This is the product of a random idea that hit me a while ago. It's taken me a long time to figure out exactly where I wanted to go with it and how. Thanks to my awesome beta for this, HeatXWave10, it finally got written. She encouraged me when I had no clue what the heck I was doing with this. Seriously, she's awesome, and you guys should go check out her stuff.
Anywhoo, this is based off of a song of the same title, by Sara Ramirez, (another awesome woman, check her stuff out, too). I heard the song and thought of Castle, though, it took a while to really clean up my idea. I'll admit, it's my attempt at being really poetic. So, I hope it works and you like it.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything except my thoughts.
I'm so tired of being happy,
Baby, won't you come and break my heart.
Sick of you and me always laughing,
Baby, won't you come and break my heart.
I try walking the streets so lonely,
I pretend there's no where to go.
I don't want you to come and save me,
I just want to be left alone.
She had known Will Sorenson for two weeks before she gave in and went out with him. He had been badgering her since he had first shown up in her precinct. There had been numerous failed attempts on his part to flatter her. Offers to treat her to coffee, take her for lunch, even to simply walk her to her car.
He was relentless.
And now, six months later, they were dating. What ever possessed her to accept his invitation – Kate didn't know. Maybe it was just in a crazed effort to shut him up and further thwart his shameless flirting. Maybe, part of her was a little excited about a man being interested in her since she lost her mom. More likely, she was glad that he didn't plan on swooping in and soothing her dismal memories, and instead opted to serve as a distraction to the mourning he let her handle on her own. Regardless, one sunny afternoon in November she let Will walk her down the street and buy her coffee and a pastry, and now she was hooked on him.
Will was serious about his career with the FBI, and understood her own focus and determination. It was something she valued in a man. Never would Kate Beckett be a weak woman. If anything, his passion for the job fueled her to work even harder to achieve her own goals.
He had an odd capacity for humor, however morbid on occasion. Kate would meet him after work for dinner and he would entertain her for hours with stories of his co-workers and funny anecdotes about some criminal or another. She loved that she had someone who could make her laugh again.
And it was no secret that he was a decent looking man. That was a plus, right?
They rarely ever argued – and even when they did he usually caved, claiming that she was "too adorable to be mad at." And when she had a rough day – including their shared case that went South – he was always there to comfort her, while giving her just the right amount of space.
One morning while they were laying in bed, he made an off-handed comment about Boston. About some job opportunity that he had his eye on. At the time, Kate brushed it off. After all, he had talked about moving up the ladder before, and nothing had ever come to fruition.
But tonight, they sat across from each other as Kate's seemingly perfect life came to a screeching halt.
"I got the call today Kate."
She twisted her fork around in a ball of pasta, her face twisted up in thought. "And you're taking it?" She couldn't meet his eyes. The reality was right there in front of it. And while she knew she couldn't deny it, she still didn't want to believe it.
"You know I have to. You knew that I was planning to, assuming I got the call."
She sighed, dropping her silverware to clink against the ceramic plate. When she looked up, there was a look on his face that told her he was far more upset about it than she had expected. "Yeah, I guess I did." Her hand reached across the table and entwined with his, almost on its own. "Doesn't make it hurt any less."
"I know." Gently, Will lifted their hands, pressed a light kiss to her knuckles. "And I hate that we've been living under that cloud."
She bit her lip, an effort to hide the hurricane of emotions stirring in her. "Well, up until about two minutes ago it seemed more of a fantasy to me, so I suppose we were on a pretty good track."
There was silence. Both sat staring at their plates, suddenly at a loss for appetites. "God," she huffed, "I hate that it has to be this way. That it's just going to end, and that's it."
"You know, it doesn't have to be like that."
Her head instantly snapped up. "What do you mean?"
"Well," he paused, "I mean, there is a police department in Boston. You could come with me."
Kate froze. The suggestion alone left her stunned, let alone the thought that he was serious. He knew why she was in New York; why she was in homicide. He knew.
The idea that he'd ask her to step away from that left a burning feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know if she should be sad or pissed off.
