3rd June, 2015
Dear YOU. Before you continue reading this story, I want to point out a few important things. This work is fairly old, and I'm not a native English speaker. Over the years however, I have improved a lot. I think other writers will agree with the feeling of wanting to hide when it comes to their old works, but at the same time, I do take pride in my improvement. I also don't want to take my works down, because I know some people enjoyed them regardless back in the day.
So please just be aware that what you're about to read does not at all portray my writing abilities today. Thank you, and enjoy!
Higurashi no Naku Koro ni and its original characters belong entirely to Ryukishi07. Also, any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is merely a coincidence. This fictional work is written by C. 'Cherrylin' L. G.. Any resemblance to the plot, story and concept is not intended, and should not be accused as copied or traced work. All content is fictitious, and should not be confused with real events.
HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI – SORROW II
I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.
- C. S. Lewis
"Mii-chan, are you okay?"
I look up at the two of them. They noticed my silence on our way home. Damn it.. I can't just tell them all those thoughts that have been running through my mind. I smile, a bit awkwardly; I have to lie, to tell them I'm just a bit ill, but even that, I have to lie about first if I have to make them believe me. "I'm fine," I say, with perfection in my voice.
"Don't lie to us," the red-haired girl halted by the watermill, making the rest of us stop, too. As I expected and wanted, they figured that was a lie, but I have to keep playing a bit. Lying is like a game.. and I hate losing.
"I'm not lying? There's nothing wrong," I try to assure her.
"..Mion. Rena's right, you're never so quiet." The boy tilted his head, narrowing his eyes.
I fake a sigh. "Alright.. I haven't felt too good all day. It's probably just a cold."
Rena shook her head slowly as she looked at me, but Keiichi's eyes turned sympathetic. "Aw.. then you'd better go get some rest."
"Yeah," I agreed, closing my eyes, tilting my head and smiling almost cutely. "I'll do that. See you guys!"
"See ya! Get well soon!" The boy returned the smile, though, a bit awkwardly. Rena looked at me with rather hopeless eyes. Then the two of them left..
I let out a low, sick, twisted laughter as soon as they're too far away to hear me. I'm hurting so bad. The pain is throbbing constantly, stabbing me, killing me slowly. But what can I do but laugh?
I feel betrayed, but why? It's all so complicated.. so very, very complicated..
Turning around, I walk up the lonely road to my home, the twisted grin on my lips not matching my silent tears.
I can't concentrate anymore. I'm starting to lose it. It's becoming harder and harder for me to keep up my fake happiness around them. It's not that it's hurting more now than before; it's just that the wound keeps bleeding, and my loss of blood tires me, exhausts me.. eventually, it'll kill me. This pain.. is just so much. I hate love. Why did I ever fall in love with him? Why? It would be so much easier if I hadn't. So. Much. Easier. But no. I love him, but I can't do anything about it. I can't prevent what's going to happen. He's getting better along with Rena than me, and it keeps making me ask myself, "what's wrong with me?".
I go into my room, throwing my bag away. In a full cry, I curl up in my futon, hugging my pillow tight. I don't want to do this anymore. It hurts.. too much. All the time. I can't keep pretending anymore. But.. the only solution.. the only solution I can really see.. is taking my own life.. but I don't want to die.
It hurts.. it hurts so much.. Kei-chan, why can't you see it?
..Why am I selfishly begging you to see through my lies?
I look around, over my shoulder. I want him to open the door to my room and come in, but why am I so foolish as to wish something so ridiculously impossible as that? Why? I'm so dumb. Of course he won't come. He believed my lies.
..but it hurts... so.. fucking.. much. All the tears I shed are not enough to show my pain. I couldn't possibly cry more, but I'm hurting. The agony is killing me slowly, but I have to pretend nothing's wrong all the time. I don't want them to notice. I don't want them to see..
..I want them to believe my lies, and yet.. secretly... I want him to see through them.
...I'm such a stupid, twisted, selfish bitch.