I remember Steve Jobs telling me they were going to separate me, get me out of this horrible mess I'd gotten myself into.

The first thing I'd felt was happiness and relief, I wasn't going to be attached to these guys anymore and have to eat shit for the rest of my life, plus being a tool to Cartman wasn't something I was too happy with. We were led into some kind of truck, and then into a huge place that looked like a hospital. We had to be snuck in I think, and we were led into some kind of room. It looked like some kind of operating room.

Before they did anything to us I felt a painful prick in my back, so painful that tears sprang to my eyes. I looked up only to see a doctor smiling at me and gently rubbing my back.

Soon an ice cold feeling began to spread throughout my body. It was ice cold and soon I couldn't feel anything, my arms and legs had been numb for a while now from dangling but this numbness was new. I shivered as they put some kind of gel on certain parts of my body. It felt cold as they rubbed in into my skin. Then they placed some kind of sensors on top of each spot, I was hooked up to a heart monitor and I watched the lines jumping for a little while trying to distract myself from what was happening.

However when a scalpel made its presence known in front of my eyes I began to panic. The heart rate monitor's beeping spiked and I felt another prick, it probably would have been more painful if not for whatever they had numbed me with earlier. I felt my heart rate slow, and I myself become a bit drowsy and much more relaxed.

I watched as the scalpel slid around my mouth, and I felt nothing other than a weird tugging sensation, I also felt it near my backside but decided to ignore it and instead try and close my eyes to pretend this wasn't happening to me. The tugs became harder and harder and suddenly they stopped.

My eyes opened once more only to reveal that I was free. I was now longer looking at an ass in front of me, but instead a silver table. I tried to smile, but such a sharp searing pain went throughout my body that I cried out. Blood seemed to be everywhere staining the silver table with red. I wanted to scream but that just brought the pain back and tears fell from my eyes.

I felt something being pressed again my face and I looked up, some kind of mask was now over my face and someone was holding me down, forcing me to breathe it in. I breathed in, only to have the drowsiness I'd been feeling intensify and soon my eyes were drooping. I heard the doctors talking and I felt a comforting hand on my back again. I took one last deep breath before everything went black.


Soon a light beeping registered in my ears. It was annoying, almost like an alarm clock and I went to swat at it, only to have my arm feel like lead and make some kind of drunken motion instead of the swat I was trying to perform. My eyes blinked open only to be greeted by such a bright light that a immediately closed them, my knees instinctively tucking towards me to form a defensive ball only to have a pain shoot throughout my entire body leading me to cry out in pain.

"Kyle?"

"Bubileh?"

Two voices that mixed together that made my sore head pound, making me whimper a little. One seemed to familiar right now that I responded to it.

"Stan?" I whimpered a little at the pain that shot throughout my body when I spoke, my tongue gently escaping my mouth to lick my dry lips in an attempt to discover the source of my pain. I felt two weird bumps on the sides of my cheeks, and something that felt like a crack going up both sides of my mouth.

"Hey buddy, I'm right here." a warm presence made itself known on my hand, and I gently curled my own fingers around it, squeezing it to try and relieve some of my own pain. I didn't want to talk again, it hurt so badly the first time.

"Kyle, are you alright?" My dad's voice now and as my mind cleared and pain subsided I realized the other voice had been my mother's. I didn't want to answer and instead squeezed Stan's hand, the only comfort I really had right now. My eyes opened once more, just a slit to see the bright light that had made my eyes hurt so badly really wasn't that bright, actually it was pretty blurry and out of focus at the moment.

I began blinking trying to reclaim my focus. A hand gently rubbed my head, or at least I think it was a hand and I was happy to feel my ushanka snuggly fit over my red curls. I was drugged and in pain, the last thing I wanted right now was my so called jew fro out in the open.

"Kyle, can you hear me?" Stan's voice, the voice of comfort and safety, more than my parents' were. I nodded slightly and turned in the direction of his voice only to see him blurred. I realized I was on my back, my stomach pressed to the warm mattress of the bed I must have been laying on. I blinked a couple more times and he seemed to become clearer and clearer as time passed. He was smiling at me, sort of a sympathetic smile, his hand tightly clenched in mine. I nodded slightly, that didn't hurt to do and Stan sighed in relief.

