Title: Captain for a Week
Description: The lieutenants' and captains' roles are reversed for a week. Humor.
Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.
A/N: Got the genesis of this idea from my other fic"Lieutenant for a week".
"I read this new study on Reverse Mentoring and the Leader-Follower Theory and I really think that it might be interesting to try it," Captain Kurotsuchi brought up at the Captains' Meeting.
"What the hell is that?" Kenpachi asked.
"Reverse mentoring is simply the process of pairing more senior employees with younger employees in an effort to help the senior staff gain insight into emerging technologies, mindsets and ideas. It's supposed to engage an organization in an open dialogue and encourage the flow of information and ideas at all levels," Mayuri explained.
"I still have no idea what you just said," Kenpachi clarified.
"Your lieutenant would be the effective captain, you would act as the lieutenant, and hopefully you'd both learn something from the switch," Mayuri stated.
"I think the whole place might burn down if we did that," Kenpachi considered, thinking of a squad run by Yachiru.
"I'm in for it!" Shunsui said. "Less work for me!"
"Doesn't your lieutenant do most of your work anyways?" Captain Hitsugaya pointed out.
"I was thinking that we could do it for a week. Obviously if anything serious came up the real respective captain's would take control," Mayuri said.
"Are you suggesting that we actually take orders from our underlings?" Captain Kuchiki asked.
"In the spirit of experimentation, yes," Mayuri concurred.
"Sounds terrible," Soifon stated.
"We shall do it," Head Captain Yamamoto agreed.
"What? But you hated my last idea…er…experiment…," Shunsui said.
"Lingerie month is not happening," Yamamoto intoned.
"Mayuri must have some blackmail on the old man," Shunsui whispered to Jushiro.
"Excellent, let us start today and report your progress at next week's Captain's Meeting,"
Mayuri said, ignoring him.
Squad One: Temporary Captain Chojiro Sasakibe
"What is this?" Chojiro asked captain…temporary lieutenant Mayuri Kurotsuchi.
"This is a list of the people in the world of the living that I am interested in experimenting on."
"I'm pretty sure that you can't do this," Chojiro said.
"I can with an executive order," Mayuri pressed.
"Is this really why you did this whole thing?" Chojiro asked.
"Is that a yes? I already have men waiting."
"No. Don't take anyone from the world of the living," Chojiro replied.
"Or what?" Mayuri questioned threateningly.
'I wish he didn't look so freakish, I can barely look at him. But if he thinks that after being around the head captain so long someone like him can intimidate me so easily…' Chojiro thought.
"I'll give Yachiru a bag of candy and then release her into your lab," Chojiro said calmly.
Mayuri balked. "Are you threatening a captain?"
Chojiro smiled slightly. "This is the head captain threatening a lieutenant." It felt good to say.
Mayuri mumbled vague threats as he left, and Chojiro made a note to himself to be careful of what he ate for the next week.
"Are you free?" Shunsui popped his head in.
"What did you want, Capt…er Lieutenant Kyoraku?"
"Did you know that I make less that Jushiro does?"
"Er…no. I'm not sure why that would be," Chojiro said, looking over the statements that Shunsui handed to him. He sighed after reading them. "It seems here that it's because your deductions for damage done by your men is higher than Captain Ukitake's, and taken out of your pay."
"Why is that? It's ridiculous!" Shunsui explained.
"Well, I believe it's because you let them drink on duty. Perhaps if you had better control over them, then the head captain would be more lenient when they accidentally break things."
"What about Squad Eleven? They break things all the time," Shunsui whined.
Yamamoto was outside in the garden. He could clearly hear everything but hadn't the smallest inclination to comment on any of it. He had finished his filing for the day and was enjoying the sunshine; probably the last there would be since the rainy season was coming up.
"Come on, you're a good guy, right?" Shunsui pressed.
Chojiro was wondering if he'd lose his hair like his captain if this happened every day.
Squad Two: Temporary Captain Marechiyo Omaeda
"AND I want a nice bento," Omaeda ordered.
"Tell someone who cares," Soifon blew him off.
"W-what? Aren't you supposed to follow my orders?"
"Do you know how Kenpachi became a captain?" Soifon asked.
"Of course I do. He challenged his captain to a battle and beat him in front of two hundred of his squad members."
"So, if I want to be captain again, all I have to do is kill you," Soifon mentioned.
"Er, forget about the bento."
"I already have. By the way, touch anything in my office and I'll throw you in the brig."
