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Giving myself to you
Jasper Whitlock was always a mystery to me. I may have known him since high school, but I still have yet to figure him out. He was the best friend of my twin brother, Emmett, and sometimes he could be just as much of a goof as my crazy brother.
However, his gentlemanly traits differentiated him from my brother in every way. Emmett was more of the straight forward type–he said exactly what he thought–and didn't have much of a filter. He adored teasing me, and never ceased to remind me that I was his little sister–though it was only by an hour.
Jasper, on the other hand, always treated me with respect and valued my opinion whenever we happened to be in a discussion about anything ranging from history to the arts. He was a bit of an art and history buff and it would bore my brother to death, when Jasper tried to discuss it with him. Anything outside girls, sports or video games drove Emmett up the wall. Jasper always seemed delighted in shutting down Emmett's complains by taking his picture.
Jasper had knack for photography. He would say that, through the lens everything seemed more beautiful. His father, Mr. Whitlock, wanted him to follow in his family's footsteps and become a lawyer, but Jasper wanted to be a photographer. I praised his choice as I too wanted to work in the arts. My mom, Renee, would take Emmett and I on these weekend trips when we were little, and one of my favorite place to go was a gallery. Everything seemed so beautiful to me in there, and I wanted to spend as much time around it as I could.
I had only shared this with Jasper because I knew he would understand due to his love for the arts. However, there was one secret I couldn't share with him. I couldn't let him know how I truly felt about him. He would never know that I've loved him all my life and that hurts, because I knew he would never see me as anything other than Emmett's baby sister.
I didn't want him to see me as Emmett's baby sister. I wanted him to see me as the woman I was becoming. I dreamed of him night after night, coming to me and declaring his love, and telling me that he had just been waiting on the day when we could be together. I would then be brave enough to confess my true feelings for him and we would make love.
It was a sweet fantasy.
Many nights I woke up drenched in sweat, and with an ache between my legs. The dreams were both a pleasure and torture to my existence. The next morning, I would have to climb into Emmett's jeep and brace myself for the onslaught of emotions that would hit me when we arrived at school. Jasper would always be there to help me out of the front seat, and pulling me straight into his arms. I would close my eyes and let his scent wash over me. His musky scent would envelope me, and it reminded me of sandalwood and sunshine.
When we parted, he would then throw an arm over my shoulder as we walked to class. I never dated in high school, no one seemed interested in me, and I wasn't about to be pushed into showing more skin or plastering makeup all over my face. I was comfortable in my jeans and tank tops, or my converses and sometimes my boots–a gift from Jasper for my sixteenth birthday. However, the biggest problem was that, the only guy I wanted was Jasper and none of them were him.
I survived the many girls he dated, and the heartbreak I would feel every time I saw him with them was gut-wrenching. Many of my nights after would be spent nights in my room, crying myself to sleep. The dreams of us together would haunt me until morning when I had to get up, go to school, hug him and pretend like everything was alright.
It had to end.
By senior prom when he had shown up with Lauren Mallory–the captain of the cheerleading team–on his arm, that had finally done it, and I told myself that it was time to give up my silly dream as there would never be an us, for Jasper and I.
College was a way to start anew. I breathed a sigh of relief the day that Jasper and Emmett had gotten into UCLA while I remained in the state and headed to the University of Washington. Being there was my salvation as I wouldn't be forced to go through another round of pretending to just be Jasper's friend.
Freshman year of college was a time of discovery for me. I had to learn to be on my own. Keeping my grades up and my head down was easy, but it was hard to not have any friends close by as my two best friends were away at UCLA. Emmett would call and so did Jasper–sometimes the one call was shared between them both. They wanted to know everything and Emmett would warn me about the horny frats boys I should stay away from. I shared as much as I could with my brother, but kept a lot to myself with Jasper.
Alice–my roommate–became a very great friend, and freshman year wouldn't have the same without her. Alice's high energy and exuberance was a good thing to experience and it was wonderful to have a girlfriend to chat with. She showed great interest in me and turned my world upside down starting with my wardrobe. I had to fight tooth and nail when she wanted to discard most of my things, but I had to admit that what she bought or advised me to buy–when I wouldn't accept her money–weren't all bad. She taught me so much about what to wear and when to wear it. Simple things such as adding some camisoles and a little makeup and letting my hair down more.
