Hmmm, long time. So sorry. I'll talk more at the bottom, but just an apology in advance. been playing Skyward Sword, and there is a character from Skyward Sword popping up in this chapter. So I'm sorry if you have no idea who or what he is. D:

Mediocre chapter is mediocre. Sorry.


Act III: In Which Zelda meets a Mogma or In Which a Cup of Mint Tea goes Awry

Vaati awoke quite angrily and in quite a lot of pain. It wasn't everyday anyone got slapped away by a dragon tail. But at the moment, anger overshadowed pain. Onox had stolen what he had rightfully kidnapped – and that did not make for a happy sorcerer of winds.

"There will be dragon hide decorating these halls yet." The mage snarled under his breath as he scanned the skies, looking for any sign of the dragon and his bride-to-be. But there was no sign of the beast, and that certainly did not improve his mood. And he was about to get something else to foul his mood further.

With a poof, one of his sentry eyes appeared and flitted before him. It let out a few squeaks reminiscent of a mouse, reporting to its master what it had gathered.

"What!" Vaati snapped. "What do you mean he has two more with him?"

The sentry shuddered and then squeaked more. Vaati nodded at the elaboration, as it made more sense. There were four Links, not six (which was good because then Four Sword would have been a severe misnomer). The other two were some incompetents that Link had asked to tag along. But that was still a problem. Link was on the move… And yes, Vaati had arranged several dungeons and made sure the path to his Palace from the ground was sealed off, but he still didn't like to hear that Link had begun his journey.

"Get the Helmaroc King," Vaati said to the sentry quickly. "Tell him to block them off at Death Mountain Pass."

The sentry bobbed up and down swiftly before poof-ing away. Vaati then flew up a bit above the palace, trying to find where he had last seen the dragon. Not ten seconds later the sentry poof-ed back. A bit taken aback at the sentry's quick return, he forked an eyebrow at the flying eye, who hesitantly squeaked in reply.

"What do you mean he's on vacation at Lake Hylia?" Vaati was having an extremely difficult time not shouting. "He's a giant bird; what could he possibly need to take a vacation for? Tell him to go to Death Mountain Pass!"

The sentry nodded and poof-ed away. Vaati did not look around again, but simply waited for the return of his sentry. Sure enough, a few seconds later the sentry returned and squeaked the Helmaroc's reply. There was a brief silence after the sentry spoke in which the wind mage's face twitched. In a low growl, Vaati began, "Tell Helmaroc that I don't care if even monster birds need a break from instilling fear in the masses. I need him to go to Death Mountain Pass, and if he doesn't go now, so help me Din, I will go over there and show him where his place is in my hierarchy and pluck every last one of those great bloody feathers off of his body!" The growl he had begun with had steadily grown into the shouting he had been trying to avoid in the first place.

The sentry didn't even nod. It just shook feebly before poof-ing away. As before, the sorcerer waited for his servant's return. Moments later, it returned, telling him everything was in order. From the way the sentry had told him, however, he was willing to bet it had excluded a few nasty names the Helmaroc had said. But that didn't matter so long as the great bird just did as it was told.

Glad that that was finally over with, he continued to resume looking for where the dragon had taken off to. Racking his memory, he'd come to the conclusion that the dragon had flown off towards the west. He frowned. It was a broad stretch of land with a broad stretch of mountains. He doubted there was any way he could track the dragon to any one particular cave – not through use of magic anyways. Dragons were immune to most magic – Vaati only really having an advantage over the creature due to mastery of the wind and just happening to know all the right ways it could make a giant flying lizard absolutely miserable. The downside was that a tracking spell would be useless on a dragon.

But not on a woman.

He smirked, as he saw the silver lining on this horrendously dark cloud. He stretched his cape out with a hand and examined it, his smirk turning into a grin of pride as he plucked a dirty blond hair off of the purple fabric. It seemed his prize had left him quite a useful little gift, even if she hadn't meant to give it.

Holding the hair gingerly in front of him, he focused on it and its owner wholly and completely. Words escaped his lips, hushed and hissy words of power that somehow seemed to trail around the dirty blond thread. And then he felt it. It was a tugging sensation – something telling him that his darling girl was on the move. Curious. Either the dragon was still flying or the girl had managed to flee. Whatever the case, he was locked on to her now.


Zelda was not having a good time. Then again, the whole day had pretty much been a horrible experience. But right now, as she slowly and anxiously scaled her way down the craggy cliff she'd been trapped on, she was most definitely not having a good time. She'd lost her shoes just as soon as she begun this awful trek, her dress had latched and frayed on the crags, her hands and feet were getting bloodied and cut from the jagged rocks, and her muscles were screaming from the extensive climb. Looking down, she grimaced as she realized she still had half of the cliff to climb down.

