Harry Potter and the Posr Prepz Stone
T for the raping of English language and plot abuse.
Pairings: None for now.
Summary: Harry Ja'mes Potter is goffik. There, I said it. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, My Immortal style! Contains Mary Sues, Goffiks, plot twists, and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

Author's note:

This fic is just a parody. Say it with me. P-A-R-O-D-Y. I do not write like the author of My Immortal, and i fid ritin lik tis rely hard. And for those who don't speak My Immortal that translates into I find writing like this really hard. God, how does Tara manage (Note: I have a friend called Tara. Two friends, actually. One of them has read practically every novel on the face of the earth, and the other is an amazing writer. And then there is Tara Gibselle.)?

So this is when the golden trio are at their first year at Hogwarts. They will be goffik, don't worry.

Let the insanity begin!

hary ja'mes pottah is 1 off da best goffikz arund. his cusine dudly is a posr prep n his aunt an uncle r posr prepz 2. hary liks 2 dink blod and wen he goes 2 hogwrats peple call him vampir cos of this ecxept u dunt kno dat yet. (I am so, so sorry for raping you, English language. Please forgive me. I am but a poor poser prep.)

"ged outta mah way" dudly grametted noking harry 2 tha grond. hary waz pizzed (Pizza!) so he stuk up hiz middle finge at dadley. "posr prepz." he mutterd. "Arigatou" dat waz Japanese 4 fooook uuuuufffff!

then all of a suden teh dor flyed opin 2 revel… VERNIN! "OMFG WTF r u doin Harry Jam'es Dementia TARA Raven Way Potter?" Vernin shuted. he waz wering blak pantz an a blak shirt wif Gerad Way on teh front so hairy thought dat he waz tryin 2 b a posr prep wich ofendded harry. harry waz wearin all blac, he evn had blak ilina (eyeliner, for people who cannot read that) on nd blak jeans dat were ripped at teh botom and black t-shirt and his spechial black jakket.

Vernin refelled harry and thru him in 2 the cupbrod undah the stares. hary layed down on his bed nd startd cryin tearz of blood wile lestin 2 MCR on his ipod.

"Mah lif suks" he sad, cutting his ristz wif a knif dat apered magicly nxt 2 him. he didn't die cus teh only way u can kill a vampir iz wif a beef.


"OMFG nooooooooo!1!1!" harry scramed. He closd his eyes and saw a flash of gren lite!

oh and a hi clod lauf.

Somehow Vernon, Petunia and Dudley didn't hear that. oh wat sory i mean somhow teh posr prepz did nut her dat, so dey didnt cum 2 hairy's aids ( That was actually a typo, but I find that freaking hilarious (I have got to stop commentating on this))

2 Harryz delit da dram sun ended but when Harry wok up he waz all swety. Harry checked his watch nd relized dat it waz tim 2 go 2 da frint dor, cos the durslys wer goin 2 a hose in da middle of a lak cos hary keeps getting letterz frum a stalking posr prep.

"your lat" dudly spat wen harry arived at da dor. hary shrugged and went isid da mercedez. da muggle posr prepz went insid as well.


Dey arrivad at da hose at 10 o'clok at nit. Den they had 2 minut nudles 4 diner and went 2 bed at 11. ah and harry's b'day was 2morow.

it waz round 11.99 dat harry drew himself a bday cak on da floooor an hissapeheshrdhed "happy birthday Harry Ja'mes Potter."

Den all of a sudden, BOOM! da door crashd down 2 revel… HARGRID!1!

oh rite u don't kno dat yet.

So da door crashd down 2 revel….


End chapter one.

Damn. And I didn't even get to write a sex scene. And I tried to make as many plot holes as possible. Tell me if you need more.

I listened to "I am the Doctor" from Doctor Who while watching this. Epic music for a very un-epic fanfic.


Click on it. Come on, you know you want to. Click that shiny blue review button. If you do, the Doctor will come to you! Come on, I want ten god- god, people, GOD! NOT GOOD, GOD!- reviews before I post chapter 2!

Flame me, review this, favourite that. Do whatever you want. I'll just be laughing at your reviews anyway (If you flame).