Chapter 17: I'm so Sorry.

As the author of this ridiculous, totally ridiculous, crazy, I-can't-even chapter, I sincerely apologize. I have no idea where this came from. Hopefully, you guys won't die from exposure to pure crack and whack.
Once again, I'm sorry. Really, really sorry.
Read at your own risk. Nothing can save you from your own imagination.
-We briefly return to normalcy to bring you this disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! is not the creation of this author-on-tumblrcrack. Carry on.-

000

Ahhh. No one brewed tea like Kusakabe did.

Hibari would have to ask him how he did it sometime. Today's green tea was especially exceptional- maybe he tried something slightly different?

Whatever his vice-president had done, the green tea was amazing. End of discussion.

Taking another long sip, he let out a sigh of satisfaction.

With tea and tonfas in hand, nothing would go wrong today.

000

Kusakabe was getting a very, very bad headache. Something was wrong- oh, he didn't have Tsuna's hyper intuition, of course, but even he could feel when something was about to go terribly, terribly wrong. The headache grew worse as he neared the Reception Room to give Hibari his daily written morning report.

That was never a good thing.

Ever.

He braced himself and opened the door. "Kyo-san, I have this morning's report," he said with a bow.

"Hn."

Kusakabe approached the desk with a large stack of papers in hand, and placed them on the desk. He felt a chill go down his back, so he glanced up at his leader. Hibari was staring absentmindedly at him, which was really, really creeping him out.

Hibari was not one to stare.

Especially not absentmindedly.

"Urm, Kyo-san? Are you alri-"

"Heeeeyy Kuusakabeeeeeee."

Kusakabe pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to suppress the rapid shivers that were running up and down his body.

Oh dear lord, someone help me.

And then Hibari- Hibari Kyoya, the fearsome leader of the Namimori Disciplinary Committee, and strongest guardian of the Vongola Decimo- giggled.

He freakin' giggled.

000

"… Uhhh, Kyo-san? Are you… okay?" Kusakabe asked warily.

"Heeeeeeh, I feel peaaachyyy!" Hibari threw his arms up happily and smiled. Like, with flowers and sparkles flying in the background and all that Kyoko-y stuff.

The second-in-command gagged. This was definitely not right. At all.

"Heeeeyy, Kusakabeee?"

"… Yes, Kyo-san?"

"Whyyyyy…"

Kusakabe waited, mentally bracing himself.

"Whyyy do youu alwaysss have that grass thiiiing in your moouuth?" Hibari asked with a groggy tilt of his head. "Whyyyy? Is it yummyyyy? Like greeeen teaaaa? Oooh, I bet it's green teaaa flavoreddd, isn't ittt? Hmphhh, why have you been hidinggg it from meeeeee you know I love green teaaaaa gimmeeeeeee!"

The skylark, a very sluggish manner, reached across the desk, trying to whisk the long piece of grass away from the petrified Kusakabe, who dodged his groggy swipes.

"Hup! Hoi! Gimmeeeeee!" he whined. Then he pouted.

Kusakabe couldn't process what was going on, he just couldn't-

"Waaaahhh I goooot it!"

Hibari giggled happily as he held up his prize in triumph, standing up on his desk in a classic victorious stance. He stuck it into his mouth.

Then spat it out in disgust.

"Ewwwwieeeeee Kusakabe! It's likeeee disgustingggg! Why'd you make me eaaaatt itttt, Kusa-bakaaaa?"

Kusakabe let out a very long sigh as Hibari jumped down from the desk and pounded his shoulders with uncharacteristically weak fists, his face scrunched up in a pout that Kusakabe never thought he'd live to see.

Then he hiccupped and fell to the floor with a thud.

000

The lump on the couch stirred.

Kusakabe approached it cautiously to find Hibari's steel gray eyes staring into his own.

"… Kyo-san?"

"… Hn."

Kusakabe almost let out a sigh of relief. Thank god his leader seemed to be back to norm-

He halted all thought processes as he felt a hand… groping his hair.

Why was Hibari groping his hair?