No wonder her ancestors usually just sat around and waited to be rescued. The whole 'do-it-yourself' thing was a lot of work… Despite that thought, however, she wasn't willing to risk the chance of Onox coming back to eat her. Or perhaps equally or potentially worse, Vaati coming to get her. She shuddered at the thought. There had to be some way she could contact Link…

She slipped, letting out a squeal in surprise and pain as she somehow managed to hold tightly to the craggy wall again. Looking down and being reminded of how bad her situation was at the moment, Zelda had to tell herself to focus on getting down and then out of this cave first before thinking about anything else. And preferably before Onox flew back in… Which had to be sooner rather than later, as she had no idea how much longer the beast would be out for.

So she continued to slowly and painfully climb her way down, until her cut feet finally felt the sweet pain of the rocky floor. She considered jumping for joy, gut she figured a better celebration of this small victory would be to mend the cuts on her hands a feet via little magic. Since healing them fully would take too much time and energy, she settled for something she could work with – which was slightly reddened but sealed up wounds. And then she all but sprinted towards the exit of the cave.

Which wasn't a good idea, seeing as the cave exited to a very steep downward slope. She had managed a very precarious stop, standing on her tip toes and practically begging for something to push her to cause her to tumble. But she recovered, letting out a sigh of relief and looking around her surroundings – which, she'd forgotten in her glee to escape, was probably the smarter thing to do. She didn't have to do much looking to see she was in a mountain range. Zelda wanted to scream upon finding that out. The only extensive mountain range like this was far away from… well, everything.

But there was no time for hissy fits now. There was a dragon who wanted to eat her, after all (though that probably was a very good reason for a hissy fit). And with no other options, she began yet another foot slicing trek down the slope, towards a half-dead thicket that seemed to be leading to a half-dead forest. Normally, she wouldn't choose any place to run to that had a high chance of her not finding her way out, but she figured if she couldn't find her way, then a dragon (and a wind mage) wouldn't be able to find her.

Then she felt the air vibrating.

She paused in sheer panic, wondering who was causing it. From the rhythmic feel of the vibration, she knew it was Onox flapping those great wings. No time to be afraid of pain, Zelda! She told herself as she scrambled towards the thicket. She had to get there before Onox was close enough to see her! And just as his shadow was passing over the slope, she'd tumbled into the half-dead thicket.

And she did. Not. Move.

She was barely breathing, frozen with fear and determination to not be found. She found herself quickly curling up into a ball as an earth shaking roar erupted from Onox's cave. And from the way the temperature shot up, she was willing to guess there was a massive gout of flame coming from the cave as well. She didn't dare look, partly because she was afraid her gaze might somehow cause Onox to locate her, if he didn't smell her out first.

And she continued to stay there crouched up in a ball, even long after Onox had finished spitting his flame and gone off to look for her, she found herself nearly tempting Fate by asking how her day could possibly get any worse. But she would not give Fate that satisfaction, because she knew what would happen if she did. So she looked up, seeing the edges of charred and blackened rocks by the entrance to Onox's lair. If she did not get up to leave right now, that would be her. That was all the inspiration she needed right now.

Zelda shakily stood, her legs feeling like jelly from that too–close encounter, and then continued into the forest. Numbly putting one foot in front of the other, ignoring the pain from fresh cuts (which she would not bother healing until they became truly unbearable), she found herself beginning to think that in the grand scheme of things… maybe Vaati was the lesser of two evils in this case. He wasn't trying to eat her, after all. And attempting to escape from him would have been much less painful, she was sure. There was definitely less of a chance of being burnt to a crisp and a much larger chance of being clean and intact.

Zelda stopped in her tracks at that thought process. What had she come to? Had this day just been so grating she was thinking that Vaati would have been better to deal with, just because she would have had the luxuries she was used to?

With renewed vigor, she kept on her way. She would find her way through that forest, manage to get into contact with Link (somehow), and everything would be all right from there. They'd defeat Vaati and somehow manage to get Onox out of the picture. Yes. That's what would happen. They could throw her in any horrible experience, but she would not lose her fighting spirit, thank you very much!

After a while, half dead forest or not, she was still glad that neither the dragon nor the wind mage seemed to have tracked her there. Happy as she was for that smidgeon of good fortune, though, she was still feeling quite miserable despite her earlier burst of determination. But at least she had found a path in the forest, and hopefully it would lead her closer to Hyrule proper. But she didn't even know if she was going the right way or which path to take if she ever came to a fork. The only bright side was that she did not worry too much about Onox finding her there. Onox could only fly over the forest due to his massive size – and if he truly valued the magic within her, he wouldn't dare burn the forest.

