Chapter Twenty- I will Remember you – Always
Final Chapter and I can't quite believe I've finally reached it. It seems to me like I've been working on this story forever. Now are two heroes are going to have a bit of a hard time letting go, because they love each other so much, but it's gotta be done Sad times.
(Sade – By your side. And then 'I'll remember you' by Sophie Zelmani.) – I recommend listening to this song at the part when Angel suggests a dance – right near the end.
Buffy awoke in Angel's arms and she knew that this was how she wanted to wake every morning for the rest of her life. Unfortunately for her she knew that that wasn't going to be reality and she sighed and looked quickly at the clock on the wall. It was nearly noon and when the sunset on this day they would leave.
She wiped the sleep from her eyes and yawned before she began to pull herself free from his embrace.
'Morning, he said voice a little gravelly.
She jumped a little in surprise that he was awake, he had startled her, though she should have really known better, this was Angel after all.
'Morning,' she responded, turning her body round to face him. His hair looked a little ruffled; sticking up at odd angles, probably from leaning against the back of the bed and it made him look boyish and cute. Without thinking she brought her hand up and gently ran it through his locks. He smiled and closed his eyes, and made a little noise of appreciation which her body reacted to immediately. Reluctantly she pulled her hand back to her lap.
She looked down at the bed and then about the room, anywhere but at him. She didn't know what to say, they only had a few hours left and she didn't want to waste them, but how would she begin to say goodbye to him again? She felt the welling of negative emotion building inside and pushed it right back down. She looked up and plastered a smile on her face hoping that it looked real enough. She should have known that she couldn't fool Angel though, he knew her better than anyone after all. And he looked a little upset, his eyes lacked their usual fire and he graced her with a sad lopsided smile in return before stroking her cheek gently with his hand.
'Shall we get up?' He asked, already moving to rise.
'What if I said I didn't want to, what if I said I wanted to lie with you for always?' She said at barely a whisper. The smile fell completely from his face then.
'I wish,' he simply said and kissed her on the forehead. She leaned in to him for a second, enjoying the feel, the smell, and the comfort that was purely Angel. Then she moved back and rose from the bed.
'I'm going to change.'
He nodded in response and she took her bag and moved to the bathroom. When she closed the door behind her he sighed and fell backwards head resting on his crossed arms. Today was going to be painful for the both of them he knew that. He could already feel the familiar emptiness building up inside of him knowing that they would soon be separated for God only knew how long.
But he would not allow himself to wallow in such self pity. Not when he had been granted a miracle in the first place. He would without hesitation give up ever being able to see Buffy again if he could know that she would be happy, and would live a good long life without him there, even though it would kill him to do it. Everything he wanted he wanted because of her. She would always be his reason, the goodness inside that allowed him to rise out of the darkness that so often consumed his life.
So he would expect the burden of being separated from her for now, when the alternative could have been so much worse. He had lived through the darkest of times when she had been dead. Compared to that, this was a gift. He would hate it – but he would get by without her at his side.
Buffy stood behind the bathroom door, taking in great big breaths. She felt like she was suffocating. It was ridiculous her and Angel had been separated for over two years but the idea of leaving him now was literally threatening to bring her to her knees. Being with him again had been like being on vacation from her horrible life for a few days. It was a harsh reality to face but her life back in Sunnydale felt empty, devoid of anything real or important.
But being here with Angel she felt...well she felt everything; happy, sad, elated, angry, passionate, aroused, loved, loving. It was scary and amazing to experience such a myriad of emotions and she didn't want to let it go but she knew as soon as he left her that it would all disappear. In Sunnydale the only person she could talk to, could confide in, as strange as it was, was Spike –but he wasn't Angel. She could never love him like that and that was the difference.
She leaned her head against the door and heard the distinct sound of Angel moving about the room. He'd become so much more domesticated now that he had a group of friends surrounding him. Before back in Sunnydale he'd always been so quiet, stealthy, blending in to the shadows; appearing and disappearing without a sound before you could even work out what had happened. She smiled at the memory but she liked that he acted more connected to the world now.
