Title: Walking the Edge
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki and I'm not making any money from this story.
Summary: Gojyo needs to take the edge off, and Hakkai likes playing with sharp objects.
The inn was nothing special and they were all tired after endless hours on the dry, dusty road. The four had showered before dinner but had not had time for baths. Now they were assembled in Hakkai's room, looking groggy and irritable. Yep that was pretty much their standard.
"Well, this looks nice." Hakkai was forcing his cheer as he encouraged the others to order food - except for Goku. He was eager to try everything.
The food arrived and Goku dove in. Sanzo had scrounged up a paper and was hiding behind it. Gojyo felt restless. He was emotionally exhausted but eager for something to still the energy racing through him from too many days in Jeep. The youkai had left them alone for almost a week. It had been a relief for the first two days, and then it was just tedious. Gojyo wanted to do something. He wanted to gamble, to laugh, to tease - to walk a line and challenge the world to look him in the face and take him as he was or fight him.
The server returned with more tea, and Gojyo smiled at her. Here was a connection to the action he craved. "Hello, what time do you get off?" He asked as she set the pot down on the table. She had the walk and smile of the denizens of the night, and the grin she returned confirmed it. He was vaguely aware of Hakkai's disapproval. Better his disapproval than his disgust.
"I'll see you at eight." The busty woman, several years older than she wanted to appear, winked at him. Her grin was an invitation and Gojyo returned the wink before refocusing on his food. Goku had missed the transaction, Sanzo had ignored it. Hakkai had given up his forced cheer and just looked weary. Gojyo thought, if he were a decent sort of man, he would stay in tonight and keep Hakkai company. If he were a decent sort, he would go down to the baths with Hakkai and then rub his back and feet - spoil him. But then, Gojyo was not a decent sort; he was going to meet the buxom woman with hard eyes, and he was going to drink and gamble and fight.
"Get us both some smokes." Sanzo suddenly threw a bit of cash at Gojyo. "And enough snacks to keep the monkey quiet." Sometimes Gojyo wondered what Sanzo knew, when he sent Gojyo away from them. As if he could see what simmered beneath the surface and wanted to drive him away. Gojyo sketched a mocking salute and sauntered out, the money in his pocket.
It was slightly more than an hour later, and still two hours before he was supposed to be escorted back to the wild side of town, when Gojyo returned. Sanzo was seated in the tiny lounge, still reading the same paper. Goku was playing darts against himself, and apparently losing.
"Hakkai go to bed? To the baths?" Gojyo asked as he tossed Sanzo's smokes and Goku's snacks on the table.
"He went off with some guy." Goku stuck his tongue out and twisted his face up, throwing the dart wildly off to the left. How could the brat fight as if he did and throw a dart like a myopic toddler?
Gojyo processed the words and froze. "Hakkai went off with some guy?"
"The man was a bibliophile," Sanzo supplied. Gojyo blinked.
"He's into what?"
"Books. He collects books. Hakkai met him at the bar and they struck up a conversation." Sanzo snapped the paper back up. "At least that was the pretense."
Gojyo felt his blood run cold for a second, and then it seemed to race through him, hot and violent. "Some pervert lured Hakkai away and you let him?"
"Shin was a pervert?" Goku abandoned his dart game and looked bemusedly between the back of Sanzo's paper and Gojyo's darkening expression. "Does that mean we should run out and save him?"
"Fuck that; Hakkai is more than capable of saving himself. Unless you meant we should save Shin? And I really don't give a fuck about him." Sanzo turned a page of his paper, signaling the end of his interest in the conversation. Gojyo wanted to yell at them both, flip the table next to Sanzo. Have a general temper tantrum.
"Are you sure Hakkai is safe with this Shin the bitchiophile?" His words sounded guttural as he forced them through clenched teeth.
"You go off with strange woman all the time. Some of them look a lot more dangerous than Shin did," Goku pointed out, very unhelpfully. "And Hakkai has tons more sense then you do even on his worst day."
