A/N: This one is a complete fabrication. Here is the prompt from the DA kink website:
Fenris did a lot for the sake of his family, and anon is a bit sad about
how his mission in Act 3 turned out in that regard. I'd like to see
Fenris reunited with his mother, who has never gone a day without thinking about her lost child.
Since I'm pretty sure his mother is dead, I made up everything about her this fic, but I am really proud of it. This one was a lot of fun to write. There is some smut it this, but since it's not necessary to the story, and not everybody likes smut, I've sectioned the sexy time off with this ' ,,,,,,,,,,'. You can skip over it if you like. Let me know what you think about the story, I'm curious if people will like reading it as much as I liked writing it.
Fenris trailed behind Hawke as they made their way down to the Alienage. His arms were packed full with provisions for their meal tonight. Hawke was planning on inviting Merrill over for dinner. The mage had been feeling down over the last few weeks, and Hawke felt like a pick me up might help get her out of the funk.
"You can take those home if like, Fenris. There's no point in you carrying them all across Lowtown. Besides who knows how long I'll be visiting with Merrill," Hawke turned to him over her shoulder as they descended the steps into the Alienage.
"It's no trouble. Perhaps if I'm with you she won't babble on as much," he smiled over the bag of flour in his hands.
"Well then at least let me help you carry some of that." When she reached to grab some of the sacks of food Fenris jerked away from her. She sighed and propped her hands on her hips. "Men…"
Fenris grinned to himself as she turned around and continued walking towards Merrill's hovel. Although they had only technically been together for a short time, he was already feeling pride in taking care of her. Though more often than not it was she who was taking care of him.
Just as they were about to reach her door, a young elven boy scurried towards him and bumped up against his side causing a bag of apples to tumble out into the square. Fenris scowled at the young boy and tried to readjust the food in his arms. "I'll get it," Hawke called to him and began picking up the fallen fruit, dusting off the excess dirt before she placed them back in their bag.
When finished she propped the bag on her hip and smiled over to him. He was just about to walk over to place a kiss on her cheek when he heard a woman gasp from the clothing stall right outside Merrill's home.
Fenris jerked and looked towards the woman. Immediately the breath was taken from his lungs. This woman was familiar…
She looked so much like his sister, and yet there was something else about her.
"Leto, is that you?" The woman brought her hand to her mouth and took a step towards him. Re-actively Fenris stepped back, bumping into Hawke.
"Is everything alright?" Hawke asked him and eyed the woman warily. He felt her hand brush up against his back and he swallowed loudly. Could it be? Was this the woman he had dreamed of constantly over the last few years? Her face was so familiar. Her voice like something out of memory.
"It's me, Leto," she held her hand out to him and took another step forward.
"I…" he hesitated and felt a sweat beginning to build along his brow.
Again Hawke rubbed her palm along the small of his back and stepped closer to him. "Fenris?" He looked at her and saw the confusion lingering on her face, along with the concern.
"Hawke, I think this is my mother," he whispered with choked words.
Her jaw dropped as she looked back at the woman, taking her in. It was clear that the two of them were related. The resemblance was unquestionable. From her deep green eyes to the pronounced bone structure. She was like an older more feminine version of him. He and Hawke were at a complete loss of what to say or do.
Finally, as if realizing how uncomfortable this situation was for him, his mother backed up and hung her head down. "I am sorry, Leto. I didn't mean to disturb you. It was just a surprise to see you here and alive. Forgive me."
She turned back to doing her duties, but Fenris couldn't move from his spot. His tongue was lodged in his throat. No words would come. What should he say? What should he do? Was a hug appropriate? No that would only make things worse. But he should say something.
With his mouth still open he turned to Hawke hoping she could give him some courage. After she studied him, seeing the confliction on his face she nodded slightly and approached his mother.
"My name is Hawke," she held out her hand. "I don't think I know yours."
"Kya, my lady," she answered with a bow but didn't take her hand.
Hawke cleared her throat nervously and dropped her hand to her side. "I…umm," she stuttered and looked back to Fenris who was still in complete shock. "We…are…I mean perhaps you would like…" Hawked huffed then threw her hand out as if to steady her thoughts and speech. "Kya, would you like to come to dinner at my home tonight?"
"Oh no, my lady. I do not wish to impose," she shook her head and tried to return to her duties, but continued to eye Fenris.
"There is no imposition. I insist," Hawke smiled. "We would love to have you."
"That is very kind of you," Kya looked down not meeting her eyes.
Hawke turned back to Fenris with an encouraging smile, but he was still having difficulty processing all of this. He had a mother. He recognized her. She knew who he was. And she was coming to have dinner with him tonight.
With all the troubling realizations, Fenris began backing away to the stairs of the Alienage while Hawke gave his mother directions to her home. The tremors coursing through him were nearly too much. In a moment everything in his life was about to change drastically.
And Fenris didn't know if this was for the better or worse. After all, his own sister sold him out to Danarius. Who was to say that his mother wouldn't have done the same?
Kya walked nervously up the steps to Hightown. She hadn't seen her son in over ten years. A part of her had abandoned the hope of it long ago. But something in her, call it motherly instinct, told her no. He was alive. Danarius didn't have him. Leto had always been smart, resourceful.
But she could never forget that last time she had seen him. It was shortly after the ritual Danarius inflicted on him. The ritual that saved she and his sister from slavery. They had passed each other in the market. He had made eye contact and when she called his name he continued walking without even a second glance. It was then she knew that he had no memory of her.
