Disclaimer: As much as I love this show, I don't own any of the characters. That honor belongs to Eric Kripke, Sera Gamble and co.
A.N: Okay, this is also based on the warehouse scene, but I wrote this separately from my other tag: Angel Here, Devil There, because this one takes more an AU approach. I knew I wanted to push the LimpSam as far as could go, because it was calling to me when I was watching the show but I wanted separated it, cause I wanted one to at least line up more with the show.
This one is just cause I can, lol. And why else is LimpSam done? Just cause we can! =D
Warning: Thoughts and attempt at suicide. (Been awhile since I've had an M rating story because of this-I suppose I'm due, and here it is)
Summary: Tag to 7.02: LTC. AU. What if Dean walked in on Sam pointing his gun somewhere he'd rather not have it? Could he talk him out of it or would the conversation lead to a weapons discharge that Dean doesn't want to think about? LimpSam pushed to the fullest!
"You know I'd rather you stop wasting bullets trying to shoot me, when you can't, and shoot something more useful", Lucifer said as he reappeared again.
"I think this is the best use!" Sam snapped.
The devil smirked walking closer to Sam, "Want to point that gun at someone useful? Try your face."
Sam's eyes widened.
"Want to know the truth? Want to skip to the last page of the book? You know where to aim, cowboy." Lucifer lifted up a finger to the underside of his jaw and make a 'pow' motion.
Sam took a step back, "What? No, I….."
"Or this", Lucifer raised his fingers and trigger pulled it at his head, "Or if you really want to make a statement, this", he opened his mouth and trigger pulled.
Sam looked on in disgust. "No."
Lucifer leaned forward his voice lowering to a whisper, "Personally, I prefer making a statement." He reemphasized that by trigger pulling in his mouth.
"That would prove nothing!" shouted Sam unwilling to believe it did.
Lucifer make a tsk-ing sound, "How do you like the words, 'The End!' finally written in neat cursive? Not 'To Be Continued', not 'Until Next Time' but finally the big letters of the most beautiful words imaginable 'The End'! Come on, I know, for a fact, you want it! I know you." He took another step closer.
Tears were building in Sam's eyes but he fought to hold them back.
"Aww, don't cry, Sammy. Come here, I'll give you a hug", Lucifer held out his arms.
"Heck, no! Get away from me!" spat Sam as he practically jumped back.
"Well, excuse me for trying to comfort you", Lucifer sniffed indignantly.
"I don't want your comfort. I don't want to be breathing the same air as you. I want you to get the heck away from me!"
"But that's what I'm trying to give you! A way out!" Lucifer cried with a roll of his eyes, "What do you think all this is about? You pull the trigger and you never have to see me again!" Here he paused and added, "Hopefully…."
"You are lying!" Sam couldn't help the tremble in his voice.
"Am I? Come on, Sam. Look, you want a way out. I'm giving it to you."
"It's a cowardly thing to do." Was the logical reply.
"We are in an empty warehouse!" Lucifer stretched out his hands, "Whose gonna judge? Certainly not me. That's why we are here. No one to see, no one to judge."
"It's wrong." Sam's voice was a mere thread of a sound.
Lucifer's eyes went stormy, "Who said, huh? And besides what do they know? Really? You've been though a lot and now you want to end it. Who has the right to judge you for that?"
Sam looked as if he was thinking about it, "My brother….."
"Your brother, your brother...", Lucifer mocked getting angry, "Your entire life you've been trying to do what pleases your brother. Why don't you forget about him for a minute and think about your needs?" he pointed a finger at Sam, "That's what I'm trying to get through your thick skull. That is what this is all about. Getting you to see, that you finally need to do what works for you. Not for them. For you. I can't help it if both our goals coincide."
Sam's eyes darted to the floor.
"Come on, it's very simple", Lucifer seemed to be mere inches in front of him, when Sam lifted his head. He reached down and picked up Sam's hand with the gun and pointed it under his neck. "This works….." He dragged Sam's hand to point the gun at the side of his temple, "That works." And you know what else works right?"