Gojyo drew in air through his nose and expelled it through his mouth. He was tipping over into that place, in the dark fires of his - would it be a soul? Did half-youkai even have souls? They said youkai did not. Where ever the hell it came from, that fire was raging up. Gojyo knew, clearly, calmly, and completely, that he should leave Hakkai to his books and bibliophile and go on with his own plans for the evening. However, he knew, absolutely and completely, that Hakkai was not being taken to look at books. And the fire inside would not abate in the face of reason and right.
"They were going to a place called 'Martial Arms' for brandy, and then to review a book of mythology Shin had with him," Sanzo added, unhelpful to the last. Gojyo turned without a word and headed out.
Behind him Goku asked, "Should we help?"
"Hell no!" Sanzo retorted, and the paper snapped again.
The Martial Arms was easy to find. It was the sort of place Gojyo was never allowed. His clothing was not good enough and he did not have enough money to pay the cover, most nights. Tonight he handed over every penny in his gambling stash and a single narrowed look had the door attendant waiving the dress code shit.
Gojyo strode into the quiet club and looked around. It was a dark, quiet sort of place with leather booths and real wooden tables. The waiter that hurried up to him hurried just as quickly away as Gojyo glared at him.
Gojyo felt his emotions roiling up in him and flaring out of him, and he imagined that his eyes burned with that intensity. That near madness he had seen in his mother's face and, for a frozen nightmare moment, his brother's face. It was not rage or even anger - it was just intensity. Emotions came with many faces, but Gojyo knew that they all had to be masked, curbed, leashed, and tamed. Tonight he knew those emotions were dangerously close to breaking free.
Hakkai was sitting –almost leaning against an older man. They were cozied up in a back corner, and Hakkai's thick, soft hair captured light from the lamp on the table. He was bent over a book that looked very old and frail, though not as frail as the nape of Hakkai's neck, exposed while he read aloud.
Gojyo did not hear the words; all he heard was his own pulse racing as he watched Shin I Shark-san, /I watch Hakkai. The man was handsome and smooth and had polished mannerisms. His tongue was pale pink when it slipped out to flick at his thin, pale lips. Gojyo decided right then he was not in the mood to imagine that pink tongue and those thin lips on Hakkai.
"He wants to fuck you," Gojyo informed Hakkai. Both men froze, Shin looking at Hakkai. Hakkai was looking at the book. Then they were both looking at Gojyo. On his own end, Gojyo was only vaguely aware that he had come to rest in his fighting pose, legs slightly apart and weight balanced.
After an interminable pause, Gojyo placed a cigarette in his mouth, reached out, and took Shin's lighter, cocking a mockingly appreciative eyebrow as he noted it was gold. Gojyo took his time lighting his cigarette while both men stared at him. Gojyo threw the lighter back. Shin did not even seem to register the projectile, but Hakkai, of course, caught it and placed it neatly back where it had been. Then Hakkai closed the book and placed his hands, fingers laced primly together, on the cover.
"Did you need something, Gojyo?"
"He's trying to get you in the sack. He's only pretending he wants to get to know you, to share an interest with you."
"Then aside from the book, we have another interest in common, perhaps," Hakkai, responded coolly. Shin moved slightly away from Hakkai.
"Hakkai, let's get out here."
"Don't let me keep you, Gojyo, you have only slightly more than an hour before your date." Hakkai's voice was cooler.
Gojyo processed the words and his eyes narrowed. "I don't have a date. I have a guide to the best places to drink and gamble."
"And I have a guide to the best places to drink excellent sake and read classic mythology." Only the whitening of his knuckles where they rested on the book betrayed that Hakkai was not pleased with the conversation.
"She wasn't pretending to share an interest with me to get laid."
There was no response. Shin appeared emboldened by Hakkai's resistance and moved closer again, putting his arm around Hakkai. "Well, ah, 'Gojyo,' was it? Perhaps you had best meet your woman friend who is not pretending she does not want to be laid. We're fine here, really." His smile was confident but not arrogant. Oh, he was a slick bastard.
