Author's note: inspired by the script's "walk away" and "For the First Time", though it's not a song fic. Also any minor mistakes are due to my hand being slightly burned, any major mistakes are just cause I'm a moron occasionally.
This is written in a nonlinear narrative, meaning the "Parts" are out chronological order.
Edit: finished this a few months ago and finally got around to posting it, it pretty much sucks but I worked decently hard on it so I might as well show it.
Part the beginning (first)
"So this is where you're spending your days now? Funny I thought you could do better." Rose said, staring disdainfully around at the dark grimy bar. She slid into the booth looking for all the world as if she didn't want to be there.
"What do you want Rosalie?" He growled out irritated, and the bartender glanced over at them.
Rosalie smirked, "A shiny new red Ferrari."
How had she even tracked him down? Rosalie wasn't a tracker of any kind and this town, this tiny little bar was miles and miles away from Home-Forks. His hands curled around the glass and he adjusted his grip so that it wasn't in danger of breaking.
Rosalie's eyes followed the movement and her eyes widened in surprise. "Pretending to be a drunken sentimental human I see."
Jasper shrugged. "It's a better substitute for what I really want."
"It tastes like fucking shit, Jas."
He shrugged again and drank down the shot as if to prove her wrong. At one time in his life it would have burned his throat going down but he felt nothing besides the slight distaste that came with drinking anything not blood.
"You know you're a fucking masochist just like him, right?"
"I'm nothing like him." Jasper raised his hand and signaled the bartender for another one. He wasn't pretend-drunk enough for this conversation.
"Liar." Rose called. "If you weren't a masochist then you wouldn't be here in this shithole of a bar. You wouldn't be trying to get drunk and you wouldn't be practically feeding off the emotions of these pathetic humans."
Jasper stared at her, a thousand unreadable emotions racing in his eyes. "You think I want to be here? Feeling everyone's pain while dealing with my own?"
"No one is forcing you here Jas." Rose said sharply, lowering her voice so that none of the surrounding humans would hear.
"And no one seemed to be protesting either Rosalie."
"You barely let anyone speak before you were gone. I realize this is a thing for you but are you really going to let her win?"
"I'm not sure if you're aware of this Rose, but she's already won. They're getting married and he's already made his fucking choice." Jasper's hands tightened around the glass and Rosalie heard a telltale 'crack'. "So don't act like I haven't fucking tried, because I have. I've tried to make it work more times than I can count."
"So you just don't care anymore? Is that it?"
"I'm trying not to."
Rosalie sat back and crossed her arms, golden gaze staring at him and his red-tinged eyes. "Did you fall off the wagon?"
Jasper gestured to his glass. "You mean you can't tell?"
He sighed. "I might have stolen a couple milliliters from a blood bank a week ago. But I haven't hurt anyway and I'm still mostly drinking animal blood."
Rosalie said nothing, her silence speaking just fine for her. Jasper wondered if she was trying to guilt trip him. He didn't particularly feel bad about it. He hadn't killed or turned anyone and he was still, if a bit struggling, trying to keep to the Cullen diet, even if he wasn't a Cullen anymore.
"Why are you letting him turn you into this?" Rosalie wondered out loud.
"Have you ever considered that I was already this? Without Alice and him, without the familyI was always this."
Rosalie frowned again, an almost imperceptible tilt of the lips but Jasper could feel her anger, her sadness and her irritation. He could also feel either radiating sadness from half the bar's patrons or the sluggish feeling in his veins that meant he was drunk. Except he wasn't.
"You know you can still have us back. You can be yourself again."
Jasper shook his head. "I could have Alice back, I could have Esme and Carlisle, even you and Edward but I can't have you all back. I can't have back the person I really want."
"Is he really worth having back? Is he worth you throwing away the rest of your existence? We thought it was a bad idea that Bella was throwing away her family, her life for him and you're just doing the same thing."
"The only difference is she got what she wanted, I on the other hand gambled and lost it all."