She needed to get out of the bathroom she realised before he worried about her (as he inevitably would) and tried to come in after her. They couldn't have a repeat of yesterday as much as she wanted it, as much as it warmed her inside to think of it. She'd been in there for nearly an hour now, so she took another deep breath and opened the door.
He was sat on the chair now near the window; though the curtains were firmly shut it made her a little nervous as it was still daylight outside. He was reading a book but he looked up at her as she came back into the room, placing it down. He gave her a small smile then rose from the chair.
He examined her brazenly from head to toe and she knew she was blushing even though she was wearing nothing revealing, just a dark pair of skinny jeans and a white top, though it was quite fitting it was hardly sexy.
'You look lovely,' he said to her as he passed, he grabbed his overnight back and then turned and looked at her again before disappearing himself into the bathroom.
She took his seat in the chair and picked up the book he had been reading. It was old and worn and was written in what she figured was Latin though so she had no chance of being able to read it. So she replaced it back where she had found it. She sat there bringing her knees up and resting her head on them. She tilted her head and looked at the clock, it was now half one. The time was literally melting away and she regretted wasting so much of it getting ready.
Angel was much quicker than her and after twenty minutes of her alternately staring at the ceiling and twiddling her fingers he emerged, freshly showered, freshly clothed and beautiful as always. She felt the relief wash over her at the sight at him and almost jumped from the chair but thought better of it.
'Are you hungry?' He asked her. He brought his bag to the bed and she silently passed him his book which he packed.
'Buffy? Are you hungry?' He repeated.
'What, Oh, I'm fine,' she replied a little distractedly, as if her mind was elsewhere.
He tutted at her. 'Buffy the last time you had food was yesterday lunch time. You have to eat,' he insisted, looking at her with concern. She was awfully skinny; it was something he had noticed immediately upon seeing her. She was still beautiful but he was concerned she wasn't eating enough.
She noticed him noticing her and she stood from the chair and drew her arms around herself self consciously. 'I don't want to waste the time we have left,' she said and he felt bad for pushing her.
'Well why don't you get something and bring it back here?' He suggested softly appeasing her.
She nodded and went round him, giving him as wide a birth as possible as she did. She left the room and he sat on the bed. Five minutes later she returned and knocked on the door. He stood and opened it; she had a bottle of water, a banana, an apple and a bagel. It wasn't that much (if it was up to him it would be much more) but it would do.
He sat back on the bed and she sat on the chair and they remained that way, silent apart from the occasional sound from her eating her food. It had gotten awkward again, and he didn't know how to break it.
'Come sit with me,' he finally said when he couldn't stand the silence anymore. She looked at him and he thought she was going to say no. But then she dropped the apple she had nearly eaten and rose to join him on the bed. She took of her shoes and they sat next to each other shoulder to shoulder. Neither of them relaxed. It was ridiculously uncomfortable and awkward; he let out a heavy sigh and decided to rectify the situation. They didn't have time enough left to play this game anymore, they knew each other to well and loved each other to much for it to be strained. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around her, she was stiff for half a second but then she relaxed into it and he smiled.
'So what are you thinking about?' She asked repeating his question from yesterday.
'You don't want to know,' he replied despondently.
'I don't even know,' he admitted. 'My mind is going a mile a minute, I can't stop thinking about everything; all that you've told me, what you've been through. What it's going to be like when you leave – ' she stiffened at that. 'What it all must have been like for you, I can't even begin to imagine. I feel really helpless Buffy.' He confessed, before he released her and turned to look at her.
'Have I helped you at all?'
She smiled at him. 'Angel, being here, you have no idea. Being with you I feel good again.'
'But when you go back home? He asked tentatively.
'I don't know. Everything is so strange. I can't focus either. Today I'm here with you and I'm happy, last week I was fighting off a demon that got brought to earth because of me, I crawled my way out of my own grave – who knows-'
'What?' He interrupted, his face contorted, his eyes widening in anger and surprise.
