Warnings: angst and explicit content

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

It was well after midnight and Camelot was sleeping peacefully, well, everyone besides the crown prince, Arthur Pendragon, who was currently laying in his bed staring at the dark canopy while his hand was moving slowly up and down the length of his erect cock. "This is bloody ridicules." Arthur mumbled angrily as his pace quickened and his eyes closed involuntarily; immediately the images washed over him: Pale skin, thick, dark lashes, plump lips, tempting, long neck. Merlin.

Arthur's eyes snapped open as he came with Merlin's name falling from his lips.

"Doomed. I'm so doomed."

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize
I'm slowly losing you

"So I told Gwen that there's no way that Merry will even look at John and, Arthur? Arthur are you all right?"

Arthur shook his head and focused his gaze on Merlin's eyes, he forced himself to forget last night's dream but there was Merlin, so close and touching him and, if he could just- "Of course I'm alright Merlin." Arthur drawled.

"Are you going to finish dressing me up or you can't do that while you are talking?" Merlin's eyes widened and Arthur wanted to apologize immediately.

"Arthur I, I-"

"Wasting my time and I'm going to be late for training, so will you please get it over with?" He needed to get out of there before he said anything else, he already said too much and Merlin looked like he punched him in the stomach and Arthur couldn't bare it for much longer, he longed for Merlin's touch, but not the formal touch, not the way he touched him while dressing him in the morning or helping with his armor, he wanted Merlin to touch him like,like he wanted to, not out of duty but out of well, love.

Arthur's eyes widened and he brushed Merlin's hands away from the laces of his tunic. "That would be all Merlin."


"Enough. You may take the day off or whatever. Just go."

Arthur refused to see Merlin's confused frowning and then the hurt in his eyes before he left the room, the door clicking shut after him.

Arthur sat heavily down in his chair with his head between his hands. What was he supposed to do?

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real

This was supposed to be his way to set things right with Merlin, ever since that day in his chambers three weeks ago nothing has been the same between them and Arthur has had enough.

But fate had other plans and they were ambushed, after fighting all the bandits only their leader remained: He was a burly man, well build with a vicious look about him, he was skilled but Arthur was better and he won, but not before he was struck across his side and a sharp pain shot through his body.

Merlin was by his side in a second, cradling his head in his lap and pressing his hands to Arthur's wound.

Despite everything, the pain and the fact that he felt like he might die there was no other way he wanted to leave, he was where he belonged, in Merlin's arms and he wanted to tell him that but then, then blackness overpowered him illuminated for a moment by a golden flash and then, nothing.

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

Arthur needed to wake up, right now, he knew that. He was floating in the darkness and all around him were flashes of gold and images, mostly images of Merlin but that came as no surprise to Arthur, most of his dreams were about Merlin but none could compare to the real thing, he wanted his real Merlin and so Arthur forced his eyes open and found himself in his own chambers.

His wound was dressed and he felt pretty numb, he was about to say something, to alert someone to his waking state when the voices started making sense.

"I, I tried everything Gauis! Nothing worked!" Merlin's distressed voice could be heard from the corner.

"But he is fine my boy, nothing too serious." Gauis replied patiently, sounding like they had this conversation plenty of times in the past.

"But why wouldn't it work? I can heal myself, animals, you! Anyone but him! Why wouldn't my magic work on Arthur Gauis?" Merlin finished softly and sniffed.

Arthur's sharp inhale alerted them that he was in fact awake.

Clear blue eyes met dark blue ones.

"Sorcerer." Was the only thing that Arthur could say and Merlin let out a scared whimper before he turned around and ran from the room.

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away

Three days.

They were the longest three days in Arthur's life for as long as he could remember.

Sorcerer. His Merlin was a sorcerer and he, he didn't tell him. The betrayal was the thing that bothered him the most, the fact that his Merlin couldn't trust Arthur with his secret.

After Gauis stopped him from running after Merlin (which was a bit too easy to do than Arthur liked to admit) he told him that Merlin inherited the magic from his father and that he never used it to harm Camelot or Arthur, only to protect them, he begged Arthur to think about it and forced him to promise that he won't act in a rush.

