A/N: I need to say that I don't hate Finn, or Finchel, or anything that had to do with him. No. Actually, I kinda do thanks to RIB, because every week I expected something good from their relationship and they just blew it. So thank you, RIB for making me not like Finchel. I hope you're happy.
Another thing, I really don't know where this came from... and things like this tends to happen when I'm in a dark place and right now I am. I'm not a writer but this is my way of handling my pain, I think, and I like it so I wanted to share it with you, and I really hope you enjoy it...
...because this is unbetaed (-_-)
Inked in my memories
"You said you'd never break up with me!" Rachel yelled after him.
Finn just turned around and looked at her with disappointment in his eyes. "I never thought you'd make me feel this way" He just simply said, turning around and leaving her there with her face buried on her hands to try and hide the tears she couldn't hold in anymore.
Tears that didn't stop for days; she couldn't make them stop. It deeply hurt her that he didn't understand how hurt she felt when she did what she did; and it hurt her even more to see him not only become friends with Noah again, but to see him go after Quinn too when he accused them of cheating and hurting him. That didn't stop him from forgiving the two people who he claimed hurt him the most. Even he was a cheater, but she was the one paying for a moment of weakness.
She cried for him; she cried because she loved him, and she tried to reach him more than once and practically begged for his forgiveness, but he wouldn't listen to her. He just told her once again he never thought she would stab him in the back. But he was still friends with Noah and he was still kissing Quinn in the shadows, turning her in what he hated the most; turning Sam in what he hated so much to be; for what he condemned her.
She cried so much until she couldn't do it anymore; until she couldn't feel sadness anymore, and her tears transformed in anger and that was all she could feel towards him. Especially when he suddenly started to flirt with Santana while looking at her with some sort of pleasure in his eyes, like he knew that would hurt her, and probably hoping to hurt her just as much as he claimed she had hurt him... and it was working.
It was in one of those moments Finn was flirting with Santana, that she decided to cause him even more pain that the one he was making her go through. It didn't matter how much she loved him. He wanted to play a game, well, she would play his game and he was so going to regret he started it in the first place.
"I wouldn't go in there if I was you"
Rachel stopped in her tracks and turned around finding Brittany leaning against the opposite wall.
"I think its called suicide" Brittany said slowly, lifting her eyes to the ceiling as if she was trying to remember the right word. Rachel frowned even thought she knew Brittany was right, she was about to step into the Cheerios' locker room after all.
"Why aren't you in there?" Rachel asked, pointing behind her with her thumb.
Brittany shrugged and looked at the door with some sort of sorrow. Rachel looked at her expectantly waiting for the answer that didn't come, so she just sighed and turned around after a moment, starting to walk again towards the locker's room.
"Don't say I didn't warn you"
Rachel ignored her this time and kept walking. It was odd that Brittany was warning her instead of walking her into the room, but she just shrugged the thought away, she had an important task in hand.
The place was nearly deserted, which was good, but the few Cheerios there froze when they saw her entering and immediately scowled at her.
"What the heck is she doing here?" One of the girls said out loud.
"This hobbit is clearly lost because we all know she doesn't have anything to do in here"
Rachel rolled her eyes ignoring them and scanned the room looking for any sign of the person she was looking for. It didn't take too long, though.
"You're the most masochistic person I've ever met, manhands. Be glad we don't have a slushie machine here or you'd be drowning in rainbow colored syrup."
Now, Rachel was face to face with a smirking Santana, and looking over the Head Cheerio's shoulder she locked eyes with Quinn Fabray. It was clear they ran the place because the rest of the Cheerios fell silent in the exact moment Santana spoke up.
"So?" Santana asked attracting her attention. "What brought the hobbits here?"
"Santana" Rachel started, straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin looking Santana directly in the eyes, completely ignoring the girl's insults. "I'm here because I need to have a few words with you…" She said making a pause to look at Quinn's curious expression over Santana's shoulder, before looking at Santana again and lowering her voice. "In private"
Santana lifted her eyebrows and then narrowed her eyes. "What could you possibly have to talk with me?"
"As I said, I prefer we speak in private and I'm sure you would prefer that too." Rachel told her, her voice never wavering even though she wanted to run out of there because Santana's presence remembered her all the pain Finn had put her through.
"Please, Santana, it won't take long" Rachel said desperately, before she could stop herself. Sure, being with Santana was hard but she was still doing this and she wasn't going to accept a 'no' from the girl.
Santana frowned at her and Rachel was expecting her to kick her out of the locker's room but to her surprise, Santana walked past her, throwing a 'two minutes' over her shoulder before walking out of the room. Rachel followed her immediately.