'What did you say?'
'God, you had to crawl out of your own grave,' he said horrified as he moved away from her so he could turn and look her in the eyes. She could only nod. He hadn't thought about that –it hadn't crossed his mind and it obviously hadn't occurred to the Scooby's either. He was so angry at them for putting her though that. What she must have been through.
He remembered the experience himself; it had been a strange thing to go through, disorientating, and confusing. But he had been a soulless evil creature, darkness was his playground. He hadn't needed to breathe either. But Buffy she was human and to have experienced that alone it must have been petrifying. Not for the first time he realised he would never be able to forgive himself for being there when she needed him most.
How much could one person go through? He thought, before they just gave up. No wonder Buffy was so out of it, she'd been snatched out of heaven by her friends only to find herself alone and confused and stuck in her own coffin.
'God Buffy, none of this, NONE OF THIS-' He emphasised. 'Should ever have happened, what was I thinking? I didn't think it was my place to be there before because you had Riley, but then he left and then your Mum...died. I should have been there, supported you more. This should never have happened!'
'I'll always be sorry. Buffy, I'm so sorry-'
'Yer it wasn't the most fun I've had,' she joked interrupting him, trying to relieve the tension, though her tone belied the pain behind her words. He hugged her again, but he knew it could only offer her a little comfort. There was only so much he could do for her.
'How are things back home?' He asked tentatively, changing the subject.
'There...there hard,' she answered; she didn't really know what to say. 'Giles is back though, he returned to England,' she added at his confused expression. 'But he's back now and that's helping. But it's hard, Willow and Xander their my best friends but right now I feel so disconnected from them.'
'What'd you mean?'
'I can't tell them where I was, I'm lying to them to protect them, they didn't know and I don't want to hurt them but lying, holding it in, when I just want to scream it at the world is gruelling. I feel this ache inside me all the time, yet I feel numb as well. I know that doesn't even make sense but...'
'Buffy after what you've been though you're doing amazing. You shouldn't feel guilty about how you feel. I...Well I think you should tell Willow and everyone the truth but I understand why you haven't. But just know that it will get better.'
'How Angel? She asked almost pleadingly. 'How do you know that?'
'Because it has to.'
And he hugged her tighter.
She lay in his arms and the time ticked by as they continued to talk, her phoned beeped and she ignored it, it beeped again and she ignored it, both of them to consumed by the ache inside as the time slipped away...
'It's only been two days and already I can't imagine not being with you every day,' she confessed softly.
He looked at her his face hopeful. 'Maybe...maybe we can work something out; maybe things can be different this time,' he said a little desperately. I mean you're not with Riley anymore. And I'm certainly not with anyone else. Buffy I don't want to leave you again. Maybe I'm talking crazy. But it's so hard being without you.'
'Angel.' She said his name again in that way and he smiled at her despite the serious nature of the conversation. But then her words broke his heart over again.
'Angel we can't... We have to let each other go,' she whispered tears now running freely down her face.
He closed his eyes and tried to fight the tide of pain that hit him when she uttered those words. He knew she was right but it hurt to hear it.
Buffy looked at him and she knew he was trying to hold back from showing her how much he was suffering. So it broke her heart to say what she was about to say. 'I love you Angel but you were right before we don't belong in each other's worlds anymore, at least not for now. I belong in Sunnydale, you belong in L.A. And Angel as much as it hurts me to say it I want you to be able to move on with your life. I saw a lot while I was up there. I know all about your life and your mistakes and the people that are important to you now. There are big things to come for you, I sensed that much even though I'm not sure what. But you have to go through them without me. Life is precious and we have to seize what we can. It may not be are time but that doesn't mean you can't be happy. So promise me that you'll try.'
'Promise me Angel,' she interrupted. He looked into her eyes again as she fixed him with her determined glare and realised that she meant every word she said even if he didn't understand them himself yet. He knew she was right, he knew the idea had been a silly dream, stupid, unachievable. But he needed her so badly.