As if in a trance, Sam opened his mouth and inserted the gun without moving his eyes from Lucifer.
Lucifer smiled, "That's my boy."
Dean pulled up into the warehouse parking lot, noticing a black van from Bobby's,"Oh, that can't be good", he murmured cutting the engine and hopping out the car. He felt a sense of urgency as he tucked away the phone and took long strides almost jogging to the entrance. He opened the door and stepped in carefully, alert.
But he stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide, trying to process what he was seeing yet wanting to reject what he was seeing. "Sam…" his voice was low, he could barely hear it himself. It was breathy as well.
He snapped out it and took long careful strides, forcing his voice to work and his heart to not leap out of his chest, "Sam?"
Lucifer turned around, "Oh, look the other me!" He looked at Sam, "Pull it. Like I said, this way makes a statement."
Sam's eyes darted over to Dean but he didn't pull the gun out of his mouth.
Dean held up his hands in a non-threatening manner. "Sam…" his eyes darted around taking in the scenery before landing back on his brother, "What…what are you doing?"
Of course, Sam couldn't answer him. Dean forced himself to be calm when he as anything but. "Hey, great idea, how about you take it out of your mouth so we can talk. How about it?" His voice cracked on the last question but he cleared his throat, "Can we do that? Can we talk?"
"About what?" Lucifer asked, "Nothing to talk about." He looked back at Sam and made a pulling motion and then a go ahead gesture.
"Please Sam come on. This conversation doesn't entail a weapons discharge" Dean spoke taking another step, trying to still the images of how this could play out in his head. Images of that weapon discharging in places he didn't want it to. He shook his head briefly to held still the images. It would not help him in this endeavor. He needed to be as clear headed as he could.
And he was fighting to do that.
Sam took a step back swallowing around the gun. Dean realized this would be a stalemate, if neither budge so he decided to take a calculated risk praying to whatever would listen to him right about now. He took a deep breath, "Look, it'll be just as effective if you put it to your temple." he swallowed the bile behind those words, "You'll still be in control, still controlling the shots, but you'll be able to talk. How about it?"
Dean wanted so badly for the gun not to be anywhere within Sam's reach but if this was a step in the right direction he'd take that. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.
Lucifer made a cutting motion under his neck for the negative sign, "Don't bother, Sam. Really. Pull it. He just want to talk you out of this. You had the courage a few seconds ago before he came lumbering in. Besides how do you know he's real? All that built up courage could be for naught. For once, Sam, please, don't give into your brother's doe eyed pleas. That way lay heartache…again."
Sam's eyes drifted towards Lucifer before looking back at the gun, fingering it. Dean could see Sam's fingers getting itchy. "Sam….Sammy, please. Listen to me. Before you do that, listen to be for a minute. Just a minute…. Please." He took another step forward.
It was slow in coming but Sam's eyes eventually drifted to Dean in front of him. For Dean it seemed an eternity.
Lucifer lifted his wrist and looked at an imaginary watch, "I'm timing this out."
Sam only glanced at Lucifer as Dean started talking, "I get it. I do. You don't know what's real? Look man, I've been to Hell, remember? Remember that. So, I know a thing or two about torture. I was on the receiving end and the dishing out end, so trust me to know what I'm talking about. I know that it feels different. Way different. Different than the pain of this…..this regular, stupid, crappy this."
Dean's eyes bore into Sam's not breaking contact, "I know it. I do. I can prove it to you. I can."
Lucifer held up a finger, "30 seconds….."
Sam looked at Lucifer before looking back at Dean, who had step forward and held out one of his hands, "I can prove it to you. If you give me your hand."
Sam took a step back as Lucifer said, "That is a trick right there."
Dean held up his hand again, "Your injured hand." And it was hard for him to get out the next words, still giving Sam some power he didn't want him to have, "You can still point the gun to your temple while I see your other hand. I'm gonna prove it to you, I promise. When have I ever broken my promises to you? Name me one time."
