After brilliant reading a cross over story of Police Squad! And Stargate SG1 called "Resident Geniuses" by author 'imjustaguy'


I thought I'd try to write one.

By far this will be the weirdest story I have written next to "Pte Baldrick's War Diary"

From the files of the Police Squad!
His Mother Wears A Hat (A Final Good-Bye)

My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad, a special division of the police department. I am heading back to the station for my final clock out before retiring… my boss Al was already on the scene.

The slow door opened as for the last time Drebin entered quickly with one last file in his hands, with a nod to his co-workers he handed the file too his boss for the last time.

"Their you go Ed, my last report" He said with a look of absent pride in his eyes. "At least for twenty years I've kept these streets clean of all the scum and germ-ridden filth that slid out from the cesspool that is the gutter of this hell hole of a town"

A voice called from the back of the room.

"Jesus Frank, I'm eating"

Captain Ed Hocken, a veteran of many years of policing the streets looked almost close too tears as he took the final file from his subordinate and close friend.

"So what now Frank? Now that your retiring?"

"Well I've booked a vacation… and I'm moving away"

"From home Frank?" He ask quickly.

"Well, it's usually away from home Ed… or it would be an extended vacation"

With a questioning look on his friend's face Ed turned and placed the file in the cabinet for the final time as Frank turned around and took in the appearance of the room. It was the same old squad room he was used too, the many desks lined the room, with filing cabinets down one side and the department sign on the frosted glass doors leading into the large squad room, it simply read 'eciloP Squad!' obviously no one had noticed one work was painted backwards.

"Well Frank, you've finally got your last man, Mustaf 'A'Leeke… the greatest threat to this country since George W. Bush went on at speaking tour, now you can finally retire with honour"

"You know Ed…" He said slowly. "… I've retired three times before, Once on purpose, twice by accident, perhaps this time it will be the last. It's been an honour Ed, Take care of him Norberg … and just think, the next time I shoot someone I could get arrested, well so long everyone. I got one last stop to make"

Smiling and waving too his former work-mates he left the building via the nearest exit, an open window. Falling three floors he landed on a large airbag that had inflated before he hit the floor, with a look in his eyes like a Deer caught in the head lights of a car he looked around and eventually up as he saw the face of Ted Olsen looking down at him, slowly he waved, still a little and made his way into his car.

Pulling up too the curb the car slammed into three metal waste bins as screams and yells could be heard such as, 'My eyes' and 'Oh my god she's dead'. With no attention too what ever was happening around him he made his way too an old shoe shine stall. With a smile he sat on the chair and placed his feet in the stirrups.

"How goes it Johnny, you know I'm retired now"

"No idea what you saying sir" He replied.

Smiling Frank pulled a large fold of money out of his pocket and flicked off a few notes. Quickly the old shoe-shine took the money and looked around sheepishly as he spoke.

"It's been a long time coming Detective… I'm happy for you"

"So what are you going to do next Johnny?" Frank asked nicely.

"I don't know what you're talking about sir"

Nodding once more he pealed off three more notes and placed them in his hand.

"I don't know, perhaps take a job walking dogs, learn to fish or something. Have a good time Frank"

Polishing off his brown shoes Frank stood and left the stand as yet another customer sat in the chair. His long white windswept and interesting hair flowed as looked down at the shoe-shine and spoke with a broad Scottish accent.

"Frank, Why do people like my material?"

"I have no idea pally… I'm just a shoe-shine"

More notes where placed in his hand as the unusual shoe shine continued.

"Well, it seems your popularity is rising, no matter how old your material it still seems fresh and entertaining"

"Thanks Johnny"

Quickly the Scottish comedian left the stand as Johnny picked up his newspaper and continued to read the local news.

The End.

Dedicated too the Memory of

Leslie Neilson - 1926 - 2010