Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon
A/N: Boys can be anorexic too.
Lately, I hated waking up. No, I'm not a morning person. No, I'm not a night person. I don't even like the afternoons. The only thing, or should I say people, that makes it worth it are my friends and most importantly, my girlfriend.
I guess I should be happy. I have a very hot girlfriend, nice friends, a singing career, and I've saved the world…three times I think. But how could I be happy? Fingers are constantly being pointed at me. Everyone's looking at me. They all want me or hate me. They love me or envy me. They all want to date me or kill me in a back alley.
Do you get what I'm saying? Ever since I was a little kid I've been in front of the camera. I never told anyone this, but I was in a cereal commercial when I was about eight. I was also in a commercial about shoes and toys and stuff. That's kind of when the tough guy attitude I'm known to have kind of set. Show business is a tough business. Well, that and the divorce.
Years after that, I became part of the DigiDestined. That's when we were shown on the news after defeating Myotismon. There was also the fight on the internet. Years later, I had this dumb idea. "I should start a band. Then, I could get rid of some of my frustration and make lots of money." I actually got a band together and we actually made a hit. Everyone in Tokyo was listening to "I Turn Around."
That's when they wanted a music video.
After our usual make-out session, Sora and I were talking about it in my room. "What's so bad about shooting your first music video? Shouldn't you be excited?"
To be honest, I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to continue making out. "Music videos are so overrated." I kissed her cheek. "You see yourself…" I kissed her again. "…in all sorts of angles…" Another kiss but this time on the lips. "It's not cool." I went in for another make-out, but she pulled away.
"Come on, what's wrong with seeing yourself?"
"Nothing. Forget I said anything." I went in again.
She pulled away again. "Are you sure? It sounds like you have something to get off your chest."
I rolled my eyes. "You know what? You're right. I'll do the music video if it makes you happy, okay?" I went in but she pulled away for the billionth time. I was starting to get a little frustrated.
"I want you to do the video if it makes you happy. You're the one going to be on TV, not me. You have nothing to worry about. You're beautiful." She kissed me on the forehead and got off my lap. "I have to go."
"Where are you off to so quickly?"
"Tennis practice." She said. "Remember the big tournament? It's coming up soon, remember?" She emphasized that last word as if I really forgot.
"Of course I remember. I'll be there." I got up and held her hand. "Let me give you a ride."
"That's sweet of you!" She gave me a kiss.
"Hey, Dad! We need a ride to school!" I shouted.
"Okay, let me get my keys."
After I dropped Sora off, I went to my practice hall where we began shooting the video. It started off nicely. I didn't have to act that much or dress in a crazy costume. There were others actors doing that for me. My job was to stand there, sing, play the bass, and look pretty. Ironically, that was the hardest part. Some people made it look natural, but for others…
I wasn't one of those naturally beautiful ones. I'm not even the kind to think about it. I don't even care how I look, but I hate it when my career is put on the line based off of what people say. I love my music so I don't want to get fired because people don't like me. I especially don't want to be one of those celebrities who are tortured because they're ugly and lose fans because of it. You have to be perfect to be a star.
After we were done for the day, the director showed us the scene we just ran. I honestly didn't like what I saw. I don't know what about me made me feel disgusted. Maybe it was my physique. Maybe it was my face. My hair looks awesome, but my stomach is kind of bulgy, my arms are a little soft, my legs are like noodles. That was it. My body shape was imperfect. I had too much fat and not enough muscle. I need muscle.
I need a lot of muscle.
That night, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every window I walked by showed my reflection. My hideous hideous reflection. I knew I had to fix it. But I couldn't really do anything tonight because Dad requested fried shrimp and fries for dinner. All of that fat won't do me any good.
"Dinner is ready." I called. Dad was already at the table as I fixed his plate.
"How was the music video shoot?" He asked.
I put the plate in front of him. "Okay, I guess." I was about to make myself a plate but decided against it. "You know, I don't think I'm hungry."
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yeah." I headed to my room. "And I will be at the gym early tomorrow morning in case you wake up and I'm not there."
And when I said early, I meant early. It was five-thirty the next morning when I jogged my way to the gym. The whole time there, I pushed myself to the limit. Even when I am at the limit, the mental picture of myself kept me going a little bit more. And around nine, I finally left. It was way after breakfast time so I guess I'm skipping.
By the time I got home, I was so tired that I went to sleep. I guess it was from all of the lost hours and the working out. Did you know that you can burn more calories when you sleep on your left side?
I woke up to the sun setting and Sora at my side, feeling completely winded. I wasted the whole day sleeping. Just great. "What time is it?" I asked.
"Its five o'clock." She answered. "You were asleep since I got here at 1. Are you ok?"
"Yeah." I lied. I've been sleeping since 9:30 this morning. That can't be good. "I should go." I grabbed my bass and put it around my back.
"Matt, you look exhausted. Are you sure..."
"I'm fine." I said with acid spitting out through each word. I quickly regretted the snap when I saw her face. She was scared. "I'm sorry."
She shook her head in a nervous please-don't-hurt-me way. "No, I understand. You must be stressed about the video."
I nodded. "I have to go."
"Do you want a ride? My mom is just outside."
"Its okay. Thanks anyway. I can walk."
Sora shrugged. "Okay."
