DISCLAIMER: The story line is mine to own however, the characters will never belong to me.
This is something I've never had the chance to share. I wanted to share it a month ago but writer's block prevented that from happening.
If you are looking for fluff, this is not the place to look for it. Please don't hate me too much (you'll understand why); I tried my best to make this something I could be proud of.
*Past tense and flashbacks are differentiated from present by italics.
Green Oak views his life as two different chapters.
'Life before Red' and 'Life after Red'. There isn't much to it.
He tries to deny it when 'Life after Red' starts to take a downward spiral. He doesn't question where Red has been all night, he doesn't start when he catches glimpses of lip shaped bruises on Red's collarbone, and he doesn't even attempt to argue with Red because he's too content with the way Red is holding him right now.
He's lying in Red's lap, watching the crackling of the fireplace as Red runs lazy fingers through his hair; crimson eyes are trained on the television screen. The way they touch his scalp holds a different feeling from a few years back, when everything was still new and fresh. Now, it seems to be absentminded as if Green's hair isn't what those finger tips are looking for. It's become cold and hollow, receding from love into a dull commitment; something that must be completed.
Green won't admit that he's afraid of losing Red altogether if he uncovers the truth. It's not something he wants to risk so he accepts everything with a happy smile even if it means that Red hasn't kissed him in a year, leaves for days on end and never greets him with a smile. Those crimson eyes he loves so much don't even look at him anymore.
But he'll admit that it hurts too much to even seem real because he realized a long time ago that he's the only one still deeply in love.
He wakes up to an empty bed.
It's a familiar scene now. He groans and flips over, raising his head and trying to open his bleary eyes. The clock reads five AM. Where could Red have gone?
He eventually stops brooding and flops back down onto his pillow, burying his face into the soft sheets. The scent of the Viridian Gym and lush forests fill his nostrils. Green can't help but grimace; it smells like himself. Pushing the loneliness that's threatening to wash him over away, he stops and grabs Red's pillow. It's heavy with the scent of Red and it smells like everything he's ever wanted. He falls back asleep and the space beside him on the mattress is never filled up.
Not ever again.
"Red isn't coming back." Leaf tells him bluntly. Her brown eyes are sad, so very sad. Green hasn't seen her like this in a long time.
He shakes his head because he knows Red will return like he always does. It doesn't matter if he's found someone else because he still has to feel something for Green. He'll even accept friendship; not having anything at all will drive him off the deep end.
"Green." Leaf coaxes him. "Listen to me. How can you be so sure he'll return? Do you know where he is now?"
He doesn't know how to answer the question, so he brushes it off and asks her if she wants to be treated to a second helping of fries. They're sitting at the new fast food restaurant that just opened in Viridian; she had been begging to be taken here for two weeks. Leaf takes the hint and doesn't talk about the matter anymore, but even through their laughter and playful jeering, something remains in the air. Heavy and damp, it sits on the side, constantly reminding them both that running away from problems doesn't mean that they are solved.
A little more than half a year passes before it finally starts to fall apart.
He realizes that Red abandoned him with no intention of turning back. Green has long gotten used to a quiet apartment. There is no Pikachu rolling around in a squeaking mass of fur with Eevee, there aren't any crashes in the kitchen signalling the demise of another plate at the fate of Red's butterfingers and it's just hollow altogether; a ghost of what used to be.
Renovation is a good idea but somehow Green can't bring himself to destroy the lingering traces of Red here and there; the tiny crayon heart he and Red had drawn on the bedroom door when they first moved in together, the damaged kitchen cabinet after they took things a little too far from innocent two years ago and the dent in the wall after a their last fight (he doesn't really remember when that happened.) Green's an idiot; he knows. Everyone has been telling him that but some things are easier said than done. There is no way he could ever forget about or erase Red; he lets it fester in his heart.
But one day Gold barges into his gym office, Typhlosion in tow, and promptly drags a kicking and screaming Green from his paperwork. Eevee tries to bite Gold but stops through mid-chomp when Lyra appears out of nowhere with those delectable strawberry flavoured poffins. She endures through Green's silent anger after they are locked away in a new apartment.