Squad Three: Temporary Captain Izuru Kira
"Captain, please help me with this," Gin asked.
'He's enjoying this too much,' Kira thought to himself. "You know how to do this."
"I've forgotten," Gin lied, holding out the paperwork to Kira. "And as captain, you're the one who gets in trouble if I don't turn it in."
All of a sudden an alarm went off. Kira started running for the door, closely followed by Gin. "I suppose I should mention now that I set several small fires," Gin said.
"You...what?" Kira asked in shock.
"You know, just to test your captainess."
'The whole week is going to be like this', Kira thought to himself with a groan.
"Also, I poisoned your tea to test your alertness."
Kira gagged on his own spit and turned towards his captain incredulously.
"Just kidding," Gin held his hands up in innocence. "Maybe," he added.
"Captain Kira!" a man shouted to him, pointing towards where the commotion was.
Kira felt a small burst of pride. 'It might be worth it though,' he considered.
"Oh, captain's so cute when he smiles!" Gin said.
Kira choked again, this time turning red with a blush.
Squad Four: Temporary Captain Isane Kotetsu
In all honesty, Isane has been called to make life or death decisions a lot of times, but always in times of pressure, like during a battle. Having to consider and make them while consciously knowing that she could make the wrong decision was different. For tricky surgeries, she usually deferred to her captain. Her captain, however, wanted her to make all the decisions first, and then bring them to her.
"Pretend that I'm not going to review them, pretend that these people could very well die or be maimed if you make the wrong call," Captain Unohana had said, and Isane had taken it to heart.
Which is why she was freaking out. 'I don't understand, I never do this over things like this,' Isane thought.
"Ah!" she threw her hands in the air and rested her head on her desk for awhile. 'Having a bigger desk isn't worth the stress,' Isane thought. 'If things go wrong under Captain Unohana, we always knew that she did the best she could. What about me? I know I'm fallible."
"Delivery for Captain Kotetsu," someone at the door said.
Isane straightened up and told the person to enter.
'Flowers?' Isane thought.
There was no address or name on it, but just a message, "Good luck, Captain!"
She smiled and absently wondered who had thought to send it. She looked at the papers and x-rays in front of her and finally made the decisions she'd been putting off.
Unohana was enjoying working with the patients. Not that she didn't usually, but she didn't get to have as much hands on time with them as she'd like: cheering them up, helping with psychical therapy, advising about prescriptions, all of these things she delegated normally.
'Speaking about cheering up, I wonder if Isane got her flowers yet?' Unohana wondered.
Squad Five: Temporary Captain Momo Hinamori
"You know, you can give me some work to do," Aizen said.
"I…I couldn't do that!" Momo replied with a light blush across the tops of her cheeks.
"I do think you might keel over if you have to give me an order," Aizen told her with a smile.
"I would never!" Momo answered in dismay, hoping that he wasn't going to make her do it.
"You could at least tell me to go and grab us lunch since it looks like we'll be working through the day," Aizen suggested.
"No!" Momo insisted. "I'll go get it!"
"I think you're missing the point of the exercise."
Squad Six: Temporary Captain Renji Abarai
'I can do it,' Renji thought to himself. 'All I have to is ask him for tea. He does it to me all the time. But…I don't even know what to call him. I mean, calling him Byakuya is out of the question, but Lieutenant Kuchiki also doesn't sound right. Will he get mad if I still call him captain?'
"Did you want something?" Byakuya asked.
'Damn him, he's being so vague. Maybe if he called me captain that I'd feel ok to call him lieutenant,' Renji worried.
"I…" Renji bit his lip. 'Tea, ask for tea!' he thought. "Ha, ha, no! I'm fine!" he said out loud.
"I noticed quite a backlog in your paperwork," Byakuya said.
"Er…I was going to get to that, Captain! I swear!"
"I've already done it. It seems I'm a better lieutenant than you," Byakuya replied, secretly a little smug that Renji was being so jumpy.
"Of course you are, Captain! I mean…lieu…lieu…" Renji just gave up. 'There's no way he won't roast me if I call him lieutenant. Would it be weird if I call him Lord Kuchiki? I mean, can I last a whole week without calling him anything? Er, except for captain, which I keep saying.'
"Have fun, Captain," Byakuya said, laying a large stack of papers on Renji's temporary desk.
'He said it!' Renji was elated…until he realized exactly how much paperwork that his captain had just given him. 'There is no way that there was this much I didn't do,' Renji groaned.