'I promise,' he said. And he sealed it with a kiss.
It started off slow, a tentative exploration of each other. She whimpered into it and he pulled her closer to his chest and soon she was in his lap. He drew back for a second to allow her to take a breath and then he was upon her again, kissing her lips with a fever he hadn't ever felt with anyone but her. He caressed her cheeks with his hands trying to convey everything he was feeling for her without words. She reluctantly pulled back from him to take another breath. But he wouldn't allow her to break the contact for too long and he softly kissed around her mouth.
'This isn't a good idea Angel,' she moaned, her actions contradicting her words.
'I don't care,' he whispered hoarsely before burying his face in the crook of her neck. Inhaling her scent, he peppered her with kisses. She let out another soft cry which had him gripping her tighter.
'Angel –' She sighed his name.
Then they were interrupted by the beep and vibration of her phone for the third time. He groaned and pulled away thinking this was karma for him taking the call yesterday.
'Aren't you going to check your messages?' He asked.
She mumbled something incoherent into his shoulder that even his vampire hearing couldn't make sense of before moving herself from his lap. It was probably a good thing to that her phone interrupted them. They shouldn't have been doing what they were doing, she knew it, he knew it, yet they couldn't seem to be able to stop themselves.
She grabbed her phone of the desk top and looked down at it. She had a voicemail and two texts messages. The texts were from Spike and she was betting that the voice mail was to. Did he know that she was with Angel? She doubted Giles would have told him so he was probably just trying to check in with her. Ever since her confession to him about where she's been he'd been checking in a lot. She didn't know whether to be grateful for it or annoyed.
'Who's it from?' Angel asked an edge to his voice.
'Erm,' she thought for a second about lying. But she didn't want to lie to Angel. 'It's from Spike.'
He didn't say anything but growled slightly in response. She frowned and looked at the messages.
'Hey love. Just checking in with you. If you need to talk let me know. Spike.'
'Buffy. Xander said you've gone out of town for a few days. Hope you alright. Let me know when your back. Spike.'
She smiled at his concern but decided not to listen to the voice message in Angel's presence. He would probably be able to hear it and she didn't think he'd react very well. She put the phone back down on the desk, choosing to ignore the scowl plastered on his pretty face. She knew he was jealous, even angry maybe. But there was nothing going on between her and Spike, they were friends – sort of. And he had to accept that.
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she sat down next to him on the bed again. He huffed and his shoulders sank a little. 'You could have told me...should have told me the extent of yours and Spike's relationship Buffy,' he said sounding a little frustrated.
She looked up at him and frowned. 'We don't have a relationship,' she countered moving closer into him still.
'You know what I mean,' he sighed before continuing. He leaned his head into her shoulder, kissed her neck gently. She let out a gentle sigh and he reluctantly pulled back to continue. He couldn't get distracted from making his point.
'When we used to speak on the phone, you made out like you barely tolerated Spike, that you only helped each other out of mutual necessity. Not that...that you guys are actually friends. And certainly not that he was in love with you...still is in love with you in fact.'
She didn't respond for a moment and he thought that she wasn't going to at all and his frustration only increased. But then she moved out of his arms and turned to face him. She reached out and touched one of his hands and then she spoke.
'Angel I didn't mean to keep things from you. My Mum had just died and I was dealing with Glory and Dawn being the Key. Things were hard, so hard,' she paused, voice breaking. 'All I wanted was you there by my side.
'No wait let me finish,' she said squeezing his hand tighter. 'Don't get me wrong Angel I'm not blaming you for anything. You were where you needed to be. I know that. I can't expect you to always be there when things get difficult. I'm the slayer and it's my job. But Spike was there. He looked out for me and Dawn when he didn't have to. And I will always be grateful for that. He risked his life for me, was willing to die to keep Dawn's secret. He told me he loved me, and I didn't take it well.' She laughed. 'But we are friends now and that's that, I'm not asking for your permission.'