Her poor baby boy, who gave up everything. His life, his freedom, even his past didn't recognize her. For years the knowledge tormented her. What had she done? How could she have sent him to this fate? Guilt consumed her. It was Varania who finally pulled her out. She was the one who told her that Fenris had escaped and that Danarius was searching across Thedas for him. Every night she prayed the he never would find him.
It would appear that now he had a new master, or mistress rather. This woman Hawke, she seemed…nice. She was polite and it was very thoughtful of her to allow her to come to dinner.
She could only hope that he was treated better under her care than he had been with Danarius.
Hesitantly she knocked on the door of Hawke's estate and took a step back. Her heart was pounding and she had to fight extra hard to keep her breathing in check. For years she had imagined this moment, but she never thought it would actually come. She was finally getting her son back. Some of his memories were returning. She could see it in his eyes. He did recognize her earlier today.
As the door began to open she took a deep breath and waited.
To her surprise it was Hawke who answered. "Kya! We've been waiting for you. I trust you were able to find us easily enough?" This woman had such a sweet, endearing smile. Immediately her uneasiness began to melt away. "Please come in," she waved with her hand and took her cloak from her.
A small elven girl stood just on the threshold to the great room. Hawke turned to regard her. "Orana this is Kya. She is the woman I told you of earlier."
"Please to meet you Mrs. Kya," she bowed.
Hawke smiled at her. "Do you mind going to tell Fenris that she has arrived?"
When Orana walked away, Hawke began hanging her coat up in the foyer. "I hope you like roasted chicken. It's Orana's specialty."
"Whatever you have I'm sure will be satisfactory, my lady."
"Please just call me, Hawke," she threw a lopsided grin at her.
There was such an ease with this woman. A gentle spirit. She was thankful that Fenris had come to be in her service. Hawke was about to speak further when a large dog barged in the room, followed by a strange dwarven man. The two ran in circles around her, the hound barking and yipping and the boy mimicking him.
It was all a little overwhelming. She took a step back just as Orana returned to the room. She spoke to Hawke, but the sound of the dog and the boy's laughter drowned out her small voice.
"What?" Hawke strained to hear her. After repeating herself and still not getting heard, Hawke grabbed her dog by his collar and shushed him. Immediately the dog began to whine, followed by the boy. "Oh don't pout," she rolled her eyes and approached the young elven girl.
She tried to whisper into Hawke's ear, but Kya was able to hear her words. "He doesn't wish to come down."
Immediately her heart sank. This had been too good to be true. Even if he did suddenly remember her, apparently some things could not be fixed.
"Wait here," Hawke told her and walked up the stairs to her second floor. Kya stood patiently in the foyer, just barely able to make out Hawke from the doorway. She knocked lightly on a door. She could hear a man's muffled voice from the other side. He sounded angry. Cautiously, Hawke opened the door. "Fenris…" she sounded as if she was trying to console a child.
"Don't Fenris me!"
Kya jumped at the hostility in her son's voice and stepped back into the foyer. She heard Hawke whisper something to him, followed by the sound of the door closing. This was a mistake. She never should have agreed to come here. Too much time had passed. Leto would never accept her. And now he was probably being reprimanded for speaking out against his master.
She felt the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes. All she wanted was to be a part of his life again. All these years a piece of her heart felt like it was missing. When she saw him earlier that day in the Alienage it felt as though it was returned to her. She knew it would never be possible to make things right with him again, but she at least wanted him to know that she felt guilty about what had happened. That she never wanted him to have to endure this life.
A single tear fell down her eye. She didn't bother wiping it away. Just as she was about to turn and leave she heard the door opening slowly.
Cautiously she stepped up to peer around the threshold of the great room. Over the banister she could barely make out the tops of Leto and Hawke's heads. Her son seemed agitated, but Hawke was whispering softly to him. She brushed some hair away from his eyes, and his features softened. Slowly he leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips.
Kya turned away. Clearly that was not something she was supposed to witness. True, affection between master and slave was not uncommon, but it was generally done behind closed doors and in private.
She tried to keep the shock off her face as she heard them approaching. When she turned back to look at them, Leto seemed more agreeable. "My apologies," he bowed and took a step in front of Hawke. Kya couldn't help but notice the hint of admiration lingering in her eyes.
They led her to the dining room, while Hawke talked aimlessly about the weather and the new guards in Hightown. She barely registered her switching topics to the new tapestries she saw in the Chantry courtyard. All she saw was Leto.
He was so grown up. So handsome. She smiled to herself when he pulled out Hawke's chair for her. What a gentleman. Her little boy was now a man. And a fine man as far as she could tell. Even though there was something hard lingering behind his eyes, whenever Hawke spoke to him fractions of it melted away. Yes, it was clear she was good to him.
Kya let the weight lift off her lungs. He seemed happy here. And even though he was a slave, Hawke was allowing him to dine with them. It was incredibly thoughtful of her to let him eat at their table. She must know how much it would mean to her.
Fenris was virtually silent through the meal, stopping only to smile at Hawke from time to time or answer her questions with short responses. Still, this was progress. Perhaps, Hawke would let her visit him often.
Through the course of the meal, Kya had learned a great deal about Hawke, but very little about Fenris as she called him. Apparently, his new master had come from Lothering and conquered over a Qunari invasion some years ago, granting her a very high social status in the city.
Desperately, she wanted to know more about her son, but he seemed reserved and unwilling to speak unless Hawke addressed him. His devotion to her was clear. And by the twinkle in her eye, it was also obvious that Hawke openly adored him. But Kya couldn't help but wonder how her son went from being a slave, to an escaped slave, then back to a slave again. Had Hawke tricked him into servitude? Made some deal with Danarius so she could keep him? She hadn't spoken to Varania since she left Tevinter quite a few months ago. Perhaps his sister would know more. But Hawke seemed like an agreeable person, maybe she could just outright ask her.
