Edge Of Desire
(by: John Mayer)
Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me
Dick still missed Wally too much. He thought the pain would lessen after a while but it hadn't happened yet and it made him think that he wouldn't be feeling okay any time soon.
Dick wished he was able to cuddle next to the speedster and hear the redhead say he loves him. Even if it was fake or if Wally would rather say that to someone else. Dick wanted to be okay with that, with fake love. He wanted to be as happy as he had been before he realized Wally was lying.
The day Wally kissed him he was so happy with the illusion that he kissed back with all he had. That is until he realized what he was doing. He shouldn't keep thinking about Wally as his soul mate and he had to remind himself of that. He would not be Wally's 'dirty little secret' or worse just a replacement for Artemis whenever she was mad. Pushing Wally away was the best thing he could do. It was better than trapping Wally again and certainly better than giving himself any kind of hope that the boy would love him.
Dick knew it had been a desperate kiss. Wally had probably made Artemis mad and had been denied affection. Dick couldn't let himself be a replacement, at least not anymore. The speedster's claims of love were mocking and it hurt him to think that Wally was so willing to play with his feelings. When Wally said they were great as friends, Dick knew he had been right. Hearing Wally say they were great as they are kind of stung a bit or a lot if Dick thought about it. Wally didn't want to date him, for the speedster being friends was great. Dick had to be happy that he was at least honest.
Besides, he kind of had a boyfriend now, or whatever Ethan was. The older boy seemed to actually have an interest in him and Dick wanted to fall in love with Ethan. He wanted to feel everything he felt with Wally as impossible as that seemed.
Dick sat on a bench tired of wondering how horrible it was that he couldn't call Wally and talk, that he couldn't forget about how Wally would always rush to see him when he was sad. He missed the redhead, he missed him so much, it wasn't even normal to be so sad after a break up.
"Even when you're crying you're beautiful, you know?"
Dick had been startled when the guy appeared he hadn't even realized he was approaching, Bruce would've been so disappointed right now. He quickly wiped his tears and stood up, still a bit surprised.
"Uh, thanks." Dick started walking away not wanting to be close to the guy in case he was a creep.
"Wait! I'm sorry I scared you." The guy jogged until he caught up with Dick. "I'm not dangerous I swear."
"I just have to go." Dick spared a glance towards the guy, blonde hair, green eyes and he was tall, maybe around 1 or 2 years older than him. He really didn't seem like a bad person, but still Dick didn't know how to react to a boy flirting with him, besides blushing. Wally had never needed to, the flirting had been forgone for just Wally stuttering and asking him out.
"I'm sorry but you just looked so sad and when I got close…You really are beautiful, I just wanted to talk to you." Dick stopped for a moment, feeling a bad at hearing the guy's dejected voice.
"I'm sorry, that's really nice of you, I just don't feel like talking right now."
"Relationship trouble?" The guy's smile was understanding and sympathetic.
"Yeah…well the lack of one actually." Dick shuffled a bit on his spot, uncomfortable.
"Well, whoever did, was an idiot to let you go."
"I broke up with him…and he already found someone new." Dick felt the already familiar pain in his heart, talking about Wally.
"You shouldn't cry for him gorgeous, I know you must hurt but forget him." The guy flashed Dick a big white grin and Dick tried to give a small smile back at him, only for the sake of being polite. "My name's Ethan, what's yours?"
"It's Richard but you can call me Dick. I really do have to go, it's getting late." Dick started backing away and Ethan gave a nod. Dick smiled at him and walked away.
After meeting him for the first time Dick didn't think much about him. Two days later though, he ran into him at the same park. Ethan had apparently been looking for him, hoping he would pass by again. Dick had been a little unnerved and the older boy's flirty attitude made him nervous but at the end he had agreed to go out with him after running into him a third time, which eventually got to Ethan asking him to be his boyfriend after seeing each other a few more times.
Dick knew Ethan wasn't Wally but the older boy had assured him that he knew Dick was still hurting and that he wouldn't rush Dick into anything. He was sweet and he tried to make Dick smile.
Even if Ethan didn't make him as happy or understand him like Wally and he obviously didn't love him as Wally claimed he did, but it was enough for Dick. He didn't need love, he could live without it and Ethan made it a little easier. With Ethan he didn't have to worry about not being good enough, the boy wasn't looking for something actually perfect, Dick seemed to fulfill what he wanted so he wouldn't have to try as hard to be better, he still did, but not like when he was with Wally.
