Sheldon rolled a six. A dry martini. With a grimace, he shot the drink in one gulp and rolled again, praying to a deity in which he didn't fully believe, for a lemonade. He got a cosmopolitan, delivered by Penny with a concerned expression.
He could eat or drink anything these days. He'd eaten salami and a banana nut muffin for breakfast. He wanted to quit, but the fact was, he'd been right. The dice were improving his life. He was twice as productive at work and he seemed more popular with his friends. No one was yelling at him any more. In fact, at least once a day someone asked him if he needed to talk. Leonard was calling him "buddy" and "Shelly" in a blatant attempt at emotional manipulation, trying to lure him back to his previous routine.
He was having trouble growing a proper Van Dyke, but otherwise, he was following the dice.
It was Howard's idea to take over as Sheldon Master. He pointed out that the time Sheldon spent determining outcomes was time that could be spent earning a Nobel Prize. Sheldon might not have agreed had he not been on his third drink, but in his inebriated state, he thought Howard made perfect sense.
"So you're going home for sure but you are rolling to see what you do when you get there. You can go straight to sleep, watch Doctor Who..."
Sheldon struggled to pay attention as he slowly nursed his lemonade. It had taken him four rolls to get this sweet-but-tart and oh-so-refreshing treat.
"Have sex with Penny, do your laundry, work for an hour, scrub your bathroom with a toothbrush, go to sleep but you have to sleep upside down in your bed, translate Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone into Klingon, masturbate, eat popcorn with a spoon, give Leonard a blow-job, or pee in the shower.
Sheldon rolled the dice.
"Blow job for Leonard it is!" Raj yelled, leaning over Howard's shoulder to read the list.
"I guess the two of you had better get going, Sheldon needs to get up early to trade in all his money for Sacagawea coins tomorrow before work," Howard said in a matter of fact voice.
"Remember," Raj prompted, "Work the base and don't forget the step children."
Raj gave an obscene gesticular description of what he meant.
Sheldon shrugged and climbed off his stool (the dice declared they sit at the bar) and followed Leonard out of the restaurant. He hoped Leonard wasn't going to try to drag out the oral sex because Sheldon was exhausted.
Once they were in their apartment, Leonard put a hand on Sheldon's shoulder and gently guided the taller man towards the bathroom.
"Get ready for bed, Shelly, you need to be up early in the morning. I'll get you some water and a Tylenol."
"We should get the oral sex over with first, before I brush my teeth," Sheldon suggested, wishing he could just go straight to bed. He even considered not brushing his teeth or putting on pajamas and just climbing under the covers... Madness!
"You're not giving me a blow job, buddy. That was just Howard screwing with you. Or Raj. No matter what you rolled, you were going to end up doing something ridiculous."
"I can't just ignore the dice when it suits me... No wonder you're so terrible at your job - is this what you do? Just follow the scientific method when you feel like it?"
Leonard's nails were digging into his shoulder and his roommate's face was tense. Sheldon was guessing anger.
"I'm not terrible at my job, I'm very good at my job and respected by my peers..."
"You should be better," Sheldon countered, "You showed so much promise in your earlier work."
Leonard's face changed, his eyes were downcast and his shoulders slumped. Maybe this was sadness? Exhaustion? It looked a lot like Leonard's expression of loneliness, but that didn't make sense in the context of the conversation.
"Yeah, I had a lot of promise. Go get ready to for bed. It's been a long night."
"You'll need to wear a condom for the fellatio, that's not up to the dice!" Sheldon yelled as Leonard closed the bathroom door in his face.
Sheldon showered, brushed his teeth and flossed. Intoxication had given way to sleepiness. He knew the alcohol hadn't completely cleared his system yet, but he was feeling sober as a judge. Not the judge who proceeded over his parents' divorce. That man had reeked of Wild Turkey.
He found his roommate sprawled on the living room couch watching an infomercial for fuzzy hangers. They came in a variety of colors and Sheldon could imagine each of Leonard's hoodies on a matching hanger.
"You should shower before the oral sex; even wearing a condom, I'd feel better if all available surfaces were recently cleaned."
Leonard pulled a pillow over his face and groaned.
"I don't think I'm being unreasonable, Leonard. It can be a quick shower, it just needs to be thorough."