Santana guided her to an empty classroom and sat with her arms crossed over the teacher's desk. "Leave it open. This won't take long anyway; you already lost a minute thanks to your short legs that couldn't keep up."
Rachel had to bite her tongue to keep herself from replying back. It was useless, Santana was just trying to get on her nerves as usual and honestly, Rachel wasn't in the mood for that.
She opened her mouth to speak but Santana spoke first. "And you better be fast and get to the point because I'm not planning on wasting my time hearing one of your annoying rants. You already did enough entering the locker's room and-"
"I want you to be with me" Rachel said quickly, stopping Santana before she leaped forward and strangled her right there.
"Excuse me?" Santana nearly shrieked, looking at Rachel as she had grown another head.
"You heard me"
Santana scoffed, climbing out of the desk. "Yeah, I did, I'm giving you the time to take it back."
"I won't, Santana, I'm being serious" Rachel told her firmly, her gaze never leaving Santana.
Santana studied Rachel face for a moment and then started to laugh really loudly, making Rachel cringe at the mean sound. Rachel watched her laugh for a full minute until Santana started to walk towards the door still chuckling. Rachel panicked, she couldn't lose this chance and if Santana walked out of that classroom she wasn't going to make her listen to her again. She needed Santana to hurt Finn and she was sure this was the perfect way. She knew this was. She knew this would hurt him so much he would come crying and begging her to forgive him. And she needed that… so she tried again.
"I'm talking about sex, Santana!" Rachel shouted making Santana froze by the door and turn around with a death glare, not a trace of the laughter in her face anymore.
"I'm not a teenage boy, Berry, that isn't going to change my mind" Santana said, her voice getting lower with every word. "And I'm not gay"
"I'm giving you my V-card, Santana. I know you like them" Rachel told her defiantly.
Santana looked at the people walking behind her over her shoulder before scowling at Rachel and closing the door, locking it. Rachel swallowed hard at the action, the defiance fading away.
"My patience is very thin when it comes to you, manhands" Santana said, approaching her. "I told you I'm not gay so you need to stop shouting these things to me"
"You don't have a problem when it's Brittany" Rachel said, starting to shake under Santana's intense glare.
"You don't know what you're saying, Berry" Santana growled, taking another dangerous step. Rachel took one back and had to reach behind as to not lose her balance when she collided with a desk.
"I'll pay you, al-alright?" Rachel offered. "Y-you not only are g-going to have another V-card but you also are going to have money and—and the satisfaction of hurting Finn Hudson"
Santana froze at that and leaned back with an expression that only said to Rachel she finally understood what the whole situation was about. Santana always figured everything out.
Rachel's stomach dropped when Santana smirked.
"You're so pathetic" Santana laughed. "So, so pathetic if you're doing this for him"
"You're so pathetic I'm not even mad at you for offering me money to fuck you as if I'm some slut you can buy"
Rachel dropped her head not being able to say anything to that. Santana was right, she was pathetic.
"And who told you I want to hurt him?" Santana asked and Rachel lifted her head again, seeing pity and disgust in Santana's eyes.
"Because you don't care about him" Rachel answered. "You don't care about him, otherwise you wouldn't have use him"
Santana frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Rachel nodded. "You took his virginity. You took something important from him and he may be a guy but that doesn't make that less special, and he wanted mine. No. He wants mine and I'm giving it to you. I love him and I know he does love me back, and I have this crushing urge to hurt him just as much as he hurt me when he slept with you, so, I know this will. It'll kill him to know you didn't only take his virginity but mine too." Rachel finished and dropped her head not wanting to see Santana's reaction to her words and she just waited for the laughter and the rejection.
Santana studied the girl in front of her. Rachel was really hurt, Finn did really get what she was sure he wanted: to break Rachel Berry, to make her this pathetic person that was standing in front of her. Santana felt both pity and admiration for her. Pity because she was being so pathetic because of a worthless person. Admiration because this was totally what she would do to him if she was in her place, and she never thought Rachel would be capable of even thinking in that.
"Why on earth would you think I would want to have sex with you?" Was Santana's answer, not a laugh, not even a cruel insult as Rachel was expecting; but there was pity in her eyes and that sting just as much.
Rachel pushed it aside and looked defiantly at Santana. Now that she got her attention she didn't want to lose it. "Because I'm hot and not even you can't deny that" She said back, tossing her fear aside too.
Santana smirked. Rachel was right, she couldn't deny that the hobbit was hot; under layers and layers of bad taste. Stepping forward, she breathed into Rachel's ear. "Touché"
Rachel shuddered when Santana's hot breath touched her skin, and closed her eyes tightly, gasping when Santana took her earlobe into her mouth.