Rosalie stood up. "I can't sit here and watch you slowly destroy yourself Jas."
"No one is making you Rosalie."
"We'll be moving soon, right after Bella's changing. If you want to come find us, the Denali coven always know where we are."
"I know and I hope you don't wait forever for a call or a visit that's never going to come."
Rosalie leaned down and wrapped her arms around, the feel of the cold arms made him warmer than he'd been in days. "I know." she breathed out and then was out of the bar within seconds, a flash of gold hair the last he saw of her.
Half an hour passed and Jasper slid out of his booth, sure that Rose and whoever she'd brought with her was really gone.
This wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault that he had to leave his family, his home. He had made a lot of mistakes in the past years but this wasn't one of them.
Edward had made his choice already anyway and what was Jasper left to do but move among the wreckage?
Part the next (second)
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Jasper hissed out, glaring at Edward accusingly.
Edward frowned. "I think I'm going to need a little bit more than that, to tell what I've done to anger you this time."
"Bella Swan. Are you going out with her?" Jasper had heard Rose and Alice talk about the human but he hadn't thought Edward cared anything about her except as a meal.
"I don't think that's any of your business Jas."
Jasper frowned. "That's a yes then. Isn't it?"
Edward sighed, looking around the meadow. They'd gone here many times throughout the years to be alone, in a way it was almost their spot if they actually had a spot. "It's complicated."
Jasper shook his head, "No it's really not. You love her or you think you do and now I don't matter. I'm nothing."
"I didn't say that Jas-"
"I don't want to lose you Edward but I'm not just going to be some side thing while you figure out whether you love this human or not."
Edward stepped forward, impossibly fast. Pale hands reached out to touch Jasper's scarred face and Jasper let him, nearly all the fight already drained out of him. "I don't want to lose you either Jas."
Jasper closed his eyes as Edward pulled him forward, meeting him in a kiss. It didn't escape his notice that Edward hadn't denied whether he loved the human or not. Hadn't even denied being in a relationship with her.
If this is what it took to stay with Edward, to stay with a constantly moving being then he'd try his hardest to keep him. Even if it meant sharing him with some human girl.
"You can't keep this up forever Jasper. He's going to marry her. In every vision I see, he will always marry her." Alice said quietly wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist.
"The definition if insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results." Jasper quipped glancing out the window.
"Probably a good thing I'm insane too."
Jasper laughed, but it was angry and forced. "I'm sorry Alice."
Alice smiled, and for the first time Jasper saw the same beauty that everyone else did. The dark hair, the bright eternally happy eyes, and then it disappeared because his focus was never on anyone else for very long. In then end he was always drawn back to Edward.
"I don't understand how you can say that, after all I've done."
Alice turned around so that she was facing him. "Because I should have let you go years ago. I'm not sure if that would have changed anything now but I should have and I didn't. We've both made mistakes Jas, but even I'm not sure who to blame for this one."
"I don't know what to do anymore."
"You can't pick him anymore." she murmured, eyes staring out the window and at the couple sitting outside. "Because this is a fight you'll never be able to win."
Jasper nodded. "I lost it a long time ago Alice, I know that."
Alice smiled at him again. "I think that if you want it, I can help you one last time. I can make the pain go away Jas."
"You can make the pain hide but it's going to come back." Jasper said quietly, realizing that even though he had been more open with Alice than any other part of their time together, he was still partially closed off. Like always.
Alice said nothing and Jasper let it go for the moment, knowing that Alice would take care of it. Their eyes were both staring out the window, watching their 'brother' and his almost bride.
"Are you sure about this?" Jasper whispered, even though no one else was in the house-everyone was either hunting, planning for the wedding or doing some other activity. Alice had decided in this absence that it was time.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" she said amused.
He laughed. "I guess so." he paused and then spoke up again. "Do you think everything will work out alright?" can you see anything worth living for in my future? Or is it just a blank page.
Alice smiled as they walked out of the house. "I know it hasn't worked out the way you wanted but it will work out and things will be better for it."
