Foreword: To put this story into context, I recommend watching Episode 3 straight before you start reading, and the beginning of Episode 4 straight afterward. The story makes reference not just to the Season 1 episodes but to the deleted scenes and to the background information on the show's website as well; so the better you know Starhyke, the more you will get out of reading this.

My crew and I, of the Dreadnaught Nemesis, continue our mission in the 21st century to find the Reptids who have journeyed back from our time to disrupt human history. Meanwhile we are victims ourselves thanks to the Reptid device that detonated during our timeslip, releasing the emotions we previously suppressed, which we must now fight to keep under control. Our mission must not be jeopardised. We shall prevail. But I wouldn't mind just a little more 'me time'. I haven't had any chocolate for over half an hour: it's sulky computer this, molyport glitch that, and I'm TRYING to get through the Commander's report on the Oracle incident but man, the spelling is atrocious! 'Cropper' with an a? 'Hiked' with a y? Did he learn ANYTHING at the Officer Training Camp on Mars? Mars, there, now I'm thinkng about chocolate again. Oh why...

Reg Duck looked plaintively at the door. "Come out," he begged. "It isn't that bad."

The female voice on the other side of the door made a noise of refusal.

"You're being silly and we've got work to do."

Reg's powers of negotiation, still in their infancy, had no effect. He turned to the person standing next to him.

"You try, Vilma."

Vilma smiled. "I know, Reg, I try really hard!"

"No, you silly tart. YOU try and get her to open the door!"

Vilma took a deep breath. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please..."

Around the 29th "please" - not that Vilma was keeping count, or indeed could keep count - someone else arrived.

"What seems to be the problem here?" asked Captain Blowhard.

"She won't open the door, Captain," explained Reg, as Vilma caught her breath. "We've tried everything."

"Then I guess it's my turn. Stand aside." Blowhard stepped up to the door. "WU OOF!"

"Captain," came the grudging acknowledgement from Wu Oof's quarters.

"I said I'd put you in the brig if you couldn't stop assaulting the crew, you said you wanted an alternative, I gave you an alternative. So either you open this door and do a shift with -" She glanced at whatshisname and whatshername "- the maintenance crew as we discussed, or the brig it is. Alright?"

There was a pause before the door trundled open. In the doorway stood Wu Oof. She wore an expression of thunder and baggy overalls of pink and green. A smirk danced on the Captain's face. Vilma hid behind her partner and shook with laughter. Reg was a little turned on.

Blowhard cleared her throat. "Good! I'm off to the engine room. You're the boss now!" She patted Reg on the shoulder and walked off. Feeling very proud, Reg composed himself in the face of Wu Oof's glare.

"Right. We've got lots to do. There's a Reptid corpse oozing on the bridge, a lift that smells of Commander Cropper and a Fully Interactive Man caught in the rubbish chute." Wu Oof's door closed as she walked along the corridor with Reg and Vilma, barely containing her rage.

Reg remembered something else. "Oh, and the Vermillion Goober Hog's around here somewhere. It got into the instant deep-fried tea, which doesn't agree with it, so watch out for some very sticky-"

At that moment a squelching sound rose from the region of Wu Oof's shoe, accompanied by a bad smell. Wu Oof froze, pursed her lips and began to quiver.

Vilma looked puzzled. "Some very sticky what, Reg?"

Wu Oof was kind enough to provide a loud, clear answer. Never had a four-letter word resounded through the Nemesis quite like that.


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