A/N Warning: some swearing.
As soon a Blaine got home, he charged through the front door and ran up the stairs, desperate to get to the small comfort of his bedroom. He knew Alex noticed him storming through the house, and he knew she saw his puffy eyes, but he just raced past her.
He flung open his bedroom door and slammed it shut behind him, not bothering to turn on the light. He had stopped crying about half an hour ago, but he still couldn't stop shaking; couldn't stop trembling. He just felt so angry. This wasn't fair. Blaine thought these days were over, the days of feeling hopeless and alone.
When he had finally escaped that hellhole of a high school, and found safety at Dalton, he thought everything would get better. And for a while, they did. He grew stronger and happier, but he felt lonelier than ever in those grand hallways. He felt trapped in those identical blazers.
But then he found Kurt. He found someone who was so brave, braver than he ever was. He finally had somebody to love, and that person loved him back. But in just one day, it was gone. He lost his main source of happiness. Everything Blaine had worked for, everything he had struggled to get a hold of, just vanished. And he was at breaking point.
It was as if Blaine wasn't supposed to be happy. But why? He always thought he was a kind, honest person. So why was this happening to him? Why did life insist on ripping away the things that made him feel good?
Blaine collapsed face first into his bed. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were. He just wanted this end. All his misery and suffering, he wanted it to just go away.
He heard his door creak open, and a familiar voice filled the dark room.
"Blaine? Are you okay?" He heard his sister ask.
Blaine's jaw tightened, "Leave me alone," He said through gritted teeth.
He could hear his sister's careful footsteps as she walked further into the room.
"I just want to talk."
"Well I don't." Blaine replied forcefully, his temper rising.
"Blaine, I know how this feels. I've been through enough break ups to know what this is like and I think…"
Blaine tried to stop it, tried to hold back, but he just… snapped.
"SHUT UP, ALEX! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW THIS FEELS!" He yelled, sitting up in his bed, "THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THEN JUST A STUPID BREAK UP! BECAUSE HE WON'T FEEL ANYTHING! NOT EVEN A TWINGE OF GUILT, WHILE I'M HERE FEELING MISERABLE!"
Alex took a step back, her eyes wide. This wasn't like Blaine at all. He never raises his voice, never swears, never loses his temper. It was like he had been replaced with this angry, terrified, hurricane of a boy.
"I was just trying to help." She whispered.
"WELL I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! JUST FUCK OFF!"
Alex nodded slowly and turned away. Blaine could hear the quite 'click' of the door closing behind her.
Kurt walked into his home with a heavy heart. He knew he shouldn't of have yelled at Blaine like that, but he had just felt too overwhelmed with everything. This is all too weird and confusing for him.
I can't just be in relationship with a strange boy I barely know… it's just not right. But then again… Blaine is probably just as scared and confused as I am. So first thing Monday morning, I guess I have to apologize to him.
He walked up the stairs and into his room and flicked on the light. He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop, intending to check his Facebook before doing his beauty regime, as he did every night, when something caught his eye on his desktop. It was a video titled "For Kurt."
Kurt frowned and clicked on it. When the file opened, Blaine's smiling face took up his screen, and he began to speak.
"Hey Kurt! I'm really bored tonight, and I can't stop thinking about you. Going to different schools really sucks, huh? Dalton isn't the same without you. I love the Warblers, but they're nowhere near as much fun as you are. So, I decided to make this video for you, because you're always telling me how much you love to hear me sing. And I know you're probably going to watch this, laugh and roll your eyes at how cheesy I am, but I don't care. Because I know you really love how much of goofball I am." He said with a light laugh.
His laughter sounded so gentle, musical and genuine that Kurt felt like he could listen to it on repeat. But any and all thoughts of that were wiped from his mind when Blaine started to sing.
I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us
Into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay
Kurt had heard this song before, but not like this. The version he knew was soft, and slow. But this was upbeat and fast paced.
And true it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you're away
When I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home
Kurt stared in awe at the boy on his computer screen, as his voice got louder and stronger.
They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we'll stay
When the song came to a close, Kurt could feel tears forming in his eyes. Blaine was so beautiful when he sang. He sings like his life depends on it, and his voice is nothing but raw emotion. Thinking about it made Kurt's heart feel a thousand times lighter.
Blaine blew a kiss at the camera, and then waved, "Bye Kurt, I love you!" He said cheerfully.
Kurt's eyes went wide, and he could feel his heartbeat speed up. Did he just say… I love you? He closed his laptop slowly, and then stared at the wall behind his desk.
