"80's Dan?" Lupa was surprised to see him here. She'd told him that she never wanted to see him again.
"Sorry babe, I know about the restraining order and all that, but this is important."
80's Dan stepped to the side, and Lupa walked onto the sidewalk. Before her eyes, her neighborhood changed into a horribly-depressing version of itself, with swastika flags draped over everything and everyone.
"What the hell?" Lupa wondered.
"Someone went back in time to change the past, ensuring that the Nazis won World War II!" Dan exposited. "As a fellow time-traveler, both you and I are immune to the changes, which means it's up to us to set right what once went wrong!"
"Is this just another way to get back together with me? Because I'm already in a relationship."
"No, it's not like that at all!" Dan said. Lupa could tell that he was sincere... either that, or he was high beyond belief. Either way, he was telling the truth.
"Okay. Well, my TARDIS is in the shop for maintenance, so how are we supposed to get back to the past?" Lupa asked.
"SYMBOLISM!" Film Brain jumped out from behind the black.
"Film Brain, what u doin here?" Lupa said. "Seriously, you brought him of all people?"
"My options were kinda limited." Dan said. "In this future, all of the TGWTG crew are Third Reich propaganda agents! I only managed to rescue Mathew before the time-ripple took effect."
"Come on, Allison! I'm plenty useful!" Film Brain protested.
"Sure you are, Scrappy Doo."
Film Brain skulked into a corner, while Lupa went on the computer. She checked TGWTG, and clicked one of the Nostalgia Critic's videos...
"But it's exactly the same." Lupa said.
"Are you really surprised?" Dan said, mugging for the camera.
"Okay, so here's the plan." Dan unfurled a map on Lupa's table. They shooed the cats out, as they were rather noisily masticating. Dan pointed to Berlin. "I'm going to send you and Film Brain here at the height of Hitler's power. You'll kill him, which will cause a temporal cascade that'll bring both of you back to the unaltered present."
"Sounds like bullshit to me." Lupa complained. "Why don't we just go back further and kill Hitler before he was born?"
"Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act." Dan said. "Nobody's allowed to kill Hitler at any time except when he's supposed to eat his gun."
"Whatever. Hey, Film Brain! Come here!"
"Ah, so we're ready to kill Hitler, then?" A wide grin spread across Film Brain's face. He grabbed a convenient cricket back with nails in it and caressed it like a child. "Good. I've always wanted to kill me some Nazis."
"Damn right! Everyone should kill at least one Nazi in their life!" Lupa grabbed her infinite-ammo rocket launcher. "So, Dan, how do we get back to the past?"
Dan held up a bag of white powder. "How do you think?"
A few minutes (from their perspective) later, Film Brain and Lupa arrived in Nazi Germany. Immediately, several Nazis started shouting and firing at them, but Lupa's rockets blew them into little chunks.
But unfortunately for them, this version of World War II involved occult powers. The blown-up Nazis rose as zombies conveniently immune to rockets, so Film Brain wailed on them with his club. Lupa pulled a nodachi from hammerspace and impaled several Nazi zombies on it like a skewer, and threw them into a river.
"Ha ha!" Lupa laughed. But the Nazi zombies rose again as Nazi ghosts. Fortunately, the nails on Film Brain's bat were made from the nails that held Jesus to the cross, which made it really powerful, especially against Nazi undead of all types. Lupa had harvested the hearts of those ninjas, so she had plenty of holy water to use against them.
But their holy weapons had drawn the ire of Hitler himself.
"LUPA!" A ghostly apparition of Hitler appeared before them. Lupa tried throwing holy water at him, but he was little more than an illusion.
"Hitler." Lupa grimaced.
"I have heard of you, Lupa. But unfortunately for you, I too wield a holy artifact!" The ghost Hitler held up a small bag. "This bag contains shards of the Cross, the Ark and the Ten Commandments. As long as you are within my domain, your powers are neutralized!"
"Oh really?" Lupa threw a grenade at ghost Hitler, blowing him up.