"Well, last I checked he didn't get you out of hell. That was Castiel, was it?" Lucifer mused.
Sam glanced at Lucifer again as he tapped his imaginary watch, "By the way, minute is over. Pull the trigger, Sam. Let's get that cursive 'The End', you've been waiting for your whole life."
Sam blinked before his eyes drifted back down to the gun.
"Please, give me a chance. One chance is all I'm asking. Can't you give me that? I just want to show you this one thing", And Dean prayed it wasn't the last thing.
Slowly, Sam began to pull the gun out of his mouth. Lucifer threw up his hands in disgust at Sam giving in once again to Dean. Dean watched that gun slowly slid over his face to the side of his head.
"You…..you can prove it?" he asked Dean and Dean had never been so glad to hear his voice but he couldn't breathe a sigh of relief just yet.
"Yes, I can. When have I ever broken my promises to you?" he asked again.
Sam gazed at him a long moment before Dean asked, "Can I see your hand now?"
"What are you going to do?" asked Sam.
"I'm going to show you that the pain is different." Dean glanced at the gun and realized a miscalculation he could make here, "But don't press the trigger in response. You think maybe you can remove your finger from the trigger for half a second. Just half a second, promise."
"If this isn't the great clue he's gonna take away your 'The End', I don't know what is", Lucifer spoke from where he was now leaning on a pole.
Sam glanced at him but didn't say anything.
"Promise." Dean repeated watching Sam's face and finger alternately.
Sam looked back at Dean and his curiosity won over as he removed his finger and replaced it on the hilt of the gun with the rest of his fingers. Slowly and hesitantly, he held out his hand. Dean pounced on it and began to squeeze it.
It made Sam winced and jerk back but Dean wouldn't let him go, "This is real. Not a year ago, not in Hell, now. I was with you when you cut it, I sewed it up!"
"This isn't proving anything but your tolerance for pain and we both know we've done a lot more with pain." Lucifer smirked pushing off the pole and taking a few steps forward.
"This is different. Right?" Dean asked his eyes searching Sam, "Isn't it? Then the crap that's tearing at your walnut? I'm different. Right?"
Sam glanced between him and Lucifer, "It hurts."
"And it's different. You cannot tell me that it's not different! Please, Sam."
"It's the same song sung differently, bunk buddy. That is all. Now can we skip to the end and pull the trigger?"
"What is it for you if I get trigger happy?" Sam asked looking at Lucifer. Dean held his breath, looking between Sam and the empty space, as if he could follow the conversation.
"I'm concerned only for your welfare", Lucifer spoke sweetly.
"If you were, truly, you wouldn't be hurting me."
Lucifer pointed to Dean, "But he's hurting you, what's the difference?"
Sam's head snapped to Dean and really looked at him, "You are hurting me. What is different than anything else?"
"I've have taken time to kick, beat or squeeze some sense into you before." said Dean without missing a beat, "This is not new. You know it. You have done the same for me. It's the same thing."
"Is it?" Lucifer and Sam echoed, making Sam glance at Lucifer who nodded his approval of the question.
"Yes! Look. Really look at me. I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your butt in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. This isn't hell. This is the real world. You don't have to worry about hell anymore, Sammy. It's past. This is present. This is real. I promise you, that this is real. When have I ever broken a promise to you?"
Sam took the time to really look at him, as unconsciously, his finger twitched over the trigger. Dean noticed this move and slowly, so that Sam had plenty of time to react, he reached up and touched Sam's hand, cover it with his own.
"You don't have to do this. It won't solve anything. But more heartache…you are a fighter. You have fought impossible odds before and you will again. This is just the same gift wrapped differently. I wish I could get you a different gift. Go back and exchange it but I can't. I can't, Sammy. As much as I want to. But I can do this."
"What is that?"
