Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Supernatural. Buffy and related characters belong to Whedon. Supernatural and related characters belong to Kripke.
Originally for TwistedShorts August Fic-a-Day Challenge (Day 08)
Warnings: Light spoilers for SPN Season 6, but nothing too bad. And torture… but this fic is set in Hell, so what would you expect?
A/N: This is my first time writing for both these characters. So they might end up a bit OOC. If that happens, I apologize. Set post season 6 for SPN and, of course, post season 7 for Buffy. Hope you enjoy!
One for Us
"Oh, I've been waiting for you," Crowley said, running the blades of the knives up and down against each other.
Crowley grinned at his latest victim on the rack. The man was still dressed in his priest garb, and it made the new King of Hell feel like a giddy schoolboy to even think about laying his knives into the "sacred" fabric. But there was nothing sacred about the man wearing the outfit, and the cheeky bastard gave an almost boyish grin.
"You'll not be laying a hand on me, son," he said, a hint of small-town geniality in his voice.
"'Son'?" Crowley laughed. "Do you know who I am?"
"Is this the part where you tell me that I should be 'honored' to be tortured by the King of Hell? Because this is nothing. And if you lay one of your nice and shiny blades into me, I don't think your boss will be too happy."
It had been a long time since Crowley had been set to torture anyone who had amused him so much. The last one had probably been that little Hitler bastard, who had just seemed utterly surprised to be chained in Hell's personal meat room. Because, apparently, killing all those people and starting a bloody world war was not something ol' Adolf thought was Hell material.
But this priest—Caleb, he knew his name to be—was different. Apparently, he was fully aware of the side he had chosen and the deals he had made. And he expected special treatment for it. Crowley almost wished video worked in Hell, because what was coming next was sure to amuse him for eons to come.
Grinning like someone had just told a good joke, Crowley gave no preamble, plunging one of the knives deep into one of Caleb's eyes. Of course, Caleb was already dead, so the fact that the knife went clear through his skull caused nothing but an immense amount of pain.
"I'm a fan of irony. I think you took some boy's eye in your dimension, didn't you? Now, I'm not one to judge, but me doing this just seemed appropriate."
Caleb was a bigger screamer in death than he had been in life, and Crowley let out a leisurely yawn while he carried on. When the evil priest finally calmed, he leaned his head up as far as it would go—which wasn't far, as he was bound by chains in an X formation—and glared. Well, as best he could with only the one eye.
"The First will have your head for this!" Caleb screeched, and Crowley rolled his eyes.
He plunged his other knife into the top of Caleb's chest, yanking it all the way down to the groin. He removed it, wiping away the blood, and set about cracking open Caleb's chest. It only took moments for all of the priest's bloody innards to be exposed, and some of his intestines were already starting to sag down to the floor.
"The First? As in, The First Evil?" Crowley asked.
"It is The First Evil, the purest Evil! Your power pales in comparison!" Caleb screeched again.
Crowley chuckled, reclining onto the table.
"Oh, you know, you should have really read the fine print on your little arrangement with her, you know."
Caleb stopped his self-righteous screaming long enough to shake his head.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, you see, son, The First Evil isn't really her—he? It? It. It's full name. To be more correct, it's The First Evil Ever Created in the Earth Dimensions. You see where I'm going with this?"
Caleb gulped, the situation becoming clear to him. But Crowley thought to spell it out, just to be sure.
"See, what that means is, past the baddies on the mortal planes, The First hasn't got any authority. When it comes to Hell, well, that's all me."
"No," Caleb moaned. "No."
Crowley shook his head. "You know, though, I always thought it was nice of the First to keep sending down ones for us to torture. Next time I see it, I'll thank it personally for you. Now… let's see what else we can do with these organs."
End Notes: Little gruesome, if not a tad humorous depending on your point of view, look in on what happened to Caleb the Evil Priest after he died. If anyone's interested, I did a fanart for this one, and you can follow the link on my profile to deviantart to see it. Please review!