"I have rules, though" Santana whispered, one of her fingers ghosting over Rachel's neck and she loved the way it made Rachel shudder. Santana smirked watching Rachel's frown deepened and her mouth open slightly. Finnocence was a real moron for not getting anything out of Rachel if only this little touch got her breathing this fast. "No kissing. No hickeys" Santana said, stepping away from Rachel.
Rachel took a deep breath and opened her eyes, looking into dark brown eyes. She was so turned on and Santana didn't even touch her properly. She didn't know how she could go from fear to this; and her brain barely register that Santana was actually accepting to have sex with her.
"You heard me. No kissing, no hickeys. I would help you with your pathetic plan but you aren't allowed to do that" Santana told her, stepping back into Rachel's personal space when the girl nodded accepting her conditions.
"Wait!" Rachel shouted, putting her hands over Santana's shoulders when the girl was ready to ravish her neck.
"Where did you- where did it happen?"
Santana frowned for a moment, trying to understand what Rachel was asking, and raised her eyebrows when it finally clicked. Rachel was really into this. "In a motel, a cheap one, Finnocence couldn't afford a decent place"
Rachel nodded. "Take me there. I want it to happen in the same place, on the same bed."
Santana smiled deviously and stepped back. "Meet me at the parking lot after classes. I am totally loving this pathetic plan of yours." She said, winking at Rachel and walking out the door after unlocking it.
Rachel broke down in sobs when the door closed shut again, covering her face with her hands just like when all of this mess started.
Santana was right. The place was awful and it seemed dirty. Rachel scrunched up her nose and studied the whole room. She wished she hadn't listened to her rage, the place seemed unsanitary and probably full of diseases.
When Santana turned around and saw Rachel's expression, she couldn't help but laugh. "Probably that was my reaction when I first step here, but it really isn't that bad." She said, taking her letterman jacket off and throwing it on an armchair near the bed.
"I'm afraid I'd catch a disease here and die" Rachel said, closing her cardigan even more. She was at least glad this was distracting them from what they were there for.
"Stop whining. You were the one who wanted to come here and really, I was just fine the last time I was here" Santana said shrugging and plopping down on the bed. Rachel still made a face and dropped her head, her hands still closing tightly her cardigan.
"Berry" Santana called her seconds later and Rachel looked up finding Santana looking intently at her, which made her realize she was still standing by the door. "Why are you still there? Do you want me to do you against the door? Because I totally can"
Rachel frowned at Santana's words. It seemed like Santana liked to talk dirty and she wasn't opposite to that, but it was new. Not even Noah did it when he tried his moves on her. Apparently she got distracted with her thoughts for too long, because she flinched when she felt Santana's hands over her own ones that were squeezing the cardigan shut.
"Relax" Santana said searching Rachel's fearful eyes. Santana knew she should have just done this in that empty classroom and that she shouldn't have accepted Rachel's masochist choice, because all the period of time since they agreed on this until the moment they met at the parking lot, she spent it thinking on Rachel, trying to figure out what were really her own intentions when she accepted Rachel's propositions, and how much Rachel was going to regret doing this. Both of them, really.
When Santana took Finn's virginity she knew he could live with that and she really didn't care for the big foot's feelings anyway; besides, she needed to do it for her own good so, she never cared about his feelings afterwards. But, did she care for Rachel's feelings? The answer would always come out of her mouth in the same instant the question was made: 'no'; but now, looking into fearful brown eyes that once used to shine with so much love and desire, making her want to punch herself in the face for ever participating in any kind of form of humiliation against her, Santana wasn't so sure of the answer anymore.
"Relax" Santana repeated, caressing the back of Rachel's hands with her thumbs. Rachel's hands relaxed and her eyes closed finally breaking their eye contact. Santana took the opportunity to open the cardigan, Rachel's hands still under her own, watching Rachel's chest raise and fall rapidly. "Relax" She breathed out again. For some reason she needed to repeat that as much as it took for Rachel to calm down and stop being scared.
Rachel kept her eyes closed, feeling Santana's hands now on her shoulders, pulling the cardigan off. She was feeling both terrified and thankful with Santana. In the way here, she was expecting Santana to be rude and mean, instead she was being caring and delicate. This was probably the real Santana, the one who earned good friends like Brittany, Quinn and even Noah, but why was she being like this with her? She was, after all, Rachel Berry, her sandbag.
She gasped, opening her eyes when soft lips ghosted over her neck. Santana's scent filled her nostrils and she started to shake when hands sneaked under her reindeer sweater. There still was her dress shirt, but she could feel Santana's warn hands even more with one less barrier.
"Relax" Santana whispered on her skin, which she was peppering with quick kisses, making her eyes flutter close.
When Santana put her hands at the hem of her sweater, Rachel panicked, her brain screaming out at her to just run way and not do this, because she had perfect plans and Finn was just a bastard and it wasn't worth it. She stopped Santana with her hands over hers, making her pull away from her neck. Rachel frowned at seeing some sort of relief in Santana's eyes.
