The First Time…John Gave Up Trying to Surprise Sherlock
"You said birthdays were boring. You asked for a surprise."
"Technically, I did."
"I'm not an idiot, I can hear the air quotes Sherlock. Define technically."
"You asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said surprise me, I didn't exactly mean I required a surprise. If you see the difference."
"To paraphrase a Vulcan of which I'm fond, a difference that makes no difference is no difference."
"If you say so John."
"You don't like this do you?"
"I didn't say that."
"So you like it?"
"I didn't say that."
"I'm going to smite you. On your birthday. What will people say?"
"I'm sure I don't know, John. I'm certain I care even less."
"Okay, this was a bad idea. I sort of knew that at the start. It's just that…I thought it would be memorable."
"It's memorable John. I'm not going to forget this. I may try. I doubt I'll succeed."
"It's just that you know so damn much, you know? You know where I'm going to scratch before I even itch, you guess—"
"—I never guess—"
"—yes you do, what I'm going to make for dinner, you figure out what's in a foot-square box even when the gift is a tiny little prostate stimulator—"
Sherlock's entire body recoiled.
"—and I'm sorry about what it did to your…when you…look, do you see why sometimes I get desperate?"
With effort Sherlock managed to unclench most muscles. "You really don't have to be."
"I hate things like this but you've never done anything like it so I thought, well, it'd be a nice surprise. And one that wasn't boring."
"Thank you, John, this is certainly not boring."
"You hate things like this, don't you?"
"Apparently I do. But I didn't know that until just now, so thank you for that as well. You've successfully caught me unawares and afforded me datum I did not previously possess."
"You're getting polite, Sherlock."
"It would assuredly seem I am."
"You only get really polite and wordy when you're trying to not kill someone."
"As ever, you know me intimately my diminutive inamorato."
"Would it help if I promise to never do this again?"
Sherlock gave the question some thought, then asked, "Define 'help.'"
John sighed. After ten years with the man he's not even sure why he tries. Surprises are like tickling. It's fun to foist the things on someone else, but no one wants either for themselves. "Would it placate your pique if I swore that I'll never try to stun and amaze you again?"
Sherlock gave this question some thought, then answered it twice. "First, you never cease to stun and amaze, John."
John opened his mouth. Sherlock continued to talk. "In your John-like way. This is not your way. Your way is the way of proving that woolen goods, when used inappropriately, make stunning sex aids. Your way is the way of asking a notorious criminal for a light for the cigarettes you don't smoke and then smiting him when he looks down to strike the match. So don't worry about stunning or amazing me in some misguided attempt to keep my attention. You have it. You'll always have it."
John closed his mouth. Sherlock continued to talk. "Second, you can indeed placate my pique. I propose that you entertain me while we await rescue."
At the thought of rescue, both men looked down. Which was actually up.
Yes, they were still belly-to-belly and bound together at their ankles. And indeed, they were still hanging from the end of a bungee cord. And yes, the bungee cord was still frustratingly snagged on a section of bridge abutment. And far above them the instructor was most assuredly still yelling down reassurances, as she had been for the last ten minutes.
"I think I have some ideas on the entertainment front."
John stuck out his bum. He pointedly waited until Sherlock imitated the movement. In the resulting void two small doctorly hands just fit. There was the sound of a zipper unzipping. There was soft swearing when a button popped and hit John in the eye before falling far and away into the calm river below.
Then there was silence until there was sighing, soft sighing as a perking penis was fetched out of dove grey birthday knickers.
"Oh look at you," whispered John. "I'm so glad I bought the green and blue ones as well."
Another soft moan conveyed that Sherlock was also glad.
John petted the wee bit of exposed grey cashmere with his free hand. "I'm happy you like them. We can buy the rest of the outfit, too. Would you like that?"
Sherlock looked down—up, up—as John's pretty hand stroked his burgeoning erection. "The suspenders and stockings—" He grunted politely at a particularly fine fondle. "—would be a superlative addition to the undergarments."
John smiled; he'd suspected as much. He thumbed the wet tip of Sherlock's hard-on in a particularly pleasant way. "Shall we get the gauzy little skirt as well?"
John licked precome from his fingers, Sherlock shivered seductively, "Yes please."
Far above, the instructor said something that may have contained the words any minute now. John realised they would have to move with a certain alacrity.
"I can't wait to see you in the sheer little thing, love. It's so tiny it won't even cover your gorgeous behind."
Sherlock clutched John's shoulders and spread his thighs the few centimetres he was able. "Indisputably the skirt will fail to conceal my munificent…" Sherlock panted prettily. "…assets."
Stroking faster the good doctor murmured, "You can stride round the flat like you do—" More voices from above. "—but without the knickers, so all your you peaks out."
One fine, tumescent column of Sherlock's him peaked well out of soft, grey panties.
"Then maybe you'll let me lift the skirt's little hem a bit so I can suck your cock."
A shiver skittered through detectivey limbs at the same time as the bungee cord trembled. Someone said almost there.
"If you think that's all right. While you're working I mean."
Two pale eyes kind of rolled up into the back of a swiftly nodding, dark-haired head.
The bungee cord gave a jerk.
"Lovely. I'll get on my knees right there in the sitting room and swallow you down."
Sherlock made an abrupt, the-exact-opposite-of-pained sound.
"Won't want your sweet bum to be lonely in the meantime, so maybe I'll wriggle a few fingers inside you. Would you like—"
Sherlock nodded so hard they began gently swaying from side-to-side.
"And afterward I'll use your come to slick you up back there, make you wet with yourself."
Sherlock banged his head gently against John's. The bungee cord shuddered, and thrummed a little vibratory tune. They began inching slowly up.
"Then," John panted, "oh I bet your pretty little skirt will be a mess but we won't care. After you're ready, after you're so ready, I'll lift its sweet little hem again until I can see the swell of your gorgeous behind and I bet you—"
Sherlock spread trouser-bound legs wide as they would go.
"—yes, yes, I bet you open yourself and—"
One hand in a death grip on John's shoulder, Sherlock clutched his own balls with the other.
"—then I'll slip inside you, it'll be so easy my love, you'll be so very—"
The bungee jerked haltingly upward, which had the lovely side effect of amplifying John's motions over Sherlock's cock.
"—wet and wanting, you'll—"
Words floated from above.
"—still be coming a little, yes, your body still—"
John would never know if it was his words or the sudden vibratory shudder of the rope that sent Sherlock over the edge, but over the edge he did go. And, as John looked down—up, as John looked up—he was sure of one thing though…and yes, there it was.
John was sure he was the one who was going to get it right in the eye.
Seven tucked in and tidied minutes later, they at last stood innocent and bandy-legged on the bridge.
As they accepted admiring condolences for their brave patience, Sherlock fingered John's fringe and whispered, "Dr. Watson, I do believe you've put product in your hair."
Tossing coupons for free bungee jumps into the river below when the instructor wasn't looking, John giggled and whispered back, "Happy birthday, Sherlock."
Some say Sherlock Holmes' birthday is today, 6 January. Happy 160th birthday Sherlock! (In other news: For the sake of my disordered brain, I'm marking this series of stand-alone stories as complete. I'll be adding more first times in the future though, so do please subscribe or share prompts, thank you!)