Devils Never Lie
Summary: AU tag to 7.03: Lucifer chooses the exact moment Dean leaves the room to make an appearance.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
Devils Never Lie
Things are going… well enough, all things considering.
Everything's slowly going to shit, but he and Dean are dealing the best they can. Sam still sees hell on a regular basis, but now he can counteract it thanks to Dean's advice. Pain temporarily forces hell back into Sam's lockbox of memories he'd rather let rot in the corners of his mind. Pain transforms hell into whispers instead of the ear-bleeding screams of Lucifer's true voice.
Things are somewhat fine. To anyone else, things would clearly be not fine, but for a Winchester, things are as fine as they ever get.
Things were going decent enough until Sam's hand decided to heal up nicely, despite all the times he grabbed at his anchor. The pain's still there every time he digs his fingers against the stitches. However, a light sting does nothing against hell memories and hallucinations.
With his hand healing, it's getting worse. Not-real-Lucifer's occasional whispers are getting louder and more real.
Sam knows he's losing it. Does this make him less insane? Sam doesn't think so. Sam tries to act as good as he can get when he's around Dean. Dean doesn't need to know he's starting to slip again, or that Sam knows things are going to get at least ten times worse then they are now.
Dean doesn't need to waste what little sanity he has left on him. Dean's slowly losing it too. Cas' betrayal, subsequent death, the organ-hungry, no-weapon-works, Leviathan situation, and the stuck in a cabin for three weeks due to a broken leg, all threaten to strewn Dean into messy, unfixable pieces. Dean doesn't need his crazy on that list too.
That's why, when Dean asks how he's dealing, Sam purposelessly leaves it ambiguous. Things aren't fine, but they're not as bad as you think. Sam can get better, Sam can get worse. Not a lie, not the truth.
Sam hates lying to Dean. It's never done anything good in the past, so why will it ever in the future? But it's not a lie because Sam is handling it right now.
The door to Rufus' abandoned cabin opens. Dean must be back from his pie run because apparently Sam sucks at remembering the pie, and cake is definitely not the same as pie, Sam! How was he supposed to know there's such a big difference between the two sugary confections?
Sam shuts his eyes so tight he briefly wonders if they'll explode in his skull; it wouldn't be the first time. He jabs his fingers against his palm. Lucifer is not here. Not real. Not real. Not real! Dean says he's not real, so he isn't!
"That's not gonna work anymore, Sammy." There it is. His patronizing voice makes him feel like a dog performing a trick wrong after dozens of lessons.
Thank god Dean and Bobby are out… They should really think of another phrase because it just reminds him how much life sucks. God's not even on the playing board, and Cas…
Sam admits Dean's suffering that loss more. He and Cas could never be the same as Dean and Cas… Castiel, the evil and murderous god and a monster and an angel, and all angels ever do is cause him pain! No! Cas is Cas and deserves forgiveness and was Cas in the end, Dean says, when all they have left is a waterlogged trench coat.
"I'm sure you can think of more creative methods than poking yourself? You disappoint me. I've shown you what you can do with the most mundane of things. Isn't that right, Sammy?"
He hates it when Lucifer calls him that, but Sam's long since given up on protesting the usage of Sammy when the devil's busy burning his eyes out.
"Okay. You got me. I'll stop the small talk and get right down to business. You really do ruin the lives of everyone you know."
Not this conversation again.
"Sammy, you really have such horrible luck with women. Your human, werewolf, demon, and now kitsune are all dead because of you." The last part makes Sam freeze and forget about the pain he should be feeling in his hand.
Sam knows he'll regret it, but he looks up. It's the first time he's looked at not-real Lucifer, during this round.
Lucifer smiles when Sam looks him in the eye and is ready to listen like a good little human should. "You know Dean's policy. A monster is always a monster. A freak is forever a freak. Big bro Dean went out to play. He killed your kitsune friend at the end of the day. Now her death is all on you. Now her son's loss is all on you!" Lucifer practically sings the last part.
"That's rather catchy, like a song that's stuck in your head all day. Repeating and repeating."
Fuck. He's right. Sam already has the messed up tune dancing through his skull. He can't take it anymore and caves. "You're lying!" Sam instantly regrets it because now he's caught and ready to be played with again.
"Tut, tut. Sam, when have I ever lied to you? After all those years we spent together as roomies, you should know this better than anyone," the devil sighs.
"You lied when you said I was still in hell with you!" It's the first thing that comes to mind. It's a scary thought; Sam can't think of another time when Lucifer's lied to him.
Lucifer looks amused that he brought that subject up. "Oh, that? I didn't lie. It's the truth after all, or at least, your kind of truth. After all, I'm your hallucination. I said something, and your mind came to one, possible conclusion. It's like what you did with Dean earlier. I'm handling it. Please. I'm here. You fail truth-telling 101."
Sam blinks, and Lucifer is no longer across the room.
"Hell, the cage, me? It's always going to follow you, Sammy, even when you're walking topside. You'll always have me on your shoulder." Sam staggers forwards as the devil whispers into his ear. He may tower over the devil's vessel, but Sam's never felt so small before.
Now, Lucifer sits comfortably on the lumpy couch with his feet resting on the coffee table. "Dean is losing it. Your crazy is contagious. It's only a matter of time before he decides to put down another monster."
"No, Dean wouldn't!" Sam thinks of Amy, and how her love for her son is much like him and Dean. "He's changed! He's not like Dad. He's let good monsters go before." Sam thinks of Lenore. Lucky.
"That was pre swan dive. Since then, Dean's lenses have switched. He no longer sees the good in anything anymore. Cas, whom he considered family, betrayed him. You've betrayed him before. And he's just sick of it all. He's finally realized how much of an insect his precious Sammy is. Your reward for saving the world is a one-way trip to crazy town and the world's returning to the edge of the cliff again."
It's true. Sam's barely noticed or tried to have a chick-flick moment with his brother. He's just been selfish and absorbed in his own problems.
"Dean doesn't trust you. What kind of hunter trusts a monster? You know the saying, birds of a feather… Jess really was the anomaly, but then again, monsters are good at hiding what they really are."
"You're lying! Dean trusts me!" His response is immediate and automatic, but Lucifer senses his uncertainty and digs his claws in deeper.
"Wrong, Sammy. Dean doesn't trust freaks of nature. I'd say ask Amy, but that's right, she's in Purgatory right now. However, if you're so sure, why don't you just ask Dean how his pie was? Just remember, I'll always be here for you, even when everyone else has left the burning building." And then, Lucifer is gone. He even uses the feathery flutter instead of his usual silent flaps. It reminds him of Cas' mostly awkward entries and abrupt exits.
Dean knows he is losing it, and what if he's already lost it because he's starting to think Lucifer might be right about everything.
I've wanted to write something about Sam dealing (and failing) with his memories from hell. I really adore hurt, insane Sam. This idea just popped into my brain after watching the latest episode.