"What?" Santana asked.
Did she really want to run away now that she was here? This was a perfect plan and more than wanting, she needed to do this.
Rachel shook her head and helped Santana, passing the sweater over her head. Santana nodded never breaking eye contact with her and took the sweater throwing it aside, attaching her lips again with Rachel's sensitive neck.
"I'm-I'm uncomfortable he-here" Rachel stuttered out, her hands squeezing her skirt at her sides, not sure what to do with them; not sure if Santana would like her touching her. Santana was only doing her a favor out of pity.
Santana kept leaving open mouth kisses on her neck, and put her hands on Rachel's waist, starting to walk backwards taking Rachel with her. She let herself fall on the bed and slide her fingers on the top of Rachel's skirt, tugging. "Straddle me"
Rachel bit her lip and did what was told. They were looking into each other's eyes while Santana caressed her sides teasingly. Rachel was still tense, but Santana's looks and her sensual touches were really turning her on even thought she was so nervous she wasn't being her usual brave self.
Rachel wasn't really straddling Santana, she was just kneeling above Santana's lap and her hands were hanging awkwardly at her sides, trying to avoid Santana's hands while she caressed her sides. Santana was getting annoyed with this and was wondering if all of Puck's stories about how forward Rachel was when they were making out were just a bunch of lies.
Seeing that Rachel wasn't going to do anything more than watch her, she lay down on her back and took Rachel by the shirt's collar, tugging hard. Rachel let out a shriek and put her hands quickly at both sides of Santana's head, watching wide eyes at Santana's smirk that now was so close to her face. Rachel gasped when Santana pushed her hips up, starting to nip at her neck, making Rachel realized she was completely lying on top of Santana.
"Let's get this moving, Berry" Santana whispered on her neck, her hands now resting in the back of Rachel's thighs. She pulled Rachel's shirt out of the skirt and slid her hands underneath it, caressing Rachel's back. Rachel groaned arching her back at the feeling and closing her eyes tight. Santana smiled into Rachel's neck. She knew it was only a matter of time before Rachel started to like it.
That was what she thought until she pushed Rachel into a sitting position, starting to unbutton the dress shirt and Rachel started to whine. She let it pass and finished unbuttoning the shirt, admiring just how wonderful the girl was and wondering why she always kept all of this hid. Santana admired Rachel for a moment, her eyes traveling from her face to her chest.
She couldn't believe she was finding this girl in front of her so attractive. She'd never felt like this for any other girl, she only felt this way about Brittany; or maybe this was all just lust, because Rachel was really hot and was on top of her, her chest almost completely exposed to her with her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open and her breathing heavy and fast. Santana didn't know how to describe what she was feeling, this was also her first time; she hadn't touched another woman besides Brittany; so that made Rachel her first after Brittany.
Santana was mesmerized by how beautiful she was finding Rachel. She trailed her fingers over Rachel's stomach making her whine again, which made her frown. Santana leaned and trailed her lips over Rachel's collarbone still trying to ignore Rachel's whines. She couldn't take it anymore when she put her hand over Rachel's breast and she let out some kind of sob. Santana wasn't stupid, she knew what was happening but she was just trying to ignore it, wishing they just got to the end faster and they wouldn't have to face it, but Rachel was making it too hard.
"I can't!" Santana exclaimed, pushing Rachel away and helping her get off of her.
"What? No, don't stop!" Rachel said desperately and Santana didn't miss the way she closed her shirt quickly, keeping it close with her hands. Santana shook her head. Rachel was really stubborn.
"You're whining. Those noises you're making aren't because of pleasure. They're like you're whining because a bastard it's about to rape you! You actually sobbed!"
"You don't want this! You need to stop now because once we're there, there's not going back, Rachel" Santana said. Rachel, who had dropped her head, looked up quickly at the mention of her name. Santana wanted Rachel to take her seriously and she figured that would probably help. "Do you realize what you're throwing away for him? This is me giving you a way out. This is me giving you the opportunity to, for the first time since we met, not let me screw up something important for you; because I really want to, but I can't. I can't do this." Santana made a pause to observe the way Rachel was playing anxiously with the hems of her shirt. "I was you; my first time I was you. I gave my virginity for the sake of my reputation. I gave it away for the wrong reasons and I don't want you to do that"
Santana's words really touched Rachel, and for the way Santana was looking at her with such relief, she knew the doubt was written all over her face. It was true she was starting to think this wasn't worth it, but she wasn't going to turn back now. She just needed to remember the reason why she was doing this, which wasn't hard thanks to the girl in front of her. And remembering Finn and what he did, only made her feel anger and the need to finish this once and for all.
