Author's Notes: Long Time No See Guys! Well mostly my fault. For those that haven't gotten my memo yet...located conveniently on my profile. I'M BACK BITCHES! That is all. No I'm kidding. Well I guess I owe you guys some sort of explanation. I took a few weeks to heal up and find myself again as a writer. I spoke to my loving wife and my one of my closest friends and they sort of helped get me back to a place where I felt like I was able to write again. With my leg constantly throbbing and aching and the fact that I couldn't work, (yes I have gone back and my boys are as ecstatic as I am about being back!) I wasn't really up for much of well to be honest anything. I just couldn't hardly function. Now I'm feeling much better and I feel like I should give this place and writing another go. You gotta get back up on the horse when you fall right? Keep your eyes peeled not only for this saga to be continued but for my new three story arc that I should in theory get up soon. I worked really hard on the first story and I'm well into the second and I want people to enjoy it so as always I appreciate reviews and all that shit but you know what if you can't be bothered than oh well. See? I'm better now. Love you guys! ~Bella
"How did your talk with Jocelyn go?" Mitsuru asked as she pulled the front door open seeing Alex standing on the other side with her hand raised, poised to knock.
"How is it you always manage to answer the door before I even knock?" Alex asked instead smiling and letting her hand fall.
"You walk quite loudly and you insist on wearing those stilettos. I can hear you coming a mile away." Mitsuru pointed out with a smile. "It helps that I also make it a point to stay in tune with my surroundings and knowing who's coming towards my door is one of the things I pay attention to." She tugged at the sleeve of her light blue sweater picking it nervously.
"Oh well I guess I should work on being quiet then." Alex smiled softly at her.
Mitsuru frowned immediately noticing it didn't reach her eyes. "What happened Alex?"
Alex sighed and shook her head, "Let's go inside. I don't want to take a chance that Livia may hear this."
"Of course, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude." Mitsuru stood aside and then followed Alex into the living room.
Alex settled herself in the brown leather arm chair enjoying the way it's fluffiness immediately contorted to her body. She folded her legs and set her hands on the arms rocking herself slightly as she thought about what to say.
"I take it you saw her and it didn't go well." Mitsuru settled herself on the matching couch pulling a forest green throw pillow onto her lap. She played with the tassels waiting for Alex to tell her what she knew was coming.
Alex took a deep breath looking down at her lap and then folding her hands carefully in them. "I did and you're right it didn't go well."
"What happened exactly?"
"She offered to help me be what Livia needed but something she said really struck me. She said if I didn't become more like her Livia would likely leave me to go to her and she didn't know whether she'd have the strength to turn her away a second time."
Mitsuru shook her head, "She doesn't understand."
"What do you mean? She's right. If I don't do this I could lose Livia."
"No you won't. You see why Livia fell for her don't you?"
"Not really." Alex offered, "She seems so cold and distant. Arrogant too."
"She is but she wasn't with Livia not at first. She took care of her, she didn't hurt her. She made her feel safe and secure something she needed quite desperately. And she knew it. That's a part of why everyone is so attached to her. She provides them with a safety they've never had. They don't want to leave her and that's what's drawing Livia to her."
Alex sighed, "I can't provide that kind of safety for her though. Unlike Jocelyn who is obviously quite capable of it."
"You're different from her that's true. But that's good for Livia. You put her on equal footing with you. Yes she's used to being below but she needs to be put on equal footing. If she were to go back to Jocelyn I don't think she'd know what to do with herself. She's used to speaking to you, giving you her opinions, you cherishing her submission and not just expecting it because she's yours. She belongs to you yes but she also knows that you belong to her Alex, that's the difference in you and Jocelyn. Jocelyn was never hers and she knew it. It's something to hold onto Alex. And I don't think Livia is going to be doing any running to Jocelyn."
"What if she does?"
"Then you and I will drag her back."
"If she's happy I don't want to drag her away." Alex pointed out her blue eyes catching Mitsuru's brown ones.
"Trust me she won't be happy. Not knowing now what she has with me. You need to talk to her Alex. Let her know that you love her and that you are not angry with her. Likely she's beating herself up pretty bad about talking to Jocelyn a few weeks ago and she doesn't want you to know that she couldn't turn her away."
Alex sighed, "She has been pulling away."
"She's scared and she's confused. It's a bad combination. She needs you to understand and give her space but still be there for her if she needs you. Just let her know that you trust her to come to you if she needs to but if not then you'll allow her to sort things out for herself."
Alex nodded, "You're right. I guess I should get going. I didn't tell her I was leaving work early to go talk to Jocelyn and then you."
"Go on. Take her out tonight. She'll like that."
Alex smiled and nodded, "Yeah that's what we'll do."
Livia looked around admiring the rich reds and blues of the restaurant's interior. Large golden chandlers hung from the ceiling and beautiful candelabras decorated the tables which were covered in white tablecloths. She was glad she'd worn the little black cocktail dress at Alex's encouragement now. She wouldn't want to look out of place in such a nice restaurant. She reached out lifting her water glass taking a sip from it and looked down at the menu that was open in front of her.
"Does anything sound appealing my love?" Alex asked her eyes glued to the menu.
Livia smiled at the sweet term of endearment cast at her. It was nice to hear and solidified her decision even more to try and stop chasing something she didn't need anymore.
"I was thinking about the lobster ravioli."
"That sounds fabulous. I was leaning towards the fettuccine alfredo with grilled shrimp myself. We'll both be eating seafood tonight." Alex smiled at her which got her a beautiful smile in return.
She waited until they'd given their order to finally speak. "I spoke to Mitsuru today for a long time."
"Oh?" Livia asked immediately becoming nervous. What would her sister say to her lover that she wasn't quite ready for her to know.
"She said some interesting things to me." Alex continued. "Concerning Jocelyn, specifically about our relationship versus the one you had with her."
Livia looked down at twisting her hand in the cloth napkin as she listened to Alex.
"Livia, I know you love me. I don't doubt that for a moment but It's difficult fighting the ghost of a woman I can't even begin to compete with because I know nothing of her or your relationship with her."
Livia nodded understanding that but choosing to retreat to silence like she did when confronted with things she wasn't quite ready to deal with or explain.
Alex sighed realizing she was treading on thin ice. "Livia," she spoke softly. "Look at me." When doe brown eyes met her own cerulean blue ones she smiled softly. "I don't want to compete with her. I want to have my own place in your heart and I accept the fact that she's in your past and she was a very important person to you for a long time. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk about anything or you just want me to sit in silence with you, I'm here. I'm here and I love you with all my heart. I would do anything for you." Alex paused glancing down herself. "Even becoming more like her if that's what you need."
Livia shook her head, "No. I don't want you to become like her."
Alex looked up studying Livia's beautiful features. "You're my Alex." She continued, "You're not her, you never will be. Even if you try, you cannot be her. You can only be you and I love you for that."
Alex smiled feeling comforted by the honest words, "Do you want me to be like her though?"
Livia paused thinking before she shook her head, "No. I don't. She gave me what I needed then and you give me what I need now. I can't ask for more than that."
Alex smiled and nodded, "If you need to talk though. I'm here."
"I know. And you always will be." Livia smiled back at her.