Green stares at the shiny keys his hands and lets a tear fall. He whimpers and pulls his knees close to his chest. He can't decide whether to feel grateful or hysterical. All his friends had worked behind his back to buy him a new home, transferred all his furniture here while he was at work and sold his old apartment. There's a part of him that's crumbling away: the Green who wouldn't let go of Red because he's just lost the only fragment of the champion he held; the only piece Red had bothered to leave behind.
It only took a few weeks for the news to spread.
Everywhere Green walked, people stared. Wherever he looked, he saw pity.
He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth but the name still wouldn't go away; it continued to seep in even when he covered his ears.
That's where Red had run off to.
That's why Red had abandoned him.
That's who took stole Red's heart from right beneath his fingertips.
Green could have done a million things to Lance's friends, family and followers. He could have made sure that Lance would feel the consequences of his actions, but he didn't end up doing anything. Most people stood on his side while some others carried on spouting things about how love was war and that Lance had done nothing wrong, Red had done nothing wrong; they had just followed their hearts.
He would have punched Lance, perhaps even killed him, but was never given a chance.
After all, Lance had disappeared without a trace along with Red.
It was as if the two had never existed.
Leaf gradually brings him out of depression, and it's familiar now to see her bustling around his kitchen and scolding Eevee for trying to steal chocolate chip cookies from the tin on the kitchen island.
He's still a bit uncomfortable with his surroundings but he knows he will eventually settle in.
The new apartment is too new and whitewashed for his liking. The electronic devices Morty bought him are so much more confusing than the ones he had before but the Ecruteak gym leader insisted he was a bit too old fashioned and that a new surround system complete with a plasma TV was greatly needed.
It's Sunday and the gym is closed. Green walks around the house and peers into every room. His living room was courteously furnished by Erika, who hurried over from Celadon City. In fact, most of the apartment was designed by his friends; it was really nice of them to shower him with this much affection.
However, it's his bedroom that gives him the most comfort. It's not overly neat or very crowded; just a bed in the middle of the room, his favourite mat, a desk, a dresser and curtains covering the window. It reminds him of himself and of the old Green, the Green who was happy and didn't need to force himself to smile.
Strangely enough, his bedroom also reminds him of Red, although the furniture is brand new and the things Red owned have been thrown away by Leaf. He still hasn't managed to get over Red, but they say time heals wounds and Green is waiting for things to scab over and then fade away.
He flops onto the bed and falls asleep. The mattress has room for two but Green has learned to occupy it all by himself.
One day, Leaf forgets her bag at his apartment.
She's in a hurry when she calls him, asking him to try and find her wallet.
Green grumbles while sifting through her bag; women and their hoards of accessories.
There are trinkets, coupons, earrings and excess bits of change at the bottom of the bag. He still can't find her wallet and nearly jumps out of his seat when he opens the compartment on the right and reveals a pack of tampons.
This could take forever.
Green is still rummaging and muttering incoherencies when he notices a tiny zipper on the very inside. It's very well concealed and if the light hadn't caught the metal of the zipper, he would have never noticed it.
He's ecstatic until he discovers what's inside.
It's a necklace, the very same necklace he gave to Red when they first started their relationship.
Leaf barges through the front door yelling something about hurrying up but stops short when she notices his still form sitting at the kitchen table and his shaking shoulders.
"Green?" She begins tentatively before being shoved against the wall forcefully.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?" He yells, unable to contain his rage and she's scared: terrified and guilty.
"WHO?" He thunders, caging her in with his arms and blocking her route of escape.
Leaf starts to blubber and she grasps his t-shirt, trying to pull him into a hug and burrowing her face into his neck.
"Red," She gasps. "He came to see me before…that. Left this with me. Told me not to tell." She pulls away and looks at him forlornly. "I didn't have a choice."
"WHY?" His voice breaks.
Green punches the wall. Pain shoots up his arm as his knuckles give a sickening crack and then he slumps down into Leafs arms.
He throws the necklace into the garbage can.
It was priceless to begin with; the pendant was his very first gym badge.
"You're twenty-three and single." Kris tells him rather bluntly.
"It's time you found someone new." She hesitantly starts.