"I want this, Santana, don't turn soft on me now" Rachel told her firmly.
"Then for the first time in your life don't be stubborn and forget about this."
"Alright, then I'll go find someone else" Rachel said, starting to button her shirt.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Do you wanna know how it feels after it's over? You feel empty. I felt empty. He felt empty. You're not supposed to feel that way, why would you want that?"
Rachel stopped fumbling with the buttons of her shirt and looked at Santana. "Look, Santana, I know you think I'm pathetic and probably you're right, but I really need you to shut up and just do this." She made a pause when Santana rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in annoyance. "You're winning in this too. I said no to really attractive guys and you're the one getting further. I'm also giving you permission to shout it to the world. So, please stop talking and just do it or I'll go find someone else"
Santana half scoffed, half laughed at Rachel's rant. "You're really so full of yourself, aren't you? Do you really think people would congratulate me for fucking someone like-" Santana stopped abruptly when Rachel dropped her head miserably. She didn't want to make Rachel's suffering worse than it already was. Santana took a deep breath before trying again. "It wouldn't be good for my reputation. They know I'm screwing around with Brittany, but she's just so hot that everyone thinks it's cool." Santana dropped her head and looked at her hands with sorrow. "But if they found out I slept with another girl then they're gonna-" Santana stopped again when her voice broke. Rachel looked up at her, understanding written in her big brown eyes.
That was the exact reason why Santana hated Rachel so much sometimes. Rachel always understood the bunch of morons around her, and not just that, she actually cared for them too, but they were never there for her. Actually, they were but ready to judge her. And right now Rachel was showing her that she really understood why she was so afraid, and the fact that she respected it by not saying a word, made Santana be sure that she wanted this to be a little less painful for Rachel.
After a whole minute in silence, Santana stepped closer to Rachel and leaned down, kissing her gently on the lips. As she expected Rachel pulled away immediately.
"What are you doing? You said no kissing" Rachel said softly.
Santana shook her head, undoing the few buttons that Rachel managed to button up, and started to put the shirt off the girl's body. "I know but you're blinded by the rage. You're doing this for revenge and you won't listen to me when I tell you to stop. So, for me to feel better about this, I need to try and make this a little more special for you." Santana said, finally pulling Rachel's shirt off and kissing her on the lips.
Rachel was in awe with Santana's words. Santana was being sweet and she never imagined her to be that type of person. And with just a few words Santana was making all of her doubts slip away and Rachel was starting to think that she made the right choice when she decided Santana was the one doing this; even when she picked her for other reasons.
Rachel realized she wasn't doing anything when Santana pulled away looking desperately at her.
"If you really want this to work out, you can't let me do all the hard work so you better start touching me now" Santana said, raising one of her eyebrows. Rachel put her hands on her shoulders, confirming she wasn't lying when she didn't push her away.
"I'm sorry. I'm just… nervous and I'm still trying to convince myself that this is actually happening." Rachel said, smiling softly at her.
Santana felt a warm feeling on her chest to finally seeing Rachel smile again. She hadn't smiled since they entered Santana's car and if she was honest, she kind of missed it.
"Just relax" Santana said softly, kissing Rachel again. This time Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's neck and kissed her back, releasing a low moan when Santana licked her lips.
A part of her brain was screaming at her to stop when she found herself lying on her back on the bed but she shut it off. It was enough with the drama; she was doing this and like Santana said, they weren't turning back. She didn't want it anymore, anyway. And being in war with her brain prevented her from realizing she was topless, until Santana straddled her hip and looked down at her, her hands caressing her abs; which made her start to feel self-conscious. Finn had touched her breasts, but she had been fully clothed at the moment. She had never been so exposed with anyone before.
"I see you weren't lying all those times you bragged about your perfect morning routine" Santana smirked down at her, immediately frowning when Rachel tried to cover herself with her hands. Santana was faster, getting hold of her wrists. "Don't. You're beautiful. Perfect actually."
Santana leaned down, leaving open mouth kisses all over Rachel's stomach. Rachel closed her eyes and smiled, bringing her hands to Santana's ponytail when the girl released her wrists. She tugged at the elastic band, freeing Santana's hair that immediately went cascading down on them.
"I like your hair" Rachel whispered tangling her hands in Santana's hair. Santana hummed, pulling away from Rachel's stomach to kiss her deeply on the lips.
Rachel turned them around and leaned down, running her tongue from the base of her neck to her jaw making Santana moan loud, her hands coming to rest at the back of Rachel's thighs, pulling her even closer to her body and threw her head back to give Rachel more access to her neck. Rachel was nipping and sucking at her pulse point so deliciously, she didn't even care that there was going to be a huge hickey she wasn't going to be able to explain; and Santana was mentally apologizing with Puck because he was definitely right. Rachel was really talented with her mouth and Santana imagined it in other places making her groan and her body to tremble from the arousal.