"I'll hold you to that."
"Do you remember what you're supposed to do?"
"Camp out for about a month, stay off radar and then catch Flight 210 from Los Angeles to London-"
"And then you'll meet up with Peter and Charlotte and live happily ever after." Alice finished, smiling brightly.
"Happily ever after." Jasper agreed after a moment.
Alice watched him leave from the house, watching as the figure of her companion, friend, of roughly fifty-eight years left her. There had been no spark between them no everlasting attraction but he'd been her friend, her protector and they had a bond if an unusual one between them. He'd needed a purpose, some to save and she had give that to him. Now it was her turn to protect Jas.
By six, nearly all the members of the Cullen Household had returned home except for Edward. But for this conversation Alice actually preferred that her brother was gone. They were in the living room, all of them staring at her anxiously. Sensing on some subconscious level that something was wrong even if they did not yet know it.
"Where's Jasper?" Emmett asked bluntly.
Alice frowned a bit. " Jasper left."
As expected the others quickly started talking but Alice focused her attention on Carlisle who looked the least confused. "Left?"
Alice nodded. "He doesn't…He can't be here anymore. Not around…" why was it so hard to explain? Because in explaining she would have to betray Jas's confidence and they had always kept each others secrets.
She started again. "Jasper couldn't handle being here anymore, not in such close proximity to the humans and the shifters. He left, said he was going to work on his control." it was a flimsy if believable excuse, Jasper's ties on the surface were not so clear to the rest of the family and he was a soldier who was on edge about the 'enemy' being so close by.
Rose's eyes narrowed. " Why aren't you with him?"
"We've decided it would be better if we stayed separate for a while." Alice said shortly.
"I think you're lying." Rosalie announced later that evening as she walked into Alice's and-no it was just Alice's room now.
"I think Rose, this is something you should keep out of."
"It involves my family so I have a right to at least know the truth." Rosalie sat down on a chair, staring at Alice who was looking bored if a bit irritated while reading her book.
"It's because of Edward, isn't it?"
Alice's eyes widened and Rosalie smirked. "Oh don't look so shocked. I'm blonde not brainless. Even I can see those two making tragic goo-goo eyes at each other."
"If you really want to know, then yes he left because of Edward ." And Bella, she added silently.
Rosalie hummed. "I wonder if anyone else will notice that he left a mere three weeks before their wedding."
"Rose if you tell anyone-"
"Relax, I won't. I care too much about Jasper to let him be made into a fool like that." Rosalie paused. "Is he ever going to come back?"
"As far as I can see no."
"And you're alright with that? He abandoned you."
Alice's eyes burned with anger and indignation. "He didn't abandon me, unlike some people I can let him go."
"What do we do now?" Rosalie wondered, looking at the small remnants of Jasper she could still see. A book on the civil war there, a picture, a watch here. This was all her family would have left of her brother. Because Edward had "fallen in love" with that girl.
"What's left to do?" Alice shot back flipping through another page in her book.
Her family, her safety-net was slowly being destroyed and Rosalie wouldn't stand for it. She stood up and strode with purpose out of the room, stopping for a second only to her Alice's "Have fun trying to find him."
Part the third
They met in 1950, Jasper had been with Alice two years and he was most silent speaking only to Alice and not to his new 'family'. He was eternally nineteen, almost twenty and didn't care much for family of any kind except for Alice. Alice who had been dropped into wonderland alone and needed someone to guide her.
They'd already met most of the members apparently the last two were Rosalie and Edward. Jasper was still wary of their new surroundings and on constant guard for an attack but Alice just smiled and said it would be fine. And like always Jasper ended up believing her because if he was her guide than Alice was his.
Rosalie wasn't anything too special. She was beautiful but outwardly vapid and shallow and Jasper didn't consider her a threat. Edward was different, he was strong and fast and could read minds.
For the first three months Jasper didn't go near Edward and Alice kept sending him looks. And then slowly, very slowly, he relaxed becoming used to the slightly arrogant teen.