"It's not that crazy, Kate. You'd probably only be set back by a month or two in terms of your standing. And you're a fantastic cop! I bet you could even jump ahead of the curve. And," he squeezed her hand, "we could still be together. Isn't that something you want?"
She ignored his last inquiry. "Will, you know I can't leave."
"But Kate, you could have a fresh start. We could do it together."
But that was just it, wasn't it. She didn't want 'together'. She wanted to do her work on her own.
She shook her head, sending the tips of her short hair flying back and forth. "No. I just….I can't, Will. She's counting on me. Hell, I'm counting on me. And I wouldn't be me if I didn't see this through. And I can't just pick up and leave the few friends I still have. What about my dad? I can't leave him alone again. I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
Kate hadn't been expecting to be having this conversation. But it was the sting of tears in her eyes that served as more of a shock.
Before she had even realized it, Will had moved to sit next to her and was pulling her into his arms.
"I'm sorry I even brought it up. But-I'm going to miss you so much." She felt the warm touch of his lips in her hair. "I really wish you could come with me."
"I know. But just because I know doesn't make it hurt any less."
She pulled back in his arms, gave him the slightest of smiles. "When do you leave?"
Thinking about it, she made the connection. Today was Tuesday. "That's an awfully fast turnaround."
He made a monotone sound of agreement. "That was the catch. I'd be an idiot not to go for it."
"You would. And I'd be a selfish idiot for asking you not to."
"Come on, Kate." He laughed, just a bit. "We both know that you understand what this means. If you were to seriously ask me to stay I'd take you to have your head examined."
There was that trick of his. His strange way of making her smile when it was the last thing she wanted to do. And proof that he knew her well.
"You think you'd be willing to go for one last breakfast with me tomorrow morning?"
"I think I can manage that."
"I love you, you know." His hand came up to stroke her cheek.
"Yeah. I love you too." She whispered.
In reserved quiet they picked at what remained of their dinner. There was little conversation of meaning for the rest of the evening. Almost as if they were afraid to make anymore of a connection with each other.
After Will had gone home, with yet another apology for leaving, Kate crawled into bed. She had put on her most comfortable pair of pajamas and wrapped her comforter around her. One of her favorite novels, A Rose For Everafter, laid on her bedside table.
She rolled to her side, debating whether or not she had it in her to read it tonight, and stared at the picture of her parents. They looked so happy, sitting side by side on their porch while her younger self colored on the floor in front of them. In Kate's eyes, they had the perfect relationship.
She thought that she and Will had that too. They never fought. Or even argued. They always had the same opinion on things…except, of course, on Will's moving to Boston.
He made her so happy, and gave her no reason to doubt that he would keep on doing so.
There were never any glaring problems. And maybe that was it, she thought, maybe they were too perfect for each other.
But nothing in the world was perfect. She knew that all too well.
Everyone she loved left. She was sick of being told she was loved and then being left behind.
With a heavy sigh she picked up the hardback book and opened to her bookmark. This was all she needed. She didn't need a man, and definitely didn't want the complications of another one after Will was gone. No, no knight in shining white armor with professions of love for her.
Oh, don't say you love me,
Oh, don't say you love me.
Take you giving me kisses back love,
Take you trying to make it right.
Go away and just let me drown now,
Bring the rain for just one night.
Kate wasn't quite sure how exactly it had happened, but somehow she had ended up in this relationship with Tom. It had all gone so fast after their case together. One minute he's helping them out with Paul Finch's murder, then he's their lead suspect, and then he was helping her make an arrest and asking her to dinner.
And before all that even happened, he was offering to keep the punching bag steady for her in the precinct's gym.
How the hell did all that turn into this? Not that she was really complaining – Tom was a fantastic guy. Pretty damn near perfect, and probably one of the nicest men she had ever dated.
Tom hadn't even really minded when she rounded on him as a detective rather than a sparring partner. Must guy's would've been done right then and there. But not Tom. Because he understood her.
