I'm not very motivated to update this without any reviews. It sounds arrogant, but it's the truth. I only wanted to write this chapter because it's hilarious.

AND for a limited time only, go to my profile to see a long list of all the Mary Sues I've created in my lifetime. It includes their names, years of creation, appearance, why they were a sue, and their cause of death. It's facepalmingly hilarious, I tell you- you don't want to miss out.

Trixie sat glumly on some stone steps outside the school. The toe of her shoe was making halfhearted circles in the dust. She was feeling pretty lame, and it was no wonder. It was AU! What was a person to do?

She reached up and tore down a blue flyer from the door behind her. It said pretty much the same thing the summary for the story that had disturbed her so much earlier: Anyone with extraordinary talent, beauty, a dark past, a long name, or all of the above report to Serendiptiy Des'tiny Unicorn Maysparkle! Even the paper the message was printed on sparkled with uniqueness and generosity. Aria would only be getting stronger, and there was nothing one could do to prevent it. Tear down the flyers? Serendipity would surely make new ones. Bitchslapping? Forget it. These characters weren't OOC- they were entirely new people altogether.

She put her face in her hands. "What noooowwww?" she groaned. "I wish I had some root beer, to forget my troubles." It was no use; she knew they didn't have any at Hogwarts. She stood up, and felt her foot kick something.

She looked down to see a fizzy brown liquid spilling over her purple Vans. Root beer? There was the can lying on its side, the object she must've kicked over. But how did that get here? She had only wished for one.

Trixie thought for a moment. "I wish I had... an Adventuretime hat." Instantly, she felt something appear on her head. Yep. A white furry hat with two animal ears sticking out of the top. Awesome! She pondered this. Last time she was at Hogwarts, this hadn't happened. But that's because... it wasn't AU. She shrugged. It wasn't that strange; anything can happen in AU, really, whether it makes sense or not.

Her state of despair was over. She smiled in that way that characters do when they get an idea and want to make the reader curious, threw the blue flyer to the ground, and ran off to find this Serendipity character. The piece of paper spiraled to the ground and landed in the puddle of spilled root beer, where it soaked up the substance until it turned a soggy grey.

...

"Okay, girls, here's our new Mary Sue. Why don't you intoduce yourself, Kali?"

"Sure," the Sue giggled, then flounced. "My name is Kaliedoscope Amythest Ballerina Waterfall Beautitia. I'm sure we'll all be great friends."

At first glance, you wouldn't recognize her. Her hair was chocolate brown and silky smooth, flowing down her back like Willy Wonka's candy waterfall. Her eyes sparkled rich and dark yet with an air of hidden sadness. Her face was more angular and sculpted, and her cheekbones were less sallow. Her jawline had elongated so that it was less round. And her eyeliner had been applied perfectly.

But if you looked verrrry closely at the nervous way she wrung her hands (cleverly disguised as having clasped them together in delight) and how she seemed to look in many directions instead of making eye contact with anyone, you could recognize someone familiar under all that... glitter. Yes, this was the same girl who, only hours before, had slumped on the stairs in confusion. It was... Lavender Brown, who happened to have been slumped on another set of stairs at the same time as Trixie. Just kidding, it was Trixie.

"Now, we hope we can offer you our best hospitalities. Girls, be nice!" Serena sang. If Aria had been the embodiment of a Sue, then Serendipity couldn't have been far behind. Her long, silvery blonde curls were streaked with gold, pink, and purple streaks that matched her gold, pink, and silver-flecked purple eyes. He skin was sun-kissed and flawlessly smooth. She had the most glossy, plump red lips that every boy probably wanted to kiss delicately as to preserve her beauty. As if this wasn't enough, her wardrobe choice only flattered her more, if that was possible. Her pink low-cut camisole and white lace miniskirt flaunted her slender curves, and her gold stilettos only made her look taller. Her teal eyeshadow and spicy Abercrombie perfume added the perfect flourish to the almost godly young beauty. It was disgusting.

"Hi, Kaliedoscope!" said Harietta, whom Trixie already knew. "Your name is beautiful!"

