I did write this listening to Hot Mess by Cobra Starship, but it's not based on it or anything. Not really. It just made me think of how awesome it would be if Austria went totally out of character and slutty when drunk :D

WE'RE SAYING HELL YES! To Roderich getting drunk and seducing our lovely Gil :)

I don't own Hetalia, blah blah blah, you know the drill.

WARNING: yummy men sex, if you don't like it WHY ARE YOU ON HERE, I THOUGHT I STATED IT PRETTY CLEARLY ON THE SUMMARY. Btw, does anyone ever accidently come onto these stories?

Roderich took another drink from the huge mug of beer in his hand. God, he hated these nights. He would be dragged out of his house in the name of international peace only to watch everyone get completely plastered, and half the time Gilbert would latch onto him before he passed out and Roderich would be forced to take him back to his house and get Germany to pick him up the next morning.

Why, why didn't he just refuse flat out to go anywhere with the Beilschmidt brothers anymore?

Although Ludwig was actually sensible most of the time at least. Actually, all of the time. Apart from when it came to Italy, and drinking beer.

He gulped down the rest of his glass and a very eager barmaid pressed another almost instantly into his hand.

He thought back to what he could remember of that afternoon. He had talked to Elizaveta on the phone, then played some piano until Francis appeared at the window... Ah. He should have known not to trust the words of that stupid Frenchman when he said that going somewhere would be 'fun'.

Instead of somewhere that would actually be fun, like a nice Mozart concert, he had been taken to a bar in Germany, and had to listen to the stupid albino telling anyone who was listening (no one) how awesome he was.

He downed another half of his drink as he looked around the group. Apart from Prussia, there was also Germany, who was holding up a very red and giggly Italy, Spain, with an angry looking Romano, each with a glass of wine they had managed to find, and oddly enough, Netherlands, who, when he looked closer, was actually not drinking, instead stroking up the thigh of one of the barmaids. Not so odd after all then. So it looked as if Francis had disappeared somewhere to molest some poor innocent who had caught his eye. Now he could make his escape...

As he stood up, an arm slipped around him and pulled him down. "Leaving so soon, mon ami?" Dammit. He must have finished screwing whoever he had been with.

"Piss off."

"But you're still on your first drink! Here, finish it before you go!" He had noticed the almost full glass, that he hadn't seen replaced... Or the previous one emptied... He suddenly grabbed Roderich's chest, and when he opened his mouth to protest the sudden molestation of his nipples, Francis poured the entered glass down his throat. It was amazing that he managed to swallow the whole thing without choking.

I saw Roderich chug the entire glass of beer with surprise. I didn't think be would be able to do that, even if it was Francis forcing him to do it. France was wrong about saying it was the first glass though, he'd already drunk... I gulped slightly.

"Hey Francis, that wasn't Roddy's first glass. That was his fourth."

"This is a record! More drinks!" France didn't take in the whole meaning of my words. West, however, did.

"He's never been this drunk before, and given what he's done only three due to his extremely low tolerance, no one knows what he might do."

Ludwig's seriousness was lost on Francis.

"He'll probably just fall asleep. It'll be fine!"

Roderich finished coughing and hit Francis on the head, drawing our attention back to him.

"I'll be fine, no thanks to this idiot." He glared at Francis some more before surprisingly offering him a seat next to him and getting in an argument about their music.

Ten minutes later, I was laughing at West, watching him trying to stop Italy from kissing him, while Antonio was doing the opposite with the older brother, who was punching him repeatedly in the face.

I was going to join Netherlands on the other side of the table, but France must have suddenly moved his hand higher up the stupid aristocrat's leg, because Austria was jumping up and yelling that he was leaving. Only to wobble and fall into my lap, the alcohol at last beginning to take effect.

He steadied himself on my chest and gazed up at me with slightly glazed eyes. "Giilllllberrttt," he whined, adjusting himself on my lap. His positioning had to be a coincidence, right? "I'm hot."

I looked at Ludwig in a slightly panicked fashion. "Is it possible for someone to have this much of a personality change from a little bit of alcohol?"

Ludwig looked confused as I tried to ignore Roderich's now intentional shifting about in my lap. "All he said was that was hot."

He saw my expression as Roderich smiled slyly and rubbed against my growing erection some more, and loosened his tie enough to slip it over his head. "Ummm, I've never seen Roderich this drunk, so this might be normal..." West seemed just as surprised at Roderich's behaviour as I was.