What was there not to love about him? It was no secret that she had a thing for tall men. And Tom Demming most certainly fell into that category. He had those dreamy slate grey-nearly blue eyes, and what was perhaps the most perfect smile on the planet.
He was perfectly willing to bring her dinner when she'd bump back their plans – he knew homicide was more unpredictable than robbery – and would use her being at work as his own motivation to be more productive.
And one evening, over coffee, he flat out commented that working with Castle was "interesting." Not even with a dry or sarcastic undertone.
There was only one problem with this "relationship."
Kate was bored.
Kate hated to admit it, but she was bored with 'being together' with Tom.
They weren't even really being a 'couple'. They were probably closer to being friends with benefits, except for the fact that they haven't slept together. All there was, was the hand-holding and the kissing, and chatting over meals and coffee.
Sure, Tom was an absolutely wonderful gentleman. He had no flaws whatsoever, which, to Kate in retrospect, was a massive flaw in itself. And it was just killing her, having all these thoughts, because he was so sweet, and she was the one with all the problems.
Well, not all the problems. Just one. Why did she have such a hard time dealing with Castle going away for the summer, anyway? Had she seriously become that codependent? So much so that she was letting go of Tom? The perfect detective-gentleman-boyfriend?
Yes. Because perfect was boring, and she was sick of being bored.
She sat down at her desk after Castle left, giving all of her reasoning double and triple checks. With a deep breath she called down to Tom's desk, asking if they could talk.
She knew it was cliché, but "we need to talk" sounded so much better over the phone than "can you come up so I can break up with you in person?"
When she saw the look on his face as he approached her in the hallway, it nearly wrenched her heart in two. She supposed she knew he knew. He was a detective, after all.
"Hey." He smiled – oh, that perfect smile – and nervously raked a hand through his hair before shoving it back in his pocket.
"Hey." She stood mirroring his leaning against the wall. Her arms folded across her chest, shielding the sudden cold that overcame her. "I," she sighed, "I can't go with you this weekend, Tom."
His face fell in knowing disappointment. 'Why? Did you catch a new case? You just barely closed your last one."
"No. No, I didn't catch anything. I just don't think it would be a great idea. I mean, this is all just, still new, and I don't want either of us to do something we'll regret later."
They stood, staring at each other. Tom seemingly trying to read her mind and Kate trying not to squirm with nerves and shame.
She was even ashamed she felt ashamed. He pushed away from the wall with a huff and paced in front of her.
"It's not just this weekend we're talking about, is it?"
She shook her head, thinking, before cracking a pained smile. "No," she whispered.
Tom sighed and looked down at his shoes. It was a look of utter despair and depression. "No," he repeated after her. "Was it something I said? Kate? Something I did?"
"No, you're great. You're really great and I really like you. It just that I don't think this is what I'm looking for right now."
"What is it you're looking for, Kate? I really want you to be happy. I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you."
Instantly she as shaking her head again. It frustrated her that he felt so bad when she felt even worse. "No, Tom. You're really wonderful, and you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who should be sorry. I kind of strung you along and I don't really know what I'm doing with myself."
"Hey," he nudged her arm, as he would a partner, "just promise me you'll figure it out soon, okay? Find someone who can help."
She gave him a small smile and a nod. "Okay. I'll see you around?"
"Yeah. See you around, Kate." He squeezed her arm before turning on his heel, meandering back toward the elevator. he had his hands in his pockets, head down. It left Kate feeling terrible – she hadn't lied, he really was a really good guy. And one day he'd find a girl who would really love him.
And she would find someone who'd keep things interesting.
I need something to make me miss you,
I need somewhere to go from here.
Oh I need something to get over,
Before I'm over you my dear.
Oh, don't say you love me.
Oh, don't say you love me.
Kate had not at all expected Josh Davidson to come into her life. After everything that had happened with Tom…and at the start of the summer, she had talked herself into being excited to be alone for a little while. But then she got the urge to go for a bike ride, and had decided to stop for coffee before heading home.
"Do you ride, too?"