"Unless you want Sanzo bailing me out of jail, Hakkai, you will get up and walk out with me, right the fuck now!"
"See here," Shin began, looking around, his hand raised to signal for the waiter-to call for the bouncer no doubt. Hakkai took one hand off the book and patted Shin's thigh.
"Never mind, Shin, it was a lovely opportunity to see a truly amazing book, but I think Gojyo and I need to have a conversation."
"I really don't think that's a good idea." Shin grabbed Hakkai's wrist, detaining him. "He looks quite angry." As if to validate Shin's worry, Gojyo growled. He was not really aware of moving until he was at the table and reaching for Shin's arm, having suddenly decided it needed to be broken. Hakkai intercepted him, pale fingers closing around Gojyo's wrist with a bruising force.
"Thank you, Shin." Hakkai managed to slide out of the booth and retain Gojyo's wrist without looking awkward. Gojyo flashed a last glare of triumph and threat before Hakkai dragged him out of the club.
"Exactly what was the basis for that absurd showing?" Hakkai stopped two blocks from the club and rounded on Gojyo.
Gojyo faltered. He had no good excuse for his behavior. At least none that Hakkai would want to understand. How could he explain that he wanted-needed!-Hakkai with the entire single-mindedness and selfishness of his youkai half? Long ago Gojyo had learned he had to control that, to not unleash that force on humans. It could terrify; and it could hurt, and Hakkai hated to be reminded of his youkai nature. Gojyo would be damned if he would force him to acknowledge it in a lover.
"I just didn't believe you wanted—you understood—"
"I can't have the same needs you have? I can't want to have company? Do things I enjoy?"
Gojyo knew he was blinking stupidly at Hakkai, who continued, "Or was I supposed to be asleep, having done laundry and made a shopping list while you and your date were out enjoying the night life?"
Gojyo shook his head. "It's not like that," he tried to explain desperately.
Then what is it like? Tell me."
"I can't." Gojyo blinked at Hakkai again, raised his hand, and then let it fall. "I just need to take the edge off sometimes. I need to go out and get the edge off."
"With a woman," Hakkai's tone was dry.
"No, I haven't fucked any of them since you and I-" Gojyo broke off. He was not quite sure that saying since they'd fucked was a good idea.
"Since you fucked me?" Hakkai supplied helpfully. "I find that hard to believe. You often have to leave to 'take the edge off,' not returning until near dawn."
"I was drinking, playing cards, sometimes fighting. I wasn't fucking." Gojyo wondered why he sounded so much like the monkey in a sulk.
"So you need to take the edge off with gambling and fighting." Hakkai summarized icily. "Perhaps I need to take the edge off."
For a minute Gojyo imagined it. Hakkai with all that banked fire unleashed, biting and scratching and howling his name. Fucking, raw and desperate until they were both exhausted and sweaty and at peace. Gojyo's dick surged and throbbed.
"Oh gods." He had not realized he had moaned until Hakkai grabbed his shoulder.
"What?" Hakkai's eyebrow's lifted slightly his gaze still cold.
"Look, you're right-I had no business, I got to get outta' here," Gojyo began, suddenly desperate to flee before he put his hands on Hakkai. Before he released the demon inside him. Before he surrendered to his fire and lost his best friend, and lover, forever.
"No!" Hakkai did not raise voice; he did not need to in order to command, and, as always, Gojyo complied. He allowed himself to be directed off the main street and into an alley.
Gojyo expected Hakkai would say something; instead Gojyo found his hair caught in a powerful, demanding grip that pulled him in. It hurt and felt so fucking good. Not as good as Hakkai's hot, hungry mouth on his, though. Gojyo had a second of awareness, a vague thought of pushing away; then he felt the press, throb and heat of Hakkai's cock against his hip, then his own aching length and Gojyo gave in. He surrendered control. Gojyo grasped Hakkai's hands and pulled them from his hair. In a brief tussle he pressed Hakkai to the cold brick wall behind them. Once he had his lover trapped between Gojyo's needing heated body and the cool bricks Gojyo pinned the wrists he held over Hakkai's head. He leaned and met his lover's mouth, still vaguely wearing a disapproving frown, but only for a second.
