A/N: Hey guys! So, this is sort of a songfic, meaning that I based it off of How to Save a Life by The Fray, but I didn't actually include the words in here. So, you might want to listen to the song while you read. Or not. Up to you! It's told from Remus' point of view. Enjoy!
I walked through the gates of Azkaban. I knew that I would only have this one chance to talk to him, yet I was dreading it. To be honest, I was still in shock, even after a year. Lily and James gone…, Harry living with Petunia, who's destined to hate him…, Peter killed… Sirius' betr- I can't even think it. It hurt too much. But I had to talk to him. Once I had made it through the security screenings, they took my wand (so that he couldn't steal it from me and escape) and led me to a high security room. I shivered, the cold of the dementors being stronger than my body heat. Usually, dementors made me think of my transformations, but the only memories that came up today were about James. James and… him. My other best friend, that in a few minutes I would see for the first time in a year. I barely stopped myself from shaking with anger. That, or crying. At this point, I'm not really sure which one I wanted to do. After a few minutes, they brought him in. Oddly enough, he looked like he hadn't quite lost his sanity. Well, what little sanity he ever had. The guard went and stood outside the door, while Sirius stood right inside the door.
"Sit down." I said, "I just want to talk."
He slowly comes and sits across the table from me. We sit there in silence for a few more minutes, him looking at me with a vacant smile on his face, me staring at him. I was trying to gather my thoughts. My head was filled with so many conflicting emotions. I couldn't even decide on how to think of him. Prisoner. Traitor. Best friend. Padfoot. Murderer. All of these words fit him, yet none of them seemed to work for me. At least not anymore. He had left the light side. He was a member of the dark side now, a traitor, a Death Eater. Suddenly, Sirius moves to a different chair. Startled, I waited to defend myself if need be. Merlin. What was I thinking? This was my best friend, who had risked so much just to help me with my furry little problem. Why was I scared of him?
We both settled down again and continued sitting in a mostly comfortable silence, neither of us really knowing what to say. I continued trying to sort my thoughts out. One thought that kept coming up again and again was that I could have stopped this. As ridiculous as it sounds, I had so many chances. Maybe if I'd gotten him and James to stop being such troublemakers. Maybe if we hadn't been so busy being Marauders, I could have seen him as the traitor. I did everything wrong, yet what did I really do wrong? Could I have prevented this? I would have stayed by his side all along and helped him stay on the light side, if only I had known. What did I do wrong? Could I have changed this? Could I have saved James and Lily and Peter and those muggles? Could I have saved Sirius?
"I didn't do it." Sirius' voice breaks the silence. I can tell that the skepticism shows on my face because he continues. "It wasn't me. I would never do that. Lily, she was like a little and big sister to me once we became friends. I wanted to always protect her and, once we became friends, she tried to keep me out of trouble. James…" Sirius' voice cracked "James was like my other half. I would never hurt them."
After a bit, I responded to him carefully. "The Sirius I know would never hurt either of them." I paused, taking great care in choosing my words. "But the Sirius I know wouldn't have killed a street full of muggles."
"Remus, please, listen to me. I swear on the Marauders that I would never have done anything to hurt them."
"See, but it really seems like the Marauders don't mean anything to you. You killed Peter. You got Lily and James killed. You are responsible for the deaths of half of the Marauders and the only Marauderette!" My calm façade finally broke and I raised my voice a little bit. "It's all your fault! They're death now! Harry's off with Petunia of all people! Petunia! She hates magic! Harry will most likely grow up unloved because of you!" I leaned forward and continued my tirade, staring him in the eyes. "You always did take things to the extreme, taking things as far as you could without getting in too much trouble. But this time you went too far. Lily and James and even Peter didn't deserve this! They trusted you! I trusted you. But you went too far. And you landed yourself in Azkaban."
"Remus, please, trust me!" Sirius begs me.
"Why should I? I lost three of the people I care most about that night in Godric's Hallow. All because of you. Even worse, it seems I lost you long before that. I lost all my friends Sirius. Because of you. Trust ME, no one wishes they could have stopped you more than I do. I lost you all."
Finally, Sirius snapped. He stood up and answered me, his voice steadily rising until he was yelling at me. "You really think I did this? I loved them! They were my family, as well as yours! JAMES WAS MY BROTHER IN EVERYTHING BUT BLOOD. I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM! I couldn't, not without wanting to die myself! Now I want to die! All because that bloody rat ruined everything! The only reason I haven't let myself die yet is because of Harry!"
I tensed at the sound of James' son's name. I lowered my voice, almost to a whisper, but knew that he heard it. "You will not hurt Harry. If you hurt Harry, I will ensure that you are placed in a shack with me on a full moon. And I will make sure that there is no way for you to change." Sirius' face paled at this threat. "Now listen to me, Black." I could tell he was hurt by my use of his last name, but he wisely decided not to say anything. "You have two choices now. You can keep doing what you're doing. Continue denying your guilt. Keep consorting with your fellow Death Eaters here in Azkaban with you. I hear your cousin's a lovely person." I sneered. "OR you can tell the truth. Admit to what you did. As much as I may hate what you've become, I spent too much time with you in the past to completely believe the story the Ministry tells us or to just give you up as dead. So what will it be?" I sat back, watching him.
I could see many different emotions flitting across his face, not the least of which was guilt. Would he admit how guilty he was? Would he tell me? Or would he just give me up for dead, the fate I had spared him from?
"Remus… You've got to understand. I'm not the same. I've never been a follower of the dark side, but… well… we thought someone else was. It… It is my fault. But not in the way you think. Nothing's what it seems to be. Nothing was the same. You weren't the same. Neither was I. But I'm still Sirius. I'm still Padfoot. I would never hurt Prongs. Please Moony. You've got to believe me. James would want you to trust me. He trusted you, even after he found out about your furry little problem. Lily would too. Please Moony. For James, please believe me. It wasn't me. I didn't betray them."
Sirius looked at me, pleading for my trust. His tone of voice was one that I knew was reserved solely for when he was on the verge of tears. Sirius didn't cry. I'd only heard that tone of voice twice before, after he had told Snape where to find me and when he found out that Regulus was dead. He had to mean it. But he couldn't. I didn't know what to do. He'd admitted his guilt, but insisted he hadn't done it. I put my head in my hands, lost in confusion. What had happened to the Padfoot I knew? This wasn't him. Padfoot wouldn't have done it. Padfoot wouldn't lie to me. What did I do wrong? Why didn't I save him? Why couldn't I save him? Prongs would trust him. He always had. No matter what we did, he always trusted us. I looked up at him and knew what to do. I was about to start speaking when the guard came back in.
"Your time's up. This one gets to go back to the dementors now." The guard grabbed Sirius and dragged him out the door. I took one last look at Sirius as he was taken out, his face one of pure fear. Once he left, I gathered my things and left the prison, my final decision about my long-time friend unspoken.
All those years in Azkaban, he wouldn't know that I had decided to believe him that night that I visited him. Once he managed to escape, we were too worried about Harry to ever discuss that night. Then, only two years after I got him back, he fell through the veil. It was all I could do not to follow. Harry was the only thing that kept me from doing so, as he clearly had the same intentions. It wasn't until two years later, when I fell in battle and never got up, that I finally got to tell him. I also got to tell James that it was because of him that I hadn't given up hope. Because I knew he thought distrust of a friend to be the worst possible offense.
A/N: So, what do you think? I feel like something like this could have very well happened, especially since Remus was so quick to accept the truth in the third book. Review?