And Arthur had to admit that at the beginning he was tempted to tell his father but then, he thought about Merlin, his Merlin, loyal and funny and beautiful and god, how could he think about turning him over to his father? Arthur shook his head, there was no way he would turn Merlin over.

He loved him.

Oh, how I adore you
Oh, how I thirst for you
Oh, how I need you
Waking up to you never felt so real

A week later Arthur sent for Merlin. A timid knock on the door and then Merlin entered, Arthur smiled, some things never change.

"Merlin I-"

"No. Let- let me explain first, I-" He took a deep breath and Arthur noted that he was shaking.

"Come here." He said and moved the chair next to his with his leg.

Merlin nodded and sat down, his gaze locked on his hands.

"Merlin look at me." Arthur said gently.

Merlin shook his head. Arthur grabbed Merlin's chin gently and lifted Merlin's head so he was looking at him.

"I'm not going to turn you over to my father alright? I'm not."

Merlin's eyes widened and Arthur saw the hope in his eyes. "You're not? I mean, you, you won't?"

Arthur smiled and couldn't help moving his finger against the soft skin of Merlin's chin, Merlin shivered and leaned into the touch before he remembered himself and moved away.

"I- That's, I mean-" He swallowed and Arthur's eyes followed hungrily after the motion.

"I'm sorry, truly I'm, but I couldn't, I couldn't risk that, that you'll kill me and then it was more than my life it was yours and I'm-" Merlin's eyes returned to Arthur and Arthur's breath caught in his lungs when he saw what reflected in them.

"I'm sorry. It was always for you. Everything."

"Everything?" Arthur echoed.

Merlin nodded and licked his lips.

Arthur's gaze dropped to Merlin's mouth and suddenly his throat was too dry.

"Merlin..." He whispered before closing the gap between them and crushing his lips onto Merlin's.

Merlin moaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck, nearly falling from his chair in doing so.

Arthur wouldn't allow that, in one fluid motion he pulled Merlin to his lap and continued kissing him.

"Fuck Merlin," Arthur panted against his mouth when they parted for air.

"Do you know how long I wanted it? I felt like I'm losing my mind." He rested his forehead against Merlin and pressed tiny kisses to his jaw line before moving to Merlin's ear.

"That day, in my chambers when I yelled at you?" Merlin nodded.

"It was only because I was so hard for you that I couldn't bare your touches."

Arthur bitten down on Merlin's earlobe and earned a gasp from Merlin who moved his hips forward so that his erection rubbed against Arthur's.

Arthur rose from his chair and Merlin wrapped his legs around his waist as he carried him to his bed. Laying him down gently he moved back and started taking off his clothes, all the while he kept looking at Merlin, Merlin who was laying there looking utterly ravishable and trusting. His Merlin.

"I dreamed about this for the last year Merlin,dreamed about your body beneath mine, writhing and moaning my name, begging me to take you again and again and again. Calling my name, screaming it." Arthur nearly growled as he moved up the bed and straddled Merlin's hips. His hands started working on Merlin's breeches while he rocked his hips slowly and smirked when Merlin whimpered.

"You are taking your time aren't you, you prat?" Merlin breathed.

"Not my fault you are wearing too many clothes." Arthur said and pulled another lace.

Merlin batted his hands away and smiled. "Watch this." And then his eyes flashed gold and his clothes vanished from his body only to reappear neatly folded in the corner.

Arthur was frozen to the spot by the flash of gold in Merlin's eyes and Merlin paled a bit.

"Ahm, Arthur? Are you, I mean-" But he never got to finish his sentence before Arthur's mouth crushed on his and his hips rutted against Merlin's groin.

"That was, so HOT Merlin, your eyes. Gods! I'm going to be dreaming about it for the next few weeks." He said as his mouth moved down to suck another bruise to Merlin's neck.

Merlin smirked and moved his lips to Arthur's ear. "Why dreaming about it when you have the real thing in your bed?"