"Oh you are gonna love this desert," Hawke's eyes shined. "I may not be able to cook many things, but peach pie is my specialty. Fenris here loves it." She nudged him in the side with a huge grin. Fenris returned her smile and covertly slipped his hand under the table. It was obvious that their relationship was physical, and Kya felt her stomach drop. Was he forced to be with her? Did she make him show her affection? Most masters prided themselves on conquering over their slaves. Perhaps Hawke was no different. After all most that she knew were experts at hiding their true selves.
When Orana entered the room with the pie, Hawke stood to her feet and began cutting slices for all of them. Very uncharacteristic of a slave owner.
She placed a piece in front of her, then one for Leto, and lastly for herself. Just as Kya was about to bite into her slice she looked up to see Hawke placing the fork in her son's mouth. He groaned and licked his lips in pleasure. A small bit of cream lingered on his lips and Hawke giggled before she wiped it off with her finger. As if the two of them had completely forgotten she was in the room, Leto leaned over and took the tip of her finger in his mouth, licking it clean. Hawke gasped and was about to lean into him, when Kya cleared her throat.
Hawke jumped and immediately went red in the face. "Sorry," she mumbled. "Fenris can be quite a distraction."
Her son smiled cockily to himself and slipped his hand under the table again. Hawke grinned at him and let her hand join his. Something did not seem right here. Determined to get to the bottom of this, Kya set her fork down just as Hawke was taking a sip on her wine. "How long have you owned my son?"
Hawke choked on the wine and sent it spilling across the table. "I'm sorry," she managed through her cough.
It seemed like a reasonable question to ask someone so Kya continued. "The two of you just seem very close. I was only wondering how long he has been in your service."
Immediately, Leto grew visibly tense. His fist balled and his jaw tightened. Apparently she had hit a nerve and deeply regretted bringing it up.
"I think you're mistaken, Kya," Hawke spoke gently. "Fenris and I are…"
"I am not a slave," Leto gritted through his teeth cutting her off.
Kya was taken back. It had not even occurred to her that a woman like Hawke would have any other need of him. "Forgive me," she began but Leto abruptly stood up.
"Yes, that's all I'm good for," he spat at her. "I guess I shouldn't expect less from you. Everyone else seems to think the same thing."
"Fenris that's not true!" Hawke reached for him, but he jerked out of her touch.
"Not now, Hawke," his eyes pulsed with fury.
Not heeding his warning she stood up and wrapped an arm around his waist, bringing her other to hold his cheek. Initially he tried to pull away, but when he saw the love in her eyes he stilled. Kya watched in silent awe at the moment between them. It was clear now what she was seeing between the two of them. This woman was deeply in love with her son and he with her.
"Fenris…" she pleaded quietly and caressed his cheek.
Leto closed his eyes and turned to kiss her palm. "I need to go."
Hawke nodded and lightly kissed his cheek before releasing him. Leto gave Kya one more fierce glare before storming out of the mansion, slamming the door behind him.
Hawke flinched at the sound then sank back down into her seat. "He has been free for nearly ten years, Kya. And it has taken nearly all that time for him to truly believe it. The topic is still a sensitive subject with him."
"I'm sorry I just thought that since he was with you today…and he was carrying all that for you…it just never…Oh, I'm a horrible person." She felt the tears coming from her eyes. "He will never forgive me will he," she managed to ask through her sob.
"Of course he will," Hawke smiled and placed a hand atop hers. "Your son is a good man. Better that he gives himself credit for. Just give him some time. This is all very overwhelming for him. The memories only recently started coming back." She squeezed her hand and then rose to sit next to her. "They started about three years ago, and slowly they've gradually started to come to surface. It's been hard on him."
"I am glad that he had you to help him through this," she sniffled and bit back the tears. "The two of you have been together for that long?"
"No," Hawke smiled. "Not technically anyway. We've just recently admitted our need for one another. But between you and me, I was his from the moment he looked at me," she winked.
"He has turned out to be so handsome," Kya smiled weakly. "When I saw him last he was still very much a boy. Now he's all grown. So much time is lost. How will I ever be able to make it up to him?"
"Don't worry about that. I'll speak with him," she patted her hand. "He'll come around. You'll see."
Hawke then went on to tell her of how she met Fenris and all their adventures after their first meeting. Of losing her sister, fighting Hadriana by his side, the loss of her mother, defeating the Arishok, besting Danarius, and how they came together, broke apart, and reunited through it all. Through her story it was clear that this woman cared deeply for her son. The love in her voice was obvious. Every time she spoke of Fenris a tiny twinkle ignited in her eye, then spread throughout her body. Her mannerism would change, a faint blush would rise to her cheeks. Hawke was completely devoted to him. This knowledge made her heart swell. He finally had the love he deserved, and hopefully he would eventually let her show him her own as well. But for now, he would need his space and time to process all of this.
She left Hawke's home with a sense of hope that she hadn't felt in over ten years.
Fenris wandered through the streets of Hightown. Basically walking in circles, fuming over his mother's words.
Of course, he would have to be a slave. Why else would a woman like Hawke have any need of him? The anger boiling in him was nearly enough for him to rip a man's head off and he hoped that one of the gangs of thugs decided to come out and play tonight.
Ten years. It had been TEN years since he gained his freedom from Danarius, and even after all this time his own mother still saw nothing but a slave when she looked at him.
