Disclaimer: I don't even own Christmas :(
Summary: Terry takes Harry's Christmas wish a little too seriously, and plucking up all the Ravenclaw courage he has, resolves to ask for our favourite snarky Potions Professor's help. Oh, Terry, what happened to all that Ravenclaw intelligence? Takes place during chapter 10 of Harry Potter and the Arcana.
AN: Normally, I wouldn't write another outtake so soon, but Harry's Christmas wish in chapter 10 brought several possibilities to mind - I thought an amusing Terry - Snape moment was well warranted. Enjoy. Oh, and this doesn't really happen in the story – it's more of a 'what if?' thing.
Outtake: Christmas Shopping
Terry Boot was a good friend. He always listened to what others had to say, and despite the fact that he had a short attention span, he was very intelligent, and always gave good advice. He was very caring, and loved nothing more than to see his friends happy. That was why, on one frigidly cold December afternoon, Terry was trekking through the dungeons of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, looking for one Severus Snape's office.
Severus Snape was Terry's least favourite teacher; quite frankly, the sarcastic Potions Professor scared him. However, Harry Potter, one of Terry's best friends, had explicitly stated that he only wanted one thing for Christmas – to become Severus Snape's apprentice of dark snarkiness. Now, Harry was a strange boy; Terry knew that, everyone knew that – in fact, during the few months he had spent at Hogwarts, some of the fellow students and teachers had grown afraid of him. Terry, and most of the other boys in the Ravenclaw dorm, knew better. Harry wasn't frightening, he simply spoke his mind, had odd taste, and didn't do things by halves. Which is why, while horrified, Terry was not really that surprised at his friend's Christmas wish. For some odd reason, Harry seemed to admire Severus Snape, and if an apprenticeship was what he wanted, then Terry would get it for him – after years of being ignored on the holidays, Harry deserved the present he wanted.
Finding himself in front of the door to the professor's office, Terry steeled himself, rapping on it three times.
There was a pause, before, "Come in," sounded, ground out a smooth, but annoyed voice.
Cautiously, Terry opened the door and tip toed up to the professor's desk, standing stiffly in front of it, not even daring to breathe as he waited for the professor to look up from his work. Several moments passed, and between his anxiety and holding his breath, Terry began turning red and twitching violently.
Finally, much to Terry's relief, the Professor Snape looked up from the papers he was grading, taking one look at Terry and sneering. "Ah, Boot, I don't recall giving you detention."
"Two points from Ravenclaw for wasting my time – speak up, Boot, or leave," the professor snapped.
Terry stiffened. "I came to ask for your help, sir!"
The professor twitched, clearly irritated. "With what?" he said very slowly.
"For Harry's –"
"So Potter," he spat the name, "Put you up to this, did he?"
"Yes – I mean, no, sir! I just…it's for him, but he doesn't know about it –"
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Boot, if you can't speak coherently, then get out!"
"I need your help to grant Harry's Christmas wish!" Terry cried.
The professor sneered at him, the slightest incredulity passing over his face. "Potter's Christmas wish?"
"Yes sir, you see, I can't do it without your help, it's…"
"I don't care what Potter's Christmas wish is, Boot, unless it somehow involves getting the insufferable brat expelled – get out now, and stop wasting my time!"
"But sir, I can't! Harry's never gotten a Christmas gift before, because his relatives hate him, and so as his best friend, I have to give him exactly what he wants, so he can have the best Christmas ever! And I won't leave, you can hex me or take all the points you want, but I won't leave until you hear me out!"
The professor closed his eyes, chanting to himself, Don't kill the stupid Ravenclaw, Don't kill the stupid Ravenclaw, Don't use the stupid Ravenclaw for potion ingredients… He opened his eyes. "Well, get on with it then, what is it?" he snapped impatiently.
Terry took a deep breath. "Well, sir, Harry greatly admires you…"
"And?" Professor Snape interrupted irritably.
"He said that nothing would please him more than to become your apprentice…"
"My apprentice?" the professor asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes sir, of dark snarkiness."
The professor blanched in a frighteningly cold way. "…of dark…snarkiness."
"Yes sir, he really wishes that one day he will be able to intimidate people as thoroughly as you do."
"Does he now?"
"Oh, yes sir!"
At that moment, the professor stood, stepping around the desk smoothly, coming to stand in front of Terry, towering over him. The Potion Master's eyes were glimmering, the black orbs cold like ice and yet burning with barely withheld fury akin to the fires of hell. "Perhaps," he said lowly, "A demonstration would suffice." He nimbly drew his wand. "Now, Mr. Boot," he continued softly, coldly, pronouncing each word thoroughly, "If you do not run from this office as fast as your pitifully short legs can carry you, you will never, ever leave – I will pin you to the door, slice you open, and use your entrails for potions ingredients, all the while keeping you alive so you can watch while I brew." He bent down to look a quickly paling Terry in the eye. "I would start running now."
Terry squeaked and darted out of the office, slamming the door behind him. The poor boy ran, and ran, and ran, not looking back, and not slowing down until he collapsed in the Ravenclaw common room, head spinning as he panted heavily.
Just then, Harry glided down the stairs, nose in a book, snapping it shut when he heard Terry's laboured breathing. "Alright there Terry?"
Terry glanced over at him faintly. "Yeah…yeah…I'm great – just getting a bit of Christmas shopping done."
Harry blinked, then shook his head. "Maybe you should just try ordering by owl next time?"
Meanwhile, down in the dungeons, Severus Snape sat back in his chair, smirking. "I can't let just anyone in on my secrets, after all."
Amusing? Or was it just me?