Collapse Into Now
A Doctor Who/Harry Potter Crossover
By: Sam Lincoln
Disclaimer: All the characters and setting depicted below belong to other people.
Spoilers: Collapse Into Now is set during Half Blood Prince and between A Christmas Carol and Impossible Astronaut. Obviously, for the purposes of this story, The Shakespeare Code is being ignored
"Have you ever been to Betelgeuse Five?" The Doctor asked Amy and Rory. They were lounging in the TARDIS control room, which at that moment was floating aimlessly in space. "Lovely place Betelgeuse Five. They've got crabs as big as your head."
"They've got those on Earth too," Amy pointed out.
"Yes, but those are boring Earth crabs. These are Betelgeuse crabs, much more exciting. They say you've never had crabs until you've had a Betelgeuse crab!"
"Can we please stop talking about crabs?" Rory asked.
"Touch an itchy spot did we?" Amy impishly asked her husband
"No, it's just, y'know..." Rory stammered.
Amy leaned over and kissed Rory on the cheek. "Come on Doctor, show us these crabs of yours."
"Right, a whole mess of crabs coming right up!" The Doctor shouted. "Wait, that came out wrong." With a shrug he threw a level on the TARDIS control column and the time machine lurched into action.
"Is it just me or is the ride especially rough today?" Rory asked as he clung to the railing in an attempt to stay upright.
"Just a bit of extra chop, nothing to worry about," the Doctor replied as he clung to the control column. A panel exploding in a shower of sparks gave lie to the Doctor's claim. The TARDIS then came to a shuddering stop. "See, no problem. Now about those crabs." He strode over to the TARDIS doors and threw them open. "Ah..."
Amy and Rory rushed over to where the Doctor was standing and stuck their heads out of the door. "Well I don't know what Betelgeuse looks like, but I don't think this is it," Amy said as she looked at the room they found themselves in. "What an odd place." She noted as they stepped out of the TARDIS. It was a large, yet homey room, filled with comfortable chairs and sofas. One wall was dominated by a large fireplace, and several staircases leading were visible from where they stood.
"Did that picture just move?" Rory asked.
"Doctor, where are we?"
The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his jacket pocket and began waving it around. "Based on local gravity and atmospheric makeup I'd say Earth, Scotland to be precise, but there's something strange..."
"Who are you, how did you get in here, and what is that box?" A voice from behind them said sharply.
Amy, the Doctor and Rory turned and saw three teenagers, two boys and a girl, dressed in what looked like black robes standing in front of them. "Are they pointing sticks at us?" Amy asked quietly.
"My name is the Doctor, and this is Amy Pond and Rory Williams," the Doctor told the dark-haired boy standing in the middle of the group. "I'll be happy to tell you how we go here, but first would you mind telling me where here is?"
"You're in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," the other boy, a tall redhead, said like it was the most obvious thing.
"Doctor isn't a name, it's a title," the girl pointed out.
"It's my name," the Doctor tersely replied. "Now we've been good enough to tell you our names," he ignored the snort of derision from the girl. "If you could please return the favour and tell us yours?"
The lead boy hesitated for a moment. "Alright, I'm Harry Potter." Harry paused again, as if expecting a reaction to his name. When none was forthcoming he continued on. "This is Hermione Granger and that's Ron Weasley."
"Hang on, did you say Witchcraft and Wizardry?" Rory asked. "As in magic?"
"Oh rubbish, there's no such thing as magic," the Doctor snapped.
"Oi, magic's not rubbish, it's real!" Ron protested.
"And I suppose that's your 'wand' that you're holding?" The Doctor asked with condescension creeping into his voice.
"Yeah, it is, and you better watch yourself or I'll show you just how real it is." Ron aimed his wand squarely at the Doctor.
"I'd like to see you try," the Doctor sneered. He walked closer to Ron, letting the wand touch his chest.
Hermione reached out and grabbed Ron's hand. "Ron have you forgotten that you can't go around hexing Muggles? Even if they are asking for it," she added pointedly.
"I've been from one end of the universe to another, born witness to the birth and death of this planet, and in all that time I've never seen..." the Doctor's voice trailed off as he watched an exasperated Hermione wave her wand in an intricate pattern and then tap a water goblet resting on a nearby end table. The goblet promptly turned into a rat. "...magic," he finished lamely.
"You were saying?" Hermione replied with a smug grin as she returned the rat to its original state.
The Doctor wordlessly opened and closed his mouth. He then gathered himself. "Let me see that for a moment." He snatched the wand out of Harry's hand before the young wizard had a chance to react. "Now let's see what my wand." He waved the sonic screwdriver around for effect. "Has to say about this." He flipped the screwdriver on and pointed it at Harry's wand.
"What is that thing?" Ron demanded as he aimed his wanted back at the Doctor.
"Calm down, it's just a screwdriver, won't hurt anything."
"Doesn't look like any screwdriver I've ever seen," Harry observed.
"That's because it's sonic," the Doctor replied in an exasperated voice.
"But electronics don't work in Hogwarts," Hermione protested.
"Mine do," the Doctor said coolly. He finished with Harry's wand and tossed it back. "Here you go, like I said only took a minute. Now what do we have here...holly, a feather of some sort inside...is that?" He waved the sonic over Harry and stared at it again. "Of course I should have known. It's so obvious."
"What?" Amy demanded. "What's so obvious?"
"Rowling Radiation, this whole place is dripping with the stuff. Including them." He lazily pointed at Harry, Hermione and Ron.