The brunette in question wrapped his arms around my neck and moved so that he was sitting facing me, straddling me with his legs tucked behind me as he ground against me slowly, his own erection pressing on my stomach. This got everyone's attention on us, but it was as if Roderich didn't notice them watching him with wide eyes, and continued to press himself to me.

I forced him away slightly. "Seriously, Roderich, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" He took his glasses off and placed them me instead, chuckling slightly and beginning to undo his shirt with one hand.

You look absolutely fucking sexy, I thought. Out loud, I said, "I don't go for aristocrats."

"Sure." he finished undoing his shirt and let it hang open, and with the newly free hand he grabbed and stroked my member through my pants. "This has nothing to do with me, right?"

While his hand was there he surreptitiously undid the button on his pants.

I stared at him through his glasses (which I realised must be fakes- I could see perfectly) in disbelief. Who knew Roddy could be so lewd and... hot!

He pretended to look disappointed. "I guess I'll just go entertain someone else then..." He slid off my lap and onto the edge of the table, his legs open, and the zipper of his pants beginning to come down. He pouted before turning around and beginning to crawl onto the table, wiggling his ass at me provocatively.

I couldn't think- I just knew I had to get him back, and so I grabbed his hips and pulled him back onto my lap, where I did up his pants as best as I could quickly (difficult due to his rather big problem) and dragged him out of the door, yelling "Thanks for paying, West!"

I could hear Italy saying, "What Mr. Austria was doing looked fun! I want to try!"

I pushed Roderich into the car and drove away as quickly as possible. Roderich put his arms around me from the back seat. "Gillberttt," I drove faster. "Gilbertttt," he complained again. "I want you inside me."

I was pushed over the edge. I parked carelessly by the side of the road, luckily having been driving fast enough to already be on deserted road, and pushed him backwards, climbing into the back with him and pushing the seats down.

I had my awesome car customised for such situations. The back seats fold backwards and merge with the boot floor and lock. They're my awesome own design. Even if West did make a few changes. And work out how it could work and everything...

I pulled off the tie he had pushed around my neck earlier and undid his pants again, pulling them off him completely. Meanwhile, he undid my shirt and pulled it off me, also managing to get my fly undone to free my erection before I pushed him down flat and attached my mouth to his. One of my hands dipped to a pocket in the door to pull out a tube while one of his hands reached down to my ass and began to push down my pants. Once I had covered three fingers with the lube I began to prepare him.

He had managed to get me pants off more and now slid my boxers down to join them before covering his own hand with lube and preparing my dick. His talented pianist fingers slid over it with grace as he pumped, making more blood rush to it.


He groaned while I now pumped two fingers in and out of him, stretching him slightly more occasionally. "Fu-uck yes, Gilbert- aah!" He moaned the ended of the sentence as I hit the sweet spot inside him. As I added a third finger I angled my fingers to continue hitting it to ease the pain.

Roderich's moans filled the vehicle and he took his hand from me to clutch my shoulder and side.
"Hurry up!"

I pulled my fingers out and covered my length in lube again to make sure it was as slick as possible. I opened his legs wide and positioned my self at his hole. I let the tip of my member brush him and his body moved towards me, so I decoded to tease him by leaning down and biting his neck gently. I was pressed against his entrance but didn't press any further, and I licked his collarbone slowly.

"Waiting for something?" I loved him angry!

"Want to tell me what you want?"

I saw him blush for the first time that night. "I want your awesome cock filling me!"

I pressed my lips to his bright red cheek as I placed my hands on his hips and pushed into him. God he was tight. I managed to stay still for a minute inside him, stroking his member and trying to restrain myself.

"Fuck, Gilbert, move!"

His ragged voice snapped the remnants of my self control and I couldn't help but begin to thrust into him, harder and harder, making him moan and scream my name. When he came he tightened around me so beautifully I couldn't help but release inside of him immediately.

We rested for a while before cleaning up a little and climbing into the front.

Roderich pointed in the direction we had been travelling. "I have a house 5 kilometres that way."


"If you're going to fuck my brains out again I want to do it on a bed."

I grinned at him. He was looking out the window, clad only in his underwear, his glasses (which I had given back to him) and the blush on his cheeks. I pulled his head towards me and kissed him firmly. "Awesome."

Yeah, sucky I know :(

Hey, maybe I'll write a sequel one day!

But for now I'll just get my rapeface on with France :D


Reviewers can taste the deliciousness that is virtual choc chip cookies! And cake! Or, if you read my other Prustria story, In Which No Cake Is Iced, (*Shameless self advertising whore alert*) Chocolate icing!