"Fanmail Frenzy"

Rated T for Crude Humor, Sexuality, and Language

Disclaimer: I decided to borrow the fanmail segment from "The Justin Show" series. So enjoy!

Chapter 1: Introduction

Announcer: ladies and gentleman, straight off from "The Justin Show". Here comes the all-time fanmail show dedicated to Total Drama...Fanmail Frenzy! Enough introductions. Here are your hosts for Fanmail Frenzy...Justin...

(The women cheer. One of the female fans tosses his Bra at him. He smiles coolly.)

...and Heather!

(The men cheer, hooting and hollering.)

Justin: Hello, everyone and welcome to Fanmail Frenzy, I'm 3-time Playgirl centerfold, and Total Drama's resident hottie, Justin!

(The girls cheer loudly.)

Group of Women: WE LOVE YOU JUSTIN! (swoon) AHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Heather: And I'm Total Drama's resident queen bee, and the bitch you don't wanna mess with...yours truly.

(The men hoot and holler, doing the dog pound.)

Group of Men: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

Heather: Thank you, thank you...

Duncan: Hey, Little Miss Prissypants. What about us.

Justin: Oh, sorry for that little technical glitch. Here...(shows the rest of the contestants)..are the rest of the contestants! Starting with my homeboy, Geoff...


Heather: Bridgette...

(Bridgette waves.)

Justin: D.J...

(D.J. waves.)

Heather: Owen...

(Owen farts, and accidentally craps himself.)

Justin: Eva...

(Eva looks at the camera and growls.)

Heather: (boringly) LeShawna...

(LeShawna makes a fist at the camera.)

Justin: My band members from the Drama Brothers, Cody, Harold and Trent...

(The girls cheer for the Drama Brothers loudly.)

Heather: Weird Goth girl Gwen...

(Gwen scowls at Heather, but waves hello.)

Justin: Duncan and Tyler...

(Duncan strangles Tyler.)

Heather: Lindsay and Noah...

(Lindsay hugs Noah, who holds a sign that says "Help me".)

Justin: Katie, Sadie & Beth...

Katie, Sadie & Beth: (shouting) We love you, Justin!

Heather: Sierra...

(Sierra hugs Cody, who is terrified.)

Justin: (tired) Izzy...

(Izzy makes a karate pose)

Heather: And of course, the pansy-ass homeschooled kid, Ezekiel...

(Ezekiel gets boos from the crowd. One of the audience members shouts "Go back to hell, freak!" at him.)

Justin: Easy, people...You'll have plenty of time to do that...

Heather: Okay, as many of you know, there are 23 contestants, which counts me and Justin, are here today.

Justin: You're wondering what happened to Alejandro after Total Drama World Tour...unfortunately, his ass is still barbequed courtesy of Heather-(to Heather) Thank you very much by the way...(to camera). So Alejandro will not be joining us, the pansy-ass bastard...

Heather: So taking his place will be a "Justin Show" favorite...please welcome back, Aleholio!

(Aleholio, which turns out to be Beavis wearing Alejandro's clothes.)

AleHolio: Where is the T.P.? You will give me T.P!

Justin: Later!

Heather: We really love to start off a few jokes, but thanks to Owen eating those damn joke cards, we can't! Thanks a lot, Slowen!

Owen: (burping) Thank you!

Justin: So, let's just get to comme-

Courtney: (shouting) Hey! What about me!

Heather: Oh, and the prissy punk-ass bitch known as Courtney.

Courtney: I'm not a punk-ass bitch!

Justin: You sure acted like one when you rejected me!

Courtney: (to Justin) That's because I never had feelings for you!

Heather: Will the prissy punk-ass bitch shut up?

Courtney: I keep telling you, I'm not a pu-

(Courtney's voice is silent. She throws obscenities at Justin and Heather inside a glass box.)

Heather: That's better. At least it's calm.

Justin: Okay, since we we're rudely interrupted by the prissy punk-ass bitch...Trent, send us to commercial.

Trent: No problem, one two!

("Sirius" by The Alan Parsons Project" plays.)

Justin: Oh, man...That is thinking man's music there!

Justin: Okay, what's Fanmail Frenzy you ask? It's a show where readers can send in their questions, truths and dares and the Total Drama contestants can respond! Here's how you can send in your letter:

Dear (?),

(Question or dare included)

Sincerely, (your name)

You can also send fanmail to the hosts as well! Send us your fanmail immediately! And reviews as possible! C' ya!