Leonard pulled the pillow from his face, "Fine, Sheldon. I'll go take a shower. In the meantime, why don't you go put on your pajamas and lie down in your bed?"
"There's a distinct possibility that I'll end up falling asleep before I can felate you," Sheldon warned.
"I'm going to risk it," Leonard said in what almost sounded like an angry tone as he headed to the bathroom. Sheldon wondered why Leonard wasn't happy about receiving oral sex. From what he'd been hearing through their shared wall for the past several years he'd always believed Leonard was a big fan of fellatio.
Sheldon's eyes shot open when the shower turned off. He hadn't meant to fall asleep but the past few days had been exhausting. The dice's decision that he walk to work that morning had made for a rough start to the day.
He put on his robe and met Leonard in the hallway.
"What the hell? Why are you still awake, Sheldon?"
"Fuck the dice! This is crazy, even for you. Just go to bed," Leonard's face and tone didn't match. He sounded angry but he looked sad. Sheldon understood Leonard's moods better than any other person, but he still only had a tenuous grasp of his roommate's capricious nature.
"Are you sad, Leonard? You seem sad and lonely."
Leonard recoiled as though he'd been struck, "Go to bed, Sheldon!"
Sheldon put his hand on Leonard's shoulder, using mirroring to establish a feeling of intimacy and said, "What's wrong, little buddy?"
Leonard leaned forward so his head was on Sheldon's chest and laughed, "I must be a mess if you're noticing."
Sheldon stroked Leonard's hair with his free hand. These moments of physical intimacy between them were rare. When Sheldon had pneumonia, Leonard had spent a night on his bed rubbing Vaporub into his chest. Sheldon had stroked Leonard's hair as he cried when Joyce Kim left the country. Leonard had held him for hours when Sheldon's father died. Leonard had literally cried on Sheldon's shoulder when he was dumped by Penny.
Sheldon tilted Leonard's chin up and pressed their lips together. Leonard opened his mouth, probably to tell him to go to bed, but Sheldon took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue over Leonard's teeth. He'd thought about it for years, since the day he and Leonard met, but it was an impulse he'd always dismissed.
Living his life by the dice had changed his view of the world. If he could drink a dry martini and eat cheesecake for dinner, why shouldn't he kiss someone he loved? Why should he only be kissed by bossy women when he wanted to kiss his diminutive and oh-so-flawed best friend?
Leonard stood still and Sheldon ran his hands under his layers of clothing, feeling the bare skin of his roommate's back. He thought about the angles involved and managed to pull Leonard's shirt, hoodie and jacket off in one movement. Even Sheldon, who never doubted it would work, was surprised by the fluidity of the movement. Unfortunately, Leonard's glasses had been knocked off in the process but he looked good without his glasses. Sheldon kissed him again. Leonard remained quiet and passive until Sheldon's mouth moved to his neck and shoulder, tasting his skin. He tasted like soap.
"Um, Sheldon, I don't know what's going on here but you should go to bed and we'll just never talk about this again."
"I don't think so," Sheldon mumbled into Leonard's chest, moving his mouth to an erect nipple.
"I don't want a pity blow job or a crazy blow job or whatever you're planning."
Leonard didn't protest as Sheldon pulled him into his bedroom and pressed him down onto the bed. He continued kissing his way down Leonard's chest as he unfastened the smaller man's jeans.
"This is crazy and wrong in so many ways," Leonard said without much enthusiasm. His erection was straining against the material of his boxers and twitched as Sheldon pressed a light kiss to the tip. Leonard made a small and desperate noise as Sheldon pulled the boxers down. Sheldon wanted to hear that noise on a loop for the rest of his life. For years, he'd listened to Leonard masturbating and engaging in sexual intercourse through their thin shared wall. The fact that it hadn't occurred to him to pursue Leonard as a sexual partner in all that time was part of Sheldon's admittedly odd personality. Since childhood, the most complex equations had been child's play but he struggled to understand the empty feeling he carried with him wherever he went.
He didn't want Leonard to wear a condom, he wanted to taste his roommate. The part of his brain that worried about germs and human contact seemed to have fallen asleep. Right now, he was the dice, he was vaguely ordered chaos.