Trixie relaxed. She had worried that the name was a bit too much, but apparently, it was just the kind of fluff they wanted.

"Thanks. I mean, oh, I think it's ugly," she replied, remembering how Mary Sues are overly modest.

The next Sue was all too familar. She had multicolored hair that looked as if it was supposed to be black, with classic Sue blue eyes. She was wearing a black ripped miniskirt with MCR written on it, a black shirt decorated with "corset stuff" and lace, black ripped fishnets, combat boots, and so many skull earrings her ears looked like they were going to fall off from the weight. It looked like Hot Topic had thrown up. The most noticable thing about her, though, was that she looked incredibly angry at the world.

"ur jsut a bnc of pozr prepz n i h8 u n da rest of da wrld!" she shouted as she held up her middle finger. Judging by her unruly disposition, minimal knowledge of the english language, and the fact that her outfit was described in unnecessary detail, Trixie guessed this was none other than the infamous Ebony/Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven/Tara Way. She shuddered. She was much scarier in real life.

"Nice to meet you too!" Trixie managed to choke out. She turned to the next Mary Sue only to find herself close to a heart attack. It was a girl, maybe her age, gazing sadly into the distance. She had lush dark hair that waved naturally, a heart shaped face, skin like smooth marble, and sad eyes brimming over with regret and pain. Her ruby lips turned up in a small smile when she saw the newcomer.

What? I thought I was rid of you! Trixie thought. I thought you were done, burnt to a crisp! How did you get here? What will everyone think of me now?

"Hi, Kaleidoscope," said the girl. Her voice was sweet yet sorrowful as she grinned despite her obvious bereavement. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Destiny, by the way. Destiny Riddle."

The next think Trixie knew, she was being shaken awake by the other four girls.

"Are you alright?" Harietta asked innocently. "You seemed to have fainted."

"Oh, yes, I'm sure I'll be fine," she said. Crap. Passing out was certainly not poised,even if it was pretty frightening to be haunted by your own Mary Sue. She had to think of something to cover up her blunder.

"It's because of my... condition," she told them apologetically. "I have... a weak heart. I get frightened easily."

"Oh, you poor, poor thing," Serena crooned. Phew.

"I live with it," Trixie remarked brightly. "It's not all that bad."

The other Sues were clearly impressed by both her tragic ailment and her positive attitude, two major Mary Sue qualities. It seemed this had helped her after all.

"Who's that over there, in the trees?"

Trixie had just noticed a person lurking off to the side, in the shadows. They were slouched off a ways from them, staring angrily at the ground, but he seemed unconcerned about staying hidden. He was easy to spot, yet the Sues seemed to pay no notice to him.

"Oh, that's Gary Stu," Harietta explained airily. "He doesn't talk much."

Trixie had always wanted to see a real Gary Stu up close, but they were rarer creatures than Mary Sues and much less well-known. In fact, the only one she could think of was Edward Cullen, but everyone knew that. She was pleased to have met one in person. Remembering her Sue-ness, Trixie gave a cheerful wave in his direction. Gary Stu simply grunted and slouched even more.

"So, what do you think?" Trixie said, turning to face them again. "May I join you? I hope I'll be able to, but I can always try again. That's what life's about, you know, never giving up!"

The other Sues looked expectantly at Serendipity, and the head Sue thought for a moment. She beckoned to them, and they joined heads in a small clump. Trixie rocked back and forth on her feet. Seclusion usually made her uncomfortable, and Gary's death glare was really creeping her out. Finally, they dispersed. Serena made a motion to speak.

"We'd love to have you in our club, Kaleidoscope," she began. "But we're still not sure whether you're good enough. You've got the looks and the personality, but we need smart, agile Sues in order to get things done. A good Sue has talent, and we want people who can help us."

"So, what you're saying is, you want to see what I'm good at?"

Serena laughed. "Oh, no. We want to make sure you're good at everything."

So, that's me in Sue form. It's really quite easy: you look at your physical flaws and think how they could be improved. It's actually quite fun. The next chapter WILL be funny. Bellatrix out, bitches.