It seemed Hawke was the only way capable of seeing more within him. Why now? Why did she have to suddenly have to appear now? He was just beginning to adjust to his life here. After Danarius's death he finally did feel like the free man he was and now a ghost of his past was coming back to haunt him.
And more than that, why was he so angry that his mother wanted to be a part of his life? Shouldn't he be happy? Grateful? Some of the fondest memories that had returned were of her. Why did this feel like such a sting to his gut?
Because, acknowledging his mother, meant acknowledging what he was and where he came from.
Fenris cursed and threw a blue fist through a wall. He WAS NOT nothing. Hawke had taught him that he was worthy, desirable, and valued for more than his skill but for who he was as a person.
He couldn't let this bother him, it wasn't worth it. Sighing he began walking back towards his mansion, stopping to dangle off the Chantry balcony for a moment before returning to his home. With the stars and sometimes the moon peering down into the courtyard, he found peace here. After what felt like about an hour he decided to turn in.
With all his strength he put the incident with his mother out of his mind. This shouldn't be getting to him as much as it was. The cold, damp air of his mansion actually made him feel better. This piss poor excuse for a home was actually beginning to feel like such. Silently he walked up the steps to his room and noticed her standing by his fire with her back to him.
He knew she heard him enter the room, but she didn't turn around. Huffing, he removed his gauntlets and shoulder guards followed by his tunic and went to spread out on his bed. Slowly Hawke moved towards him and curled up next to him, wrapping her body around his. She nuzzled his chest and draped one of her legs over him. "I was worried about you," her voice sounded hoarse like she had been crying.
Feeling guilty he rubbed her head and kissed her crown. "I am sorry. I just needed some time to think."
She splayed her palm across his chest and placed feather light kisses on him. "Are you okay?" The concern in her voice made his heart pound.
"Yeah, baby, I'm okay," he answered and pulled her close to him.
"I spoke with her after you left, your mother that is." Fenris sighed but tried to relish her soft caresses and her heated breath spreading across his chest. "She feels awful. And it's clear that she missed you terribly. She said the nicest things about you."
While he idly ran his hand up and down her forearm he couldn't help but be a little curious. "What did she say," he asked softly, as if he was afraid to admit that he was intrigued.
"She told me how handsome she thought you were, which by the way I completely agree with her," he felt her smile against his chest. "And how happy she is that you escaped that life. She also said she's thought of you daily. She's proud of the man you are." Hawke propped her chin against his chest to look into his face. "I'm proud of you, too."
Her big eyes stared into his and he was powerless to resist her. "You want me to try again don't you," he sighed and closed his eyes.
"I want you to be happy, Fenris." He felt her hand on his face and she turned him into her. When he opened his eyes the truth and love was evident on her face. "You don't have to rush anything, but maybe after you get used to it, we can try to visit her again."
"I'll think about it," he smiled but knew she would have him doing what she suggested in less than a week.
"Thank you." She crawled up his chest and placed a soft kiss to his lips. When she started to pull away he gripped her waist gently and deepened the kiss.
Just as his tongue brushed across her lips, he felt her moan then drape her leg across his torso to straddle him. The pressure of her sex against his groin sent a shock through him. As he felt himself harden for her he pushed his hands up the back of her shirt and raked his palms up her spine. Hawke arched into his touch and broke the kiss only momentarily to pull her top over her head.
Once free, she immediately set back to kissing him. Her mouth provided just the right amount of tongue and lips to have him squirming for contact beneath her. Fenris let one of his hands run up the smooth plane of her stomach until he had one of her perfect breast in his grasps. Gently he squeezed and rubbed his thumb across it. Though she didn't break the kiss, Fenris felt her approval as she pushed her pelvis into him. Bringing his hands back down to cup her ass, Fenris pushed her into him and trailed kisses down her neck.
His erection was so hard it was painful, and the easy friction of their bodies rocking against one another wasn't enough to sate the need he had for her. Hawke moaned when his tongue reached her sensitive spot just behind her earlobe, and rolled her hips into him. Easily he could feel her pulse jumping through her veins, her heartbeat pounding, her breath already labored.
He had to have her.
He brought his hand to the front of her pants and slipped his fingers underneath her small clothes, as soon as they made contact with her wet center, Hawke gasped and gripped his head to her neck. As he explored her, slick heat Hawke panted in time with his movements. Finally, unable to take anymore she backed off of him, and began pulling her pants down. Fenris followed and kicked his off the side of the bed.
Once they were both completely naked, Hawke kneeled between his legs and ran her eyes up his body. The lust and need was clear. Slowly, she crawled up to him. Stopping to place soft kisses along his stomach and chest. While she teased him, Fenris smiled down at her and ran his hands down her arms and then on to her waist. Draping a leg on each side of his body Hawke lowered herself down, but didn't take him in yet. The heat of her body scorched through him, and had him throbbing. While she kissed him passionately, his hands softly explored her flesh, running all the way from the top of her thighs, over her bottom, along the curve of her waist, up the muscles of her back and shoulders. At a slow pace he trailed around to her breast and took one in each hand. He didn't squeeze, but rather let them bounce naturally against his palm as she moved above him.
Hawke moaned into his mouth then ran her hand down his stomach, stopping when she reached his erection. Gently she pumped him in her palm, then ran his tip across her opening. Fenris couldn't stop the gasp from coming out of him. Already her body was so wet and on fire for him. She dragged him across her again then positioned him. Releasing her hand from his shaft she moved it back to the side of his face, while his took hold of her waist. Slowly, gently he pushed his hips up as she pushed hers down.