Sheldon tried taking Leonard in his mouth but the size of his member was prohibitive. He licked the erection thoroughly, using his saliva as lubricant until he was able to move his lips easily over the shaft. Leonard whimpered and gripped at Sheldon's sheets. As he quickened his pace, Leonard's entire body responded, tensing until he was nearly hovering above the sheets like Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters. If his mouth wasn't occupied, he would share the observation with Leonard. Leonard would understand and maybe laugh. Leonard understood everything that Sheldon said.
Raj's words came back to him. He needed to work the base and be attentive to the stepchildren. Sheldon wrapped his right hand around the base of Leonard's penis and began stroking in counterpoint to the movement of his mouth while his left hand cupped Leonard's testicles. Leonard went from whimpering to moaning and muttering obscenities along with Sheldon's name.
"Almost there, Sheldon."
Sheldon increased his speed, ignoring the pain in his jaw.
"Seriously, move your mouth, Shelly."
Sheldon increased the pressure of his lips and Leonard's semen flooded his mouth. It didn't taste good but it didn't taste terrible. It was easier to swallow than his dry martini. He wanted to brush his teeth but he was certain that once he left the room and he and Leonard had time alone to think, they wouldn't continue. Whatever he wanted to try, he needed to try it now.
He pulled the lubricant he used to pleasure himself from his nightstand. He coated and warmed his fingers before moving them below Leonard's testicles to his tight entrance. Leonard jumped at the contact but didn't move away. In fact, he spread his legs a bit wider for Sheldon. He studied Leonard's face as he slid a finger inside. It was sometimes difficult to tell pleasure from pain and he had to ask. Leonard whispered his responses, never opening his eyes until Sheldon had three digits inside his friend. He followed Leonard's breathy whispered suggestions as he moved his fingers in and out.
"I'm ready," Leonard whispered.
"For what?" Sheldon asked.
Leonard pushed up on his elbows and squinted at Sheldon. He may have been annoyed, or it may have just been his squint making him look unhappy.
Leonard stared at him for a few minutes as Sheldon continued his exploration. Leonard was becoming hard again so Sheldon gave his penis a few gentle licks before taking him in his mouth.
Leonard grabbed him by the robe and pulled him up until he was lying on top of his friend. Leonard was tugging Sheldon's pajama bottoms and underwear out of the way and applying lubricant to Sheldon's erection. Belatedly, Sheldon realized what was happening. It was what he wanted, something he'd wanted for years, but he hadn't had any particular goal in mind as he explored Leonard's body. He was just experimenting.
Leonard gave him a sloppy kiss before guiding Sheldon to his entrance. Sheldon moved slowly, letting Leonard adjust to the intrusion until they were both moaning between messy kisses. Sheldon knew he wouldn't last long but, for once, he wasn't worried about being good at what he was doing. He was just enjoying himself like a big old hippy.
Leonard worked his own erection as Sheldon thrust inside him, his fist brushing Sheldon's belly. Sheldon tried to think about baseball like his father taught him but, all too soon, he felt his orgasm building. As his thrusts became ragged, Leonard whispered words of encouragement until he released inside his partner. He stayed where he was as Leonard stroked himself to his own orgasm, his face twisting in pleasure that looked very similar to pain. Sheldon stroked his roommate's sweaty curls and thought about all the bodily fluids they had just exchanged. Perhaps in the morning, he'd be horrified but tonight he felt immune.
"I need to take a shower, Leonard."
"Go ahead, I'll change your sheets," Leonard responded quietly, "Go do whatever you have to do."
"I'm not sure, this isn't my area of expertise, but I think I'm in love with you," Sheldon added as he pulled out of his friend.
Leonard's eyes filled with tears but his voice was all business, "Go take a shower. You'll feel better in the morning."
Sheldon wondered why Leonard still looked sad/lonely but he took his shower. He found Leonard curled up in his own bed when he was done, his glasses were on his nightstand. Sheldon had forgotten to retrieve them.
"Yes, Sheldon?" Leonard wasn't looking at him.
"Thank you for changing my sheets. Excellent hospital corners, by the way."
"Thanks. I guess I'm trainable."
"I think you should sleep in my bed tonight."
Leonard put his glasses on and stared at Sheldon. Sheldon tried to maintain eye contact but the old antsiness took over and he had to look away. Leonard didn't answer but he took Sheldon's hand as they walked to his bedroom.