Once my sneakers were on, we both headed out the apartment. That's when I noticed Sora's radiance when the evening sun rays danced on her skin. She looked beautiful. I waved at her mom before lying to my girlfriend. "Oh, I forgot my guitar pick in my room. I'll catch you later." I gave her a kiss.
"Okay. Call me."
I waited until she and her mom were good and gone before taking off running to the performance hall. When I got there, my manager, the director, and the band just looked at me. Staring. "What?" I asked them.
"What?" The drummer, Shinji, said.
"Why is everyone looking at me?" I asked.
"You came in through the door." Mr. Le, the director, said. "Naturally when people come through the door other people turn to see who it is."
I blushed. Maybe they weren't mentally investigating me. "Sorry. Long night."
"Can you still do the video?" Shun, the keyboarder that doesn't talk much, said.
"Yes." I answered, getting into my place. "Well, lets go! I'm ready to rock!"
The other band mates nodded and got into place. And we got started.
I didn't stick around to watch our finished scene. Instead, I went to the gym again. I was feeling pumped and motivated to do a few bench presses. But I didn't want anyone to know I was going to the gym so much. I even went to a different gym on the other side of Odaiba. When I came out it was past nine and I completely forgot about making dinner for Dad. I also forgot to eat again so I guess that was out of the question. I decided to call him on my way back. "Hey, Dad."
"Matt! Where have you been? Its almost 9:30. Where are you?" He nearly blasted my ears off.
"Sorry I didn't call sooner. I was just out with the guys. Gus took us out to eat." I lied.
"Right. Well as long as your okay, its fine."
"Thanks. Do you want me to pick you up something?"
"Don't worry about it. I already ate."
"Okay, Dad. See you at home."
"See you then."
I hung up the phone and sighed. My stomach was growling but I hated eating after nine or I'll wake up with hunger pangs. I looked around and contemplated my situation until I spotted a smoothie shop nearby. Once I was inside, I hurried to the counter, trying my best to hide myself so my fans don't spot me. The bass, on the other hand, gave me away.
"Hi there, Matt!"
I turned around to see my biggest fan. "Hi, Jun."
"What a coincidence you'd be here. Do you come here often?" She took a sip of her smoothie. The cups here are enormous!
"No. Actually I was just leaving." Then to the cashier, I said "One water, please."
"So how's the music video coming? Can I be in it?" Jun continued.
The cashier put a huge bottle of water on the counter and collected the money. "Actually we're almost finished." I lied. "I have to go." I grabbed the bottle and hurried out.
The next day went almost the same. Instead of a huge seven-and-a-half hour nap, I did plenty of housework and I worked on a few new songs. It was a progressive day. When Sora came by in the afternoon, she was amazed at how clean everything was. "Did your mom visit? Or T.K.?" She asked.
"Is it that hard to believe that I did this myself? Dad asked the same question." I said, putting away the vacuum cleaner. "So what do you want to do today?"
"I don't know." She sat down on the couch after I fluffed the pillows. "What do you feel like doing?"
I shrugged. "How about a walk in the park?"
Sora smiled. "Don't you need to save your energy for your music video?"
"Forget the video." I snapped. She looked at me with that same concern. "I'm just...stressed about it." I lied. Well, sort of. That music video did turn me into this Sora-snapping beast. "I don't want to think about it. I just want to be with you."
She smiled again. "That's sweet." She kissed me on the cheek. "I'm sorry for mentioning it."
"Its alright. Lets just walk around. I feel like I haven't spoken to you in days." I wiped the dust off my sweat pants and shirt.
"It looks like you're prepared to run, not walk." She giggled. "Are you working out?"
"A little here and there." I lied again. "I just put on sweats because it was comfortable."
"Wow." She said. "You cleaned your whole apartment and you still have the energy to walk. If I were you, I'd be exhausted. Especially if I had a music video shoot afterwards." She gasped as soon as I gave her the frustrated-Matt look. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should stop talking. Lets just go."
As we walked through the park I noticed something beautiful about Sora. It was her love for anything and everything around her. The way she looked at and admired the trees and flowers made me feel...jealous. I kind of wanted that love. It was something that just wasn't pre-built in me. Loving life just wasn't automatically in my nature like her, Tai, Davis, and even T.K. and Kari. Maybe I was just stressed. Nothing seemed to make me happy at the moment except for being alone at the gym (which barely satisfies me because I'm weak) and Sora. I haven't seen any of my DigiDestined friends in what felt like weeks when its only been a few days. I haven't even eaten in three days because of my crazy schedule. If Sora found out any of this, she would never forgive me. She would be so unhappy. That's the last thing I needed. If I lost her because of my stupidity, I would have nothing.
"Matt, are you okay? You haven't spoken since we got here." Sora said.
"Sora there's something I need to tell you." I said, stopping her in her tracks and holding her hands.
"What is it?"
I paused to look into her eyes. There was a specific spot that I would always find my confidence in. "I love you." I waited for her to respond but she just gave me the surprised look. "Sora Takenouchi, I love you. I just want to know that whatever I do, you will always be there the way I'm there for you. Promise me, no matter what, you'll be by my side."
She nodded. "Of course I'm always there to help you, Matt. But what's with the sudden burst of emotion? What made you say this?"
Honestly, I didn't know. I guess I just had to know that she's committed. "Just stay by my side, okay?" I gave her a hug and kissed her.
Please, Sora, no matter what I get myself into, love me.