Lucifer interrupted, "Sammy. Sammy….."
But this time Sam was focused on what his brother was saying. He wanted to believe so badly.
More than that, he needed to believe.
"I can help you, if you let me. But you have to let me, Sammy. It's the only way. Come on, give me the gun. You haven't willing check out before, let's not start now."
"Once again, doing it for Dean and not yourself. What do you get out it?" asked Lucifer.
"What do I get out of it?" Sam echoed Lucifer's question, "If I don't, what do I get?"
Dean realized he was treading on very thin ice. He took a moment before he responded but he didn't break eye contact, "Well, you get me. I don't think it's a consultation prize. You got Bobby. You get to say you fought against this."
"That didn't really answer the question", the devil broke in.
"Sammy, I'm sorry, but I can't give you a definite answer."
"And pull the trigger!" Lucifer practically jumped up and down at this.
Dean's voice was rushed, "Some things don't have a definite answer, you know this better than most. But what I do know, is that you have to trust and believe in me. Believe in us. I know we don't have an apple pie life but we got a life and we do the best we can. But I need you go believe in that! Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You gotta make it stone number one and build on it. You understand? We get through this crap with trust on the table, front and center, like a lit up Christmas tree. Understand?"
Sam's finger couldn't help but finger the trigger.
"Please, Sammy, please. I just got you back, I don't want to lose you. You do this, and I'll follow you but I'd rather stay here with you. With Bobby. We are all we have left. Cas is…..Please, Sam."
Sam shut his eyes as Lucifer gagged. "Can we cue the sicken violin music, please?"
"Violin music isn't that bad." Sam murmured.
"Please, let's not get sappy", groaned the devil as he slapped his hand on his forehead.
Dean couldn't possibly guess where the violin comment came from. Though he felt the need for a joke and hoped it would further things in his favor, "Always knew you were a girl, Sam."
Sam opened his eyes and looked at Dean repeating his comment that came out with a slight question behind it, "Violin music isn't that bad." His voice had a desperate tint to it, like he needed it to not be that bad.
Looking into Sam's eyes, Dean felt that there was something under the surface of the violin. That they weren't really talking about a violin. Dean seemed to have found it, "Naw, violin music isn't that bad. It has his place and purpose. Like in a….a…..group of instruments playing in a…choir."
He was rewarded with a twitch of a mouth, "An ensemble, you mean?"
"Yeah, sure, and ensemble. Right, like an opera."
This rewarded Dean further with a bigger twitch of his mouth.
Lucifer was practically puking his guts out, "Ugh, this is sickening. It truly is."
Without taking eyes off Dean, Sam replied, "No one asked you to stay."
"Oh, come on! I give you the manual you've always wanted and you toss it out! Sam!"
Sam swallowed and looked at his hand, which Dean had been holding all this time. The gun forgotten he released it, making Dean grab it and he breathed a sigh of relief, un-cocking it, as he tucked it into his back pocket quickly before Sam could get ideas. He watched as Sam pressed his hand, making it bleed more. Sam watched as Lucifer faded in and out.
"Sam, I'm the only one who can…." Lucifer never finished his sentence as he disappeared. Sam looked around, checking to see if he was still there. But when a few seconds passed into a minute his breath started coming out shakily.
"Sam?" Dean reached out to touch his shoulder.
Everything hit him at once. It just hit him what he had almost done. And it made him want to retch. "I almost….."
Dean's hand tightened briefly his voice soft, "But you didn't. You didn't. That's the important thing. Let's focus on that."
Sam looked at Dean, tears swimming in his eyes, "I'm sorry." Another shaky breath came, "I'm so sorry."
"You would have something to be sorry about if you had, but you didn't so you have nothing to be sorry about."
Dean cursed the phone that interrupted his conversation. It was Bobby calling for Sam. Dean managed to follow the course of the conversation. He hated that it cut into his time with his brother, he wanted more time to talk but alas.