When he felt his tip completely enter her, he had to break the kiss. He knocked his head back and took a ragged breath. Hawke stared at him with hooded eyes, the rate of her own breath increasing. She pushed down, taking him in slowly, inch by inch, until their bodies were completely pressed against each other.
Fenris squeezed her ass firmly, but gently then pulled himself out of her nearly all the way before rocking his hips back up. Hawke gasped and dug her nails into his shoulder as he repeated the motion. While he slowly continued to thrust into her, she opened her mouth against his collarbone and panted in time with his movements. Each thrust provided more heat, each roll of his hips gave him more of her hot moisture. Addicted and drunk off her body Fenris groaned then ran his hands back up the length of her back.
Slowly, she propped herself up against his chest, her elbows tucked into her sides, pushing her breast together and tantalizing close to his mouth. Taking control for the moment, Hawke rocked above him, rolling and popping her hips at the perfect moment to slide his dick just against her hot spot.
Unable to resist, Fenris gripped one of her breast and brought it to his mouth. He flattened his tongue against her hard nipple then opened his mouth and gently sucked.
Immediately, Hawke threw her head to the side and moaned loudly in pleasure. The pace of her thrusts gradually increased and he continued to suck and by the rhythm of her moans and breath he knew she was drawing near. As soon as he was certain she was mouth-watering close to climax he withdrew his mouth and repeated the act on her other breast.
Just as his tongue touched her nipple, Hawke arched her back and gave a strangled cry as she feverously rocked above him. Fenris continued until sure that she had rode out the last wave of her climax.
Gradually her pace slowed and he began to join in on the thrusting. She leaned forward and claimed his mouth, kissing him hard and desperately. He brought his hands up to her shoulders and held her in place while he pumped strong quick thrusts into her. Both began grunting and moaning and their kiss was abandoned but their mouths lingered against one another.
Fenris felt the tingles spreading through his abdomen, the hot sensation of his nerves igniting and shooting all his blood straight to his crotch. Unable to control his movements he threw his head to the side as he continued frantically moving in and out of her.
Hawke's labored breathing rang more loudly in his ear. Each strangled inhale went in perfect time with his thrusts, and he knew that at any second the sensations would become too much.
When she trailed her tongue from the bottom of his neck to the base of his ear, his eyes rolled back in his head. And as soon as he felt the wet heat run up his earlobe, all the air pushed out of his lungs and he convulsed beneath her, pulling her to him as his load rushed out. Each flick of her tongue only produced another erratic convulsion from him until every drop of him was spilled within her.
As his thrusting died down, he felt Hawke smile against his cheek, then heard her light chuckle. Feeling the endorphins coursing through him, he smiled as well and cradled her against his stomach. She kissed her way across his chest then up the side of his neck. When she reached his jaw bone she trailed more up and down it then onto his cheek. He grinned when she reached his nose and tried to capture her lips with his, only to have her move away just in time.
Her lips moved back to his nose and he tried again, she smiled and moved away. Playfully Fenris gripped her wrist and rolled her on to her back. Hawke squealed in surprise then erupted in laughter as he assaulted her neck with kisses and began tickling her side. Slowly he eased up on his torment and brought his face up to hers. He rubbed his nose against hers, and she brought her hand to his jaw then brought their lips together, kissing him slowly.
When finished, Fenris lifted himself off the bed and went to retrieve some water and towels to clean up. Upon returning, Hawke was already sound asleep underneath his thin sheet. Both her arms were up above her head and spread wildly across the pillows, her mouth was slightly parted and a tiny snore was escaping her lips.
Quietly, Fenris joined her. As soon as his weight hit the bed, Hawke moaned and rolled over to him, wrapping her arm across his chest. He couldn't help but smile down at her adorable sleeping form and brought his hand to hold hers at his chest.
A few years ago, he didn't think he would ever be capable of being this intimate with someone, but luckily for him, Hawke never gave up. Now it wasn't possible for him to imagine a life without her in it. His only regret was that it took him this long to realize how important she was to him.
Would he be making the same mistake with his mother by pushing her away? How many nights had he spent beating himself up over the things he had done to Hawke? In a few years would he feel the same regret at not letting his mother in sooner?
If there was one thing he learned through the debacle with Hawke it was that some times you had to push aside the inner demons to let the angels in.
As he slowly drifted off to sleep, he vowed to himself to not make the same mistake twice.
About a week later, Hawke was planning on visiting Merrill again. She told him that he didn't need to come along, but he wanted to. He wasn't quite ready to openly admit that he wanted to see his mother again, not even to Hawke. This would be a good excuse to casually run into her.
Maybe he could spend some time talking with her while Hawke visited with Merrill. That way if things became too uncomfortable or he lost his temper again, Hawke would only be a door away and there would be a good excuse to leave.
Holding Hawke's hand, they descended into the Alienage. He felt his pulse begin to race as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Sensing his unease, Hawke gently squeezed his fingers and ran her thumb across the top of his hand. He was grateful that he decided to do this with her here. Even if he lost his courage at the last moment, she wouldn't make him feel bad about it.
As they approached Merrill's home, he saw his mother sowing some fabric lost in the task. Feeling his resolve slipping he turned away from her. Just as they reached Merrill's door, he heard a gasp over his shoulder and he couldn't help but look over to her.
Her eyes were wide yet hopeful. He could see the desire to speak to him burning through her. Unable to decide what he should do he turned forward again and placed his other hand on top of Hawke's bringing them to rest at his stomach.
Before knocking Hawke turned into him and brushed his hair behind his ears, then ran her thumb across his lips. Fenris closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he knew she sensed his inner turmoil.