Squad Seven: Temporary Captain Tetsuzaemon Iba
"We're tired, Lieutenant!" a man complained.
"I don't care! And it's captain! Say it, Captain Iba!" Iba said.
"Captain Iba, it's too much," the man rephrased.
"Look, I'll be damned if we get beaten in the yearly squad competition by Squad Eleven again! I have money riding on this, and I'm damned if I'm going to let Ikkaku win!"
"Money?" Komamura asked.
"More than that…honor!" Iba quickly rejoined.
Komamura considered. "I agree. It's pitiful that they beat us at all if I really think about it."
"But…is beating us up really going to help us win?" another man asked.
"Keep fighting until I say to stop!" Iba asked.
"Can we at least have some sake like you are?"
"You can when you're captain!" Iba told him, taking a swig from his bottle.
Komamura shook his head.
Squad Eight: Temporary Captain Nanao Ise
"Work!" Nanao yelled at her lazy boss/temporary subordinate.
"Hm, if I don't work, will you punish me?" Shunsui asked, peeking from underneath his straw hat with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
"Yes, but not in a way that you enjoy!" Nanao promised.
"I don't know; I'll probably enjoy it anyways."
…And that was how he wound up hand cuffed to the lieutenant's desk; which admittedly he did enjoy, until he got bored…and thirsty. He started shuffling around in Nanao's drawers hoping that she had confiscated some sake of his and hadn't thrown it out yet (but with no luck).
"Nanao!" He called out pitifully.
"I can't hear you!" she yelled out from the captain's office.
"Er, I can't find any ink…" he lied.
She came out and opened a drawer, showing him where it was.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't want to go through your things because of how much I respect your privacy," Shunsui said with a straight face.
"Uh huh," Nanao said, turning her back towards him.
"Wait!" he begged.
"What is it now?"
"You know, I've never been with a captain before…" Shunsui said with a suggestive smile.
He wondered how long he'd been lying under his desk when he woke up later with a book imprint on his face.
"CAPTAIN!" he whined.
"Shut up!" Nanao yelled in irritation.
Squad Nine: Temporary Captain Shuuhei Hisagi
The best part, for Shuuhei at least, was the haori. He kept turning extra fast so that it caught in the breeze.
'I look awesome,' he thought to himself.
"Lieutenant, I finished the article but I…" the woman stopped talking as he glared at her.
Eventually she got the point. "Captain, I finished the article…" she started again. Shuuhei smiled widely.
"Are you really going to print this?" Kaname asked as Shuuhei read to him the about to be finalized Seireitei Communication for that week.
"I know you're not really into all of this gossip and social stuff, but it really gets more people to read it," Shuuhei insisted.
"And the new picture for Lieutenant Matsumoto's article?" Kaname asked delicately.
"Er, she really insisted on it. I mean, sure it's kind of…well, you know, but…er…she was very persuasive."
Kaname hadn't actually seen the picture of course, but someone had gently informed him that Rangiku's new author photo no longer stopped under the chin. The whole conversation had been awkward as the man had tried to explain that Rangiku was showing large amounts of cleavage without actually saying so. 'Oh well, I'll change it next week,' Kaname thought to himself. 'Unfortunately, Shuuhei is right; more people will probably read this as opposed to things that are good and informative for them to read. I mean, not that many people read my column but it's the best in the entire paper."
Squad Ten: Temporary Captain Rangiku Matsumoto
"You're drunk," Toshiro said.
"Nope!" Rangiku replied unconvincingly. She giggled to herself. "What would you do about it anyways, Lieutenant?"
Toshiro could feel a tic pulse over his eye.
"You know that I'm going to get back at you for this next week, don't you?" Toshiro asked.
"But your new outfit is soooo cute," Rangiku cooed.
"What am I suppose to be?" Toshiro asked.
"A panda bear. I thought a polar bear might be better, but pandas are cuter. Your little ears are just so adorable!"
There was a flash as Rangiku took a picture.
"I'm burning all of those pictures when I'm captain again," Toshiro promised.
"Don't you have some advanced kido training to do today?" Rangiku asked. She hated teaching the class.
"In…in this?" Toshiro sounded pained.
"Yes in that."
"I'm thinking about making sports bras mandatory," Toshiro came back with.
"W-what? I don't even wear a bra."
"I know," Toshiro said.
"But sports bras are so frumpy!"
"I know," Toshiro said intently.
Rangiku considered. "Nope, sorry. You're still wearing the panda outfit."
"I hate you."
