If I died tonight, would you even care?
I took another deep breath, pulling my knees closer to my chest. Another tear slipped down my cheek as I picked up the razor from the side of the tub.
I stared at it, twirling it this way and that, watching it reflect the light.
Do you even know I exist?
I growled, barely, but lowly. I grasped it firmly, cutting three fast lines across my arm. Slicing the skin and watching as the ruby beads fell down.
Am I anything more than a punching bag to you?
I slit my wrists again, this time, the other arm. I smiled sadly as the blood fell into the tub, circling into the water.
Cloudy, tainted. It's as if the water was a reflection of me.
I chuckled at the thought.
I brought the blade down onto myself again, punishing myself for what I am. I couldn't change who I am emotionally, so why not physically?
If I can't be perfect, why not just forget it completely?
More tears slipped by as I continue to destroy my skin, the tub water now turning murky, a deep red.
I stopped, breathing heavily.
I dropped my head into my hands, sighing as my head felt extremely light. I lay back, resting against the edge of the tub, one arm draped outside of it, the other submerged in water.
I felt sick, like I couldn't move.
Good, I thought, I deserve every ounce of this.
I could feel my heartbeat slow and my eyes slowly shut.
And if I died tonight, would you even care?
I took another deep breath, finally getting the courage to stand and leave the tub. Drying my arms and body off with a towel, I walked back into the room.
I hate this, I hate me.
I wish I could just leave it all, forget, and bleed out until I couldn't any more.
I wanted to die.
The joy of an immortal, huh?
This is somewhat based on how I feel right now, i'm just really depressed. Not sure why, but I have my "technically-but-not-really-boyfriend" to help. Which is alot. So, enjoy? I might write later tonight. -James