It was the kiss Gojyo dreamed about on those long days on the road or the lonely nights when he woke in the dark, chest aching as he remembered images of Hakkai, broken and bloody. Gojyo had to shatter those images on the jagged edges of desire and pleasure.
Gojyo demanded and he took. Hakkai's moan called to the wildness in him, and surrendered to his demons. Even as he kissed Hakkai, consumed him and demanded more, Gojyo managed to strip Hakkai of shoes and pants. Finally free to touch, as he wanted Gojyo's hands were greedy and demanding as he grasped Hakkai's hard cock.
"I want you to scream my name when you come. I want to take you so hard and so deep, all you can think of is my name. All you're going to feel is me." Pinned against the wall as he was, Hakkai was left with no option other than to wrap his legs around Gojyo when he was lifted and positioned.
"Yes." Hakkai tangled his hands in Gojyo's hair again as he initiated a kiss that made his blood burn turn to flame. "Yes. Fuck me."
Gojyo knew, for a second, he should try to pull himself together, to pull himself away, but hearing that soft, cultured voice demanding that Gojyo fuck him took the last of clear thought.
There was no caution, no wooing as Gojyo prepared them both. "So fucking hot and tight. I'm going in you, right there," Gojyo said as he added a second finger and Hakkai tried to arch into the invasion, not flinching away. "I'm going in you fast and deep." He groaned "All the way." Always before he had been careful with Hakkai. Not letting himself take without thought or caution. He had been mindful of marks that might create uncomfortable questions. Gojyo did not care now. He had been stripped of all pretense and control. Now there was only raw, selfish need. And Hakkai was feeding that need in all it's feral appetite with guttural groans and wanton responses.
"Yesss! Hakkai was panting, rolling his hips
"Stroke yourself." Gojyo forced his words out of what were mostly incoherent growls. "Jerk yourself," he repeated it as an order. He could not work Hakkai's cock while holding him, lifting him and impaling him, Now Gojyo needed, he needed to feel the wild spasms of release deep inside. Still moaning Hakkai worked a hand between them and began to stroke himself. His hand moved sharply, the motions erratic and intense.
The first flutter was like a promise, and Gojyo groaned in relief. It was coming—Hakkai was coming. "Hhhhnnnn," it was less a yell then a moan that ended on a breathless keen.
One last time Gojyo thrust up, his body now shaking as wet heat spread first on his belly, then erupted from him. It was wild, fire out of control, the feeling so intense it seemed to pull from every part of him, draining him.
After a moment in which they both fought for breath Gojyo began to slowly and carefully disengage them, still kissing Hakkai. "You OK?" he asked as they finally parted.
"Yes, quite," Hakkai sounded more than a bit pleased, if a little breathless, "except I'm rather messy and don't seem to know where my pants are."
"You don't need pants."
"Gojyo. I would like my pants. Now, please." Sighing Gojyo stepped back. He felt good, like after a fight, like his whole body was working together and he was here, real. Still a bit smug he shoved himself into some sort of order and glanced around. How, exactly, had Hakkai's pants had become hooked over a broken downspout? The missing shoes were found when he tripped over one.
"Maybe you should clean up with your shorts and put them in my pocket, go commando back to the inn?" Gojyo suggested, unable to keep from grinning at the look of perplexed distaste washing over Hakkai's face as the normally fastidious man attempted to dress.
"Mmm." Hakkai abruptly transferred his attention; watching Gojyo speculatively but following the suggestion. Once dressed, Hakkai approached Gojyo. After another assessing, look that was setting off tiny alarm bells in the part of Gojyo's brain that that knew better, Hakkai kissed him again. It wasn't the mature, controlled kisses they had always shared before but another of those raw, demanding kisses. Gojyo responded, sliding his fingers into Hakkai's hair to hold him and claim him anew.
