I do not own Harry Potter - i've said it before and I'll say it again - I wish i did!

Warning - fetish, kinks,spanking,breathplay,BDSM, you know me!

Anniriel - I hold you responsible for this! lol ;)

Harry sat in the chair unable to tear his eyes away from the suitcases sitting by the door. Knowing that it was over, he was leaving him. Harry waited for the despair to wash over him, bewildered when it didn't. The sadness was there of course but the bone crushing heart break that everyone tells you comes when a relationship ends appeared to be evading him.

Doesn't that tell you something?

That maybe you never really loved him.

Harry shook his head, trying to dislodge those thoughts. How could he not love Charlie, dependable ,strong ,handsome and caring Charlie.

His thoughts drifted back to the end of the war. Voldemort finally defeated, Harry had shocked everyone by deciding that the future everyone thought he should follow wasn't for him. No marriage to Ginny, no career with the Ministry. Instead he threw himself into having fun. Partying enough to earn him a daily cover on the Daily Prophet, the world obsessed with what he did or who he did.

A small smile briefly flittered across his face. The memories of the warm bodies he worked his way through. Both sexes to begin with, until several months later when came the realization that while sinking his cock into a warm willing girl was fun it didn't compare to the feeling of a throbbing cock sinking into him. Announcing to unsurprised world that he was officially into men. His friends were extremely supportive, Hermione enveloping him a tight hug and whispering "Good for you."

Ron on the other hand had found it more difficult. Though he was aware that Harry tended to dally with both men and women, he seemed to accept it because he still slept with women. He reluctantly accepted it though Harry was sure he was struggling with it. That struggle multiplied when he caught Harry and Charlie in a very compromising position.

Harry could still remember the look on Ron's face. Unsure where to look, wide eyes travelling down from Charlie's flushed face to look at Harry who at that moment was kneeling on the Burrow kitchen floor and swallowing Charlie's cock. Suffice to say they never discussed it and Harry's relationship with Charlie became official.

Now just over a year later, Harry was sitting looking at Charlie's cases neatly lined up at the door. The elusive tears still not coming, he sighed and thought back to what has caused their relationship to fall apart.

Flashback

The party had been a huge success, celebrating Ron's acceptance as an Auror for the Ministry. Harry had felt a momentary pang of regret but was resolute in his decision to turn his back on that kind of job. Feeling he had more than his fair share of experience with dark wizards.

The alcohol both wizard and muggle had flowed and now only a handful of slightly merry friends were left. Harry sat cross-legged on the floor at Charlie's feet, who was reclining on a comfy chair by the fire. Ron and Hermione were wrapped around each other on the loveseat opposite, Ron lying practically on top of her. Ginny and Dean lay on the rug in front of the fire, Ginny resting her head on Dean's hip. Harry found himself smiling at his friend, glad that Ginny had excepted his decisions and moved on. Harry watched the two snuggled up and had a feeling that he would soon be hearing wedding bells.

They talked about inconsequential things, who was with who? What on earth had such and such been wearing at the last ministry function. Ginny suddenly sat up, a gleam in her eyes. Clearly, she had some new gossip to share.

"You'll never guess what I heard?" voice conspiratorial.

Everyone stopped talking amongst themselves to listen. Ginny smiled basking in the attention, her expression nearly making Harry laugh.

She's such a drama queen

"Well, my friend at St Mungo's told me Malfoy was rushed in last week," She checked that she had everyone's full attention before she continued, "He'd been strangled." She whispered the last word.

Ron was the first to speak, mean laugh in his voice.

"So someone tried to kill the ferret? Big deal." He laughed, Dean joining in with him. Harry felt a brief flash of annoyance, ok so Malfoy was a prat but he didn't deserve that. Now Lucius on the other hand, Harry wouldn't be losing any sleep over the fact he had been killed in Askaban just after the war.

Ginny leaned forward, obviously there was more to the story and by the zeal glowing in her eyes, it was something scandalous.

"No, it was his boyfriend," she smiled while Harry's ears pricked up.

Malfoy's gay!

"Apparently when the Auror's questioned him he had to admit that it was some sort of sex game gone wrong." Ginny's entertained laugh filling the room. The laugh was soon joined by most of the room. All except Harry and Hermione, Harry noticed she was staring at him strangely. Her gaze fixed on him as if trying to read his reaction. Cursing himself for that one drunken conversation when he had expressed an interest in rough play during sex. Making her swear the next day that she would never mention it to anyone especially Charlie.

Harry looked up and smiled at guffawing Charlie. Breaking eye contact with Hermione but knowing that she would want his opinion on the matter at some point. Without realizing it Harry's fingers were lightly touching his own throat, imagining what it would feel like to have someone choke him. His heart began to race and his cock firmed up inside his jeans. The moment passed when someone changed the subject to quidditch. The thought ignored but still lingered in the corner of his mind.

"I want you to choke me." Harry asked in a quiet tone later as he and Charlie got ready for bed.

Charlie was in the process of taking off one of his socks, stumbled and nearly fell to the floor. His laugh was nervous and shocked.

