Murder on the High Seas
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo.
Chapter 1: Departure!
Master Hand, the fight promoter of the Smashers, looked on in pride as he stared across the ship. The animate glove said,
"Daisy, I'm glad you agreed to do this."
Daisy, the auburn haired princess, smiled,
"Nothing to it, Master Hand. Personally, I think it's an honor that you'd pick my cruise line to host this party."
Master Hand chuckled at the owner of the ship,
"Yes, I think an honor is an order. Who do you have piloting this ship?"
"Fox and Falco managed to talk to some people and got a naval team together to pilot the ship."
Master Hand nodded,
"Good, as long as Captain Falcon isn't driving. I don't need another disaster like that time we had that parade."
Mario, Luigi, Pikachu, Peach, and Master Hand were waving to the crowd. Suddenly, Captain Falcon takes the controls. He is clearly intoxicated as he began accelerating through the parade, knocking over other floats. The F-zero pilot roared,
"WOOO! DEMOLITION DERBY, BITCHES!"
The Smashers on the float were holding on for dear life and, as Captain Falcon began to play chicken with an eighteen wheeler, the others let go. Mewtwo was able to use his telekinesis and had the Smashers all hovered over to safety in the crowd.
Captain Falcon continued his chicken game until the float got steamrolled and flung into the air. The deranged, drunken captain fell face first into a cake, his legs dangling comically.
The float was totally obliterated.
"I'm surprised we didn't get sued for that."
Master Hand smirked,
"One of the advantages of having a biodegradable float. Not to mention, everyone blamed Captain Falcon for that."
Captain Falcon, the F-zero driver, shouted as he came onto the deck,
"That's not fair to use me in a flash back like that! I'm sensitive."
Daisy said flatly,
"Captain, you nearly got yourself killed. Master Hand, as well as everyone else, was tempted to leave you in the street in pain, with all your limbs all over each other."
"I'm going to check the roster and see who else is coming aboard."
Daisy pulled Captain Falcon close,
"If you even think about going near the bridge, I will inflict pain on you no amount of alcohol would be able to make go away. Are we clear?"
Captain Falcon squeaked,
He was dropped onto the deck and watched as Daisy strutted away. Master Hand said,
"I should go check on the cook."
The gloved fight promoter left as well. Captain Falcon grumbled,
"It's not my fault I like speed. Everything else just moves too slowly for me."
Daisy was waiting on a ramp on the starboard side of the shift, getting ready to greet the other passengers.
First was Luigi. He was a bit surprised,
"Daisy? You are a-running this party?"
"No, I wish I was Luigi. I'm just renting the space for Master Hand."
The taller Italian plumber nodded,
"O-K. Why not have a little fun later?"
The princess blushed,
"Aw, you're so sweet, Luigi. Maybe later, when I'm not busy."
Peach and Mario came next and it was clearly evident that the blonde princess and the auburn haired princess disliked each other, both in and out of matches. The shorter Italian plumber said,
"Peach, don't-a do this."
The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom nodded,
"Fine, if only for you, Mario."
She kissed him on the cheek and Daisy rolled her eyes,
"Now who's the slut?"
Peach went to throttle Daisy, but Mario held her back,
"Let's-a go to the cabin, yeah? I want to check out-a the ship."
The blonde princess nodded, but kept glaring at Daisy as they walked by. Luigi and Mario looked at each other and shook their heads, wondering if this was a bad idea.
Zelda, Link and Young Link came on next. The child swordsman groaned,
"Did the two of you have to make out the whole way?"
The older Link said,
"It's not like we can go any further with you watching."
Zelda playfully swatted her boyfriend,
"Now, Link. Be nice. When we're in our room, we can go all the way in private."
Young Link groaned,
He pushed by several passengers and got on one knee,
"Come on, Zelda. I'm perfect for you, not some wimpy swordsman."
Zelda kicked Ganondorf in the jaw, flattening him on the deck. Link smirked,
"Now, I know why they call it a poop deck. It makes you feel like crap."
There was a loud groan coming from the other passengers. Samus shouted,
"You suck, Link!"
Mewtwo, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff came on next, and began exploring the ship. Roy, Marth, Pit, Kirby, Metaknight, Ness, and Sonic came in the same royal carriage. Fox and Falco landed their Arwings on the deck of the ship.
As Daisy greeted them all and shook their hands, the final guests were arriving now. There was a huge van with tinted black windows and loud music was playing. Snake stepped out in sunglasses and a suit, strutted to the door, and out stepped Bowser, Wario, and Waluigi. Bowser, the King of the Koopas, shouted,
"WE'RE HERE! LET'S PARTY!"
He pushed the others away and stomped onto the deck. He looked down at Daisy, who was getting annoyed at the music. She said through clenched teeth,
"Turn that off, now!"
"Or what, princess?"
Daisy smiled evilly and pulled out a rocket launcher from her top. She then fired, destroying Bowser's stretch SUV limo, and sending the other three crashing into the hull of the ship. The King Koopa looked on in shock as Daisy carefully put the rocket back in her top and smiled sweetly,
"Party of four?"
The cruise embarks and the Smashers are having a good time. However, the happy times end when one of them is murdered. Stay tuned, fellow readers!