Green's body stiffens and his eyes narrow. He moves to get up and walk away but Kris grabs him by the wrist and forces him to look at her. She's dead serious.
Her eyes soften. "Yes you do, Green. You're lonely; I can tell. Let's all go out and have some fun tonight. Please? It'd make me very happy if you'd go out with us for once."
Green can't bring himself to say no if she asks politely like that. He forgets to ask her who "us" is and where they'd be going. He gets a sinking feeling in his stomach when Lyra arrives and both girls bring him to the mall. They shove him into clothing store after clothing store. They giggle and squeal as they hold up shirt after shirt for him to try on. Green almost gets on the ground and pleads when they show him a hot pink v-neck with flamboyant feathers attached at the shoulders. He doesn't know why he's doing this; maybe he just needs a little fun.
It's been too long.
Surge lets out a wolf whistle once he spots him.
"Looking good dude." He chuckles while scanning Green all over. Green feels the slightest bit uncomfortable and looks around nervously. He hasn't been to a club since forever and it's making him queasy.
He takes a seat at the bar, past the bodies going at each other on the dance floor with the flashing purple lights. The music is too loud as well as the people. He realizes he lost Kris and Lyra while pushing through the crowd and begins to fret.
"Haven't seen you like this in a few years, Green." The voice is so close to his ear and as soft as silk. He whirls around to look at Leaf dressed quite scandalously and she replies to his incredulous look with a simple "It's a nightclub."
She's checking him out, but since it's Leaf, he's fine with it. She nods at the white skinny jeans and smiles at his exposed shoulders. Misty shows up and comments on how nicely the shirt clings to his body before running a finger down his spine.
By this time, Green has downed his third drink and is feeling pretty good. He's also quite flattered after receiving so many pickup lines and suggestive touches. He hasn't lost his charm evidently, and almost forgets about Red. Almost.
Every mob of black hair and every pair of crimson eyes draws him in like a magnet. Green finds himself all over the place with a number of different people, throwing his caution to his wind and just enjoying the feeling of kissing once again. It's intoxicating, this whole idea of just losing himself to someone he doesn't know when hands encircle his waist and he's pulled back protectively against someone's chest. The boy who was in the middle of getting down and dirty with him is bewildered and Green turns around to swear at whoever ruined the moment when his eyes go wide.
He's only met Volkner a handful of times at the Pokémon League meetings and can't bring himself out of his shock. His throat is suddenly very dry and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't even hear what Volkner says to the guy with the enticing crimson eyes (that Green was about to get intimate with) as he gathers his shirt and stomps out of the room in the back of the club. No, Green is too busy trying to see through his confusion and enjoying the odd feeling of safety in the other gym leader's arms.
Volkner somehow manages to carry Green out of the club and back to his apartment. He's really out of it by the time they ascend the elevator and is knocked out cold as soon as he hits the duvets.
He doesn't dream of Red that night. Instead, blue eyes and blond hair fill the empty darkness.
Green begins to warm up to Volkner faster than he expects.
The gym leader is only with him for a month before going back to Sinnoh but it's enough for Green to fall in love.
Volkner is so nice and awfully sweet. He's not much of a talker but Green makes up for the silence. He stops comparing Volkner to Red after a while because even the way they look is impeccably different. He can't help but give in to everything Volkner throws at him and finds himself giggling when Volkner leans into nip at his earlobes. It's utterly blissful.
He's not even worried as Volkner boards the plane and returns to Sunnyshore City because they can still chat over the phone, not to mention the fact that he had received many months worth of affection the night before.
Green is happy with how everything seems to be going right for once. He makes a new chapter in his life and names it 'Life with Volkner.'
He forgets that he never finished 'Life after Red.'
That's why he's lost when Red has been spotted in Pallet Town and when Lance returns to the Elite Four.
He spends a lot of time on the phone with Volkner and isn't sure of what to do anymore. Green knows he still loves Red and desperately tries to make himself believe he loves Volkner more.
It doesn't work.
It's obvious to everyone around him. Even Silver begins to worry about his health after he stops eating and returns to the way he used to be after Red had just left. Leaf won't stop crying. She's always sobbing while holding his hand, telling him that everything will be fine and that he should move to Sinnoh to be with Volkner, the man who can make him happy.