"Very funny." He smiled at Harry. Dismissing what Harry said as a joke he continued to get undressed.

"I'm not kidding." Harry's voice was even, making it clear he was serious.

Charlie looked at him, his eyes stunned and bewildered. For a moment Harry was tempted to laugh and pretend it was a joke. The only thing stopping him was the thudding of his heart and the hardening of his cock at the thought.

"No." The tone in Charlie's voice indicating that the matter was closed.

Harry was close to arguing with him but surrendered knowing it would make no difference. He finished getting undressed and slipped between the clean white sheets. Charlie slid in beside, immediately pulling Harry into his arms. His embrace warm and tender. Harry ran his fingers along the strong muscled biceps. One of the things he loved about Charlie was his well developed arms. The strength in them made him feel safe and content. That feeling was evading him at the moment. He found himself wishing that the embrace was tighter.

Harry kissed him, thrusting his tongue into Charlie's sweet mouth. The responding tongue was slow and languid. Charlie's kisses were always unhurried and sweet. Harry lapped harder trying to encourage him to follow. Harry pulled him harder against his body, rubbing his hard cock along Charlie's hip. The resulting moans from both of them spurred Harry on. Nipping lightly at Charlie's bottom lip only to have him pull away with a hiss of pain.

"What's gotten into you?" sounding hurt by Harry's rougher treatment.

Harry lunged up and crushed their mouths together, deepening the kiss and reached down to wrap his fingers around Charlie's half hard cock. The cock filling and lengthening quickly under Harry's experienced ministrations . Kissing harder and pulling Charlie between his thighs. Harry pumped his erection faster, trying to make Charlie lose himself in the moment.

Harry ran his fingertips along Charlie's left arm and lovingly felt along the back of his hand. His fingers lacing themselves with Charlie's. While Charlie was kissing and moaning into Harry's mouth, he gentle guided Charlie's hand up to his neck. The clasp fingers being led to Harry's throat. Harry caressing the fingers as he wrapped them lightly around his neck. A minute amount of pressure on Charlie's fingers, Harry felt his breath catch, the pushing on his windpipe making it difficult to get a breath. Charlie shouted in Harry's mouth, pushing away and breaking the kiss. The horrified look on his face as he snatched his hand away from Harry. The feeling of guilt outweighed by the excitement Harry had experienced made it hard for him to say sorry. Instead he kissed the corner of Charlie's mouth delicately and hugged him.

Charlie sat up, his arms bracing his weight either side of Harry's face as he looked down at him with confused eyes. Shaking his head as if desperate to understand what Harry was doing.

"I said no." the hurt in his tone made Harry feel awful. Filled with sudden self loathing and self deprecation, Harry wrapped his arms around him in a frantic hug.

"I'm sorry."

Charlie lay in the circle of his arms, initially stiff and unyielding, Gradually he returned the embrace, fingers tracing feather like patterns on Harry's neck. His touch filled with love and caring. Reverently he made love to Harry, slow kisses and loving caresses.

Harry lay beneath him fighting the frustration he felt building, not wanting slow kisses, wanting deep passion filled ones. Not needing loving touches, desperate for rough callous hands that would grab and take what they wanted. Almost crying with need when Charlie gently prepared him. His fingers always delicate and tender as he stretched him. Harry closed his eyes, the picture in his head of rougher fingers, stretching him quickly, his body writhing with that burning feeling when stretched to wide. The pleasure almost pain feeling was what Harry craved.

Charlie slowly eased inside him, preferring to make love face to face. Harry for once kept his eyes closed, trying to keep hold of the fantasy. Flinching when Charlie kissed him, opening his mouth to allow the tongue to lightly slid alongside his. Plastering a smile on his face that he knew would not be reaching his eyes.

Harry opened his eyes, turning his head to avoid looking at him. The feeling of unhappiness burning through his body, feeling cheated and unfulfilled. Wanting to fight the feelings that were threatening to spill over, Harry pushed Charlie off. His confused face making Harry's feel like it was breaking. Smile firmly stuck in place, Harry kissed Charlie, just a slight brush of lips. The relief in Charlie's eyes, drove the knife deeper into Harry's heart. Unable to remove the thoughts from his head, Harry turned around, putting himself on all fours. Charlie went along with the change of position though it was not his favourite, having told Harry he found it impersonal.

Grasping his hips firmly but not enough to hurt, Charlie slid back inside. Harry bucked back at the sensation, forcing Charlie deeper. A loud moan escaping as he slammed the head of Charlie's shaft into his prostate.

"YES, YES, FUCK ME HARD!" shocked at the word spilling from his lips. Dirty talk had never been present in the bedroom aside from the odd 'yes' or 'you feel so good' and of course ' I love you'.