That same logic did not apply to Vaati, though. He was a beast, yes, but he had the advantage of being a beast in a Hylian skin. He could quite easily enter this forest if he thought she was in inside, and being on a path would make her an easy target. Alas, she was void of any other real options, seeing as she would no doubt get lost if she strayed from the path. It was a risk she had to take…

And again, she found herself nearly tempting Fate by asking how this could possibly get any worse.

It was a rather good thing she didn't tempt Fate too. If she had, she may not have stubbed her toe on a stone that blended in near perfectly in the ground. Of course, it didn't seem like a good sign at the time. In fact, it just seemed very annoying and more than a little painful given her already stinging feet. But if she hadn't paused to curse and say very un-ladylike things, she wouldn't have caught the attention of something she didn't even know was around.

She had stopped mid-cuss when she felt the very ground vibrate beneath her feet. Her first thought was that there was an earthquake, and that she was certainly in a horrible place to be during an earthquake. But upon noting that the trees around her were not swaying or crashing down upon the floor, she could only guess it was just something from the ground… which alarmed her even more. Of course, the most alarming thing occurred when something burst out from the ground and sent dirt flying everywhere.

Zelda, now at the point where she could pretty much deal with anything the gods through at her without screaming, just stared blankly as a what seemed to be a mass of dirt was… well, shaking the dirt off of itself. She coughed a bit, swishing a hand in front of her face to ward off the dust the creature was creating. Eyes irritated, she really didn't get to see what had just appeared on the path before her. But she did get to hear it.

"Whoa, sorry bout that. Didn't realize the ground was so dry here." Said the voice.

The dust now more or less settled, she looked down to see the owner of the voice was… a bandicoot man… thing. Blinking her surprise, she barely managed a, "It's… it's quite all right…"

"So were you the one cursing like a sailor? Gotta admit, don't see you human girls talking like that often." Said the bandicoot man.

"Ah, I'm Hylian actually – it's the ears you see…" she said, her voice still sounding slightly vacant. "Excuse me but… um, what are you exactly?"

The bandicoot man tilted his head to the side, "Huh? What am I? I'm a Mogma, of course! You humans ("Hylians," Zelda corrected. Though the bandicoot man continued as if he hadn't been interrupted) ain't heard of Mogmas before?"

"Mogmas?" She repeated near skeptically. Mogmas… it did sound somewhat familiar. And as soon as that flag went off, she remembered history lessons from when she was just a tiny girl. Mogmas… they had been in Hyrule before – but a long time ago before Hyrule was even Hyrule. The first Hero – the Hero – he had interacted with Mogmas. They helped him and he helped them… That what the gist of it and she definitely couldn't remember the details. She certainly hadn't remembered, for example, that Mogmas were some brand of mole people… or in this case, bandicoot people. "Oh. Yes we have. It's just been a while since we last saw Mogmas." A very long while, she added mentally.

"Huh, whoddathunk you could forget guys like us?" The Mogma asked in genuine puzzlement. But he shook his shook his head, as if reprimanding himself for getting off subject and then asked, "So Miss Human Hylian, have you seen another one of me tunneling around?"

She forked an eyebrow. "If I had, why would I ask you what you were?"

The Mogma thought about it for a moment. "Huh. Guess you're right…" Then he shrugged and looked back to her, "So, what are you doing here?"

She was taken aback by this fellow's sudden appearance, she'd nearly forgotten herself. And a revelation sudden dawned on her. "Oh! You Mister…"

"Huh? Oh, Ledd. The greatest Mogma digger the world's known!" Said the Mogma with pride.

"Ah, Mister Ledd! I'm Zelda, and, as you can see, I'm not in the best of states-"

"You're not?" Ledd asked, looking the girl up and down.

Again, Zelda forked an eyebrow. "… No, I'm not." Though it did come into her mind that much like this was her first time seeing a Mogma, this was probably his first time seeing a humanoid person. "Anyways, there are some-" she didn't want to say horrendously evil creatures. That may have been a bit off putting and possibly would have sent the Mogma burrowing further in the ground. "Some landmarks I don't recognize!" She said quickly. Quickly slapping something together in her mind, she went on to say, "I'm quite lost – there are many paths here and I simply don't know which way is the right way to Castle Town. If possible, could you lead me out of here?"

Ledd's bandicoot-like ears twitched. "Don't know anything about a Castle Town… But I do know a Kakariko Village. I can take you there if you like."