Santana dragged her nails across Rachel's back making Rachel hiss and arch it, throwing her head back. Santana smirked, kissing under Rachel's jaw and down to the swell of her breasts. She unclasped Rachel's bra and nearly pulled it off when Rachel stopped her, looking at her with worry.
"What?" Santana panted, withdrawing her hands from Rachel's body to lean on her elbows. "Don't do this again. This was getting really hot and I swear I will make you pay if you leave me this turned on"
Rachel blushed at Santana's words and bit her lip nervously, shaking her head. "It's just… this is all I know. This is more than what I've done with a guy. The fact that you got me on top of you, shirtless and my bra almost off… this is the further I've been with a person and I don't know what's next. I don't know what I'm supposed to do from now on."
Santana's eyes softened at Rachel's uncertain expression. She sat properly, helping Rachel settle completely on her lap, before taking her face on her hands. "That's alright. I'll guide you." Santana said taking Rachel's hands that had automatically flew to her chest when she became insecure, and pulled them away with her bra, exposing Rachel's chest completely.
They both sucked in a breath. Rachel expecting Santana to be disappointed; Santana was just in awe because of the wonderful view. Santana licked her lips and surged forward starting to leave kisses between Rachel's breasts. Rachel groaned, tangling her fingers into dark hair, trying to pull Santana even closer to her body. She gasped when soft lips wrapped around one of her nipples, and closed her eyes tightly trying to catch her breath when Santana brought her hand to her other breast and rolled her nipple between her fingers.
Santana's hot mouth moved to her other breast giving it the same attention and Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She pulled Santana's head up by the hair and crushed their lips together in a desperate kiss. Santana moaned into her mouth and stood up, lifting Rachel with her, who immediately wrapped her legs around Santana's waist for support. Santana turned around and pulled her down on the bed towards the headboard, pulling away from the kiss. She pulled completely away and took off her sneakers, climbing on the bed at Rachel's feet.
Santana took a moment to admire Rachel from that spot. She smiled at the sight of Rachel lying there only dressed from the waist down, and her skirt wasn't even covering anything; it was ridden up at her waist and she had a full view of Rachel's soaked panties. And above all of that she loved the way Rachel was looking at her with her eyes dark from lust, not even a little trace of fear or doubt in them anymore.
She took one of Rachel's feet and pulled off the shoe and the damn knee sock, throwing it away before starting to kiss down Rachel's leg teasingly slow, smirking at the throaty moan Rachel released when she reached her upper thigh, barely grazing her covered center. The smell of Rachel nearly driving her as insane as she was driving Rachel with the painfully slow kisses she was giving her, and that she took her damn time to repeat with the other leg, until Rachel was squirming and whining under her, this time from arousal.
Rachel hooked her fingers into her cheerios top when she reached her upper thigh and tugged hard, leading her once again towards her mouth, making her dizzy with the sensual way she used her mouth. She was so talented with it Santana could admit she was even better than her.
Santana groaned when Rachel sunk her teeth so painfully and so delightfully in her lower lip, increasing the ache between her legs, which was already almost unbearable. She pulled away from Rachel's mouth and started to trail kisses down the girl's body, making her whimper under her light touches. She reached the hem of Rachel's skirt and looked up at the girl while hooking her fingers into the waistband. Rachel took a deep breath and bit her lip giving Santana the nod she was waiting for.
Santana pulled off both Rachel's skirt and underwear, licking her lips at what she found underneath them. She threw the clothes aside and pushed Rachel's legs apart, her core aching when Rachel let out a strangled moan. She leaned down and licked around Rachel's navel, making a trail down with her tongue, Rachel's scent driving her completely crazy with want. She was so aroused she might actually explode if she didn't touch her already.
Just when she was about to reach her destiny, Rachel tugged at her hair making her look up desperately. "What's wrong?"
Rachel smiled at her. "Come up here." She said, breathless. "I need you up here"
Santana obliged immediately, connecting their lips in an erotic kiss. It was awesome kissing Rachel, really, but she needed to touch her. Rachel pulled away from the kiss with a cry, her eyes rolling back in her head when Santana slid her fingers into her wet folds. Santana smirked at the reaction and attached her lips to Rachel's nipple while her fingers explored Rachel's folds slowly.
"Santana" Rachel cried out making Santana smirk proudly around her breast. "Santana, I need—"
Santana pulled away from Rachel's breast to look at the girl's flustered face. "What?"