"Don't you dare try to run and hide," Hakkai warned him. "I don't know what is going on. And I don't want to talk about it here and now. I want to enjoy it, you." Hakkai pulled back and searched Gojyo's face. "Usually when you look at me and your eyes are bright, like a light. But sometimes, before you go 'to take the edge off,' I see a fire glowing in you, real and so hot and I want to fall into it." He kissed Gojyo. "I think I finally got to feel that fire."
"It isn't a good fire. It can get out of control," Gojyo warned. He was suddenly feeling off kilter.
"No more talking, not here." Hakkai placed his fingers over Gojyo's mouth, and Gojyo began to kiss and suck them. Hakkai drew a shaky breath. "The room," Hakkai directed, "the bed."
The moved side by side, but not touching, through the town, the lobby, and into the room. Gojyo was aroused, aching and needy before the door was shut. He reached out for Hakkai as soon as the door locked behind them.
"Talk." Hakkai said flatly. Gojyo blinked and stepped back.
"What is the edge?" Asked Hakkai. Trust Hakkai to figure it out. To ask exactly the right question that left no room to evade.
"The other side of me. The youkai. The part that wants and takes and feels so fucking much. It's scary, and it doesn't care about being careful."
Hakkai was studying his face. "You're worried you could hurt me?"
"I'm hanyou. I'm part youkai. I can't be reckless -I can't be careless with humans."
"I'm not human," Hakkai pointed out blandly. Before Gojyo could respond, he continued: "So you don't have to worry about hurting me." Hakkai was studying Gojyo's eyes as he spoke. "Gojyo, do you trust me?"
"Yes." That was the easiest question of the whole fucking night.
"Hmm." Hakkai began to strip Gojyo's clothes off him. "Do you trust me not to hurt you?"
"Of course," Gojyo answered. He was confused and having difficulty, he wanted to pay attention but was having a hell of a lot of trouble doing so with Hakkai's hands on him again.
"Then you have to trust me not to let you hurt me." Gojyo blinked. He wasn't sure that sentence was correct, or fair. But really, he was in no condition to sort it out.
Hakkai began to strip off his own clothing. "I want you." He shoved Gojyo back onto the bed and straddled him. "If I catch you holding back on me again, now that I know what you can give me, I will be very angry."
Gojyo watched as Hakkai fucked himself on Gojyo's aching length. He saw Hakkai begin to arch backward, the vulnerable lines of his throat exposed. Then the fire could not be patient any more. Gojyo sat up, changing their position, and sinking his teeth into the pale skin of Hakkai's throat. Hakkai cried out and shuddered against Gojyo.
They came in unison, bodies surging and clinging. Afterward they fell in a tangle of arms and legs. "We should clean up," Hakkai, ever practical, announced some time later
"No," Gojyo growled the fire, banked but still alive, responded. The more cautious part of Gojyo added; "Sanzo might notice marks, I think I marked you."
"Hm. I doubt he will say anything. At least not more than once."
"Ok." There was something in Hakkai's voice that prevented Gojyo from saying more than that.
"Hakaryuu is going to need to rest all day tomorrow." Hakkai informed Gojyo, which seemed to be one of those sentences that needed attending too. Propping himself up on an elbow Gojyo looked at Hakkai, who was smiling back.
"Ok." Gojyo agreed carefully, fully aware there was more to come.
"I have every intention of spending tomorrow fucking you senseless," Hakkai continued his usual even tone.
Gojyo blinked. There were a number of responses to that statement that came to mind. The one he voiced, topping the list from habit as he thought of being shot and missing the fucked senseless part of the program. "Gonna' have to get Sanzo more cigarettes."
Hakkai's hand cupped the back of Gojyo's head; he rested his lips gently against Gojyo's. "Sanzo will need to buy his own damn cigarettes tomorrow. I just told you. I will be busy. And so will you."
Gojyo saw the flare in Hakkai's gaze. The fire was there, too. "Taking the edge off?" Gojyo sighed into the kiss. He supposed the growl was an affirmative.