Kissing him was still hard and he couldn't stop comparing him to Wally in many ways, but everything else was nice. Ethan did sometimes exaggerate about how beautiful Dick was, not like when Wally complimented him though, Wally said he liked specific things, while Ethan just called him gorgeous and perfect. It made Dick think that the older boy wasn't really looking that closely at him, which was good enough for the acrobat, it meant Ethan wouldn't see the imperfections, that the blonde boy would never look at him enough to notice how wrong it was for him to be called beautiful.
Wally ran into the cave, trying not to get too nervous, he hadn't seen Dick in a while and he didn't know how to handle seeing his ex-boyfriend. His uncle stopped next to Batman and they started talking about some new poison or weird plant that Poison Ivy had created. Apparently she hadn't used it on citizens yet but Batman wanted to be prepared for when she released so it wouldn't cause mayhem.
"Um…where's Robin?" Wally approached slowly knowing the question could upset Batman, it all depended on how serious the conversation had been going with Flash.
"He's upstairs in his room, you can go see him if you want." Wally had figured that much and was even carrying a bag with civilian clothes so he could go hang out with Dick. Batman and Flash's job with poisons and chemicals usually took a while and Wally would eventually just go upstairs and play video games with Dick until the adults were done.
"Thanks I'll go change!" Wally ran enthusiastically into a changing room inside the cave, he wanted to see Dick regardless of what could happen when he did. He ran out and went on the direction of the elevator.
"Wait, Kid Flash…I should tell you he's getting ready for a date…" Batman's voice was hesitant and it sounded more like Bruce than the protector of Gotham.
"oh…okay, I'll stay with him until he has to go then." Wally kept his voice cheerful but didn't turn around, knowing his eyes would betray him.
He kept going and got onto the elevator. Before the doors closed he heard his uncle voice asking Bruce if Wally had actually broken up with Dick. Wally had told him they were dating and about the break up a while ago but Barry had thought they would get back together, now he wasn't so sure.
Wally sighed as the elevator rose, already feeling scared of seeing Dick. He didn't want to see the boy trying to look good for another guy. He didn't want to imagine where the date would be or be around when the guy picked Dick up and the acrobat gave his new boyfriend a bright smile that Wally wished was for him.
He sighed as he climbed the stairs, ignoring his super speed. He walked towards Dick room hoping and praying that the boy wouldn't reject his company, after all seeing Wally would be weird for Dick too.
"…Hey." Wally knocked on the slightly open door and stuck his head in, knowing Dick changed in his walk in closet so he wouldn't see anything forbidden anyways.
"Wally?" Dick turned from his mirror to look at Wally. He smiled and Wally could feel the wind knocked out of him, he had missed those sparkling blue eyes so much. "What are you doing here?" The question was so excited Wally knew Dick wouldn't kick him out.
"My uncle had some stuff to look over with Bruce, so…you know." Wally shrugged and walked all the way inside Dick's room. Dick hesitated in approaching him and looked around for a second. "Bruce told me you have a date so don't worry." Wally gave him a slightly pained smile and Dick sighed.
"I'm sorry, I would like to stay with you, I really would but…I just can't cancel again." Dick looked at him with apologetic eyes, the ones Wally knew meant he really was sorry. "I had to cancel the last two times because I had to go on patrol and he's getting a bit mad."
"It's okay, I'll just hang out and watch TV I guess." Wally shrugged and tried to smile as honestly as he could, after all, his only wish was for Dick to be happy and he would have fun on this date.
"Thanks" Dick smiled at him and suddenly came forward for a hug. "I really miss you Wally, I wish we would see each other more often."
Wally was surprised for a moment, until he realized that he was wasting a hug from Dick and he wrapped his arms around his ex-boyfriend tight. "I missed you too Dick and I'd love to see you more, I'll try to come by soon." Wally smiled as he nuzzled Dick's neck, how he had missed this.
Dick unwrapped his arms from Wally's middle and the redhead realized he had to let go, he did so reluctantly. Dick smiled at him again and Wally didn't care as much about the date anymore, at least he got to see the acrobat for a moment.
"So…is Ethan the one picking you up?" Wally shifted awkwardly, wondering if Dick was still seeing that guy.
"Yeah, he hasn't told me where we're going though so I didn't know how to dress and I don't know if I look good enough-"
"Just smile." Wally hadn't meant to say that out loud but he was too close to the smaller boy to think correctly. "With your smile you'll look beautiful, no matter what you wear." Wally couldn't take his words back now, and he didn't even want to, it was true after all. He shuffled nervously in front of Dick.
