A/N: What you are about to read is crack, pure and unmitigated. That's all you'll find here, along with a smidgen of fluff and a visit from an old friend. Don't take it seriously, but review if it amused you, and favorite if you'd read it again!
Disclaimer: I do not own Warehouse 13 or any of its wonderful characters. If I did... well, let's just say a lot of things would be different.
The warehouse was dark and silent but for the sound of footsteps as Artie and Claudia made their inventory rounds, clipboards in hand. Suddenly, Claudia stopped and flung out her arm, halting Artie in his tracks.
"What is it?" He asked irritably.
"I smell fudge," Claudia announced suspiciously.
"Impossible! MacPherson's dead!... ish..." Artie cried. Claudia merely raised an eyebrow at the "ish," filing it away under her mental folder labeled "Questions for Later." (Which saw quite a lot of activity theses days.) She was distracted by a faint squeaking sound. When she looked down, a ferret scuttled across the aisle, and she leapt after it, capturing it and picking it up.
"Have you been making futile wishes again, Artie?" she asked him point blank, with that no-nonsense trademark Claudia stare. There was no way Artie could resist that, so he hedged his bets with a half truth.
"Maybe..." Claudia rolled her eyes and gave the animal a sniff. Yep, that was one chocolatey rat.
"There's nothing worse than a ferret that smells like fudge, Artie. So you might as well own up. What were you wishing for?"
"Mumble mumble mumble…"
"What was that?" Artie sighed.
"I was wishing for fudge. I was hungry at the moment, and... well..."
The ghost of MacPherson left behind by the Phoenix suddenly chose that moment to appear over Artie's shoulder, a faint smile on his lips.
"You know Artie, Claudia," he said knowingly. "Take him away from his kitchen and his cookies for any length of time and he gets irritable."
Claudia looked from MacPherson to Artie, and then back to MacPherson. The chain of thoughts in her mind went something like this:
Well, I've seen stranger things in this Warehouse.
Yeah, but that's effing MacPherson! He's dead! You watched him die!
As I said. I've seen stranger things in this Warehouse.
And then, because it seemed like what the situation needed (and maybe because buried deep in each woman is a genetic predisposition to lose consciousness when the situation became too difficult), she fainted. Dramatically. Neither man in front of her took much notice. MacPherson turned to Artie, the shorter man with a guilty look on his face.
"What? You did tell her I wasn't dead, didn't you?" MacPherson asked.
"Well, not in so many words..." Artie hedged again. "Did the 'ish' count?" MacPherson merely shook his head, giving a damn good imitation of amused tolerance, and placed a semi-translucent hand on Artie's shoulder.
"Come along, old friend. When she wakes up, you have some explaining to do."
"And a ferret to get rid of..." Artie added, picking up the creature from where Claudia had dropped it.
"Frankly, I'm surprised this place isn't full of them by now," said MacPherson.
"Well, now that you're back, my wishes aren't futile anymore." MacPherson smiled fondly at Artie's answer and fell into step with him as they headed down along the shelves towards the office. When they had gotten about twenty feet away, Claudia, still on the floor, lifted her head and moaned theatrically.
"Hey, guys? Guys? Don't just leave me here!" She paused when they ignored her, then added, "And you know, I caught that whole soppy exchange!" There was silence as Artie and MacPherson continued walking away from her, MacPherson's hand still on Artie's shoulder.
A/N: Also, this might not be totally canon. I've only seen up to the second episode on season 2, and I can't really remember exactly how that tea kettle works. But wait. This is crack. It doesn't have to make sense! BTW, does anyone know what that main room is called where Artie's computer is and which is connected to the umbilicus? Strange that it doesn't have a name… I just called it the office…
P.S. Am I the only one who was totally bummed when MacPherson died, and then had to refrain from squealing when he came back in the next episode and gave Artie that pocket watch? Anyone? Anyone? *Cricket* Ah, well. I'd ship them if their bromance wasn't already too awesome for words.