"If you like, you can wait out here. I shouldn't be too long."
She was giving him an out. He should take it. If he didn't wish to speak with his mother he didn't have to, but if he decided he wanted to he could. Nervously, he nodded his head in agreement. "Thank you," he whispered before placing a soft kiss to her forehead. Hawke smiled then gave him a soft hug before retreating into Merrill's home.
Unsure of what to do, Fenris stared at the door. Eventually, he would have to move.
Reluctantly, he took a step and turned around, propping himself against the wall. Periodically, he cut his eyes to his mother. It was obvious she was watching him too, but trying to seem just as inconspicuous about it.
Perhaps, now that Hawke had talked with her and explained everything, things wouldn't be as awkward between them. She now knew that he was free and living his own life in Kirkwall. And there was much about his past that he wanted to ask her. Who was his father? Did she love him? Where was he born? Was he always a slave? What was he like as a child? He would not be able to live with the regret of not giving her one more chance.
Hesitantly, he walked towards her stall and cleared his throat. Immediately his mother, stopped what she was doing and smiled sadly at him. "Hello, Fenris."
"Hello…mother." This all felt so strange. Him calling her mother, she calling him Fenris. He shuffled his feet nervously unsure of what he should say next.
"It is good to see you, again," she cautiously spoke and stood from her stool. "You are doing well?"
"That's good to hear. Do you have a friend who lives in the Alienage?" It was obvious she was trying to keep him talking, and even though he saw through the trick he was grateful for it.
"Hawke does." His throat felt tight and suddenly he was extremely thirsty.
"I like Hawke," his mother smiled. "She seems like a lovely woman."
"She is…," he rolled his shoulders and wished he could think of something better to say.
"I am happy for you. It is obvious she cares about you a great deal. And might I add that she is lucky to have you as well. You have grown into a fine man, Fenris."
He felt his chest tighten. For years he longed to hear his mother say those words, and never did he imagine it would ever actually happen. He looked up at her. There was so much love in her eyes, she truly was proud of him. Then a thought struck him. He had given up his life for her. Now there was only one person he would consider doing that for, but at one time she and his sister had obviously meant much to him. Did his plan work? Where they able to live in freedom as he had hoped? Varania was vague and angry with her words, but his mother didn't seem either.
"Have you had a good life? Was my sacrifice worth it?" He heard his voice choke on the words and surprisingly felt a heat building behind his eyes. Taking a deep breath he pushed the emotions aside and looked at his mother.
Hesitantly she approached him, and stood just within arm's reach. "My life has been fine, Fenris. But the sacrifice you made has weighed heavy on my conscience all these years. It was a noble thing you did, but a mother never wants to see her child suffer. And I know you did." Tears formed in her eyes and she took a strangled breath. "It might not matter now, but I would have gladly taken your place had you let me. You were such a sweet, kind boy. None of this should have ever happened to you." Streams of tears flowed freely from her eyes now, and seeing her like this caused his heart to break. "Forgive me, darling. For everything."
Something strange and foreign awakened in him upon seeing her break down. A deep desire to console and keep this woman safe swelled inside him. In a bold move he stepped forward and embraced his mother in a hug. She tensed at first in shock, then wrapped her arms around him and sobbed freely into his chest. "Forgive me," she repeated over and over.
He held her tighter. "All his forgiven, mother. In fact a part of me should be thanking you. Had none of this happened to me, I would have never met Hawke," he smiled and looked down to her.
She returned the gesture and took a step back wiping her tears away. "And that would truly be a shame," she spoke honestly. "Something tells me you were meant to find her."
As if knowing they were speaking of her, Hawke emerged quietly from Merrill's home and approached him slowly, clearly unsure if she was intruding on a private moment. To let her know that it was alright, Fenris reached his hand out to her. Smiling she took it and moved to stand next to him.
"It is good to see you again, Kya," she nodded to his mother.
"That is kind of you to say, Hawke," Kya wiped more tears from her eyes and returned her smile. "I have much to thank you for. You have been so good to my son."
Hawke squeezed his hand and wrapped her other hand around his forearm. "I am lucky to have him," she smiled affectionately. "There are far too few men like him in the world."
Fenris's heart swelled to capacity as she leaned her head against his shoulder. What he ever did to deserve her admiration was a mystery to him, but he was incredibly grateful to have it.
When they left his mother, a sense of peace and new beginnings washed over him. This was a new chapter of his life and he was grateful for it. Not only did he now have a woman who loved him, but a mother as well. The Maker had truly smiled on him.
They agreed to meet again in a few nights at Hawke's estate. Now that the initial awkwardness of the situation had gone away, a true relationship could possibly be formed and he might finally have answers about his past.
Fenris paced in front of the fireplace in Hawke's study. His mother would be here any moment and his nerves were fried. This was the moment that would make or break their relationship. Would she accept all the things he had been forced to do in his life? Would she be disappointed with him? What would she say when she found out he was living in an abandoned mansion?
"Here," Hawke broke his train of thought and handed him a glass of wine. "You look like you need it," she smiled.
"Thank you," he muttered and took it all down in one swig.
She chuckled at him and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind then propped her head on his shoulder. "It will be fine, Fenris. You have nothing to be nervous about."
"How can you be so sure," he stared into the fireplace and gripped one of her hands. "What if she is disgusted with the way I've lived my life, or the things I've done."
Slowly Hawke moved to stand in front of him and draped her arms around his neck. "We've talked about this. You can't change the past, Fenris. It doesn't make you who you are. The decisions you make in the present are what that defines you." He hung his head down and brushed his cheek against hers as he wrapped one of his hands around her waist. With her mouth directly next to his ear she whispered to him. "She will love you Fenris, just as I do. I have no doubt."