But Green isn't going to lie to himself any longer. He fights tears as he tells Volkner there is someone he can't forget and the way Volkner takes it, so painfully yet acceptingly, breaks his heart. He runs out into the rain after he hangs up and doesn't stop running until his legs give out underneath him. Green lands in a heap on the ground and sobs as the blood from his scraped knees and cheeks mix in with the falling rain.
He lays there until Leaf finds him and hugs him close to her while shaking from the force of her own grief.
'Life with Volkner' comes to an end.
Green starts to face his buried problems and ends up in Pallet.
There are stabs of pain as he takes in the rolling hills and lush forests. Tiny houses stand row after row beside narrow dirt roads. Pallet hasn't changed at all; still quaint and heavy with the scent of childhood.
There's a reason why he's avoided coming back to Pallet, even when Red was still around. The only person who had kept him anchored here had disappeared abruptly.
Daisy was dead.
She died after her husband beat her to death and Green hadn't even noticed the signs. He should have questioned when bruises started appearing on her body and been more persistent when she told him there was nothing to worry about.
The only family he ever had was gone in the blink of an eye; his sister dearest, the one who cared for him, understood him and had his back every step of the way would never smile at him again.
And he could have stopped her from being taken.
Green buys a bouquet of lilies, her favourite, and visits her grave. The cemetery is quiet and still. A gentle breeze ruffles his brown spikes of hair and he can almost smell the freshly baked bread in her kitchen. It's a bit of a walk through the place but soon, he's kneeling down on his knees and setting flowers against a marble tombstone. Someone seems to have already visited, as there were week-old lilies lying on top of the flat marble. He traces the words 'Here lies Daisy, a kind granddaughter, gentle wife and wonderful sister.' Green scoffs at the simplicity of the words; she was more than just that, she had been his near everything.
"It's me, Green." He whispers into the air. "I'm home." And he means every word.
Green swore to never come back when he left at the age of thirteen. Now he's standing on the steps of the Oak Laboratories, where his darkest memories were first bred.
His fingers are shaking as he reaches up to press the doorbell and he squeezes his eyes shut when he hears it ringing behind the front door.
He braces himself when the door opens.
Professor Oak stares at him.
An awkward silence sits around them before he stiffly gestures towards the inside of the house and walks away.
Green takes his shoes off and shuffles behind his grandfather, gently closing the door behind him.
Nothing has changed.
The house lab is still sparkling clean and Green thinks he can spot the hole a Dodrio made in the wall after it went berserk when he was three years old. He pauses once or twice down the halls to run his fingers over the old furniture and pokes his head into rooms because they drown him in nostalgia. He thinks he might be going insane when he hears Daisy's laughter in the den; it had always been her favourite room.
Green stops in the main lab and sits down in front of one of the large egg incubators. One of the assistants comes in to hand him a fresh mug of coffee and passes a cup of tea to his grandfather.
They sit there for a while, facing each other and sipping at their drinks. For the first time in his life, Green thinks it to be rather comfortable in the presence of the older man; the older man who never cared. He comes to the conclusion that as long as neither opens his mouth, peace will remain intact.
War is always on the horizon.
It's Professor Oak who breaks the silence. "I take you're here to ask about Red." He states calmly if not a little coldly.
Green gives a curt nod.
"He's on Mount Silver."
Green chokes out a "thanks" and prepares to leave. It could have all ended there, but what Professor Oak says next makes his blood boil.
"I told you it wouldn't end well."
All the memories of fighting over his sexuality, aching hollowness when Red's mother refused to even look at him and the overwhelming amount of disgust in his grandfather's eyes come crashing back. They hadn't ever accepted him. Red was always loved and forgiven; he was always thrown away and blamed.
The mug in his hands crashes onto the floor as he throws it aside, its contents land all over the tiled floor and splatter on Professor Oak's shoes.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Green screams.
And the tears splash onto the ground. They're tumbling; warm, angry and wet.
It fucking hurts as they roll down his cheeks and dribble off his chin. His face is pulled back in a snarl, emerald eyes livid and seething with unspoken rage.