The sound of Blaine's voice was making something hazy appear in Kurt's mind. The only thing he could really latch on to was a few words.
I knew I wouldn't forget you, so I went and let you blow my mind.
He struggled to remember where it was and when it was, but no matter how hard he concentrated, he just couldn't. All he could see was a blurred memory of Blaine in a blue uniform, singing those words to him.
Kurt made a noise of frustration and stood up quickly, causing his desk chair to fall backwards with a loud thud. It shouldn't be this difficult to remember one person!
I wish I never fell down those stupid stairs.
When Blaine woke up the next morning, he felt overwhelmingly calm, for about a split second. Then, everything that happened last night came crashing down on him, and he could literally feel his whole body sag.
"No rest for the wicked." Blaine mumbled as he sat up and sighed.
First thing's first: apologize to Alex.
He crawled out from under his covers and stood up. He checked his clock, which was brightly proclaiming that it was 8:11 am.
He checked his appearance quickly in his full-length mirror; he looked terrible. He felt terrible. His hair was fluffie than is had been in a long time and was sticking out at strange angles, his clothes from yesterday were wrinkled and he had dark stubble across his chin and cheeks.
Blaine had never been a very vain person, but even he knew when he looked like he had just come home from a ten-day camping trip. He decided he should probably clean himself up a bit; besides, his sister wouldn't be awake for at least another half an hour. The last thing he wanted to do was anger her even more by waking her up early. He quickly grabbed a simple outfit for the day, and then walked down the hall to the bathroom.
He stripped off his clothes, and turned on the hot tap of the shower. He stood under the steady stream of water and took a couple of deep breaths. He felt a little bit better today. He was still borderline miserable, but he was a lot more in control of his emotions. He didn't feel as if he was going to lose it again.
When the tips of his fingers started to go wrinkly, he turned off the taps and hopped out. Blaine dried himself off and got dressed, then shaved as quickly as he could without causing himself to bleed. He then reached into cupboard under the sink, and pulled out a tub of hair gel. He decided to only use a small amount of product in his hair today. Enough to make it not look like an afro, but not enough to make it "look like a helmet" as Kurt always said. Blaine smiled slightly to himself as he combed his hair into a shape he deemed acceptable, then placed his comb and gel back into the cupboard.
Blaine walked out into the hallway, then slowly made his way towards his sister's room. He knocked on the door lightly, and held his breath.
Blaine opened the door and tentatively peered inside. Alex was sitting up in bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily as her long hair tumbled down her back. He stepped further into the room, and fiddled with the edge of his shirt nervously.
"Alex… I'm really really sorry for exploding on you last night. You didn't deserve that."
Alex smiled, "It's okay, Blaine. I was just being nosy and stupid, I should've just left you alone when you asked me too."
Blaine shook his head, "No, no, you weren't being nosy, you were just trying to help, but I threw it back in your face and I'm sorry." He mumbled quickly.
"Oh, Blainers, c'mere." She said kindly, pulling back the covers off her bed slightly and holding out her arms.
Blaine went to her immediately, sliding under the blankets then hugging his sister tightly; like a lifeline. But, in a way, Alex was a lifeline to Blaine. Even when others had moved on, lost interest or forgotten, she was there to hold him and tell him it would be okay.
"So what happened last night, exactly?" Alex said carefully as Blaine rested his head on her shoulder.
"Do you want the short version or the long version?"
"Either one's fine." She said quickly.
"Short version: I got too close too quickly and I scared him off."
"And the long version?"
Blaine shifted uncomfortably, "I'd rather not say."
Alex nodded understandingly, "That's fine."
They went silent for a few minutes, just enjoying the silent comfort they both received from each other.
"I just feel so hopeless, Lex," Blaine mumbled, "I feel like I've lost all my courage. I can't fight anymore."
Alex frowned, "Since when did courage have anything to do with fighting? What's that thing I always used to say to you? Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying-"
"I will try again tomorrow." Blaine finished for her.
Alex smiled fondly down at her younger brother, "Exactly."
A/N Yeah, so I know I said BIG THINGS but my friend convinced me to try to put more detail into this story. But, more story is a good thing… right?
I do know how everything ends, but I think it is important Kurt and Blaine grow a little bit on their own first. Tomorrow's chapter (5) will probably be the penultimate one, and chapter 6 the final one. So, STAY TUNED!
The song is 'Such Great Heights' and the version Blaine is singing is the cover by Ben Folds. And the quote at the end is by Mary Anne Radmacher.
I honestly could not thank you guys enough for your reviews! :D