Overwhelmed with emotion, he dropped his head to rest on her shoulder, then pushed his fingers under the hem of her shirt to rub them along the smooth skin of her lower back. Hawke took a slow breath and stepped closer to him, pushing her stomach against his body. When she placed a light kiss against his neck, he felt the warmth of her mouth spread throughout his body and he brought his other hand to her back as he began trailing kisses up to her mouth. Slowly, he let her ease his fears and give him confidence. Since they'd met she was always able to give him the strength he needed. Whether it was through a soft touch to his arm, a gentle smile, kind words, and now she gave it with her affection. With her at his side, he felt like he could conquer anything the world threw at him.
Fenris brought one of his hands to her chin and cradled it while he slowly eased up on their kissing. Opening his eyes he placed a few more light pecks against her mouth then brought her head to rest under his chin. "I wished I had your faith, Hawke," he whispered as they began swaying naturally in their embrace.
"Don't worry, I have enough for the both of us," she squeezed him then nuzzled his neck.
Kya approached Hawke's door with only a little less apprehension than she had the first time. A few days ago, Leto…or Fenris did seem more open to letting her in, but this was still very nerve-racking. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him again.
This time when the door opened Fenris and Hawke both stood at the threshold. Hawke was smiling brightly and cast some of her ease to Kya. Fenris seemed a little less enthusiastic, but his lip was slightly curled, and it was clear he was making an effort.
Since it was still early in the day, they decided to hold off on dinner and enjoy some wine from Hawke's cellar while they got better acquainted with one another.
Hawke disappeared to the cellar beneath the house, and Kya took a chair in the study, while Fenris sat across from her on the only couch in the room. The tension in the air was obvious to her, and Fenris refused to make eye contact. Instead he propped his elbows on his knees and examined his feet. Understanding that it was important for him to come to her, Kya didn't try to speak with him, but rather waited patiently for their mediator to return.
After a few minutes of tortuous silence Hawke burst through the door, wearing her bright smile and carrying three wines glasses along with two bottles of wine. Immediately, Fenris rose from his seat and went to help her bring the objects to a small table in the room. "I wasn't sure what you would like," Hawke called to Kya. "So I brought some of Fenris's favorite and a white wine." Kya smiled at her and also noticed the way Fenris grinned from ear to ear as he looked at her. He leaned down and placed a quick kiss to her cheek before setting to opening up the bottles. "Which would you prefer," Hawke asked her.
"Uh, white, I suppose," she answered and shifted nervously in her seat. Thank the Maker for Hawke. If she wasn't here, the entire evening would no doubt be filled with awkward silences and uncomfortable stares.
Hawke brought a glass to her then sat on the couch. When Fenris joined her, she nestled in as close as she could get to him and put one hand against his thigh. It was clear that Fenris needed her strength right now.
"How did you come to be in Kirkwall, Kya," Hawke asked and took a sip on her wine.
"Actually I ended up here on accident. I was on my way to Ostwick, when our ship needed to re-supply. Through a mistake of the ship's manifest it left without me. Luckily, a position for a seamstress in the Alienage was available. I intended to take a job in Ostwick doing the same, but for a more exclusive clientele. Eventually I planned to book passage on another ship but I ran into you."
"What a fortunate mistake," Hawke smiled sweetly and took Fenris's free hand. He returned her smile weakly, but curled his fingers with hers.
Kya felt a sting of envy at the way their care for one another was so obvious. Even with her children's father, it never seemed that easy. "I'm sorry, I feel like I know so little about you Fenris. What is that you do?"
He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, then shifted his eyes to Hawke. As if some telepathic message was passed between them, she didn't miss a beat and answered for him. "Being Champion of Kirkwall pays well, and this city as far too many troubles for me to fix by myself," she grinned. "Luckily, I have quite a few friends I can call on to help when things get to be too much. Fenris is an excellent swordsman, and has saved my hide more times than I can count."
"I also perform mercenary work from time to time," he added quickly, then shifted his attention back to his drink.
"And you live here, with Hawke? The two of you are married?"
Kya noticed a blush rush to both their faces and Fenris turned away from her to examine a bookshelf across the room. "We haven't quite gotten that far, yet," Hawke chuckled. "One day at time, right Fenris."
"Right," he cleared his throat and barely smiled over to her. "And no, I do not live here."
It sounded like he was about to continue then he thought better of it. Hawke's hand rubbing soothingly against his thigh did not go unnoticed by her, and then Fenris shifted again and sat up straight to look Kya in the eye. "I live in Hightown Estates."
Impressive, Kya thought.
"In an abandoned mansion."
"I believed it to belong to Danarius and I took up residence there shortly after he came for me the first time. Initially, it was just to wait for him to come back so I could face him, but eventually, I just stayed. There seemed no point in leaving."
Both Hawke and Fenris seemed to be waiting for her response. "Good for you, darling. I imagine it took great courage to do that."
Fenris released a deep breath, and Hawke smiled at him over the rim of her wine glass. It was obvious he had been nervous about telling her this. "You know, Fenris," she said his name slowly testing it out on her lips. It felt strange to call her own son by a name she didn't know, but apparently this was what he preferred. "I've thought of you constantly. Never did I imagine that we would be reunited. Now that it's happened I want you to know, that no matter what I love you. There is nothing you could say or do to change that." She paused and saw Hawke's eyes bead over with moisture as she took his hand and placed it in her lap. "It doesn't matter what happens I will always have a special place in my heart for you and you alone. I hope that we can have a relationship and get to know each other again. I would love to be a part of your life."