"You…" He starts. "You never fucking cared, let alone understood. You never looked at me twice, pushed me aside since my parents died and now you're telling me what I did was WRONG?"
He's seeing red now, hands clenched so tight that he can't even feel them anymore. There is so much he wants to say. He wants to punch; he wants to scrape that look off his grandfather's face with his nails. He wants to see blood, hot crimson blood flooding the hallways and the laboratory. He wants to light a match and burn the whole place down, listen to the tortured screams as he laughs and walks away without ever turning back.
But he doesn't.
"You forget my name and even my EXISTENCE! I have no grandfather and I definitely don't have one that tells with I'm incompetent at everything I do, that I have no talent and that I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN!"
He's out of breath and still furious, but there's an indescribable sadness clumping in his veins, showing in his eyes and tasting bitter on his tongue.
"I wish you had died that day instead of mom and dad."
His words drop like a stone, picking up speed to finally smash through the glass case that had preserved whatever was left of their relationship. It's silent as the case splinters and glass fills the air, tiny fragments glowing like dewdrops.
They all land when Green slams the door behind him. The sound of broken glass is deafening and Professor Oak allows a tear to slip from beneath his eyelids as a large piece lodges itself directly in his heart.
Green calls Leaf as soon as he leaves Pallet.
She's breathless when she picks up. "Green?" She asks.
"Where are you?"
She's laughing now. "Falkner just decked Lance. He was so angry at him for hurting you. "
It's quite evil of him, but Green feels very, very good all of the sudden.
"I can hear you smiling through the phone." Leaf giggles. "So what's up?"
"Where are you? I need to give you something." He says solemnly. She picks up his tone right away.
She's hesitant. "What's going on?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm in Cerulean with Jasmine."
"I'll be right there." And he hangs up.
He lands in Cerulean and fishes out his pokéballs. One by one, he releases all his Pokémon until they stand in a row in front of him. Exeggutor, Machamp, Arcanine, Rhydon, Gyarados, Pidgeot, and finally, Eevee.
Green knows he's going to cry and holds each one of them close as he bids them farewell. They understand something is wrong but can't pinpoint what. Eevee throws a tantrum and refuses a hug and a kiss, but when she can't recognize the look on Green's face, she gives in.
All of them have the strangest feeling that this will be the last time they'll ever see their trainer.
It's difficult for Green as he has grown up with them and loves them with all his soul, so when he hands the pokéballs over to Leaf, his heart almost stops beating.
Her gaze is questioning and Jasmine is quiet by her side. Green spends a little extra time with Eevee and burrows his face into her soft fur. She's mewling pitifully now, desperate to know what is wrong and refusing the let go of his jacket.
Green leaves Cerulean City with an empty belt.
He can't forget Eevee's cries as he walks away.
He stands at the foot of Mount Silver and gazes up towards the sky. The large columns of rock seem to extend beyond the highest clouds and he can't help but shiver.
It's been forever since he's scaled these dangerous cliffs but it's something he has to do.
Green wraps the scarf around his neck one more time and ascends.
One foot at a time, ledge after ledge;
He must reach the top.
As soon as he reaches the peak, he can feel Red's presence.
He struggles against the will to break out into a run, desperation clawing at his every nerve and calmly walks on.
Suddenly, something moves in the corner of his eye.
It's red, bright red against the white snow.
Green fights down a sob as Red emerges from the cave, familiar cap on his head and clearly unsurprised by Green's visit.
The wind sends chills down his spine, whipping his hair everywhere as he gazes into crimson eyes once again. They don't look away even as the snow begins to lift off the ground from the force of several strong gusts.
"Green." Red murmurs and it's the sweetest sound Green has heard for a little more than a year. He's stupidly content with the way Red is here with him right now; so stupid and still so in love.
He clears his throat but Red's name still comes out raspy and weak. Green curses himself for sounding like an emotional teenager but his voice continues to break and wobble. "Why?" He asks, careful to keep his face blank.
Red closes his eyes and shakes his head. Green suddenly misses the endless depths of his irises and yearns for touch. He covers the distance hesitantly and stops until he's directly in front of the champion. "Why?" He whispers. They're so close.