Squad Eleven: Temporary Captain Yumichika Ayasegawa
"Why are you captain again?" Ikkaku wondered.
"Because Captain Zaraki ran off someplace and Yachiru didn't want to stay here by herself," Yumichika said primly.
"And…It's not me as captain why?" Ikkaku asked.
"Because she said you were too bald."
"What was that?" Ikkaku said menacingly.
"Her words, not mine," Yumichika said.
"Here's the next group," a man said, leading half a dozen men.
"Hm," Yumichika looked them over and began to critique them one by one. "You need to lose weight, you need to stop dying your hair such an ugly color, you need to get that mole removed, you really need to keep your shirt more closed if you're going to have so much chest hair, you need to shower more often, and I think I'm going to shave your head," he finished up, looking at the last of the line.
"Sh-shave? Do you know how long it's taken to grow out my hair?" the man said.
Ikkaku had a gleam in his eye. "I'll shave it for you," he said vindictively.
"Thank you Ikkaku," Yumichika said. "Oh wait, I mean Lieutenant Madarame."
"Yup, as temporary captain I'm promoting you," Yumichika said with a wave of his hand.
"Well then, we'll shave this guy's head and then test our new recruits," Ikkaku grinned.
"Oh yes, we haven't broken them in yet," Yumichika said, biting his thumb.
"Looking forward to it," Ikkaku said, pulling out his zanpakuto.
The six men in the room backed away slightly.
"Hey, where are you going? I said I was going to shave your head," Ikkaku said with a wild grin.
The man with waist length hair made a strangling noise.
"You probably want to stay very still," Yumichika offered by way of advice.
Squad Twelve: Temporary Captain Nemu Kurotsuchi
"And set up the second batch of test subjects for a double blind study on that new poison we developed," Nemu said.
"Uh, don't you think that's…" Akon started.
Nemu looked at him quizzically.
"Ha ha, nothing. Of course, Captain," he agreed.
After she left he turned to Hiyosu. "I thought she might be nicer than the captain, but not really," he said.
"Don't let her hear you, she has better hearing than the captain," Rin warned.
"I'm sorry, Akon, did you have something to say?" Nemu said, coming back into the room.
"I was saying that you're a really good captain," Akon said with a hand to the back of his head sheepishly.
Squad Thirteen: Temporary Captain(s) Kiyone Kotetsu and Sentaro Kotsubaki
"There's no way I'd ever order the captain to do anything," Kiyone said.
"NO, there's no way I'd ever order the captain to do something," Sentaro argued.
"So, what do I need to do?" Jushiro said, sitting at the lieutenant's desk expectantly.
"Nothing!" Kiyone said.
"Nothing at all!" Sentaro added.
"Captain," Rukia came in. "How are you doing today?"
"Hey, we're the captains right now!" Kiyone stated.
"Yeah, ask us how we're doing. And call me captain!" Sentaro said.
"There's no way in hell I'm calling either of you captain, and I could care less if you're not feeling well," Rukia said briskly.
"So cold," Sentaro replied.
"What I normally do is…" Rukia began to outline her normal duties.
"Wait, you do all of this?" Jushiro asked.
"It's easier than waiting for those two dummies to do it," Rukia rolled her eyes.
"So how was your week?" Head Captain Yamamoto asked at the next Captains' Meeting.
"It was a complete waste of time. Your silly lieutenant wouldn't let me take a single human from the world of the living!" Mayuri complained.
"And he wouldn't give me a raise!" Shunsui added. "Although, I did like the new version of the newspaper," he said.
"I don't know, I wasn't even here," Kenpachi shrugged.
"I saw some pictures of you," Aizen said to Toshiro.
"Actually, you should know that your lieutenant gave Shuuhei those to put into the Seireitei Communication this week," Kaname told the little captain.
Toshiro practically choked. "You aren't going to run those," he said as half an order.
"Of course not, we're not a gossip rag," Kaname said. "Although…is it true that you booby trapped most of your squad Ichimaru?"
"A true captain keeps on his toes. I was just trying to train Kira to know that."
"I hope you know that the repairs made from those explosions and that the costs to refill the holes made and to replant the trees destroyed will be coming out of your paycheck," Yamamoto informed Gin.
"Thank you!" Shunsui said. "At least I'm not the only one."
"We get paid?" Kenpachi asked. "I've never gotten a paycheck."
"You've never made it into the black," Yamamoto told him.
"Oh well, now I don't feel so bad," Shunsui stated.
"That's why I have to steal all my sake from you," Kenpachi told him.