Then there was Edward. I met him sophomore year, we had shared most classes together. He was a great guy, very charismatic and kind. We flirted around one another a lot before we went out. Things with Edward were easy, he made me feel loved and wanted. But, he wasn't him, he wasn't Jasper. I don't why I couldn't let him go, especially when I had such a great guy like Edward in my life. I never shared my innermost thoughts with Alice, she only knew that Jasper and my brother, Emmett, were friends.
Whenever I was alone with Edward, I would do my best to stay in the moment. However, during our most intimate times, and the deeper things got between us, the more his green eyes would fade into Jasper's blue ones, his unruly reddish hair would become shaggy and blond and an orgasm would try to force Jasper's name to escape my lips.
And then they're visit changed it all for me.
Jasper and Emmett surprised me for spring break when they came to campus with the intention on bringing me along with them to Florida. I had already planned on spending my time with Edward and Alice, and we were going to Vegas. Jasper shocked me with his disapproval and unexplained anger toward Edward. Everything Edward said or did was wrong. He desperately tried to get me to go with him and Em, even going as far as to get Emmett to demand it.
My anger boiled over at them, and I unleashed my rage at their unbelievably rude attitude toward my boyfriend, and friend. Emmett was stunned at my outburst, but Jasper wasn't fazed by it one bit. Our eyes met in fury, our voices screamed at one another and my heart wept at the pain I found in his eyes.
He was jealous. It was in everything he said, his body was shouting it, but his mouth wouldn't utter a word. And I was just as bad as because I was too afraid to admit how much I loved him. Staring into his furious eyes, I realized how much I would eventually have to hurt Edward, because my mind, body and soul belonged to Jasper. By the end of that argument, Jasper Whitlock and I were no longer friends, and it was solidified by the slamming of my dorm room door as I collapsed in Edward's arms, in tears.
His eyes were so blue, especially when they're filled with tears.
College was over and life in the real world had begun. My BA in the Arts had moved me from Washington to New York to work in the finest galleries.
It had been seven years since I graduated college and I was enjoying my life and work as a curator. I adored my job, it was everything I'd always wanted. I loved the travel I got to do sometimes to procure pieces and ensure their safe arrival.
Night after night I have gone to my bed satisfied with my life, until last night. Alice and I had remained friends through college and when my relationship with Edward came to an end, we decided to remain friends as well. I later discovered Alice's crush on him and pushed them together. They were so happy together and it was great whenever I got to see them. Edward and Alice moved to Chicago after college. Alice went for her fashion– which had really taken off–and for Edward as his internship was at Northwestern Hospital.
However, her message on my machine while it was meant to be happy, but my heart took it otherwise as I listened to it.
"Hey Bells! I know you're probably tired, but I couldn't wait til morning to tell you this. Bella, Edward proposed, and I said yes! Aaahh! I'm in the bathroom at the restaurant right now and I'm sure he's probably worried since I've been in here quite some time, but you were the first person I wanted to tell, and to thank. Thank you so much, Bella. Oh! he's calling me, I gotta go. Love you, bye." Beep.
I collapsed to the floor in the tears. I was so happy for them, but also felt sad for myself. Alice had only wanted to share her moment with me, but it had unintentionally forced me to see what was missing from my life. A life.
After a good, long cry I finally calmed down enough to push my despair aside and allow myself to be happy for my friends.
When I told Emmett about Edward and Alice's engagement, he took the opportunity to hound me about forgiving Jasper, but I just couldn't. It would hurt too much now to go back to the way things were, too much time had passed. We had grown, and if Jasper wanted to talk or apologize to me, then he knew where to find me, I would always tell Emmett.
Alice, Edward and I met up a few days later for lunch when they came to visit and also because Alice had a meeting with a top designer about the fashion line she was working on. We relaxed, had a laugh, and then they were on their way. When I returned to the gallery, I couldn't help but stop and stare at our newest addition to the walls from a photographer who goes by the name, Hale.
The body of work was magnificent, and his photos held such great detail. Most of them were of a romantic nature, and mostly consisted of men and women in a sensual setting. However, with the use of the lighting and his surroundings, he has allowed you to feel the nature of the picture and made you want what they wanted in that moment. I was so captivated by them that I could practically spend the entire day in front of them.
I was broken out of my trance when my boss, Irina, called me into her office.
"Bella, we have yet another delivery to be made soon to the gallery by Hale," she said, in her rich French accent.
"Is that so?" I questioned. "That was fast."