"How in the bloody hell did you blow up a ghost?" Film Brain asked as he bludgeoned more Nazi zombie goasts.
"I'm just that good." Lupa put on her shades, then teleported into Hitler's bunker.
"Ach!" Hitler immediately consumed the souls of Eva Braun and his dog, as well as the attendants in the bunker. "Lupa! Do you think you stand a chance against the power of the Third Reich?"
"Yep." Lupa took out her rocket launcher and unloaded it into Hitler, blowing his body away. But Hitler's evil persisted as a phantom, and he flew into space, possessing the Nazi satellite in orbit above them. He fired the satellite's cannon (which was powered by pure Nazism), completely demolishing Berlin, but Lupa survived.
Unfortunately, the temporal cascade spoken of by Dan had already started to take effect. Film Brain was ripped out of the past and flung into the far future, where he would become Supreme Leader of the Morlocks. Lupa, meanwhile, flew up into space, deflecting another shot of the Nazi satellite cannon with lots of explosions.
Lupa flew into the barrel of the Nazi satellite cannon and used the last of her hearts to stop time. She attached a number of remote mines to the inside of the barrel, flew outside of it, and detonated the mines while firing more rockets into it. The cannon exploded rather magnificently, but the satellite itself was mostly unharmed.
"Lupa! I will not be defeated by you!" Hitler, now possessing a steampunk robot body, flew out at Lupa. He delivered a roundhouse to her face, but Lupa countered by karate chopping right through his body. Hitler called on most of his occult powers, summoning a portal to Hell; Lupa knocked him into it, but that was exactly what Hitler expected. He possessed a bunch of demons and amalgamated them into a body horror-riffic new body.
Lupa countered with more rockets, but Demon Hitler was far too powerful. She flew directly into Hell and stabbed him in the heart with an unbreakable silver sword, but Hitler's sheer hate melted the sword before it did any damage.
"Shit!" Lupa said. Demon Hitler grabbed her and tried to crush her in his grip, but she managed to get out by tearing through one of his fingers. She had more weapons, but none of them would be very effective against fucking Demon Hitler.
"Rise, Rothrockathon!" Lupa dramatically posed as a giant metal replica of Cynthia Rothrock emerged from a subspace rift. Lupa entered the head of the mecha, which she'd commissioned from Linkara after King Gettergaizinger Kaiser Lagann X was destroyed when she fought The Master. It was quite a bit more powerful, and more thematically appropriate!
"Argh!" Demon Hitler cowered in the face of his new enemy. But he would not fall so easily! He fired a beam of pure evil at the Rothrockathon, but Lupa's power, amplified by the mecha, deflected it easily.
But she was already feeling the corruptive effects of Hell on her. If Lupa stayed here too long, she wouldn't be able to leave. She had to finish this quick.
"FINISHING MOVE!" Lupa shouted, activating the voice-recognition software that started the finishing move process. "OBSCURUS LUPA PRESENTS... YOUR DEATH, BY ME!"
The Rothrockathon summoned more weapons than actually exist and bombarded Demon Hitler with all of them, while at the same time summoning myriad clones of itself and performing every single martial arts moves ever invented.
Even Demon Hitler could not take it. His body was beaten, and the demons of Hell happily took his soul into its depths. Of course, they were all too happy to take Lupa's soul too, so she had to escape. She opened another subspace rift and tried going through it, but the demons were already clawing at the Rothrockathon's feet, dragging her back.
As its first and last act of true sentience, the Rothrockathon ripped its own head off and threw it into the rift. The rift closed, and Lupa's last glance of the Rothrockathon's body was of it being dragged into Hell by demons.
A temporal cascade hit, teleporting Lupa back to her home.
"Ah, welcome back!" Dan said. "So you were successful?"
"Yep. I killed Demon Hitler!"
"Sweet! Now will you get back together with me?"
"Nope!" Phelous kicked Dan in the groin and threw him in the dumpster outside. They both laughed at his misfortune.