Moth: I love Mello and I love Near. I just thought this would be funny. ^_^ Who do you think won between them? Most of the insults are NOT MINE! I take no credit in any of them, I reworded some too. I also do not own Mello, Near, Lidner, Rester, or Gevanni. Just this silly idea! Go ahead...hopefully you'll laugh your ass off !


Mello glared at Near, and Near glared at Mello.

"You're a sniveling toad!" Mello yelled.

"Yeah? Well you think your hot shit in a champagne class, don't cha! Well news, flash, you are not!" Near snapped back.

"Whatever Near!" Mello said. "This is me…trying to imagine you with a personality." Mello made a stupid face and Near growled.

"I don't know what your problem is Mello, but I bet it's hard to pronounce." Near smirked at his comeback. Mello threw his chocolate on the ground and his veins were popping out as he was enraged at the albino playing with his toys. Mello smirked himself and crossed his arms.

"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. You look like a freakin' 12 year old boy, you're 17!"

"Let's try and act our age Mells, not our shoe size." Near said.

" You know that sounded like it was in English, but I haven't a clue what you just said, moron!"

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth, you stupid meat head!" Near chuckled to himself.

"Near, Mello, is this really necessary?" Gevanni asked.

"You guys are hopeless…"Lidner massaged her temples and walked away.

"Shut up!" Mello and Near said in unison.

"Stay out of this!" Near growled. "This has nothing to do with either of you."

"Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?" Lidner asked, causing Gevanni and Rester to burst out laughing.

"Shut up Lidner!" Near bellowed.

"You're a fail." Mello said. "And so was your dad's condom!"

"You're just mad cause your mother has a bigger dick than you!" Near couldn't contain his laughter. It was becoming a one on one immature name calling, insult, comeback evening.

"Shock me Near, say something intelligent!" Near put his hand behind his ear, as if to listen for something.

"Hey, you hear that Mells? That's the sound of your balls not dropping!" Near sniggered and Mello clenched his teeth and fists together. He couldn't take out his gun, or else the two guys, Gevanni and Rester, would shoot him.

"You're so skinny if you swallowed a meatball people would think you're pregnant." Mello chuckled biting off a piece of his chocolate.

"You know Mello, you're so short, you would drown by the time you realized it was raining." Near continued to play with his toys as he had this back and forth with Mello.

"Oh really, is that so? Well, you're IQ invovles the square roof of -1." Mello chuckled and popped his hip.

"Thou burly-boned fat-kidneyed minnow!" Near shot back.

"Damn…he went Shakespearean on Mello's ass!" Commander Rester said handing Gevanni and Lidner some popcorn. They were enjoying this little verbal fight.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Mello asked.

"I don't know, but every girl has the right to be ugly, but you, you abused that privilege!" Mello stepped a few inches closer to Near and Near looked up from his toys.

"Hey thunder thighs, come over here and fight me like the sissy you are." Near stood up and threw a toy at Mello.

"Let's play a game of horse." Near said and paused.

"What the hell?"

"I'll be the front end and you just be yourself." Gevanni, Rester, and Lidner began to laugh hysterically. Mello chortled and crossed his arms while looking at the albino.

"The only pussy you're ever going to see is the one that you fell out of when you were born." Mello stood his ground, hoping that Near would soon end all of this.

"I sense you want me to stop all this name calling. Am I right Mello?" Near asked looking at his rival. "I am not finished. Have you heard Mells? Guys can marry other guys now. So…this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you might as well pack it in. Game over."

"Stewie Griffin? Am I right Near?" Lidner asked through laughs. Near nodded.

"You're a fucking dog faced baboon! A pompous little white haired toy loving nematode! Go suck an egg!" Mello shouted.

"Ouch…that hurt…" Near said. "Fuck you! Fuck you and kiss my ass!"

"No, kiss my ass Near, cause that's all you'll be seeing once I get to kira! You are a sad and strange little man."

"Everyone in this room, is now dumber, listening to you squawk about." Near said. Mello groaned softly and looked around.

"You know what? You're a fucking big headed twit! How'd you get here? Someone leave your cage open? It looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the cage this morning." Mello turned around and began to walk towards the door. He stopped and smirked. "Near."

"Mello."

"Let's see who gets to kira first." Mello took a bite of chocolate.

"The race is on." Near played with a little bit of his hair.

"I'll be back for more…until then… have a nice cup of shut the fuck up!" The smirk on Near's face faded as Mello exited the building. Had Mello beaten him at this? Surely no, he'd get Mello back somehow, and when he did, Mello would cry like the little baby he was.