The princess brightened significantly. She knew Kakariko Village – she knew where that was, and even better she knew it wasn't far from Castle Town! "Yes! Yes, please!" She said excitedly. "Oh, thank you Mister Ledd!"

The Mogma's chest seemed to puff out a bit, "Hehe, it's nothing really…" But a slight but of dismay entered his expression, "Uh… you humans ain't too good at digging are ya? Not a problem, though; you can just follow my trail."

Again, she brightened. "Thank you so much, Mister Ledd!"

See? Who needed to be saved? Zelda was, as she had known all along, perfectly capable of handling the situation herself.


"All right everyone," Link began, "We're heading into the forest now. We can't get distracted – the Great Fairy of the Forest is the one who's supposed to be able to unlock the first gate to Vaati's palace. If history's anything to go by, he's probably trapped her somewhere and is keeping some sort of nastiness in between us and her – Blue, godsdammit, pay attention."

Blue was the problem child of the group. Link had come to the conclusion that Blue was embodiment of his reckless, headstrong, and better-than-thou attitude. Before he picked up the Four Sword, Link had a hard time imagining he even had a side like that. But if Blue was here, he must've… and it was not fun to deal with.

"You're incredibly boring. We all know this is dangerous," Blue said, arms crossed and looking quite irritated. "I just want to get into the fray already!" A reckless grin came upon the blue garbed Link's face before he wildly pulled out his sword and slashed at the air. "Just bring on those baddies! I'll take care of them!"

"You're going to kill us all."

And there was problem child number two speaking. It was actually one of the guard brothers, the sour looking one with the hook nose by the name of Poe. He didn't talk much, but he seemed to have a pinched look on him that made it seem like there was a bad smell under his nose all of the time. And while he was only stating the same thing that Vio had been telling Blue earlier, at least Vio had learned early on that those were… well, to put in terms his uncle would use, "Them's fightin' words."

True to form, Blue snapped, "Maybe I'll use you as a meat shield – that'd keep everyone else alive."

"Oh, please don't fight, you two!" Said Red Link worriedly. "We're all a team – we should be working together!"

Blue just gave a flat stare at Red. "You know, I was joking before. Now, any chance I had of actually working as a team is dead."

Vio just forked an eyebrow at Blue, but said nothing. As before, Vio had learned early on it was just better not to say anything at all when it came to Blue and his annoying habits. And Link had no idea where Vio managed to pull all that patience and tolerance from, because Link just wanted to bash his skull in. The only thing that kept him from doing so was remembering Zelda and her plight. Evidently, Gibdo was of the same mind.

"Don't be so stubborn!" The guardsman said to Blue. "We have to save the princess-"

"From your mistake." Blue finished flatly, not even glancing the guard's way.

And that alone was enough to send the guardsman into tears, yet again wailing about how he had failed the princess and all of Hyrule.

… This was going to be an excruciatingly long journey.

After Poe slapped his brother silly, Blue shut up, and Red began to make everyone some tea ("I was lucky enough to find the loveliest mint plant!" he had said happily).

Link began again. "As I was saying… Vaati's probably put some nastiness in between the Great Fairy and us. We need to be prepared for anything. So let's go over our equipment. I've got the boomerang."

"Bombs," said Vio, who had just received his tea from Red and was eyeing it suspiciously.

"The sharpshooter gets the bow – and that's why I have it." Said Blue pridefully, shunning Red and his tea.

"Um I've got the Roc's Cape!" Said Red cheerily as he handed Gibdo a cup of tea.

Gibdo morosely took the cup, sipping it lightly as Poe answered for the both of them, "Me and my big sister have our spears."

Link nodded, taking his offered cup from Red and gulping it down... just as Vio cried out, "Wait!"

Link, Gibdo, and Red stared mid-gulp at the normally stoic Vio, who now looked positively horrified. "That wasn't mint."

And now that Link was getting the taste for it in his mouth… he realized Vio was right. Eyes widened with horror, he looked at his red garbed clone and said slowly, "What did you put in here?" With the look of a whipped dog, Red opened his mouth to answer… but Gibdo answered first in the form of hunching over quickly and chucking his lunch. "Red?" Link asked, feeling himself paling at the sight of Gibdo's hacking. And whether it was because of the fact that he had just seen the guardsman throw up or the effects of whatever his incarnation of innocence had put in their tea, he was beginning to feel the need to throw up as well.

"I- I thought it was mint," said red hoarsely, looking green around the gills himself. "It was just the prettiest shade of green on these lovely red stems, three leaves each-"

"Red stems? Three leaves per stem?" Vio said incredulously. "That's poison ivy!"