"… Hn, your hair… It's quite poofy…" His words and actions definitely did not match up with the steely voice that was usually declaring, "Herbivore, I'll bite you to death."

"… Yes, Kyo-san. It's poofy. And long. That's the whole point of this hairstyle." Kusakabe sighed. He wondered what he had ever done to deserve the not-so-normal events that seemed to happen around him all the time.

"I quite like it. What's the secret? Gel? Wax? Water? Lots of brushwork?"

"A combination of all those…" Kusakabe replied, not sure where this was going.

Hibari said nothing more, but continued to feel his hair from his spot on the couch. Without warning, he suddenly rose to his feet and walked to the mirror that hung on the wall. Staring into it, he started to brush his fingers through his hair, bringing it all towards his forehead.

Kusakabe twitched. If anyone ever saw his leader like this…

He started to walk over to Hibari to try to make him stop behaving so… oddly, but while doing so, he bumped into the desk. He saw a cup fall over, spilling its contents all over the desk and paperwork. Frantically, he gathered up the papers before the green tea could soak them. Sighing, he glanced back at his leader. The prefect was still standing into the mirror, glaring at his reflection as his efforts to get his hair into a pompadour failed- miserably.

Turning his attention back to the desk, he realized the mess wasn't going to go anywhere. Grabbing a towel from the supply closet, he started to meticulously wipe up the spill. A strange scent wafted up to his nose, and he twitched. This did not smell like green tea…

Bending down, he sniffed the liquid more closely. The unmistakable smell of alcohol made Kusakabe want to bang his head against the desk.

His leader was drunk.

Quickly wiping up the rest of the mess, he turned to his leader- who had given up on his hair and was now staring at Kusakabe's own hair with jealousy- and said, "Kyo-san, stay right here and don't leave the room, alright? I need to go find someone who can… uh… sober you up."

With that he rushed out of the room, saying once again, "Stay right here!"

Hibari stared at the door, then walked slowly out of the room.

000

Somehow, he made it to the roof in his intoxicated state, and plopped himself down, staring up at the blue sky.

"Hibari! Hibari!"

Hibird was circling around him, and Hibari blinked.

Since when did Hibird have children?

Two smaller, yellow fluffballs were trailing behind Hibird, high chirps filling the air.

The trio landed on the concrete beside him, and he stared at them for awhile.

"Hibird, I hope you're taking responsibility," Hibari stated as he glared at his bird, who had the sense to chirp in reply.

"Good. I should name them…"

He stared at the two balls of yellow that sat on either side of Hibird. They stared back, eyes innocent and large.

"… Hn… Hichick," he gestured to the one on the right, "And Hinami," he said as he gazed at the one on the left.

The two baby birds flapped their tiny wings in joy.

Suddenly, movement behind him made him twirl.

He stared and cocked his head to one side at the sight before him.

Those were a lot of pretty swirling pineapples.

He reached out to touch one of them.

It slapped him in the face.

000

Mukuro smiled. Those pineapples hadn't been created by him. Well, not directly, anyway. He'd have to add "Hallucinations" to the list of things that what he'd slipped into the Cloud Guardian's drink could do.

"Kufufufu…"

Oh, what a little bit of specially-made alcohol and photo/video evidence would do for him in the future.

He looked forward to tomorrow.

000

Hibari is a horrible drunk.

I'm so sorry, I can't even-

I had to take frequent breaks while writing this chapter, because the prefect that I knew and loved totally just… died. And got replaced by a horror from the depths of my imagination that was fueled by wayyy too much tumblr, avengers, a combination of many different anime characters, and lack of sleep. If Tsuna was drunk like this, it would be totally cute. Hibari, on the other hand…. Yeah, gimme a sec, I'm still dying.

I hop you guys didn't forget Hibari's awesome, scary, and so-totally-not-drunk-and-embarassing side after you read this.

And I pray that he doesn't rise from his pixelated computer imaged self to bite me to painful death.

Finals are finally over, summer vacation is about to start. Hopefully, I'll be able to update this and my other fics more. Hopefully….
Leave a review? :3