"We should go then. You gonna make it?" Dean asked searching Sam.
Sam eyed Dean, "You….." He stopped, "Yea, we need to get going to meet Bobby."
Dean didn't push it for the moment, but after one last glance around the warehouse he never wanted to see again, he took Sam's arm and they darted out the Impala. Sam glanced at the black van, the only other car in the lot. "I don't even remember driving. And definitely not that. I thought I was in the Impala and you were driving. He was you."
If it was possible to kill a hallucination, Dean wanted to know how. "It's over Sam." Was all Dean knew to say as he started the car and backed out. He didn't want to rehash it too much, at least not right now. He had almost lost his brother.
But he didn't and he was thankful, but right now was not the time he wanted to examine what happened.
Dean cleared his throat, "Look, when we get back to Bobby's …."
Sam lowered his head, "It's okay, Dean, I'm good. No white rabbits." He gave a brief laugh, "I'm not seeing anything.
Dean glanced at him, "Okay. Baby steps. Just like learning to walk, baby steps."
But Sam kept glancing at Dean as if expecting him to transform. Dean ignored it for all of about a minute until Sam's face kept getting more and more pinched looking. Dean swore he saw Sam's eye glaze over with tears. When he gave a small shaky breath and looked out the window, that is when Dean spoke up.
"Sam, you okay? Devil isn't riding shotgun again is he?"
Sam jerked as if hit.
Dean fought to keep calm. Someone had to, "Sammy, speak to me, pal."
"That's what you said." Sam's voice was choked.
Dean was patient, "Yes, I just said it."
"No, no. Back then, during the first ride with Lucifer. He was you. You as he, he as you said the same thing." Sam all of a sudden seemed terrified and Dean feared he might jump out the car even though it was moving 70 mph.
"Sam, Sammy, listen to me. That was Lucifer. That was a hallucination. It wasn't real. I'm real. I promise you that. When have I ever broken a promise to you?"
Sam's body went ridged as his fingers twitched on the door. He studied Dean for a moment before his eyes narrowed, "Prove it. Maybe I should get professional help. Maybe...maybe you should lock me in an asylum." He lifted his chin in challenge.
Dean couldn't help the slam on breaks which jerked the car before finding himself and driving again smoothly again. They had to get to Bobby and regroup and in that time Dean had to get Sam back into the game for half a second. "Heck no! They just stuff you full of pills and get you all vegetable up…."
"Vegetative state you mean?" asked Sam, his eyes not even blinking at he was turned in the car stared at Dean, pressed into the door.
"Whatever man, it isn't good. My brother is not gonna be a vegetable for the rest of his life. I ain't having it!" Dean slammed his hand on the steering wheel, "Remember Martin? Those quacks don't do anything but hinder matters. I'm not having that for you. Besides what are we suppose to say, hey, he went to hell and back and now he's seeing the devil and other things from that time. Please, they'll have you comatose so fast it's not even funny. No, I'll take on heaven and hell before…..why are you laughing? What's wrong?" Dean was two seconds from momentarily abandoning this speed race to get to Bobby's to pull over.
Sam had started laughing and he couldn't stop as his head was lowered, bangs covering his face. "But I am crazy now."
"No you aren't. You are going through a rough time! We'll muddle through this like we do everything else."
"Something will get us someday", Sam echoed Dean's words from awhile back.
"Someday, not today and not anything soon and the operative word is us. We go down together if we are going down but we darn well will not make it easy for any one", Dean's voice was firm.
Sam's hands came up to his face, looking like a young child. "You said, he said, I'd never be okay. Part of me believe that. He was right, why else was I cleaning my guns? I think part of me was preparing to do it."
"You were keeping busy, holding onto the marbles in your head. And besides on principle don't believe what Lucifer was saying or any other hallucination for that matter. You could have decided to pull a Martha Stewart instead and spend time baking and Lucifer would say you were getting ready to burn or cook yourself cause you were using an oven..."