And then Link couldn't hold it anymore. He hunched over and just let loose.

"Gross." Blue flinched, not hiding his disgust.

Poe, on the other hand, just wanted to laugh at their misfortune. That was until Green Link managed to stop his vomiting long enough to say, "You three… you three have to go without us."

"What?" Gasped the younger of the guard brothers in horror.

"We can't… Zelda needs us. You three can still go, so go." Link instructed before hunching over and throwing up again.

"Eurgh. Sure thing." Blue said, getting up and all too ready to leave the vomit festival.

"B-b-but-" Yet Poe couldn't think of anything to say.

Vio forked an eyebrow at the guardsman and then said, "You'd rather stay here?"

"You have to… have to go, Poe. For the p-princess." Gibdo gasped.

Poe grimaced and nodded, hesitantly following Vio and Blue into the forest of the Great Fairy. He tried to look on the bright side… he'd get to stabs things and he'd be away from the horrid smells of throw up… But he still couldn't help but wish he could be somewhere else – anywhere else, but walking into something that may very well get him killed.


I. Fucking. Love. Mogmas. They styled after Japanese punk gangsters but are such softies. XD I can forgive the fact that they're not too bright. Also, I am convinced they are bandicoot people, not mole people. I looked bandicoots, and they have bandicoot faces. Go google em and see what I mean. If you have no idea what a mogma is and do not want Skyward Sword spoilage and refuse to look them up... then sorry. D:

FFFFF JESUS Q. CHRIST. 20 reviews when I just have 2 chapters. What is this witchcraft? This never happens. D: ... Though I'm not complaining. Reviews equals motivation. 8D But seriously, what's with you people? I don't update for a while and you think I've quit on this? If I really do quit on this (which i won't thankyouverymuch), I would let you all know via chapter notification.

Mirria1, that's one way of putting it. XD And yes, Zelda doesn't have it easy... and it's not likely to get easier. D:

Poe Princess Mara, naughty naughty Onox! DX As for Poe and whether he'll switch sides... eh, I'll cone out and say it: probably not. He's mostly in here with his brother for further comic relief and ridiculosity.

Sage of Video Games, hey, the attraction has to start somewhere. XD And yes, Zelda doesn't have it easy. Though as far as she;s cioncerned in this point of time, both fates awaiting her from both kidnappers are pretty hideous.

XiXIXiX, yeah, noooooo, not going to happen. That would make this far longer than they six or seven I ideally want it to be. XD And I shall continue it!

SubZeroChimera, no, they haven't gone for gold in the insanity field just yet. XD And yes, Vaati, if Minish Cap is anything to go by, has got a few liuttle temper issues. D:

Midna Hytwilian, INDEED.

Purplegc, I'd tell you what he'd do without Poe, but unfortunately, that might be a spoiler for a future story. D: And Link got much more than a headache this time around. XD

TheLegendOfWolf, Hark, do I say unto thee! The Summary dost not lie to thee! If yonder Summary claims VaatiZelda, so it shall be! Why I speaketh Olde English, I have not the slightest thought! Anyways, glad you're enjoying. 8D

fleets, Onox was a freaking bitch to beat. I nearly gave up several times because I just couldn't manage to beat him. But I eventually did, that's all that matters. XD Poe's original name has always been Poe. From the day I created him, I told myself, whether ghost or not, Poe is Poe. XD as for Poe's feelings on Link, it should be noted that this story does not fit within the fanon of my other fanfics including Poe. He's in here simply because I wanted to experiment with him as a living creature and because I felt he'd be good for some extra shits and giggles. As foe why Poe dislikes him now... well, Poe has a very black/white view on people. I don't think that will ever change about him.

ChristianFreak98, I'm glad you're enjoying!

CheerfulBubbles369, heehee, thanks! Witty is what I'm trying to go for. It manages to keep things less serious, especially since trying to keep everyone in character can be difficult when you;re going for a humorous story.

msfcatlover, thanks! 8D

Vann-Chan, I'm so glad you think so highly of my writing style! Often times, I think I'm not descriptive enough. XD And yeah, I realize that every time I write something new, I'll probably get some new readers. It's unfair to those if they don't have some background of certain characters that are not canon. As for my continuing, again, I would not drop a story outright without informing readers. That's unfair, I think, and I know I've been in the situation where I want to know what's up with a story only to find out it's been dropped. So updates might be few and far in between, but that's because I have another story I'm working on that's projected to be around 70 plus chapters long as compared to this one which will probably be just seven. So no worries, I will continue this until the end. :3