Kate stood in line at her closest Starbucks, anxiously awaiting her iced latte. The voice came from behind her, a deep, yet quiet tone. Obviously, it was a comment to her helmet that she had tucked under her arm while she waited, and when she turned to reply, she was face to face…rather, face to chest with him.
Her eyes flickered down, finding that he too was holding a polished black helmet in his fist. "Yeah. I do. Harley Softail. '94. You?"
"'82 Sturgis. You know, you don't really look like the biker type."
"I didn't realize there was a type. Can't a girl just want to go for a ride every now and then? Enjoy the power?" Was she really flirting with this guy? Apparently.
"Absolutely. It's actually kind of refreshing. I'm Josh, by the way." He held out his free hand for her to shake and she back stepped closer to the counter.
She smiled, he seemed like a nice enough guy. "Kate." She was just about to continue their conversation when the cashier cleared his throat. Her turn to order. "Oh, one grande skinny vanilla latte. Iced." She gave her name with her drink order and stepped to the side, letting her…new friend... order.
"Straight black Americano." He shuffled over, tucking his helmet up under his arm. "So," he looked at her, a ghost of a smile on his face, "how long have you been riding?"
The corners of her eyes pinched with thought, how she was recalling her very first ride on her bike. "I started riding towards the end of my senior year."
"High school," she laughed. "My parents weren't happy about it, but I worked four straight years to pay for it myself. I was…determined."
"You mind if I ask what made you want to get it? Not that I'm discriminating or anything, I'm just wondering what makes an attractive girl want to go out and buy a Harley."
"Well, I had this boyfriend," he laughed, apparently not surprised, and she couldn't help but laugh along. Since when did that happen? "Anyway," she sang, "his dad had a bike, and one day he let us take it out for a ride. I got hooked. Obviously."
When the barista came over with Kate's order she put her helmet down on a table, and didn't miss when Josh moved closer to it. "So, what's your story?" She asked of him when she stepped back over.
"I guess you can say genetics. My dad had a bike, and I was more or less raised on it, riding circles around our neighborhood. The second I had enough money of my own that wasn't going to student loans, I bought my own. Makes for a fantastic break away."
"What to you do when you're not riding around the city?" She felt the delicious chill of her coffee against her throat while he spoke, enjoying it all, much more than she expected to.
"I'm a surgeon." He said it almost as if it wasn't important. Like it was something to laugh at. "That's usually not something I wave around."
"Why not?" She tilted her head but had to wait for him to take his order from the counter before she could continue. When he came back over he motioned to the chairs, asking her if she wanted to sit. She agreed, sitting down across from this giant with a motorcycle.
"Why wouldn't you want to tell people you're a surgeon. That's impressive. It matters."
"Yeah, but there are a lot of jobs that matter. Take what you do for instance. What do you do?"
Her breath caught in her throat. Mirroring what he had said, this wasn't something she normally brought up when she just met someone. "I'm NYPD, a homicide detective."
From across the table he looked at her with a stunned smile. "Wow." He paused, and she waited for the retreat. "That's…fantastic. Now I'm impressed."
Now that was a reaction that she most certainly wasn't prepared for. Most men looked at her if she was crazy. "Really?"
"Yeah. I can face blood, but I probably couldn't face murderers. That takes a lot of guts. And trust me, I know guts."
He simply chuckled a few times before she joined him with a more full, entertained laugh. "I'm sorry," she squeaked out, "but that's a really bad joke."
Josh shook his head, running a hand through the amazing head of hair that she just took notice of. "I'm sorry. See? This is why I need to get out and clear my head sometimes."
"Trust me, I know how you feel." They both took generous sips from their drinks, content to watch each other from across the tiny table. Their helmets rested between them, a barrier of commonality.
"Yeah?" She peered over the lid of her coffee.
"Do you, ah, think I could see you again?"
She smiled, for the first time in a long time, genuinely enjoying the attention. "Yeah. I'd like that."