When finished with her soul bearing speech she took a deep breath and waited for Fenris to answer. Hawke seemed to be doing the same thing and looked to him as well. There seemed to be some confusion lingering on his face, but he gripped Hawke's hand and leaned forward slightly. "I would like that as well," he finally spoke.
Kya and Hawke smiled from ear to ear. The happiness in her heart made her it feel so full it might burst. As he took a sip of his wine, her excitement got the better of her and without thinking she blurted out, "Oh this is wonderful! I can't wait until the two of you give me grandchildren!"
This time it was Fenris who choked on his wine and sent it cascading back into his glass. He coughed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand while Hawke chuckled loudly next to him.
"I don't think either one of us are ready that just yet, Kya. But thank you for the encouragement," she giggled and caressed Fenris's back. He shot her a look that said he was not amused by the statement. Upon seeing his face she laughed more fiercely and pulled him towards her to kiss him on the cheek.
The rest of the evening went by with much more ease. Fenris gradually loosened up and began asking her questions about his past. He and Hawke both listened enthusiastically as she told him about his childhood, where he came from, his father. He was also much more open about his current life and situation and seemed genuinely willing to let her be a part of it.
Kya knew that if it wasn't for Hawke most likely none of this would have happened. Just as she was about to leave, she pulled her to the side to speak with her privately. Fenris watched with interest from across the room, but pretended not to care. "Hawke, I can't thank you enough for bringing me to my son. You have been so wonderful through this whole thing. What can I do to repay you?"
"Nonsense, Kya," she waved away her offer. "Making Fenris happy is the only reward I need. And trust me this has made him happy. He just has a funny way of showing it from time to time," she smiled.
"Promise me that you will be good to him," Kya choked out and held her hand.
"You have nothing to worry about. He is my other half. My match." The grin on her face reminded Kya of young girl who had fallen in love for the first time. There was so much devotion in her eyes. It was clear her son had chosen the right woman to give his heart to.
"I believe you," she squeezed her hand then said her goodbyes. Leaving Hawke's home she smiled to herself. Not only had her son been returned to her, but she gained a wonderful daughter as well.
"So I have a funny way of showing my happiness," Fenris questioned Hawke as he removed his chest plate and placed it next to the fire in her room.
She made a sound of shock from the other side of the bed. "You little eaves-dropper. To think I thought you were completely engrossed in my copy of the 'How to Make Your Own Orlesian Hats.'"
"Oh I was," he smiled and stalked towards her. When he reached the bed he crawled to the middle and sank down to his knees. "You are just terrible at whispering."
"Am I," she laughed and met him on the mattress, raising up a little higher to look down at him. "I take it you heard everything I said then."
"Every word," he grinned and brought her down to lay next to her. "You know you can be such a sap, Hawke," he teased.
She scoffed at him. "I guess I could just be like you and say things like…" She cleared her throat then dropped her voice down to a deep octave to mimic him. " 'I'm yours' or 'I enjoy following you.'"
He actually laughed out loud and brushed her hair behind her ear. "That's a wonderful impression. But you really need to put a little more husky throat into it." He repeated the phrases to show how it was done, to which she chuckled and attempted again.
For the next few hours her room was filled with the beautiful sound of her laughter as he instructed her on the best way to do the 'Fenris voice.'
By the end of the night his throat was sore from the over-exaggerated tone he had used, but his heart was full to max. With Hawke curled up against his chest, he closed his eyes and knew that from here on out his life would actually be worth living.
3 years Later – After the Flee From Kirkwall
Fenris came awake to cold air stinging his back. The small fireplace in the room barely kept one burning throughout the night. Shivering he reached down to the foot of the bed and grabbed the thick quilt then brought it up over he and Hawke's body. She whimpered and nudged herself closer to him.
Over the last few weeks she had barely gotten much sleep and the winter was proving to be even more taxing on her body. Shushing her gently, he rubbed her head then cradled her to his chest. Just as he felt her body relaxing again, the soft cry of their baby echoed into their bedroom. He heard her release a tired breath, then yawn. She was just about to get up to see to him, but Fenris stopped her.
"Let me. You need to get some rest," he whispered then kissed her forehead.
Too tired to argue, Hawke nodded her head then rolled over falling back asleep almost instantly. His son's cries were gradually getting louder, so hastily Fenris pulled a sweater over his chest and closed their bedroom door behind him. He tiptoed down the hall and was just about to enter the nursery when the sight before him made him pause.
Peering around the door frame he watched as his mother reached into his crib. "There, there little one," she cooed. "It's alright." Wrapping the blanket tightly around the infant she walked to the rocking chair and brought a fresh bottle to his lips. The babe made a few grunts but quickly began sucking the milk down. His mother laughed quietly and started rocking the chair back and forth. "You look so much like your father, do you know that? He was such a handsome baby, too." Fenris backed away from the door to watch silently at a distance. He still had trouble remembering even the smallest details of his childhood. And as he looked at his mother caring for his son, he knew that she had shown the same love and devotion to him. "Your Nana loves you, little one," she whispered and kissed his soft forehead. Smiling Fenris returned to Hawke, knowing that his son was in good hands.
I know bottles probably weren't yet invented in Thedas at this point, but for ease in the story I added them in. I really hope you liked this. I wrote it fairly quickly (over about two days) and my proofreading skills are atrocious. I've gone over it a few times, but I'm sure there are mistakes all up in it. So my apologies...Thanks for reading, thank you twice for reviewing! :)