Right then Dick the most amazing thing, he blushed. Wally's nervous smile turned into beaming. The acrobat looked so cute when he blushed Wally could easily remember why he was so in love with the boy.
"Thank you Wally, you're sweet." Wally wanted to be sweet forever just so that Dick would smile all coy like that. "Ethan should be here in a while so you can stay in my room and watch whatever you want or play any games you want."
The door bell rang loudly.
"Oh, it's him. I have to go Wally." Dick took a black jacket and started slipping it on.
"I'll walk with you downstairs." Wally walked to the door and down the stairs without waiting for Dick to catch up, he wanted to see Ethan and see how he greeted Dick, see if the boy cared about the acrobat at least half as much as the speedster did.
"Wait Wally, I don't think that's a good idea, he'll remember you!" Dick ran behind him but Wally wouldn't listen and then the two just ended up standing in front of Ethan awkwardly.
Alfred cleared his throat and walked away, sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere.
"Ethan this is Wally-" Dick's hesitant voice was cut by Ethan's cold one.
"I remember him." Ethan glared at Wally briefly before turning an annoyed glance at Dick. "You ready to go?"
"I think so." Dick looked a little nervous, Wally knew he was wondering if his outfit was the right one and if he looked good enough. Wally waited for the guy to say something to Dick about how good he looked or at least tell him where they were going so the smaller boy could relax a bit, but Ethan didn't, he just glared at Wally again and turned to leave, walking out the door soon.
Wally could see the slight disappointment in Dick's eyes and Wally rushed so he was next to Dick, taking hold of his hand. "You look beautiful Dick, wherever you're going you'll be the most amazing guy around." Dick looked up at Wally with a fond smile and the redhead felt like leaning in for a kiss, but he didn't want to scare the boy away.
"Bye, Wally. I hope I can see you later." Dick ran outside but not before squeezing the speedster's hand. Wally sighed and ran upstairs again, hearing Ethan's motorbike starting up.
He walked towards Dick's bed and flopped on it. He felt so lonely all of a sudden, he wished Dick hadn't left, he wished he hadn't let Dick leave. With the smell of Dick's shampoo on the pillow he fell asleep in a little while, thinking about the way the smaller boy had smiled at him and wondering when he would see that smile again.
Wally woke up when he felt a new weight settle on him, it was slight but his sleep wasn't deep. He soon realized it was a blanket, a soft one. He looked up and saw it was Dick placing the blanket on him.
"Hey Wally, you seemed cold." Dick smiled at him and Wally realized he must've fallen asleep. "Your uncle is still working with Bruce downstairs, I think you'll have to stay the night."
Dick smiled at him and walked away taking off his jacket so he could hang it up in his closet. Wally sat up rubbing the sleep off his eyes. "How did the date go?"
"It was okay, we just went to see a movie at the end. So it kinda didn't matter what I wore." Wally felt a mad at Ethan, if he was dating Dick he'd take him somewhere to talk, somewhere where he could look into his eyes, not a dark place where Wally hoped they hadn't been making out.
"Is he nice to you?" Wally stopped his thoughts, he shouldn't make assumptions, all that mattered in the end was that Dick was happy.
"Uh, yeah, he's nice and he seems to care so…" Wally didn't quite like that answer and he knew he'd have to come to Gotham more often, he would protect Dick even if it broke his heart to see him with Ethan. He didn't want Dick having a bad relationship.
"You don't seem so sure." Dick was tidying up his room, walking around and trying not to look at Wally's eyes.
"He is. He really is a good boyfriend." Dick stood in the middle of the room, with a small sigh. "He was just a bit upset today. He doesn't like you much." Dick smiled, since they both knew why Ethan didn't like Wally.
Wally chuckled. "I can't imagine why."
"Yeah right." Dick threw at Wally some pajamas he had left there before, when he would come over for sleepovers and game nights. Dick walked into the closet to change and Wally changed in the room as fast as he could, the room was kind of cold and sleeping over the bedspread didn't help Wally in keeping warm. He walked to the bathroom to wash his teeth and folded his clothes as he waited for Dick to be done.
When the boy came out of the walk-in closet Wally put his stuff away and smiled at him. "Well you looked great tonight, I bet you would've looked awesome at any place you went to."
Dick blushed again in that way that Wally loved. The speedster didn't get to smile about it for long thought, since Dick's blush disappeared to be replaced with a frown and sad eyes. "You can stop that now, it's been enough today. I don't need you lying all the time." Wally wanted to argue but Dick started talking before he could. "We should go to bed, it's kind of late."
