when I returned with a tray of tea, told me that I failed miserably. Still, he was quiet as I sat his tea before him and for some reason I found that worse than if he had just shouted accusations my way. As I busied myself with my own tea he took a sip of his while I was distracted by my own meandering thoughts.
"Was it you?" He wanted confirmation. I could easily lie but would it be enough to convince him? Did I want this forever between us? No, no I didn't and so I closed my eyes at the question. I was hoping that I could in some way wash it from existence but when I opened them I realized it wasn't to be. It was the elephant that was standing in the room between us. A great, big, huge one—yellow with pink spots.
It was, indeed, a question but it was also more of a demand for an answer and a statement that he wasn't leaving until I gave him one. It was amazing the wealth of things that the man could say with just a few simple words.
I sat my tea down slowly and clasped my hands together. The blood in my body rushed through my veins faster and faster. It ran a marathon through my body as it flooded my ears and for a moment or two I couldn't hear anything but it.
It was time. This was the moment that I had been waiting for. The opportunity to confess my deed.
"It was me. I did it."
I watched as his whole demeanor changed. His face that was under normal circumstances was kind even if a bit aloof turned cold and angry and I found myself shocked. Of all the reactions I had not even put anger on the list and I found myself hurt at it. It was that very anger that caused the words to tumble forth from my lips before I had the chance to think them through.
"I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to tell you. I know it was cowardly to put it in a letter, but I didn't think you would put it together so quickly since I didn't sign my name to it. I certainly didn't think you'd be mad but it isn't it natural Kakashi? For two people who spend as much time as we do together…isn't it natural for me to have fallen in love with you? To want to be with you? I know you're a loner. I know you're not looking for a relationship. But would you begrudge me the little bit of release that my little letter gave me?"
"It's fine. I can take your rejection. I understand it even. At least now I know where I stand and I don't regret that. It's better than not knowing. It's better than hoping and wishing for things that will never be. I'm glad that I didn't put myself through that. So now that we've got things all cleared up you can leave. I know where I stand and I won't bother you anymore."
I rose to my feet and pointed to the door and after a tense moment of silence Kakashi rose too. I kept my eyes straight ahead as he headed to the door. I counted the seconds until he was gone but those seconds dragged on. I was well aware that the door had not yet opened. If I turned my head I would have seen that he was just standing in front of it as if waiting for me to say something more, but there was nothing else to say. My hopes had already been dashed to little pieces. All I wanted was to be left alone with the broken little pieces of my heart so I could figure out a way to put it back together again.
My wished wasn't to be granted. Not yet at least. He had something to say as well and he was not one to be ignored or denied when he had something important to share. As much as I wanted to be childish and throw my hands over my ears and ignore him I was unable to. In fact, I heard his words loud and clear before he left me to myself to think on his departing statement.
"You should know that I only came to ask you if you were the one who had taken Icha Icha Tactics out of my apartment. However, it seems you were not." I could almost hear the smirk on his lips as he gave his departing statement. "If you'll excuse me I believe I have something more…interesting to read."
My brain stopped functioning. It betrayed me in a moment where I needed it greatly. I stood frozen in my spot as the door opened and closed signaling his exit. My eyes were round and my mouth was slightly agape. The world around me came crashing down on my shoulders and I sank to my knees unable to bear the strain. My hands rose of their own accord as if they could hide me from all that had just occurred but it was a fool's errand.
I told the tale of my heart in the most unorthodox of ways while writing a love letter that had to be the most embarrassing. My day had just gone from bad to worse and so I turned and made my way to my bed determined not to get out of it again.
Of course, Kakashi returned a short while later to…help me with this endeavor.