"Yes, it is, but Hale's work is in high demand at the moment and I would like to have as much of it in here as possible," Irina said.
"Fine, when can I expect delivery?"
"Oh, no, no, Bella, you will go and procure this particular delivery yourself."
"Okay then, but may I ask why?" I asked curiously.
"Hale was here in the gallery for our debut of his work, last month," Irina said. "But, while he enjoys the arts, it is not his only frontier or as you say, main job. He has another, as lawyer. But when he saw you that night, he immediately asked that the next delivery be picked up by you."
This Hale person was a puzzle, and the one artist among our recent additions that I had yet to meet, perhaps this would be the time.
"Fine, where am I going?"
"Ah, the place has the strangest name, Bella." She said, looking confused. "It's the name of a utensil, but it is in Washington."
I couldn't breathe. I dropped into the chair across from her desk. No, it couldn't be him, Emmett would have said something, it had to be someone else. "Forks," I said, quietly.
"Yes! That's it, Forks, that's where you're going," Irina said, excitedly.
"I'll get right on it." I left her office without another word and in complete shock.
Jasper was Hale.
My flight to Seattle was a breeze as nothing could penetrate the state of nervousness I had been in since I'd heard that Jasper wanted me to come down here to personally collect his recent work.
It may not be him.
That thought rolled around in my skull all the way home until I called Emmett and finally got the truth from him. He said Jasper had been dabbling in photography for some time, but Jasper didn't say what he was doing with them. Emmett further shocked me and said that Jasper had transferred to the New York office of the law firm they worked for, and had been living out here for the last six months. He also said that Jasper was off on leave after his work on a major case.
After learning all that I was a nervous wreck, but by the time I got off the plane, rented a car, and started to drive, I decided that I wouldn't let him affect as he always had. That was the past, and this was a new Bella. My pep talk seemed to have worked until I followed my directions to long, narrow road in the woods and came upon the glassed mansion that was now in front of me.
I took a shaky breath as I exited the car and walked up to the door, knocking it. Music was blaring from inside and for a minute I thought maybe this was my chance to escape. I could turn around, and make to walk back to the car without him even knowing. However, the door swung open while I was in deep thought, causing me to jump and revealed a shirtless Jasper, who stood there in nothing but his jeans hung low on his hips. His usual long hair was now cut low to the nape of his neck, and his abs glistened with the sweat that was running down them.
"Bella," Jasper said, causing me to jump once more.
I seemed to be doing a lot of that.
Praying I would find my voice and did, I answered. "Jasper, how are you?"
"I'm fine and you?" he asked.
"Good, won't you come in then?" he said, walking away from the door and disappearing around a corner.
I moved inside and shut the door behind me, lowering my bag to the floor. I had only brought a small bag, intent on not spending more than one night in Forks. Emmett was living in Seattle and mom and dad were off on road trips, there wasn't much for me here.
"Are you hungry?" he shouted.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said.
Following the sound of his voice I found him in his kitchen. It was beautiful. It was spacious with an industrial feel throughout it, and seemed fit for a chef.
"This house is amazing," I said, trying to break the silence as I took a seat at the island and he placed a plate with grilled steak and mashed potatoes before me."This doesn't really go with my diet," I said and got a smile in return from him.
"You've always been the kinda girl that's not afraid of her food," he said. "When did that change?"
"It hasn't, just being healthy."
"This is healthy, and guaranteed to hold you through the night," he said. I tried but failed not to read too much into that answer.
We ate in relative silence after he turned off the music and returned to the table. Afterward, he offered me a cup of coffee while I questioned his reasons for secrecy.
"Why hide? You always seemed so interested in art when we used to talk about it," I said.
"Yes, I was and still am, but it's just not something I want to do full time right now. However, I wanted to share my talent with the world and I couldn't wait any longer for my life to calm down to do so," he said.
"So, afraid your lawyer buddies would laugh at you for your artistic side?" I asked with a chuckle.
"It's nice to see you smile, Bella, and no, I couldn't care less what they think," Jasper said, getting up and taking my empty mug from me and walking toward the sink, placing them in there. I got the full view of his behind, which was a thing of beauty.
He spins around, catching me openly ogle him and smirks. "I think you're tired and should get some rest, let me show you to your room."
I got up and followed him upstairs. The room he escorted me to was just as exquisite as the kitchen I had left behind. The lush king sized bed stood out the most in the center of the room.