"I need-" Rachel stopped again with a moan and one of her hands, that were gripping desperately at the bed's sheet, gripped tightly at Santana's wrist stilling her movements. "I need you to…" she made a pause to catch her breath so Santana could understand her and her other hand took a hold of Santana's cheerios top. "Why are you still clothed?"
Santana raised her eyebrows. Honestly? She didn't know why she was still clothed when she was feeling so hot, and now that Rachel mentioned it, they felt like fire on her skin: not a pleasure one, an annoying one.
She sat on her knees besides Rachel and lifted the top over her head, throwing it carelessly aside and working quickly on her bra. Rachel leaned on her elbows and watched Santana stripping in front of her with such urgency, and she couldn't stop the sound at the back of her throat. She couldn't help but lick her lips at the sight of a completely naked Santana in front of her. Rachel reached out and pulled Santana's mouth towards her lips once again by the back of her neck. They both moaned when their naked bodies merged perfectly together.
Rachel cried out in pleasure when Santana's hand found its way between them and between her legs once again. Santana pulled away from the kiss, resting her forehead on Rachel's temple, frowning with worry and making her next move. As she expected, Rachel's breathing hitched in her throat when she slid a finger into her tight entrance. Rachel turned her head towards her and their eyes locked, her face contorting with fear. Santana connected their foreheads and left a kiss on Rachel's nose before moving her finger an inch, but it was enough to make Rachel let out a painful noise.
"This is my first time and-"
"I know" Santana repeated softly, kissing her nose again. "I want you to close your eyes." Rachel frowned with confusion and Santana rolled her eyes. "Close them. Trust me."
Rachel closed her eyes and Santana cupped her cheek with her free hand. "Now I want you to keep them that way and pretend that you love me" Santana saw Rachel's eyes flutter and put her hand gently over them to stop her from opening them. "Pretend that it's me who you always wanted to be touched for." Santana whispered softly as she started to move her finger slowly. Rachel still flinched, but she was sure it will pass soon. "No name. No face. Just image I'm that person…" she made a pause lifting her hand from Rachel's eyes and pushing Rachel's hair from her sweaty forehead. "…in your dreams. The one who would be waiting for you with roses after a Broadway's presentation"
Rachel smiled and Santana picked up the pace of her finger now that Rachel was more relaxed, and added her thumb to rub against her clit. Rachel moaned loudly, throwing her head back and Santana flinched becoming aware of Rachel's hand in her back when she sunk her nails in her skin.
"Right now I'm that person, the one you love with your whole heart even if you haven't met them yet" Santana whispered, kissing under Rachel's jaw and pulling away to look at her face. Rachel was completely hypnotizing this way.
Rachel opened her eyes suddenly and her mouth opened with a cry and Santana's name on her lips as she climaxed. Santana kept stroking her slowly, leaving light kisses in her cheek while Rachel tried to catch her breath. After a minute Santana pulled away, kissing Rachel's shoulder before completely pulling away from the girl.
"Where are you going?" Rachel asked, taking her by the arm.
"I'm taking a shower and giving you some time alone before I take you home." Santana told her without looking at her.
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
Rachel pulled at her arm, making her look at her. "I want you to feel as good as you made me feel"
"No, that's alright, I-"
"Tell me what I have to do" Rachel said sitting up and kissing her. Santana pulled away and studied her face seeing she was actually being serious. She was planning on releasing her ache alone because she didn't want to push Rachel too much, but this was actually a lot better. She smirked and pushed Rachel on her back again by the shoulders.
"Actually, you don't have to do anything" Santana said, straddling her thigh. Rachel whimpered at the feeling of Santana's wetness. Santana started to grind down on her leg and reached for both her hands, putting them on her own breasts. Rachel squeezed them, loving the way they felt in her hands. She was getting wet once again from seeing Santana grinding on her leg with her head thrown back and her mouth hanging open, her cheeks painted with a crimson color.
"Santana" Rachel breathed out.
Santana slowed down her movements and looked down at Rachel with heavy eyes. Rachel took her by the back of her neck and kissed her, moaning into Santana's mouth when Santana pushed her thigh against her center and started to grind once again, now at a rapid pace, until she pulled away from her mouth and buried her face in her neck, muffling her cry of pleasure; the vibrations of which made Rachel stumbled over the edge of her own orgasm.
Santana pulled away and lay beside her, panting with her eyes closed. Rachel looked at Santana's tired face for a moment and felt a sudden happiness inside of her chest. How was what Santana said she was going to feel after it was over? Rachel smiled big and felt proud of herself because she made Santana feel good about this too, and it didn't matter if Santana deny it because she felt it. For the first time in her life she got something good out of one of her crazy plans.
She curled at Santana's side, resting her head on her shoulder. She tried to pass her arm around Santana's waist, but hesitated when she saw her open her eyes from the corner of her eye. She wasn't sure if she was allowed to cross that line.
