Disclaimer: October again, and you know what that means. Checking out the Disney Channel in hopes that it'll dust off "Future Halloween" for rebroadcast among its Halloween-themed episodes. Hey, don't put an apple come Halloween in my pillowcase if DC doesn't show it again; I'm not in charge of Disney programing. Candy Pumpkins! I don't even own Phil of the Future.

Author's Note: Thanks go out to Phil of the Future's newest posting author Nomonoke (a.k.a. Crystle) who emerged from her three year writing slump swinging with her backstory "Thought Progress." Although she decided to return to writing in order to find her muse, her writing style actually provided the inspiration for this story. "THaNk YU!" as Curtis would say.

Two Heads Are More Fun Than One

by CraftyNotepad

It was October again, just like last year and every twelve months previous. Well, no, not simply "again." Keely Teslow had a new best friend and had become a new person in the process. Well, no, not a "new" person, exactly. Hanging around Phil Diffy, she - she? Well, if not the "true" Keely, then a "better" Keely Teslow emerged. Less cliquish, freer to blossom into the person she'd decide to be, and not so much defined by eyes of others.

Phil said something just now, Keely thought, lost in her own thoughts and his eyes. She wondered what he could have been saying and ran down a checklist in her mind to see if it was worth letting him know she went spacey again.

1. Phil's dad fixed the time machine and his family is traveling back home to 2121? Maybe, but that never actually happens.

2. Phil's little sister is up to no good again? That's a given.

3. Their history teacher, Mr. Hackett, looked suspiciously at his pupil when Phil answered that Disney World is a famous underwater amusement park with free snorkeling? Nah, everyone else will chalk that remark to Phil trying to be a weird class clown, like when he explained about evil President Lincoln with the hypnotic eyes.

4. The Diffys' caveman, Curtis, could be serving boiled cat meat for lunch in the cafeteria today?

Nope, Keely decided, no good reason to have Phil repeat himself. Oh, great ... he's continued talking. Now, what did she miss? Halloween costumes? Kelly had some great ideas on how they could dress up together: a window washer and a window, macaroni and a packet of cheese, box of cereal and a carton of milk, she could be a wall outlet and he could be her plug, ... Phil shot down all her proposals, actually insisting that costumes in this century are so lame, compared to those in his time - when is he going to get it through his 22nd Century noggin that this IS his century now? A wrestler, a toddler, a desk chair? Those are his examples of what constituted "cool" future Halloween's costumes? There had to be a way to smarten Phil up, in more ways than one, she pondered.

Keely had just rolled her eyes at Phil's recollection of his holiday chair costume when she spotted them at it again (shudder), her nearly-first-boyfriend and his latest conquest to be. Tanner Kirkpatrick's lying arms encircled Margo, holding her close from behind. Tanner wasn't worth caring about in Keely's world, but she had thought better of Margo's judgement - until her own memories of almost making Tanner her own first boyfriend came back with a vengeance. Eww. Margo was forgiven; Tanner never, but being held ... that was appealing.

"A chair? pshawed Keely, "We can do better than that." The image of being held, of arms, not Tanner's, certainly, but maybe ... "I'm thinking something two-headed, like, ah, two-headed businessman." Maybe he'll bite?

"Or a two-headed hockey player," submitted Phil.

He bit! Now, to make it seem like it was all his idea, "A two-headed hockey player! That's exactly what I was thinking."

"You said 'businessman.'"

"I said 'businessman,' but I was thinking 'hockey player.' We are totally on the same page."


At the Diffy house later that evening, Phil's sister was conspicuous by her absence, resulting in a quiet atmosphere for all. Barbara Diffy was busy in the kitchen, concocting Halloween treats so gruesome that the mere sight of them would turn the stomachs of the hardiest of holiday ghouls - and if that didn't work, there was always the taste! In the living room, her Twenty-Second Century husband was tinkering with yet another of the time machine's components and his memory wasn't quite up to parr. Time call Phil in to help him.

"Well, Dad, I'm off to the party."

Party? What party? Why doesn't anyone ever - oh, just go with the flow, Lloyd, "Oh, don't tell me what your costume is. Let me guess. Let me guess."

"Dad, you'll never guess."

"You're, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um ... you're 'Helmet-Man,' protector of the Universe, with your trusty sidekick, 'Stickboy.'"

"No."

Admitting defeat, Lloyd conceded, "I give up."

"This is only part of the costume. Keely and I are going as a two-headed hockey player."

Sigh. This century was definitely deteriorating his son's I.Q. Lloyd was now certain that the sooner he could fix the time machine and say good-bye to this century, the better.


Both of his children out of the house, the eldest Diffy's thoughts turned from temporal part repairing to his partner. Barbara was going to have to hear how lame Phil's Halloween costume was this year, even more so than when he was six and went out trick-or-treating as water fountain and kept running back home to pee.

"Genius," Barb declared of her son's costume choice for the party.

"Ha-ha! Yeah, that's what I thought - huh?" Lloyd was puzzled.

"Our little boy is growing up," his wife tried to clarify.

"This century is rotting his brain," insisted her husband.

"Oh, really?" Barbara walked over to Lloyd, "'Two-headed hockey player?'" She positioned herself beside Lloyd, hip hip, then ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his neck, started to head toward his left shoulder before her hand switched direction and began running down his back. Lower, lower ... lower, before halting at his belt line. She had his full attention now.

"Oh!"

"See? Not so dumb, after all?"

The warm presence of her arm lit up his world, causing him to question constantly where her hand would be heading next. He felt his wife's hand roost when it cupped the left side of his waist. He responded in kind. All of a sudden, Lloyd understood and announced, "Phil's fine. A regular chip off the old block, Honey."

"Yes, Dear, he is," agreed Barbara kissing him before quickly releasing her hold on her husband to check on the now screaming oven timer's announcement of possibly burnt pumpkin cookies. Lloyd smiled at his spouse before heading back to his tinkering, without witnessing the twinkle in her eyes or hearing Barb's closing remark, "which is why I'm sure this was all Keely's clever idea."