Somehow a chance meeting over coffee turned into a series of casual dates, more serious dates, and then a committed relationship. And it was wonderful. She and Josh would go riding their respective motorcycles together on the days that they were lucky enough to both be off of work. Sometimes, she'd even let him talk her into riding the back of his bike, and they'd go roving the city, her comfortably wrapped around his strong, strapping frame. It was a welcome change of pace for her, to life this way, with someone who understood how her life worked.
It helped that their lives mirrored each other. He saved lives hanging in the balance, and she brought peace to those who couldn't be saved. They lived perfectly symmetrically, with each of them working odd hours at any time of the day.
They could have interesting conversations about world issues. About culture and history. He had an amazing mind, and a great capacity to learn from the countries he would visit.
Kate loved his commitment to help people, and his determination to make a difference in countries that needed people like him. Sure, when he was gone, she missed him, but not enough to disrupt her daily life. There was the loss of warmth in her bed, and one less travel cup of coffee to make in the morning, but her life went on uninterrupted.
Not too much changed, and they went on leading parallel lives, up until he asked her to come with him on one of his Doctors Without Borders missions. That was a hitch.
"Kate, why don't you come with me? It'll be an experience. You can do so much for these people!"
"Josh!" She paced her apartment, frustrated at his suggestion. "You know I can't leave. I have reasons to stay in the city, people who need me. And I can't just up and leave my job!"
"Come on, Kate! It'll only be for a few weeks! And you can help people who are actually living!"
She stopped in her tracks and stared at him. Her mouth hung open, completely stunned by the remark. "I can't believe you would even say that."
"Kate-I," he stuttered, "I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I'm sorry."
"You know damn well how important my job is to me. Don't you dare try and say that it doesn't matter. I thought you liked that about me!"
"I do! I do, Kate. I love that about you. I love how much you care about what you do. I just…I want us to do something together. I feel like I never see you anymore."
"Just go on your trip, Josh," she sighed, "we'll figure it out when you get back."
The fight was a result of the pressure on him at work, she knew. He was up for a new position and it had been making him jumpy and erratic for days before that. But they had never fought before. Really fought. So, when he came out of the blue pitching an argument, she couldn't resist striking back.
She had thought, maybe some time apart would be good for them. To help them remember why they were together. But then the freezer happened.
It worked just as well as being separated by a body of water.
Just as eager as he had been to leave, was how much he wanted to stay again. He changed his hours. Started going to work when she went to work, whatever time. They spent more time eating meals together again, and got back out on their bikes.
Kate wasn't exactly sure how he had done it, but he made it work. They made it work. For a little while.
Until she realized that they weren't really living with each other. They were living next to each other.
It was a terrible realization, because Kate knew just how much he had sacrificed for her – to be with her. To try and have a real relationship like normal people.
But they weren't normal people, and that was the bottom line. Or, at least, she wasn't normal people.
It was with a sickening rock in her stomach that she went to his apartment one afternoon, knowing full well that he had the day off and would have the time to face this head-on.
"Hey," he leaned down, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "come on in."
His touch had her skin crawling with nerves. She turned to face him, he was standing just past his doorway, with a questioning look on his face. It was simple reaction, but she darted her eyes away, brushed her hair back, over her shoulders.
"What's going on?"
"I think we should talk."
"Talk?" Realization flashed across his face. "Talk, you mean like….talk?"
"Yeah," she whispered, "I just don't really think this is working. For either of us."
He rushed across the room, deftly avoiding clipping his side on the edge of a wall. "But Kate, I changed things," he pulled her hands into hers, "I thought everything was fine."
"That's just it." When he looked at her as if she had five heads she sighed, and looking down, shook her head in exhaustion. "All we are is fine. You know, when we started this, it was so great. We had so much fun and everything was so relaxed. But now, I feel like I'm holding you back for a relationship that's just sort of…mediocre. And it's not you, I mean, as you, I just don't think we fit together as well as we thought."
"Kate, I don't, I just don't know what to say. Are you sure?" He slumped against the wall between his kitchen and living space. He looked so dejected.
"Josh, I know you love being a doctor, and you do such great things when you go on your missions. That's one of the first reasons why I thought you were so amazing. I think we're kidding ourselves thinking that this is healthy. Don't tell me you don't wish you could do more work. Save more lives?"