Wally felt an extreme anguish when he heard Dick's voice. It was resigned and sad. It hurt the speedster to see how easy it was for Dick to talk about himself like he was nothing, to treat himself like he didn't matter. "Dick, I wasn't-" The younger boy wouldn't look at him, wouldn't listen, and just went into his bathroom. Wally gave a sigh, not knowing how to get Dick to believe him. "Please listen to me?"
"I'll take the couch and you can just sleep in the bed." Dick took a pillow from the bed and a blanket and walked to the biggest couch in his room, but before he could get there Wally was in front of him, his hands on the acrobat's shoulders.
"We're not dating anymore Dick, Bruce won't mind that we share." Wally couldn't say anything else about the compliments, it would only upset Dick and he didn't want that.
"No, I should just…" The smaller boy tried to push Wally's hands away. He didn't want to be so close to the redhead, it would feel too intimate and he didn't want to remember how good it felt to be near his ex-boyfriend. Wally in the other hand missed him so much, he needed to be close to the younger boy if only for a few minutes.
"Dick come on, I won't try anything okay?" Dick looked at Wally for a second but then looked away too fast for the speedster to look into his eyes. Wally didn't want that, he wanted the acrobat to trust him again, he wanted Dick to always show him how he's feeling.
"I don't know Wally."
"Please Dick." Wally could feel tears coming to his eyes he was tired of everything, he wanted his boyfriend back, it was all he wanted, he missed him too much, it hurt too much to have Dick hugging someone else, for Dick to be smiling at a guy that wasn't Wally. "Please? I just want to be near you, I- I can't-" If only Dick was actually happy it would be okay, but the younger boy was sad, he was still very hurt and he still didn't believe in how amazing he was. Wally didn't know what to do but he couldn't have Dick feeling his way. He rested his head against Dick's shoulder, trying to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat.
"Wally, I'm sorry, I just, I really shouldn't be-"
"Yeah, okay…I guess I can go to the couch." Wally's voice hitched a bit as he started walking towards his bed for the night, he understood, it had only been a moment of pure desperation, he just didn't think he could live without Dick for much longer. He tried to be optimistic and pretend he was happy but his façade had cracked for a moment. Before he could move too far away Dick grabbed his hand fast so that he couldn't leave.
"No, go to the bed Wally, you're taller you won't fit on the couch." Wally pulled his arm away from Dick's grip and walked to the bed, he didn't want to argue anymore, he wanted to just fall asleep and forget about everything. He quietly got under the covers and buried his face on the pillow. He could hear Dick walking towards the switch to turn off the light and then to the couch.
He sighed and started trying to sleep when he heard some shuffling and then the covers were being lifted on the bed. He stiffened for a second wondering what to do. He felt Dick laying down on the pillow next to him and looked up to see Dick staring at him. The acrobat smiled at him and then chuckled at Wally's huge smile.
"I don't want you to be mad at me." Dick's hand brushed against Wally's as the blue eyed boy smiled at the redhead.
"I can never be mad at you Dick, you know that." Wally looked into Dick's eyes, feeling himself relaxing with the smaller boy so close. The redhead wanted to be closer, he wanted to hold Dick. Still, just being like this was enough to make Wally peaceful, to feel better than he had in weeks. He could feel himself dozing off and closed his eyes, hoping his dreams would be happy since Dick was there. It was all quiet for a while with Wally trying to fight sleep if only to feel close to Dick for a little while longer.
"I miss you so much Wally." Dick's whisper wasn't supposed to be heard by the speedster and the redhead knew that, Dick thought he had already fallen asleep, he tried not to react but he couldn't stop his smile. Dick remained silent after that but when the redhead was finally asleep, his hand gently took hold of Wally's.
A/N: Again, I'm so sorry for taking so long. Life wasn't kind this past months and as the time passed I started doubting my writing skills so I could barely write anything without immediately considering it lame.
So now here's a new chapter, the best I could do it and I think it turned out how I wanted it to, I hope you like it too.
I tried to give a bit of an inside to Dick's thoughts and to give everyone who asked a flashback on how Dick met Ethan, not too thorough but I'll show you more of him in future chapters so you'll get to know him better.
I'll try to update soon guys. I'm moving from home so it'll be a bit of a hard few weeks but without so much school pressure and a bit of loneliness I think I should be able to write some decent chapters.
Thank you all for waiting for so long,