The first time it happened had been after he'd nearly attacked a girl, her name was Silvia Moore and she'd smelt uncontrollably sweet like his mama's homemade food from before. Jasper had lunged and Edward had caught him before he could do anything foolish. He'd dragged them right out of the fourth period English class they were in and shoved Jasper out into the parking lot.
"What is the matter with you? We've only been here a few months and you've nearly caused us to move." Edward hissed out.
Jasper shrugged, trying and failing to ignore the mouthwatering scents around him and the sounds of the humans moving. And for the first time, he spoke to Edward, really spoke to this brat of a vampire who thought he was better than him.
"Do you know how hard it is? For nearly all my life I've been this. And suddenly having to adapt to a new way of life is jarring. Having to deal with everyone else's cravings makes it agonizing."
He snarled, stepping forward until there was barely any space between the two. "Boy don't push me. Because I will put you in your place."
Edward's eyes narrowed and a smirk went on to his impossibly handsome face. "Is that a challenge…old man?"
Jasper rolled his eyes and closed the gap between them, choosing to ignore his conscious for now. Edward didn't seem repulsed and pulled him closer, titan body clashing against titan.
He had only kissed one man before, and while it had been similar it hadn't felt like this. He and Peter didn't have the same kind of connection, this fucking angry out of control spark. What he and Peter had had been different, more gentle if vampires could ever truly be gentle.
This was out of control, wild and the inner monster in him craved it just as much as it thirst for blood. Jasper ignored one addiction for the other and continued kissing Edward not realizing he was playing with fire and would inevitably get burned.
"What about Alice?" Edward gasped out, lust in his eyes and his veins.
Jasper shrugged and closed the distance between them again. This was one time, one small instance and Alice if she found out would be more angry that he hadn't told her not that he'd actually done it. The relationship between them was strange and Jasper didn't want someone like Edward poking his nose in where it didn't belong.
"Don't worry about her. Just focus on this." Jasper instructed.
Edward smiled lazily, "Yes sir."
Part the fourth (The end)
Jasper stood up and shook off the feelings coursing through him, some his own and others not. He closed his eyes and concentrated, relief (his own) running through him as all the fake feelings disappeared. Lately it got harder to concentrate on blocking emotions, it had taken an actual effort to not cause a city or a town to fall to shambles when he was angry or sad.
Today was the day of his flight and soon he'd be officially done with the Cullens and him. He wouldn't lose himself to something like that again, especially not to someone who didn't really care about him. He owed Alice that much at least.
"Flight 210 to board in fifteen minutes." Someone called from over the intercom but Jasper barely paid attention to that. The airport was crowded and if he didn't want to lose control then he needed to be careful.
"Jasper!" Jasper shook his head again, sure that he was hearing things and continued walking down towards the vending machines-in a way Rosalie was right, he was a masochist.
"Jasper." a hand reached out to grab him and Jasper spun around, instinctively gripping the hand and twisting it.
Edward frowned at him. "Could you release my arm please?"
Jasper narrowed his eyes at him, gold-red glaring. "What are you doing here Edward?"
"I need to talk to you." Edward said. "About Bella. And about us."
"There isn't an us. There's me and then there's you and your human girl." Jasper pointed out dryly.
"Jasper." He said, in that same tone he always did. The one that caused Jasper's brain to stop temporarily, to cause his veins to light with a fire that didn't exist. The voice and the body that had caused all of this.
Jasper hesitated because this time it was his choice and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He had no plan for this, and around Edward he had no willpower. It had taken him how many years to even leave.
When it came to Edward, Jasper was always biased, always leaning towards his side. But this time he had to think about himself, he couldn't afford not to. "Fine, let's talk."
Author's note: before you all kill me it had to end that way-Jasper's choice to keep going in the same cycle with Edward or move on is open to interpretation. But I think he moved on or else there's really no point to this.
Anyway I hope you all liked it at least some what.