He pushed away from his place and came to stand in front of her. He heaved a heavy breath, "I'm not going to say I like this." His fingers tapped her chin, lifting her face to meet his, "But, I can tell you've thought about it. A lot. And, if you think breaking up is for the best, I'm not going to fight you."
"I'm really sorry, Josh." Just like most things in her life, the pain to her eyes was a surprise.
"For what it's worth, I had a really great time. You really did make me happy."
"But only for a little while, right?" He frowned.
"I'm sorry." She broke away from her stance and stepped around him to the door. "I want you to find someone who can make you happy, and not keep you from your dreams. I'm still going to think about you whenever I take my bike out."
"Back at you. Some of the best rides of my life."
"Good luck, Josh. I hope everything works out for you."
"You too, Kate. Go kick some murderous ass."
She nodded to him, with the faintest of grins, before turning the knob of his door and walking out. Kate knew he was left watching her, a fact she regretted. But, things had to change, and she knew everything would be figured out soon enough.
Toss me over the edge and watch me
Falling into the setting sun.
Back to the days when I almost lost you,
Watch me run.
Oh, don't say you love me.
Oh, don't say you love me.
I'm so tired of being happy,
Baby won't you come and break my heart.
Sick of you and me always laughing,
Baby won't you come and break my heart.
The air was just a tad chilly for March in New York as Kate walked the streets with Castle. They had left the Angelica, and since neither had anywhere in particular to go, they just started wandering. Sure enough, Castle had not been able to hide his knowledge of 'Forbidden Planet', mouthing lines here and there, totally absorbed in the film. Kate called him out on it, which turned into a playful fight as they walked. The tone was light, their shoulders brushing together every few steps.
"Castle, I don't understand why you didn't just tell me you knew the movie. I wouldn't have cared."
"I don't know, it was fun hearing you talk about it. Besides, I haven't seen it in a while, so, I really didn't know I knew all those words."
"Ah," she teased, eyebrow raised, "so it just all came back to you, huh?"
"Exactly." He laughed, "And whenever I watch movies at home Alexis makes me shut up."
"I don't know," she agreed, "I always have fun joking along. Maybe it's more fun with someone, I guess. Instead of by yourself."
"Probably." They kept walking, Kate knew he was watching her from the corner of his eye, she could feel it. She kept her gaze trained on the path in front of her feet, words jumping around in her head, making her unsure of what she was feeling.
"So, has Josh ever seen 'Forbidden Planet'?" His words cracked through the bubble she put herself in.
"I'm not sure." She used the toe of her boot to brush a stray leaf from her path, her head down, "I'll probably never know."
"Why?" There was no hesitation in his tone, at all. Not at all surprising to her. "Did you break up."
"Yep," she nodded. "A couple weeks ago. It just wasn't working."
Kate heard him give a noncommittal sound of understanding. She was actually thankful that he didn't push the subject of her now ex-boyfriend. "I always feel like such a bitch, because I'm the one who does the dumping."
"Well now that's fitting." His words sputtered from his mouth when she thumped him in the arm. "Not the 'such a bitch' part, the dumping part. You always know exactly what you want and how to get it."
"Yeah? Well then, explain to me why I'm still single."
"Hm," he pursed his lips, cocking his head, "Logic would say that you just haven't found what you want yet."
"You know, there's probably something to be said for you actually making sense for once."
"Should I take that as a compliment?" He turned to look at her while they walked down the busy sidewalk, "I think I'm just going to go ahead and take that as a compliment."
They watched as a cab peeled over to the curb, coming to a screeching halt. The door flew open, an angry passenger huffing out. Expletives volleyed back and forth between the businessman-looking man, red in the face, and the cabbie, screaming in some foreign accent. Castle grabbed Kate's arm, pulling her against the building to watch the exchange.
"Can you arrest them?"
"Castle, it's not a homicide! Let alone a crime, period!" She exclaimed on a laugh. "It's just the New York cab system at its finest. It'll work itself out."