'I get that Buffy.' Angel responded ignoring the lump in his throat and the guilt that he felt realising how much she had had to rely on Spike because he hadn't been by her side.
'I just wish you hadn't hidden in from me.'
'You kept things from me to Angel,' she replied barely above a whisper. Realising that this was the moment she had been waiting for. She didn't want to hold it in anymore. She didn't want any more secrets between the two of them, and this was the last one holding her back.
'What do you mean?' he questioned looking weary.
She looked straight into his deep brown eyes and felt the tears well behind hers. She let go of his hand and stood up as he did the same.
'I felt your heartbeat,' she whispered softly, moving forward, placing her hand over his heart.
'What did you say?' Angel asked, shock making its way into his voice. 'How do you-?'
'I remember Angel, God I remember...when I was in heaven...I don't know how I could have forgotten...I remember the day, I saw it...I...' Her voice broke as she began to cry. She remembered, and it was glorious, the one day they had had together. 'I remember I turned around and there you were walking out into the sun the happiest moment of my life. How could you have kept that from me for so long?' She questioned almost pleadingly. 'I had a right to know.'
'I did it for you Buffy. I didn't want to lose you. They said if I remained human that you would die. I couldn't stand that. So I made the decision for us.'
'But you should have told me,' she repeated tearfully. 'I would have wanted to know. And don't you think I should have got a say in decisions that concerned us both? She was trembling and he wanted to reach for her but wasn't sure that she would let him.
'I ...I thought it was the best thing. And then I didn't see why we should both have to suffer with the pain of that memory when you didn't have to,' he said pleading with her to understand.
'But it should have been my choice. Because for one day I got to feel your heart beat. I got to be with you without the fear of consequence and the memory of that would have outweighed all the bad,' she sobbed.
Angel was crying now as well. Silent tears fell down his face. He felt relieved that she knew, he had carried that burden for so long, the glorious yet torturous memory of the one day they had had together. It's had been almost two years since that amazing day. He could no longer remember what it felt like to have the sun on his face, he could no longer remember the taste of ice cream or chocolate but he could remember, could feel and could treasure what it had been like to be a man. To be the man that both of them had always longed for, to have a beating heart, to be warm and to make love to her.
'God Buffy. I am so sorry,' he whispered, grabbing her outstretched hand he pulled her into him.
'I am so sorry. So sorry,' he said to her repeatedly as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. 'So sorry, so sorry.' Without conscious though they both sank in to each other, and then she really began to weep.
'How could they have taken that away from me? What did I do Angel to deserve all of this?'
'Buffy no,' Angel pleaded. 'You did nothing wrong. You're strong and beautiful and amazing in every way. Unfortunately life doesn't seem to care about how much good or bad we do. You deserve so much better than what you've been handed. You deserve so much better than me.'
'No Angel, don't ever say that,' she argued back fiercely looking up at him. Her tears had stopped and she gazed into his tortured eyes again.
'You're still the best thing that ever happened to me Angel. I will never regret you.'
Half an hour passed and Angel sat with Buffy cradled in his arms, absentmindedly stroking her hair and kissing her head. She had stopped crying a long time ago and was enjoying the comforting feel of him; the sun was setting, she could tell as the room got darker but she wasn't ready to move yet, they maybe had an hour left and then it was time to go home. Only home to her was here in his arms.
She lifted her head, sniffling, a little conscious of the fact that she couldn't possibly look very good right now. This was Angel though and he had seen her at her worst and thought her beautiful anyway so he could handle a little snot. She looked into his dark eyes and then smirked.
'What?' He asked her looking amused, her hair was a bit of a nest and she had mascara on her face, but she was still the most magnificent woman he had ever seen. He placed a peck to her lips. 'What are you thinking?' He asked. She seemed to consider his question for a second then she half smirked, half frowned at him.
