Title: The Memory

Summary: "Someone help me cause the memory convinced itself to tear me apart. And it's gonna succeed before long" - Mayday Parade. warning: femslash.

A/N: my first femslash but I really like the idea for this one :3 some angsty one-sided Camille/Jo and Lucy/Camille. Anything in italics is a flashback (except for at the very end). Hope you guys like it :D!


Ever since Jo left, Camille had a hard time dealing with it.

The blonde girl was her best friend, but more than that, she was her first love. For a while, she argued with whether she was really a lesbian and if Logan was truly her first love but Camille knew the truth she was afraid to admit to anyone but herself- she was in love with Jo Taylor. She was her first true friend at the Palm Woods. Jo didn't mind her idiosyncrasies that everyone else found weird. She didn't mind it when she got a little too into her acting auditions; heck, she even helped her run lines. Jo was always there for her whenever she needed her, it could be two in the morning and Jo would come running to her apartment building if Camille said the word. She was an amazing friend and that's what made Camille start falling for her.

Of course she never even brought up the possibility to Jo. She loved Kendall and nothing would change that. Especially not what Camille felt for her.

"Are you sure about this?" Camille asked Jo, sitting on her bed as she watched her pack her bags. She was angrily throwing clothes into her suitcase, not bothering to fold anything, just shoving it in there and gathering more to do the same. "Jo, calm down."

"How could he be such a jerk!" Jo exclaimed. "I mean, I gave up the role of a lifetime for him and he acts like this?"

"Well maybe he realized that you gave up the movie for him." Camille suggested, kicking herself for helping out Kendall in a time like this.

After she left, Camille felt sad and alone. Her first true love and her very best friend literally flew out of her life, and she had no way of getting her back. Camille wanted her back, but more than that, she wanted a distraction. Something to keep her mind from thinking about Jo night and day.

That's when Lucy moved into the Palm Woods. Her physical appearance attracted Camille at first- the red streaked hair, those almond shaped eyes, her tanned skin, her little smirk… The guys had all been attracted to her, but Logan forgot all about Lucy when he saw Camille as Mila and wouldn't leave her alone. Something about the accent and the boots that turned him on, or something. Camille didn't get it, but it cut into her 'getting to know Lucy' time. After the whole ordeal with Mila ended, Camille focused all her time to befriending Lucy. At first she felt bad about it, because her main intentions were to use Lucy to forget about Jo but after she got to know Lucy, she found herself honestly attracted to her.

Jo froze, turning to face Camille. "What do you mean?"

Camille sighed as she stood up, knowing she was in too deep at this point. "Kendall doesn't normally act like a jerk so he must've had a motive." she explained. "And besides, Logan told me Katie told Kendall that you gave up the role of a lifetime to be with him, and he wanted to make you break up with him so you could go do the movie."

Jo's face slowly formed into a smile. "He really did that for me?" she asked softly.

Swallowing back tears, Camille nodded. "He really loves you Jo." she choked out. "And- and he just wants what's best for you."

Lucy and Camille started hanging out a lot after that and the two girls had gotten to know each other very well. After about a month of talking, Lucy confided in Camille that she was bi. "How did you know?" Camille asked when she told her, her head spinning. "Like, did you just wake up one day and…"

Lucy chuckled. "Not exactly. There was this girl…" Camille's heart pounded harder. "And she was so beautiful and amazing. She was also my best friend."

'Déjà vu?' Camille thought, fighting off an eye roll.

"And well we were curious one day, you know, what it was like being with a girl." Lucy continued. "And we started kissing and stuff, and I guess that's when I realized it. At first, I thought I was a lesbian, but I still was attracted to boys. And… well," Lucy raised her hand with a short chuckled. "Bisexual teen girl, party of one."

It wasn't long after that Camille found herself fessing up about her own sexuality. Lucy was understanding and accepting and it made Camille feel like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She finally felt like she was being true to herself for admitting this.

"How did you know?" Lucy asked. "You know, that you liked girls?"

Camille opened her mouth to reply but words didn't come out. Should she tell Lucy about Jo? After a brief mental debate she simply said, "I just knew."

Lucy nodded. "Yeah, I get that."

Camille exhaled a breath of relief, thankful Lucy wasn't more inquiring. "I'm so glad I have someone to talk about this with. You're the only person that knows the real me."

Lucy smiled at her. "You shouldn't be afraid to be anybody but yourself baby." she told her, and Camille's stomach fluttered.