Sure enough, only breaths later the businessman was shoving a few bills through the window and slamming the door.
"Guess that's why you're the detective, right?"
"Probably," she shifted against the side of the building, leaning on it, one foot crossed over the other. "I'm just so sick of this. Just being just happy? There's never anything stimulating in my relationships. Things always start off well, but then it always gets, I don't know, boring? Routine. Castle, I think you're the only interesting man I've ever been around."
Castle stopped instantly from kicking a small pebble back and forth. "What are you saying, Kate?"
"I'm saying," she paused, taking a deep breath, "I'm saying that, you annoy me Castle. So much. You've got these crazy theories that somehow miraculously end up helping, you act like such a child, and you never listen to me."
"And that's interesting?"
"But, you make things more worthwhile. You make me think, and you make me have fun. Laugh, even. You probably know it takes a lot for me to let go like that," she smiled at him.
He smiled back, "Well, I like to think that we've both grown a lot since we met."
"You keep me on my toes Castle." She shook her head, still smiling. Nervous, but decidedly not holding back anymore. "And…somehow, you know exactly when to leave me alone and when to push back. Even when it makes me so mad that I want to shoot you, part of me still knows that it's what I need." She tossed her head back, a small laugh on her lips. "And you know what? I even love the things you do that piss me off, because my life would be far worse if I was still bored at work."
"Kate," he stood, away from the wall and came to stand in front of her. He stared at her for a second, taking in the gentle curl to her hair this evening, the way the street lamp gave her face the perfect glow, and the hopeful, thoughtful look in her eyes. "Forgive me if this sounds at all…not, like me. But, what exactly are you getting at?"
"God, Castle. I'm usually pretty bad with words. Terrible even. But, what I guess I'm trying to tell you is that I really love having you in my life. You make things…better, when you're around. Even when we fight. And, I want you to keep fighting with me, and keep annoying me, and keep being sweet and gentlemanly. Because, if you were any different, and you never bothered me at all, I wouldn't be so perfectly unhappy."
"You know that's an oxymoron right?" She glared at him for the interruption. "Sorry, please keep going. Perfectly unhappy, and?"
"And," she looked down at her shoes, when she looked back up, into his wonderful blue eyes, she was smiling again. "And, I'm not saying that I want to go out and get married tomorrow, but, I really like spending time with you. You make me feel like me again, not just Detective Beckett. So, maybe, we could go to dinner sometime? Or something?"
For the briefest of moments, Kate was unsure of what to expect. She had never been so forward with a man since high school. And that certainly shouldn't count. They stood there, she leaning against the side of some random building, and he standing merely a foot away. She had always been good at reading people – she was a detective, after all – but when it came to Castle, she was clueless.
She blinked, and there was suddenly a grin spread across his face. The corners of his eyes pinched with the expression. His smile was infectious, she found herself grinning right back. Suddenly the world didn't feel so heavy on her shoulders.
"I think…" he swayed slightly, stepping even closer to her, "that's a wonderful idea. But what I would really like to know, is, can I kiss you again?"
Her voice was lost in her throat, and when she finally found it, after what felt like forever, it came out as a whisper on her breath, "yes."
His lips came crashing down on hers before she could even process that she had said "yes". Their mouths moved in unison, so perfectly it was as if they were made for each other. Kate felt the tug on her lower lip, the faintest of sounds vibrating in her throat.
Her eyes were closed when the broke apart. She felt him kiss her forehead and smiled again. His hands were cupping her face, and he had just kissed her. Everything felt...right.
"Please tell me this isn't some undercover moment that you didn't tell me about," he whispered.
"No," she assured him, looking up into the most wonderful look she had ever seen on his face, "not undercover."
"So, that really just happened? And you really want this? Us?"
Kate reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. "Yes, Rick." She placed a warm, lingering kiss to his cheek, "I really want this. The next time we're undercover, it'll be for real." She leaned in, kissing him again, completely in love with knowing she could now do that whenever she wanted. "No more pretending."
Baby won't you come break my heart.
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