A/N: I am proceeding with the project that I outlined in "Hold That Tiger!" However, I am not going to write up every episode as I originally planned. Instead, I am going to write up only the episodes that I feel are important to the overall dynamic of the Hogan/Klink relationship. The chapters alternate between the POV of Hogan and Klink. Please offer any criticism that you feel would improve my writing.
Warnings: In case you did not read my previous story - Klink is a closeted homosexual and attracted to Hogan. Klink now thinks that Hogan is also a homosexual, due to the events in "Hold That Tiger!"
Disclaimer: Not mine. I make no profit. The characters and plots are lovingly and respectfully borrowed.
The Late Inspector General - 1
Colonel Robert Hogan reviewed the latest plan for sabotage with his men. Olsen was going to "escape" during a diversion and blow up a German munitions train. It was a fairly simple plan, Olsen was going to ride out in the dog truck, which would leave the camp for the purpose of looking for him.
Hogan was concerned that his men were getting a little too comfortable with their success record, and admonished them to follow the plan to the letter only setting off the diversion when he raised his cap at roll call.
Just as the meeting was wrapping up, Kinch slipped into the barracks to warn that Schultz was coming. Hogan quickly put the map away and instead began a sexual health lecture, using a completely modest drawing of a fully clothed woman.
When Schultz expressed skepticism over the "lecture" Hogan responded, "Do you want to know what we were really doing?"
"No!" Schultz thundered, then announced that it was time for roll call and for everyone to get out and line up. However, he turned to Hogan and said that Klink was urgently requesting Hogan's presence in his office. This was unexpected.
After Schultz had gone, Carter and Kinch had a hurried consultation with Hogan. He advised them that the new signal for the diversion would be Hogan exiting Klink's office after their meeting.
Hogan entered Klink's office to find Klink looking uncharacteristically smug.
"Colonel Hogan, does the name General von Platzen mean anything to you?"
"Von Platzen...," Hogan mused, "Yeah, the Inspector General."
"The Inspector General of the Armies of the Third Reich," confirmed Klink. "Now, he is due to arrive here at any moment."
"Here? Why wasn't I notified?" Hogan demanded. Oh, this could be a problem!
Klink looked puzzled, "Why should you be?"
"Why shouldn't I be?" countered Hogan.
"I, of course, have no anxiety," continued Klink, "everything here at Camp 13 is in perfect order. Perfect."
"Up until now that's true," admitted Hogan. Staging an escape during the Inspector General's visit is not going to do Klink or me any favors.
"But, I am well aware, Colonel Hogan, there is nothing that you and your men would not do to undermine my position here, even to have me replaced!" Klink got up from his chair and came over to Hogan and wagged a finger in his face.
Hogan scoffed, "Replace you? Are you kidding? We'd do anything to keep you here!"
"Ah ah ah!" scolded Klink waving his finger again. "I am not a vain man, so do not try flattery!" he said with a smile that belied his words.
Does he actually believe himself? wondered Hogan.
"You would like someone less strict, less vigilant, less efficient, is that not so?" goaded Klink.
"No, you suit us just fine," replied Hogan, still worrying about calling off the "escape."
"Ah! My record is perfect. In over two hundred attempts, not one successful escape," Klink paused then continued, "but I warn you, during this inspection visit, I will keep my eyes upon you so do not try anything. Is that clear?"
It was all Hogan could do not to laugh at the commandant's attempt to look threatening.
"Sure it's clear," Hogan replied, "it just may be a little too late, that's all."
"What do you mean?
Hogan was saved from having to reply by a knock at the office door, immediately followed by the entrance of Corporal Langenscheidt who saluted smartly, "Herr Kommandant!"
"Did I ask for you, Langenscheidt?" asked Klink irritably.
"Herr Kommandant Klink, General von Platzen and his party are here!" Langenscheidt announced.
"Here? Where? How?" Clearly Klink had not expected them so soon.
"Just outside the building."
"I gave strict instructions I was to be notified the moment they came in the gate!" Klink advanced on Langenscheidt waving his angry finger again. "Now I will find those responsible and..."
Klink stopped and took a deep breath, suddenly grasping the full reality of Langenscheidt's announcement.
"Did you say just outside the building?" he gasped.
"They are on their way in Kommandant," confirmed Langenscheidt.
Klink staggered back to his desk to regain his composure as Langenscheidt left. As he stood next to Hogan he reached up and nervously smoothed his hair.
Hogan couldn't resist teasing him, "Every hair in place!"
"OUT!" barked Klink.
"I'll...wait here." I can't go outside! All hell will break loose!
"OUT!" repeated Klink.
Hogan sighed and headed for the door while Klink donned his hat and picked up his riding crop, clicking his heels smartly together.
Hogan emerged into the outer office where Helga was at work. Klink followed behind, stopping just behind Hogan, heel-clicking again for the general's attaché who responded in kind.
The general made his way into the outer office and Klink greeted him with an enthusiastic salute, "General von Platzen, Colonel Klink reporting, sir."
The general gave a careless salute in return, "Colonel Klink, ja, things look very good here...ja ja ja...very...very good indeed." The general was clearly ogling Helga lecherously.
Hogan permitted himself a little eyeroll of disgust and glanced at Klink who appeared not to have noticed the general's obvious lust.
"Thank you, Herr General," replied the happy Klink, "may I present Colonel Hogan, senior officer of the prisoners of war."
"What? Who?" the general was busy watching Helga return to her desk from the filing cabinet, "oh, ja ja."
The general finally noticed Hogan and moved to stand in front of the American.
"As long as you're inspecting, sir, I'd like to complain about the food here," began Hogan, desperately hoping he could delay things long enough that the plan to bomb the munitions train would have to be cancelled.
"You are confused Bogan, I am his Inspector General, not yours."
"Yeah well, it's Hogan sir, and under international law I could stay here and make a list of things..."
"If the prisoners do not complain about the food, then I know there is something wrong. Congratulations, Klink, you have passed your first test."
Klink proudly heel-clicked in response.
"Shall we go outside?" suggested von Platzen.
"By all means, Herr General!" responded Klink.
"I shall inspect your personal staff later," von Platzen added, leering after Helga as she walked by.
Dear God, I hate this man already! thought Hogan in disgust.
"Come, Grogen," the general ordered imperiously.
"It's Hogan sir, and I don't go outside much - I have a chest condition," Hogan protested, tapping his chest.
"Out!" ordered von Plazten.
"Out!" echoed Klink.
"Out," Hogan acknowledged glumly, walking toward the door.
Oh boy, here we go!
To be continued...
A/N: Next chapter will be Klink's POV...