"It's not like that anymore." Red says without hesitation, gaze steady but regretful. "I'm sorry."
A rush of hysteria courses through Green's body and he's clutching at Red, scared and begging to hear what was said was not true. He's thrilled by the contact but so near the brink of insanity. He hates how Red isn't doing anything to deny it.
Hate. Hate. Hate.
There really is nothing left.
His emerald eyes flash; pain, hurt, sadness and betrayal. "Fine." he hisses, stepping up close and grabbing Red by his collar. Their noses almost touch. Red's breath is ghosting over his cheeks and he feels a pang of something squeeze his chest. He can't tell what it is. "Watch me."
And he steps away, feet crunching in the snow as his sneakers begin to backtrack his footprints. His eyes are trained on Red's; the contact never breaks. It's an unspoken dare, the ashes of a heated rivalry and the remains of a dying love. Green can't help but think it means something else. Something he never wanted to say.
He suddenly stops walking backwards and turns his head, breaking the eye contact as a look of confusion momentarily flits behind Red's pupils. He can't understand what Green wants to do. Green doesn't understand either. He can't read his own thoughts; they're too heavily entangled in his emotions. He does stupid things when he acts on his emotions but this time, Green knows he's making a smart decision; the right decision; the perfect decision.
He shifts left and starts to walk backwards again. Crunch, crunch, the snow is hard to break through here at the peak of Mount Silver. He lets a flashback play in the back of his mind: it's him and Red ducking underneath and past the icicles hanging on the mouth of the cave to blink at the brightness of the white snow. It's crisp and sparkles like thousands of tiny shards of glass in the sunlight. It's beautiful. Red smiles beside him and whispers "I love you too."
He's crying now as he continues to step back. Red's pupils are dilating; he can even see them from this distance through all the swimming tears because he knows Red that well. He pauses at the edge of the cliff and spreads his arms. He smiles and he admits that it had been fruitless longing tugging at his heart. Green opens his mouth and utters the one word that he has to say now, no matter how much he doesn't want to; he has no choice.
He feels smug as he watches Red's eyes open wide. He closes his eyes because he wants to pretend he didn't see the worry, the shock, the fear and the traces of love scrawled across Red's face as the champion breaks into a run. But he won't make it now, not ever, even though he's screaming Green's name for the world to hear for the very first time.
Green's also going to pretend he didn't see Red's tears.
As he falls, the cold wind whipping against his skin is so icy that it turns warm. It reminds him of Red's embrace, and flying like this is almost like falling out of bed. He's surrounded by darkness and warm covers, only this time, instead of a gentle thud against wooden floor boards, there is a single beautiful splat.
"I will always love you, all the way to the end."
Rated M for suggestive themes and language.
I like to think that Red's confused. He had a secret love for Lance that he kept hidden for many many years (way back from when he first battled the Elite Four.) His infatuation for Lance swept him off his feet. He still loves Green which is why he never threw the necklace away but rather gave it to Leaf for safe-keeping (while he sorted everything out). After being with Lance for a while, he finds out it's not what he's been looking for and ends up confused once again. They have arguments and eventually break up. Red returns home to Pallet, making sure he drops by Professor Oaks' lab and leaves a word about Mount Silver; he already knows that Green will come by. (The week-old lilies lain by Daisy's grave were from Red.) But by the time Green shows up, Red is still emotionally tangled and slightly afraid. He pushes Green a little too far away but has kind of figured it out by now. However, he needs a bit more time, time Green doesn't give. Green doesn't wait for him in the end and Red is left all alone. The last line is almost like a flashback and applies to both of them because it was never one-sided but wholly mutual.
So, how was it? I hope you enjoyed it as much as I slaved myself over it. In fact, I almost cried when I wrote that part about Eevee because making him part with her is the saddest thing ever.
Please don't complain to me about boyxboy/yaoi/shounenai, I don't want to argue with you.
Hopefully, I will find time to post up some fluff & I've been very caught up in Kingdom Hearts recently; gotta love rikuxsora/ soraxroxas haha.
BUT RED AND GREEN WILL ALWAYS BE MY OTP.
I reply to every comment so feel free to talk to me!
Thanks for reading :D