A/N: I don't know what happened. One minute I was trying to write the epilogue for He Who Dares Watches and then I got assaulted by an insane plot bunny.

Jasper1863Hale posted this picture on Facebook which prompted this ficlet:

Thanks to Mssdare and BloodRedLust for pre-reading and encouraging me and to Kattale for a speedy beta job.

"I nearly died of embarrassment when I held them up in front of the entire Weasley clan," Harry winces in recollection. "And I've never seen Molly so cross. I thought she was going to hex the twins into the middle of next week for switching my Christmas jumper with these monstrosities."

Draco chuckles, as Harry holds up the offending item for him to examine. "I would have liked to have seen your face," he remarks. "It must have been a sight to behold."

The knitted shorts are made from thick, cream-coloured wool with red heart patterns around the top, and a drawstring at the waist. If that wasn't bizarre and ugly enough, the crotch of the shorts extended into a trunk like shape that was clearly designed to hold a penis.

Harry tosses them aside and stoops to carry on unpacking his bag, which is open on the foot of the bed.

"I think you should try them on," Draco's voice is casual. But there a glint in his eye that Harry can't quite decipher.

"You have to be kidding," Harry raises his eyebrows. "There's no way that's going to happen."

"Not even if I ask you nicely?" Draco raises an eyebrow and smirks. He stretches languidly on the bed and folds his arms behind his head, looking at Harry expectantly.

"Why?" Harry shrugs. "I'll look ridiculous!"

"Humour me."

Draco's silvery eyes narrow speculatively and his eyes drop to Harry's crotch as an almost imperceptible flush taints the perfectly pale cheekbones. That's what makes Harry give in. He knows that look. That look usually means that delicious and debauched activities of a sexual nature are in his future. Looking ridiculous suddenly seems like a small price to pay if that sort of thing is on offer.

Rolling his eyes, Harry starts to unbutton his trousers. Draco watches him with a predatory expression that makes Harry's fingers fumble and his cheeks flush. Harry pushes his trousers down his legs and pulls his socks off along with them. He straightens up and looks at the blond who is eyeing the bulge in Harry's pants. The hunger in his eyes makes Harry's prick fill and thicken and he watches entranced as Draco licks his lips, eyes fixed on Harry's growing erection.

"In your own time." The sarcastic tone is somewhat belied by the obvious impatience on Draco's face.

Harry pulls off his t-shirt, then hooks his thumbs into his pants and slides them carefully over his cock. It springs up to sway in front of him, pointing at Draco like a dowsing rod. Harry picks up the knitted shorts and grimaces at the rough touch of the wool in his fingers.

"You really want me to put these on?" Harry raises his eyebrows in a final appeal.

"Oh yes," Draco drawls. "I really do."

With a sigh, Harry bends and steps into them. He slides them up his legs and over his thighs. Fitting his engorged cock into the pocket is a challenge but he manages it, then pulls them up completely, leaving the drawstring hanging loose at his waist.

His cock is still erect despite his embarrassment, and is standing out proudly looking like the trunk of some bizarre knitted elephant. He stands there, his hands held loosely by his side. His face flushes hotly as Draco's eyes rake over him so intently that he can practically feel the path they take. His cock jerks in response and the wool scratches the sensitive head making him wince and twitch again.

Draco moves then, in a sudden sinuous twist of his body that brings him to a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

"Come here," he orders, eyes fixed on Harry's cock.

Harry walks towards him, the movement making his cock bob and the itchy wool rubs torturously.

"They're itchy." Harry tries to grumble, but his voice comes out quavery and breathless.

"I can imagine," Draco murmurs.

He reaches out and puts one hand on Harry's hip. He holds him firmly in place as he wraps his other hand carefully around Harry's prick and tugs on it gently. The scratchy friction from the knitted fabric is frankly peculiar and treads a fine line between uncomfortable and arousing. But it makes Harry hiss and bite his lip and his hips hitch forwards, wanting more.

Draco strokes rhythmically, his long pale fingers working carefully. If Draco was too rough the scratch of the fabric would mean pain rather than pleasure. But he keeps his ministrations light and subtle and soon Harry is moaning and winding his fingers into the silky blond hair as he edges slowly towards orgasm.

Draco leans forwards and takes the tip of Harry's cock in his mouth. He breathes hotly through the wool as his hands squeeze Harry's shaft and massage his balls through the prickly shorts. The sudden, shocking warmth of Draco's breath makes Harry's breathing catch in his throat.

"Fuck!" he gasps. "I need your mouth on me. Properly. Please, Draco!"

Harry pushes Draco back and shoves the shorts off his hips, desperately trying to free his aching prick from the scratchy wool that's encasing it. Draco helps him and Harry moans as the cool air hits his sensitive skin. But then Draco sucks him deep into his mouth and it's hot and blissful, silky-wet and slippery -smooth. Harry feels his balls tighten as the pressure builds inside him.

"Oh, Merlin!"

His hands are back in Draco's hair and he twists his fingers into the strands as he bucks and lets out a strangled sound of pleasure. His cock pulses and spills as Draco holds his hips steady and swallows around him, only releasing him when he's sucked out every last drop.

As he comes back down to earth, Harry finds himself giggling breathlessly. He puts his hands on Draco's shoulders and looks down at himself; his spent prick deflating, the ridiculous shorts hanging loose around his hips.

"Seriously Draco – what the fuck was that?"

"Apparently I have a kink for knitted underwear," Draco replies with a shrug and a total lack of embarrassment.

"So I see. Well, I'll make sure I add it to the list then," Harry chuckles.

A/N: Normal service will now resume.