"Oh thank god Kyle, do you know how worried we've been?" Oh yes dad blame this on me, well of course this was my fault.

"You see I told you these new things were dangerous." Oh god mom please don't wage war on Apple.

"Mom, don't." I started, only to whimper, my loudest one yet in pain.

"Kyle don't talk!" That was Stan again, his voice begging and scared. I smiled slightly and once again squeezed his hand, relishing in the comfort that only my super best friend could ever give me. I was happier to have him here than either of my parents, speaking of which where was Ike? Maybe they didn't want him disturbing me or something. There were footsteps and I looked towards the door to see a doctor walk in with a nurse.

"Ah good to see you're awake Mr. Brofloski, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to leave for a moment, I just need to give him a quick exam." My mother looked like she was about to argue, but then nodded and walked out with Stan and my dad. The doctor smiled at me and I realized it wasn't the one from South Park, in fact I had no clue who this doctor was. He smiled and I noticed what the nurse was holding, an ipad, they were one of them.

"Don't worry Mr. Broflovski, or do you prefer Kyle Actually don't answer that." the doctor said as he turned to me now wearing latex gloves.

"I guess Kyle?" I nodded and he smiled.

"Alright, now I'm just going to make sure you're recovering correctly." he was careful to make sure I was comfortable which made me relax a bit. He first flashed a light in my eyes and my eyes followed it, didn't follow it, whatever he asked.

"Good." he said with a smile, taking out a stethoscope and listening to my heartbeat.

"Drugs seemed to have no prolonged effect." he muttered, and I guessed those were the drugs used on me during surgery. He then carefully removed my robe near my butt. I tensed a bit as his hand went down there, gently feeling something and I could feel his hand gently bump against something on my butt, probably stitches. The nurse nodded and took down a few notes, then using his other hand the doctor gently forced my mouth open, not open enough that it caused too much pain but enough so that he could feel the stitches that ran up my cheeks.

"Alright Kyle everything seems to be coming along nicely, the skin is healing well and you should be out of here by the week's end." he smiled brightly, and I gave him a small one back wishing I could do more. "Now, I'm going to give you something for the pain."

"Shot?" I asked, cringing in pain.

"No, not if you feel you can manage this." he said holding up a small pill with a smile, and I sighed in relief. I soon took the pill, and a straw was offered and I sucked down the liquid, which turned out to be cold and refreshing water. My brain hazed with sleep and the doctor smiled.

"Alright Kyle I'm going to let your parents and your friend back in." And with that the two were gone and my family and Stan came back in.

"Hey." Stan said with a smile, and I reached out my hand which he knew to take in his own.

"Stay?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah." I smiled slightly and drifted off into a painkiller induced sleep.


When I woke up the room was completely black. I panicked before I felt a secure squeeze on my hand. I looked up to see Stan smiling at me.

"Morning sleep head." I swatted at him sleepily and he laughed at my drunken actions. "How you feeling?"

I gave him a nod, I really had no intention of moving my mouth right now.

"You had us really worried you know." he said frowning slightly.

"Sorry." I whispered and he frowned.

"No dude its not your, well actually it is, but you know what I mean." said Stan tripping over his words making me laugh only to wince in pain.

"Ow."

"Want me to call the doctors? They can give you something." I shook my head no quickly, I wanted to stay awake for a while, I missed Stan. Plus I had a really important question for him.

"Look?"

"Hmm?" he asked confused and I pointed to myself.

"Freak?"

Stan stared, then his eyes widened. "No Kyle you really don't look that bad at all It's just a few stitches here." He took his fingers and made motions going up the sides of his mouth. "And the doctors said once that heals it'll just look like scars, you'll probably look like the joker from batman!"

Most people would find this concerning, instead I found it comforting, that my super best friend was trying to make me laugh.

My eyes threatened to close again. "Go to sleep Kyle, I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Prom," I started, winced, then finished, "ise?"

"Promise." he said, grabbing my hand in the motion of comfort I found the most relaxing and I closed my eyes.