Santana watched her for a moment, waiting for the next move but sighed when it didn't come. "Turn around"
"What?" Rachel asked, looking up at Santana's face.
Rachel hesitated once again but turned around and Santana scooted closer, spooning her.
"Thank you" Rachel whispered, her stomach fluttering when Santana just hummed and slightly stroked the skin on her stomach. "Did you cuddle with him?"
Santana closed her eyes and frowned. Now that they were both sober from the lust, it was inevitable to think about the outside world, and she hated that Rachel brought him up so quickly. She felt some kind of jealousy inside of her and she really wanted to tell her 'no', tell her the truth, but she had given too much to Rachel in just one day. Telling her 'no' meant she was special and she really was, but not enough for Santana to tell her the truth. After all, Santana was in love with someone who didn't want her back and she only accepted Rachel's offer because of how twisted Rachel's feelings were, and she didn't need to get confused by some little feeling she might be having towards the girl in her arms.
"Yeah, we did" Santana said weakly. "It's what everyone does after sex, isn't it?"
Rachel nodded even thought she didn't have a clue. "I guess"
They stayed silent and Rachel wasn't sure if Santana had fallen asleep, so she took a deep breath and turned around finding tired brown eyes looking back at her. Santana pulled her closer to her body. They were lying naked over all the sheets in the bed and she was getting too sleepy to get up and pull them out from under them, so she needed Rachel's body to keep her warm.
"What did you win out of this Santana? Why did you do this for me?" Rachel asked.
Santana looked into her eyes for a moment and decided that being there with Rachel, tangled into each other was a safe place to open up a little more. "A V-card" Santana smirked, chuckling when Rachel rolled her eyes. "And the satisfaction. I wanted to do this, I wanted to be sure that I'm-" She trailed off, looking away from Rachel.
Rachel cupped her cheek. "Don't be afraid."
Santana nodded and looked again at Rachel. "You know I don't believe in labels, so I'm not tagging myself. But I needed to know, to see if I enjoyed being with you, a girl, as much or more than I do when I'm with a guy"
"Oh, so much" Santana grinned, letting Rachel know she was actually okay with that so she giggled.
"You shouldn't be afraid"
Rachel smiled and stroked Santana's cheek with her thumb. "You're a great person, Santana. You deserve to love her without feeling fear. So, please, stop being afraid."
Santana's eyes saddened suddenly. "You shouldn't have lost your virginity this way. You don't love him, Rachel and he doesn't deserve you"
"That is probably true, but he's the one who has my heart right now and I believe he deserves me, even when no one else can see that"
"You deserve someone better." Santana said, putting her hand over the one Rachel had resting on her cheek.
"Want me to tell you something?" Rachel asked with a soft smile. Santana nodded. "When I think back in the person I lost my virginity with, I'm sure I'll feel happy and I'll be glad it was you; even if we go back to be the way we are at school once we cross this doors, I'll still be happy and thankful because I got to see a glimpse of the real Santana Lopez"
Santana smiled. A real smile, not a grin or a smirk, a real smile; like the ones she only had for those times she was genuinely happy and there were few. Rachel not only gave her virginity to her, but she also helped her find the certainty of knowing who she really was. She was now sure, and she was going to fight for the person she loved without thinking about what people would say or think about her. And just as Rachel, she was thankful it was such a genuine person who helped her figure it out.
Rachel was right. They went to be the same way they'd always been: the insults, the fights, the bickering, the slushies, everything went back to normal. At first sight nothing really had changed. Finn was once again with Rachel as she expected, without any kind of trouble because Rachel never told Finn the name of the person she slept with, even when that had been the plan all along; and of course Santana still hated their guts. They didn't expect anything more; they were Rachel and Santana after all.
Everything was the same, sure, but when nobody was looking, they would share long glances and knowing smiles, and Rachel would remember the feeling of Santana's skin against her own and the softness of her lips, or the smell of her long, dark hair; because it didn't matter that they weren't friends or that she probably was never going to see Santana again after school ended; they'd created a connection that nobody would ever break. Santana was forever inked in her memories like a tattoo, a permanent one.
"He bought me a burger, you know?" Santana told her with a smirk. Rachel smiled softly, closing her eyes that had started to get heavy.
"Do I have to buy you one?"
Santana chuckled, kissing Rachel's nose. "That would be perfect"
"You can't eat burgers. Can I buy you an appropriate dinner instead in a few hours? I'm really tired right now and I need a nap first." Rachel said, yawning.
Santana kissed her on the lips and laced her own fingers at the small of Rachel's back, enjoying the warm emanating from the girl's body. "Fair enough" She whispered, closing her eyes too, a smile playing on her lips.