"Well, good night, Bella," he said, turning to leave.
"Jasper, I'm sorry." I don't why I blurted it out, but I felt the need to.
"I'm sorry too, Bella, for so much and especially for not seeing what I see now," he said as he walked toward me, bent and kissed my cheek.
Before I could ask why he said that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him.
It was a restless night, and I spent most of it dreaming about Jasper and I. Those familiar thoughts and feelings were once again making themselves known. The next morning, I awoke with a start, and after my shower, I got dressed in my jeans and a tank top, I went in search of him. No music was blaring this morning, and he was nowhere to be found.
I took my time strolling through his home, exploring and hoping to get a feel of what he was like now. I walked through his living room, examining his vast movie collection and games, his library/office was amazing, it was filled with books upon books, and finally his showroom. The room was well lit as it would be in a gallery and the walls were lined with his work. I took my time, examining and admiring each one, before moving on to another. When I got to the final wall, what I came upon brought me to tears.
It was me.
They were all of me.
They were the pictures he had taken when he hung out with Emmett and me. Most of the ones that had included Emmett were blown up to feature only me. My face was lit up with a smile or in full blown laughter, and even one with me asleep. Looking at it, I remembered the trip we had taken to Port Angeles, and I must have fallen asleep in the car. This was how he saw me. And then I saw more that looked recent. It was the night Irina debuted his work, there was a picture of me, facing away, looking at his work and another with me smiling with the attendees for the night.
I ran from the room, it was too much. All this time I thought he could never possibly feel the way I did and to see it right in front of me was overwhelming. Jasper loved me. I had to find him and make him admitted it and tell me why he waited so long.
I ran through his house, stumbling as I went, shouting his name. When I got no answer, I decided to try outside. Bare footed, I ran out the front door, screaming for him.
Where could he have gone?
I looked toward the woods behind his house and with a brave face, I walked forward. I called out for him as I stepped further into it, before deciding that this may have been stupid as he could've just gone to the store and I'm here walking through the woods looking for him.
I heard the sounds of water sloshing about and called out once more, praying like hell it was him that answered and not a wolf or a bear.
"Bella!" I heard him shout out. "Follow my voice, I'm in the water."
Oh, Thank God!
Between the combination of trampling through the woods, barefooted and the revelation I discovered in his house, I was in tears by the time I got to the water's edge.
The stream felt cool against my toes as I walked forward–clothes and all–into the water and right into his arms.
"Bella, what are you doing?" Jasper asked, frantically as I hugged him tight, breathing him in. "Let's get you out of the water."
"No! Don't you dare move," I sobbed. "Just hold me."
"Bella, please, tell me what's wrong?" he asked.
I pulled back and looked in his eyes. "Why did you say anything? Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"
For what felt like forever, Jasper just stared at me. His eyes were awashed with emotion and I felt as if I could drown in them. When he finally spoke, I could hear the torment in his voice. "I couldn't, and by the time I wanted to, you were with someone else."
"Yes, Edward," he sighed as he moved to extricate himself from my arms. Not willing to let him go, I tightened my grip, holding him to me with every ounce of strength I possessed.
Needing him to understand that he was not alone, I replied with the words I knew he needed to hear. "Jasper, there will never be anyone that could compare to you."
Bringing my lips to his in a passionate caress, I reveled in the feeling of his lips against mine. Jasper responded by tightly gripping my thighs and pulling me into him, seemingly not able to get me close enough. Our bodies swayed in the water as our lips met over and over in a heated embrace. Swiftly removing my top, Jasper carelessly cast it behind him in his haste to get me undressed. At the site of my now exposed torso Jasper seemed to freeze, his eyes fazing longingly at my chest though he seemed undecided as how to proceed.
Just when I thought I couldn't wait any longer with one hand he ever so gently encompassed my right breast caressing it as his tongue imitated the movement of his hand.
Our lips parted, and the look he was giving me had me locked under his trance. Our eyes never left one another as he moved closer once more, bending my head back to kiss and nip at my neck.
"Bella," he whispered. "I want to make love to you."
"Mmmm," was my eloquent response as I closed my eyes and tilted my head exposing my neck to him even more, enjoying his tongue's ministrations against it. I grounded my body against him, only to have him push back, letting me feel the effect I had on him.
Suddenly, he pulled back. "Not here," he said, wrapping my legs around him and walking us out of the water.
