The Ten Worst Things about Harmony Fanfiction
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling. This is entirely for fun and no copyright infringement is intended.
Twenty two year old Harry Potter sighed wearily as he let himself into his flat and took off his Auror robes and shoes. He was bone tired and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed next to his very sexy girlfriend and sleep for what remained of the night. Catching Dark Wizards was a tough business but the paperwork involved after each arrest was even more exhausting. Sometimes Harry thought he spent more time filling in forms than he did chasing former Death Eaters.
He smiled at the thought of his girlfriend. Whoever would have though he and Hermione would have ended up together? Obviously not the muggle author the ministry had commissioned to write about his life; the epilogue she had provided to the series had been rather odd to say the least. The thought of actually being married to Ginny, and of Hermione being married to Ron was strange. But he didn't hold it against Ms. Rowling; she had needed to provide some sort of ending and at the time the books were planned those relationships were still ongoing.
When Harry opened the door to their bedroom he had expected Hermione to be asleep. To his surprise the room was illuminated by the glare from Hermione's laptop computer and he saw her bushy head bent close to the keyboard as she typed furiously.
She looked round in surprise then smiled when she saw him.
"Oh, hello Harry!"
Harry walked over to Hermione's desk and kissed the top of her head. "What are you doing up so late, sweetheart?"
She shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "Browsing the net!"
Harry chuckled. "Obviously, but browsing what, exactly?"
"Stuff about us, actually!"
"Us?" Harry peered curiously at the computer screen. He read the heading at the top of the webpage; Fanfiction dot net.
"You see, since those books about you were published in the muggle world, a lot of people have been making up stories about you and publishing them on the internet," Hermione explained. "One of the favourite genres is romance, imagining different characters from the books in romantic relationships. They call it 'shipping' for short. And we two are one of the favourite ships."
"Well that's good, isn't it?" Harry said. "At least some muggles see we belong together!"
"I suppose so," Hermione replied doubtfully.
"You sound dubious!" Harry looked rather hurt. "Don't you think we belong together?"
"Oh Harry, I didn't mean it that way!" Hermione cried. Rising to her feet she kissed him sweetly. "Of course we belong together! It's just that some of the muggles who think so seem really crazy!"
Harry looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Well most of the ones who think we belong together insist on putting other things in their stories, things that are just insane," Hermione explained. With a snap of her fingers she turned on the lights and picked up a sheet of A4 paper from the printer. "Here. I made a list!"
Harry chuckled quietly to himself. That was his Hermione; anything that perplexed or puzzled her and she would analyse it with a list or a flow chart. He sometimes thought 'organisation' was her middle name instead of Jane!
Taking the sheet of paper from his girlfriend, Harry studied the closely typed list.
The 10 Worst Things about H/Hr Fanfiction
Mechanics instead of sacrifice
Brilliant Hermione who isn't
Gringotts to the rescue
"I'm afraid this doesn't explain all that much," Harry said at last. "I'm not sure what any of these things mean!"
"You really need to read some of the stories," Hermione explained. "It's rather hard to understand otherwise."
"I haven't time to read all that stuff," Harry protested. "Can't you explain?"
Hermione shrugged helplessly "Where do I begin?"
Harry gave her a cheeky grin.
"Begin at the beginning, at the top of the list!"