Dean was happy to hear a small snort from Sam behind that as he continued, "...it's the same thing. He would have taken anything and twisted it. It would have sounded good but it wasn't. Don't believe him Sam. Believe me instead."
There was small telling silence, as Dean kept glancing at his downcast brother.
"But what if he was right?" came the hesitant question.
"That's where our trust building comes in at. You have to trust me. Believe me." Dean glanced over at Sam once again, grateful for these back road with hardly anyone on it so he could spend a longer time looking at Sam and not worry about crashing into anything.
Sam gave a shaky laugh that Dean didn't know how to interpret. "Sam?"
"I had thought, you had given up on me. When I thought you were really him or whatever. I thought…."
Dean reached out and touched Sam's leg. "Wasn't real, therefore has no merit. Besides, now you know that wasn't real. When have I ever given up on you?"
"It was really Cas that got me out of hell." Sam spoke quietly.
"Yeah, I made that mistake of letting go then, even though I really didn't, cause every day I woke up and thought of you, but I'm not making that mistake again. Never."
"I don't hold that against you Dean", here Sam lifted his head slightly, his hands coming way slightly, "We both knew that was a dead end. That was it."
"And yet we got another chance."
"How do you figure?"
"What else would you call it?"
Sam couldn't think of anything else to say to that. A few seconds passed, "Lucifer as you….he said, I was out of control. I'm sorry."
"I hope you told him where to shove it." Dean muttered before speaking louder, "Stop apologizing for things beyond your control. You are not out of control."
"I told him I was dealing with it best I could." Sam responded to the first thought Dean muttered.
"And that is all anyone can asked and I expect you to hold to that."
"And then a second later I realized we weren't at the hospital but the warehouse. How's that for dealing?" Sam spoke bitterly.
"I remember the part, 'best I could'" Dean spoke, "And now that we seem to be more on the same page and will be taking baby steps in trust and now you know you have an anchor, things should be marginally better."
Sam lifted his head, his eyes wet as he lowered his hands and looked at Dean. He slowly released the tension that was building in him and re-situated himself in his seat properly, making Dean remove his hand, glancing at him as he did so. He nodded, "Yea, yea."
"Okay, we good for the moment? You with me? Anything else we need to hash out in less than five minutes?" asked Dean.
Sam shook his head, "No, we are good."
He closed his eyes. He needed to believe and trust in something more than ever now. He had never been so glad when Dean had gotten worked up about sending off to an asylum. That was the Dean he knew and remember.
That he trusted. The one that wouldn't give up on him.
He slid down in his seat as his hand crept off.
Dean kept glancing back and forth between Sam and the road. But then he looked down and saw that Sam's hand had crept over and was now clutching the bottom of his jacket, brushing up against his leg. He looked at Sam who still had his eyes closed but they both knew he wasn't asleep. But he did keep perfectly still and a little tense as if waiting for Deans reaction.
Dean couldn't help the grin that broke out on his face as a joke came to mind about the situation. But when he glanced at Sam, he couldn't help but forgo the joke. This wasn't the time. He knew Sam was on a precarious situation, and that could very easily be pushed off the edge like he was tonight.
Dean was praying that having Sam trust and believe in him help matters. In fact he was positive it would, but it remains to be seen exactly how it would play out.
But he wouldn't give up, that's for sure.
That was out of the cards, not even on the table.
Not even a thought to be entertained.
A soft smirk still graced Dean's face as they were about three minutes from Bobby's now. Instead of the good joke he had, he said instead softly, "Yeah, violins aren't that bad."
He was rewarded with a tug of Sam's hand and a smirk that flittered upon his younger brother's face, proving he was indeed awake.
Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this LimpSam fest in all its glory, cause that was the point. So far I have tags for all of S7 shown so far, so perhaps I'll have something next week after the 3rd episode. =D
Or who knows, maybe I'll think of another LimpSam for this episode. I do have a scene in my head, maybe the rest of the story will come to me. Hm….