"What's Rowling Radiation?" Rory wondered.
"Very old, very powerful stuff. Nobody uses it anymore because it's tricky, unpredictable and interferes with other EM fields. To anyone who doesn't know any better, manipulating it," the Doctor paused to adjust a setting on the screwdriver, "would seem like magic." With a flick of his wrist a bouquet of roses sprung out of the end of the sonic. The Doctor caught the bouquet and handed it to Hermione who grudgingly accepted them. "But most importantly, not magic, there's no such thing."
"What about magical creatures like werewolves?"
"Oh werewolves are nothing more than a rubbish alien infection."
"You've met werewolves then?" Amy asked in disbelief.
"But magic breaks all the laws of physics!" Hermione protested. "It can't simply be some form of radiation."
"All that laws that you know of. Einstein was very clever, but he left out a few of the more fiddily bits I told him about."
"You talked to Einstein?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Of course I have, time traveler, remember?"
"You never said you were a time traveler," Hermione pointed out.
"Well I thought that was implied by the birth and death of the planet comment," the Doctor sniffed. "Either way, there you have it, time traveler."
"Who's Einstein?" Ron asked Hermione.
"A Muggle scientist, but that's not important right now," Hermione replied.
"Oh he's a sharp one, I thought you said this was a school."
"It's a wizarding school, and Ron's from a wizarding family. He's had limited exposure to the Muggle," Hermione caught herself. "Non-magical world."
"That's awfully limiting," the Doctor observed. "Albert Einstein was one of the most clever humans in all your short history, to not even know he existed. Well, actually it'd be fairly typical considering you all have the attention span of a gnat."
"We can talk about the state of wizard educations later," Harry snapped. "Right now I want to know what you're doing in the Gryffindor common room, and what exactly that box is."
"Ah yes, well you see we came here in the blue box, it's my time machine."
"Why? What a silly question...no, hang on, it can be an excellent question, sometimes the best question. Everything brilliant ever done anywhere started at why. But in this case, stupid and silly. Why, why not? I've been from one end of time and space to the other, so why not come to this little speck on your silly little plant?"
"We were trying to get to Betelgeuse Five and wound up here instead," Amy chimed in. "Happens more often than you might think."
"Bit of a rubbish time machine then," Ron muttered to Harry.
"I heard that!" the Doctor snapped. "Don't be rude to the TARDIS, you'll hurt the old girl's feelings."
"Are you sure you're really a Muggle?" Ron asked. "You don't talk like one and you dress like my dad does when he goes Muggle watching."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"You are dressed a little...odd," Hermione allowed. "What with the bow tie and all.
Amy and Rory both groaned as the Doctor rose up to his full height. "I'll have you know that bow ties..." The rest of his sentence was cut off by Amy clamping her hand over his mouth.
"He's an alien," she explained to the teens. "And no they are not," she told the Doctor forcefully before taking her hand off his mouth. Mollified, the Doctor shrugged, adjusted his tie and mouthed "very cool" to Harry and the others.
The latest revelation was too much for Harry to contemplate. "Ron, Hermione, stay here and keep an eye on these three. I'll go get Dumbledore. He can make sense out of this."
"No need Harry, I was already made aware of our guests arrival," Dumbledore said as he strode into the common room. "Good evening Doctor. It is an honor to finally meet a Time Lord." The three Hogwarts students gawked in amazement when Dumbledore bowed in front of the Doctor.
"The pleasure is all mine I'm sure," the Doctor replied. "But I'm afraid I didn't quite catch your name. Dumbledoodle was it? And how is it you know who I am?"
Dumbledore laughed. "I am Professor Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of this school. And even those of us in the cloistered wizarding world know about the Oncoming Storm...or at least those of use who care to know about such things."
The Doctor made a sour expression. "That was the other fellow," he muttered.
"Why don't we continue this discussion in my office, away from any prying ears. I am confident I will be able to answer any questions you and your companions might have. And unless I miss my guess you will have quite a few."
"Professor?" Harry asked. "What do we do about his box?"
"It's not harming anything where it is. And none of the students will be able to enter it, correct Doctor?"
"Not without a key they aren't." The Doctor took a key out of his pocket and locked the TARDIS.
"That will hardly stop a Hogwarts student," Hermione sniffed. She strode up to the TARDIS and tapped on the lock with her wand. "Alohomora!" She cried out. The reaction was instantaneous. Her wand shot out of her hand and flew across the room.
The Doctor chuckled at Hermione's surprise. "The old girl doesn't like anyone messing around with her." He patted the side of the TARDIS appreciatively.
"As you can see Ms. Granger, there is nothing to worry about. In fact I think it makes a lovely, if temporary, addition to the room's decor. Now come along, I'm sure you Harry and Mr. Weasley would like to hear what the Doctor has to say as well. If you would please follow me Doctor, and do watch your step. Hogwarts can occasionally be...treacherous to new visitors." Dumbledore then walked towards the common room's exit with Harry, Hermione and Ron close behind.
"Well this is much better than Betelgeuse Five," Amy told the Doctor. "A magical school!" She grabbed Rory's hand and they ran off after Dumbledore.
"It's not magic!" The Doctor called out. "And I was so looking forward to Betelgeuse Crab," he muttered to himself. "Still, magic school, that's new." A smile broke out across his face and he dashed off to follow the procession.
End Chapter One.
A/N: And we're off! My first published story in years, feels good. I hope people enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.