'You know you'd think the ptb as all powerful as they are could have given me more than a lousy year and a half after what you did.' And he didn't know what to say to that, it was such an old Buffy thing to say so he laughed and soon she was laughing with him. 'I'm thinking about writing a letter of complaint.'
Reluctantly Buffy pulled herself away from Angel and stood up. He didn't say anything, his face was controlled and blank of any expression but she knew like her that he was very aware of the setting sun and how little time they had left.
She went about the room making she had all of her things in her bag. Then she went to the mirror in the bathroom, she brushed her hair, cringing at the site of it and then she splashed her face with cold water, wiping away her tears and make up residue. Her face was bare but she didn't concern herself with it. She walked back in to the main room and he was stood now to. His bag was on the bed packed and her chest hurt at seeing it. He turned and looked at her.
'Dance with me,' he said reaching for her hand.
'Are you serious?' She asked with a gentle smile. She hadn't been expecting that at all, Angel always managed to surprise her.
'Completely,' he responded. He moved away from her to the radio on the desk. After fidgeting with the dials for a minute he managed to find a station playing a nice slow paced song. By your side by Sade. He returned to her stood next to the bed a slight look of bemusement on her beautiful face.
He took hold of her hand and moved to the centre of the room where there was more space. He drew her in close, keeping one of her hands in his and wrapping his other arm around her tiny waist. He knew that like himself she too was probably thinking back to the only other time that they had danced together before now. On the night he had shown up at her prom.
They had moved together till the evening had ended and then against his better judgement, knowing things would only be harder later he had walked her home. She had looked truelly magnificent in her lilac dress and he had told her so, eliciting a smile from her. She had called him pretty in his tux which had made him laugh and then they had walked to her home, hands entwined, silent and dreading the moment when they would have to part.
He pulled her in closer now, the memory caused him great sadness and he was so sick of having to say goodbye to her. She lifted her head away from his chest, looked up at him and smiled before snuggling back into his embrace. He wanted the moment to never end. She was so small and seemed almost fragile in his arms. She smelt like vanilla, it was all Buffy and he leaned his head down upon hers concentrating on the feel of her.
Buffy felt content and refused to allow her mind to dwell on what was to come after they stopped this dance. There time was up – and they would be leaving.
She felt right in his arms here like this, as if the last two years of her life she had simply been waiting to go back to them. She lingered on the bittersweet memory of them at the Prom. She had never imagined that he would turn up and when he had he's surprised not only her but all of her friends to. It had been a wonderful moment to have that last closeness with him before the fight with the mayor and before he had to leave. Buffy felt the tears beginning to appear imagining it and she refused to cry anymore today. So she let the memory go for now and focused on the moment and the feel of Angel wrapped around her.
The song ended, it was fully dark out now and just as they both made to reluctantly pull away it switched to another one. The light guitar beat immediately recognisable to the both of them. They both pulled back to stare at each other a gentle smile played on his face and tears welled in her eyes her previous thought disregarded. It was like fate - that this song was playing at this moment. She hadn't heard it since that night so long ago and she couldn't believe she was hearing it now with him, just as she had been the first time.
His vampire memory was perfect and he recalled the vision of her walking towards him at the Bronze. She had only been 16 at the time and he promised himself that he would have this one moment and then he would walk away from her. Just like he was going to have to do now. So much had changed in the 4 years since that night but his feelings for her were still the same. He smiled at her again and began to mouth the words to her in time with the song.
It's daybreak, and you are asleep,
I can hear you breathe now,
Your breath is deep
But before I go,
I'll look at you one last time,
I can hear a heartbeat, is it yours or is it mine?
They had stopped dancing now. And he held her tiny hands in his, stroking her fingers with his own.
I look at your lips; I know how soft they can be,
Did they know what they wanted, the times they kissed me?
And your hands, that I've held in mine,
Now they're reposing on the pillow,
Will they ever miss me sometime?