Arthur moaned and moved down Merlin's body to lick at his cock. "You are never going to leave after this." He said before he swallowed him down to the root, above him Merlin whimpered and his eyes closed tightly as the sensations of Arthur's action washed over him.

Arthur sucked and licked and hummed in approval when Merlin's hands tugged on his hair.

"Come here, Arthur come here." Merlin moaned when Arthur gave one last suck before he released Merlin's cock with a wet pop.

Their mouths met together in a deep kiss and Arthur twirled his tongue with Merlin's, allowing him to taste himself in Arthur's mouth.

"What?" Arthur breathed against Merlin's lips.

Merlin looked at him for a moment, his look full of, what Arthur hoped for, love and smiled.

"I wasn't going to leave you anyway. It has nothing to do with duty or destiny or, or anything. I already told you this once- I'm happy to be your servant, 'till the day I die."

Arthur looked at him then and decided to jump in.

"I don't want that-" Merlin's face crumpled and he frowned. "No, you got it wrong Merlin. I do want that, but I, I want more. I need you to be more than my servant or my friend, I want, need you to be my, my love. I love you Merlin, I..."

Arthur trailed off and stared at Merlin intently.

Merlin's face softened and he cupped Arthur's face, kissing the corners of his mouth.

"You never let me finish, you prat. I was going to say that it has nothing to do with duty or destiny, or maybe destiny has something to do with it but, the point is that, I love you too Arthur, loved you for a very long time now." Merlin finished with a mumble and blushed deeply.

Arthur smirked and kissed the blush on his cheekbones and neck, moving down to his torso.

"Well, since we settled this we can move on." He presented his finger to Merlin's lips and Merlin pulled him to his mouth obediently, sucking on them lightly and swirling his tongue around them, his eyes glued to Arthur's.

Arthur nearly came right there when he saw the heat in Merlin's eyes. He broke the eye contact and moved down Merlin's body to his entrance.

"Mine." He whispered before his tongue moved out to lick at Merlin's entrance.

Merlin whimpered around Arthur's digits and pushed down against Arthur's tongue.

"FUCK Arthur, don't god, don't stop!"

Arthur smirked and removed his fingers from Merlin's mouth to join his tongue. Soon Merlin was writhing and moaning and Arthur couldn't hold any longer.

"I'm going to make love to you now alright?" Merlin nodded and smiled. "More than alright with me." Arthur moved up to kiss him one more time before he entered him slowly.

"Gods Merlin! You are so tight and mine and FUCK!" Arthur sunk deeper into Merlin's body until he was sheathed completely inside Merlin's body.

"O.K?" Merlin grunted a bit before he moved his body a bit, indicating that Arthur should move.

Arthur started thrusting slowly, in and out with the pace slowly increasing.

"Godfuckyesarthurplease-" Merlin was mumbling incoherently as his climax approached and Arthur stroked his cock in time with his thrusts. "Fuck! Merlin, this is, godfuck, I, Oh my god!"

Arthur then hit Merlin's special spot and Merlin came with brutal force, spilling himself between them and moaning Arthur's name.

The clenching of Merlin's muscles around him was enough to bring Arthur over the edge and he came in the most blinding orgasm he ever had. Slumped across Merlin's body Arthur pressed soft kisses to every patch of skin he could reach.

"That was..." He trailed off.

"Yeah, Merlin said with a smile on his face and shifted a bit.

"Though I'm not sure I can show up for work today." Merlin said with a smile.

"I'm sure I can forgive that, but you'll be forced to attend me tonight as punishment." Merlin's smile grew.

"Oh? What kind of a punishment would that be sire?" He said while his hands trailed up and down Arthur's back.

"A very severe one. One that might just take your entire life." He said and kissed him deeply.

"Scratch that, it will take your entire life." Arthur said and pulled back to look at Merlin.

His smile softened and he kissed the corners of Merlin's mouth.

"I love you, you know that?"

Merlin tightened his grip on Arthur's shoulders and he smiled.

"I know. And I love you, 'till the day I die."

Waking up to you never felt so real