Jo smiled at her. "He's a lot like you in that way." she told her. Camille offered a shy smile as a tear streaked her cheek. Jo's smile wavered. "Oh Millie…"

"I'm sorry." she cut in, wiping her eyes. "Really, it's ok. I'm just…" she wiped her eyes again and sniffled. "I'm really gonna miss you Jo."

"I'm gonna miss you too baby." Jo said, using one of Camille's many pet names. Her stomach fluttered whenever Jo called her baby, it made her feel special because she never even called Kendall baby. She knew she was reading too much into this but she didn't care; she was Jo's baby.

"Um, thanks." Camille murmured, her cheeks growing hot.

Lucy chuckled. "You're too cute, kid." she leaned in to place a kiss on Camille's cheek. "Thanks for letting me vent to you."

Camille looked at her and without warning, she leaned in, kissing Lucy on the lips. Lucy was surprised at first but she shut her eyes and kissed back. It was a soft kiss, but not a quick one. When Camille felt Lucy smile into the kiss, her heart leapt with joy. This was the moment he had been waiting for. Jo's lips always looked so soft, so shiny with lip gloss… Even though Lucy wore lipstick, it was nearly the same thing.

The brunette girl wrapped her arms around Jo, pulling her into a tight hug. "You're coming over tonight for one last sleepover right?" she asked, her voice muffled by Jo's shoulder.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Jo promised.

As their kiss got more heated, Camille felt her lip being bitten and she sighed contently. Who knew Jo could be so wild? She had heard all the stories about what she done with Kendall but she didn't think she would be so wild with her. She brought her hands up, tangling her fingers in her hair. Expecting her fingers to be laced in curls, she was a bit surprised to find that her hair was so straight. But it was so soft, she didn't mind it.

Camille was surprised to see Jo standing in her doorway with tears running down her cheeks, makeup smudged and smeared on her face. "Jo? What's wrong?" Camille asked, alarmed, ushering her inside.

Jo sniffled and sat down on Camille's couch. "I was just thinking…" she started. "On my way to your apartment, I realized…"

Jo trailed off and Camille's stomach dropped. Her mind was reeling with all sorts of things Jo could've realized on her way to Camille's apartment. "You realized…?" she asked softly.

Jo sniffled again and turned to look at her friend. "I realized that I'm never going to find a better friend than you."

That started her own set of waterworks and tears started to fill up Camille's eyes. "Joey." she said, wiping her eyes.

Jo pulled Camille in for a tight hug. "I love you so much Millie."

"I love you too." Camille whimpered softly, closing her eyes tightly as tears fell freely down her face. 'More than you could ever imagine' she thought, sending more tears falling down her face. The two girls remained on the couch, hugging each other and crying for the remainder of the night.

When the two of them finally needed to breath, they pulled away, their foreheads touching. Lucy's soft hair brushed against Camille's skin and it made her stomach flutter with butterflies. "That was nice." Lucy breathed. "I liked it. I like you."

The next day, before Jo had to leave to get her bags and meet Kendall by her limo, she was saying her goodbyes to Camille. The two girls gave one final hug. "Millie," Jo started. "It doesn't matter where I go, I'll never forget you."

Camille's head felt fuzzy and clouded. "I love you Jo." she murmured and upon realization, she pulled away from Lucy, her hands covering her mouth.

"I'll never forget you either Jo." Camille swore, pulling away from Jo. She placed a kiss on the blonde's cheek. "You'll always be in my memory, and in my heart."

. . .

She is everywhere I go
Everyone I see
Winter's gone and I still can't sleep
Summer's on the way
At least that's what they say
But these clouds won't leave

Walk away
Barely breathing
As I'm lying on the floor
Take my heart
As you're leaving
I don't need it anymore

This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless

Now spring has brought the rain
But I still see your face
And I can not escape the past
Creeping up inside
Reminding me that I
Can never bring you back

This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless

This is endless [3x]
Someone help me
'Cause the memory
Convinced itself to tear me apart
And it's gonna succeed before long

This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless
This is endless

Someone help me
'Cause the memory
Convinced itself to tear me apart
And it's gonna succeed before long
(This is endless)

She is everywhere I go
Everyone I see
But these clouds won't leave

. . .

A/N: so I really needed to post the lyrics in this because it just fit so well with the story and it helped me write it once I thought of the idea for it :D I played this song on repeat while I wrote this and a lot of hard work went into this. I wanted to make it believable, even though I feel like it was a little rushed and kind of blehh in my opinion. like, it's not my best work but I personally don't think it was aweful lol. What did you think?