I'll remember you; you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember
She looked up and took his hand, the one wearing the ring and kissed it gently, before returning her gaze to his face. He wiped away one of her tears. Then he was drawing her closer, leaning down he kissed her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was gentle and sweet- everything a last kiss should be. And then too soon it was over.
Your eyes, that always make me shiver,
Now they're closed, they just sometimes twitch a little,
And your body, I could hold for an hour,
It sent me to heaven, with its heat and power,
He held her tightly in his arms again; he gave everything he had in to that hug as did she. Not knowing when or if their paths would draw them back to each other. The embrace was desperate and sad and full of unspoken longing for each other. It was their final goodbye.
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember
Buffy pulled back from his arms and for a moment he felt the coldness return. Then she looked at him a watery smile on her face. She took a step back and he resisted the urge to take a step forward to close the gap. She looked at him again, green eyes gazed at brown. Then she turned slowly, grabbed her bag and walked towards the door- each step a painful stab to his chest. He closed his mouth shut to stop himself from shouting out for her to stop, placed his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from trying to grab her...
She turned the handle and opened the door and made to walk through and out of his life perhaps forever - at the last second she stopped, he waited and she turned back.
'Angel,' she whispered.
'Go Buffy,' he said his voice breaking. 'Go before I stop you. Go before I never let you leave me.'
She didn't say anything only nodded, letting out a quiet sob as she moved forward again.
'You're still my girl,' he called after her and she turned her head back to to him and smiled.
Then she was gone.
He stood long after she had left. He wasn't sure for how long exactly; he just stood there, staring at the spot where she had been. Then eventually he too left the hotel got in his car and he began the drive back to L.A.
He replayed every moment of their meeting over and over in his head. He focused on what her eyes looked like, what her lips felt like. How it had been to simply look upon her again, to hear her voice and take in her unique Buffy scent. He thought about what had been said between them. He thought about how she had told him to move forward and what she had meant by that. He thought about whether she would be alright, how broken she was and would she be able to regain herself again. Then he thought about Spike and he worried that there really was more to his and Buffy's relationship than she had said, and he worried that he had more to worry about their than he had first thought. And he resisted the urge to turn back around and chase after her.
Mentally exhausted, he arrived back in the city of Angels an hour or so later. He made straight for the hotel. When he arrived he found it to be empty, but that wasn't unusual, and he was grateful for it.
He wasn't ready yet to face the questions he knew would come. He made his way upstairs and settled himself for bed. Just before he turned off the light he paused and went into the top draw of his cabinet next to his bed. He pulled out a favourite book of his; 'Sonnets from the Portuguese' and opened it on the front page where there was a photograph of a young couple looking deeply in love. He looked at it and smiled before closing the book and placing it back in the draw. Then he turned off the light and enjoyed a dreamless sleep. The best he had had in a long while.
AHHHH! Can't believe I actually finished, I could cry lol. Hope you enjoy this final part – I should probably have finished it on the always bit, but this fic started with Angel so I wanted it to end with him. Plus I actually wrote those two last paragraphs ages ago for the end so I didn't want to get rid of them. The last few chapters were the hardest for me to write because it's the scenes that started the whole idea for me and sparked the rest of the story. I wanted it to be filled with laughter and tears and anger from B and A because emotions would be running high. They love each other, they lost each other and they still can't be together. Plus I wanted to cover a variety of issues; Spike, the forgotten day, Willow and sort of unspoken Cordelia. Hope you liked it anyway.
I'm just really grateful for all my readers and reviewers who have stuck with me throughout the story. And I hope I did it justice. You know the drill, reviews as always very welcome. Let me know if you liked it, ideas for future fics etc. Thinking now I'm getting into this whole writing thing I might try my hand at an AU next time or an A-Z haven't really decided yet. Till next time. Jennifer x
P.s The song on the radio is from the episode 'Angel' in season one of BTVS, it's one of my all time favourite moments in Buffy when they know they need to walk away from each other but can't without a kiss. Also the book 'Sonnets of the Portuguese' is the same as the one Angel gave to Buffy on her 18 birthday.