Always Save You

Disclaimer: I own nothing, as ever.

Author's Note: Just a little drabble that popped into my head after watching The Wedding Of River Song. So, yeah, SPOILERS for anyone who hasn't seen that. Enjoy…

The Doctor: River, you and I, we know what this means. We are ground zero of an explosion that will engulf all reality. Billions and billions will suffer and die.
River: I'll suffer if I have to kill you.
The Doctor: More than everything living thing in the universe?
River: Yes.

-The Wedding Of River Song.

You could never really understand why I did what I did. My wonderful Doctor, my bizarre and fascinating and completely clueless Doctor. For you, it is always that simple. Nobody, nothing in the entire universe, is worth risking other lives for. You're so noble, so sure and so true. But for the rest of us, for those of us who have to go on living with the consequences, it's never quite that simple.

It's that old question: that riddle. You can save a room full of strangers or one person you love. And everyone knows, deep down, that you're supposed to say the strangers. Supposed to sacrifice the one for the many. But we all know we could never do it. To live on every day and look at those faces, those people you saved, and not remember the one you lost would be impossible. It would kill you.

It's fine for you, Doctor dearest, because you can just leave. I'm not saying you forget, I know more than most that you never ever forget, but you don't have to sit and watch the families mourn. The one person who was sacrificed was still loved and will still be missed. It's always the way. That brave soul who died for us. You would have let that be you. Like so many who died for you, in your name, you would have happily stepped up and become one of them. But I couldn't let you, wouldn't let you, never will. Because we need you. Not just me, but the entire universe needs you to be here, to stay with us. We cannot lose you Doctor.

There is always a choice. A choice we make. And I stand by mine. If you have to chose between saving the world and saving the one person you love it never really is that difficult because the one you love is your world. I know you will never understand and you can call me selfish, call me wrong. But I did what I had to do. And I would do it all again. I will always save you, my Doctor.