I kept my head on his shoulder, occasionally running my tongue over his skin. Sucking on his neck, I heard the front door slam shut and felt him climbing the stairs. A door opened, and I was soon being deposited in the center of his bed. Propping myself up on my elbows, I sat there and took him in, admiring his naked body. He hastily removed my wet jeans and underwear, and climbed on top of me. The kisses were hard, hot and left my body burning with desire.
"How long I've dreamed about doing this," he mumbled. "Of how good you would look under me, of how good your skin would feel under my fingertips."
"I would see your eyes everywhere. I spent so many nights wishing I could be staring into them while you made love me," I confessed, gently caressing his face.
Our confession seemed to spur him on as his kisses begun to move lower and lower until his hot mouth enveloped me. His talented tongue made me arch off the bed at the feeling of it as he pushed it in and out of me. His hands gripped my thighs to hold me in place while I writhed and grinded against his mouth as he sucked my clit and slowly pumped his fingers inside of me.
"Come for me, Bella, I want to taste you," he said, taking my clit between his lips and sucking it with vigor. My body obeyed, and my orgasm shot through me.
Crawling up and coming to settle beside me, he said. "Mmm, Bella, you're so beautiful when you're coming." Coming down from my high left me feeling playful. I surprised him by jumping on top of him. Our tongues battled and I moaned at the taste of myself on them. I then began to slowly move my hips in a circle, rubbing my wetness against his stomach. His grip on my thighs tightened as he tried to move me toward his hardened length.
"No," I said, swatting his hands away. "Not yet."
He growled and dropped his head to the bed in frustration as I slowly kissed and licked my way to his length and after peering up at him and noticed that he was watching, I smiled and took a long lick from base to the tip.
It was now my turn to try and keep him still as I took him into my mouth sucking the head and then slowly making my way down to the base and back up again, while purposely teasing him. Jasper's groans and pleads had me bobbing my head up and down his cock while gently tugging on his balls.
"Uuuhh…Bella…I…uuuhhh," he groaned out, lifting his hips to meet the downward strokes of my tongue. "Bella, I need you to stop, I don't want to…" he mumbled out. "I want to be inside of you when I come."
Climbing back on top of him, I guided his length inside of me. Slowly, I moved downward taking more and more of him in, until he was fully sheathed within me. We started a slow rhythm as we moved together. Gradually, the pace quickened and before long, I was bouncing up and down on his hard cock.
I braced my hands on his chest and lifted my hips, and pushing them back down harder on him in each pass. His upward thrusts were hard and I could feel myself pistoling toward my edge. Suddenly, he stopped and switched our places, moving me under him.
I looked at him half in desire and half questioning. "I wanted to see you, and I wanted you closer, "he said as he slowly moved into me.
The dynamic of our lovemaking suddenly changed from fast and needing to slow and appealing.
We held on to each other and allowed our bodies take over, as we both sought what we most desired from the moment. Jasper's slow, measured thrusts left me panting for more. Every pass of his pelvis massaged my clit and sent shivers of pleasure down my spine.
Soon after, his movements grew sharp and fast as he drove himself inside of me.
"Bella, I can't hold on," he panted. "I need you to come."
"Jasper…mmm…let go," I told him. "Let me feel you."
He kissed me hard as he pumped faster and harder, holding me close with his face buried in my neck.
It all became too much, his scent all around me, his body on mine and his length filling me all were too much fight, and when he grunted out his release as I felt his cock twitched and spilled his seed within me, I reached my end and joined him, falling over the edge.
I couldn't say how long we remained joined or how long we remained in his bed. I could say that I never made back to New York until four days later after my scheduled return. I had called Irina and told her that Hale would like to add some more pieces to his promised delivery, but he was unsure and wouldn't let them go until he was completely satisfied. Maybe those words weren't the best at the time, since Jasper was slowly approaching me with a predatory look in his eyes. My excuse had bought me the time I needed from work, and left me deliciously sore all the way home.
By the next week, Hale's work was displayed in the gallery after we returned to New York together. The pieces he supposedly couldn't decide on, were the ones of the girl he spent his life loving.
That night after the gallery closed, I stood before them in admiration until he came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, whispering. "This was me, giving myself to you. I love you, Bella Swan."
No words were spoken as our lips met and I conveyed my love for him through our kiss. There was so much to learn about one another and much was left to be said, but for now, my dream had finally come true.
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