Charlie faltered for a second, his thrusts slowing. Harry thrust back keeping him buried inside him, dragging moans from Charlie as he tightened the ring of muscle around the base of his cock. The grip on his hips becoming tighter, Harry fucked himself hard and fast on Charlie's cock. Eyes squeezed shut, sweat forming on his brow as he chased his release. A release fuelled by the fantasy playing in his head. Dark cruel eyes burning into his very soul. Rough calloused fingers pinching and grabbing his skin. A hard unsmiling mouth crushed against his. A rock hard cock plundering his body, making him scream and plead. A faceless man using him for his own pleasure, having complete control over him. Not being to move or come without permission. Finally while defiling his body, fingers would wrap around his throat, squeezing and choking him. Having the power of life and death over him as well.

The last thought brought about the most intense orgasm Harry had ever had. His back arched, biting through his bottom lip to stop from screaming. His untouched cock spraying the crisp white sheets below, balls emptying so strongly it bordered on painful. As the last spurt erupted from him, a single word fell from his mouth. His brain so clouded with pleasure Harry didn't even registered the fact he said anything. Charlie froze behind him, unable to stop his own orgasm from pouring into Harry. His moans tempered with a shocked and sad tone. He pulled out of Harry. The abruptness drawing another moan from Harry. Charlie got up shakily from the bed. A horrified and defeated look in his watery eyes. Harry collapsed down on to the sheets, wincing at the feel of his cooling come rubbing on his skin. He lifted his weary head to see Charlie scrambling to dress, his whole body shaking.

"What?" Harry asked frantically, confused about the change in mood.

The look that Charlie gave him made him freeze on the bed. It was a look of pure disgust and immense grief. Harry's heart froze, he reached out to him. Charlie shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes, incapable of speaking to him. Harry knew in that moment that it was over.

End of flashback

So now Harry sat contemplating the entire situation. They had argued into the night but Charlie refused to tell Harry what he had said. Whatever it had been ,it had destroyed their relationship. Harry's musings were disturbed by the sound of Charlie coming down the stairs, a handful of books under his arm. Harry went to get up then changed his mind. Unsure of the correct etiquette when your lover decides to leave you over a word, a word that you can't even remember saying. Anger suddenly raged through Harry.

"You're being unreasonable!" He shouted, Charlie flinched back from him. Harry felt even more annoyed.

Does he think I would hurt him!

With that thought in mind, Harry opened his arms to him, offering an embrace. Charlie, sadness written all over his face accepted it. Both of them holding on tightly to each other. Harry thought of what he could say to make him stay, but found himself suddenly mute. Charlie broke the silence.

"I love you Harry, I hope you find what you need."

With those heartfelt words, Charlie released Harry and walked towards the door. Harry's mind screaming at him to beg for him to stay, but his heart remained silent.

I never loved him

That thought and the door shutting behind Charlie as he left, Harry finally felt the tears begin to fall.

He woke up, body aching from falling asleep on the sofa. The television still playing some muggle movie that he had rented the previous day. Casting a brief glance at the clock, he realized that Charlie had been gone for five hours. His tears had tapered down to quiet sobs before stopping altogether. Harry had then found himself feeling restless and had put a film on while he decided what to do with himself. The combination of the lack of sleep that night before and the day's upheaval had obviously taken its toll. With a large yawn, Harry stretched, jumping when the floo flared to life. The concerned voice of Hermione nearly bringing tears to his eyes again. Harry called her through after checking that Ron wasn't with her. The last thing he felt like dealing with at the moment was a irate Ron. Hermione assured him that she was alone, immediately pulling Harry into a warm hug as she emerged from the fireplace.

"You look tired," She ushered him to sit, " Are you ok?"

Harry nodded tiredly, not trusting himself to speak. She gave him an understanding smile and set herself the task of making tea. Harry followed her into the kitchen, reluctant all of a sudden to be alone.

"I'm not going to place any blame." She assured him as she fussed around the kitchen.

"Thanks." Harry was grateful because he had the feeling she would be the only one that didn't.

Hermione looked at him, a small smile on her face. Her voice gentle and tender as she asked him.

"Did you love him?" Harry winced at the past tense that she used. Immediately wanting to assure her that of course he had loved Charlie. He found that his mouth wouldn't say the words, he didn't want to lie to her.

Shaking his head, he lowered his face. Not wanting to see the look on her face. A soft hand touched his chin, tilting his head up. Instead of anger in her eyes he saw love and acceptance.

"That's what I thought, you did the right thing."

Harry felt confusion cloud his features. Not understanding what she meant, she kissed him on the cheek.

"you were right to let him go."

Harry felt his body sag, the tension suddenly gone. Those words had struck a chord inside him.

She's right.. I would have hurt him in the end

He wasn't what I want.. No, he wasn't what I need.

" I know," His voice cracked as he said the words, "I tried to love him."

Hermione tightened the hug, Harry felt himself slowly feeling more calm and relaxed. She cleared her throat, he looked into her nervous eyes, it was clear to him that she was struggling to think of how to say something to him.

"Harry, I know you won't discuss some things with me," she put her hand up when he went to interrupt, "I know its probably too soon but I think you need to get whatever the problem is out of your system." She tried to smile at him, face looking apprehensive, expecting Harry to become upset or angry with her.

Harry didn't have the energy to argue with her, even though he felt that she was intruding he knew that her motivations were innocent. He quirked an eyebrow at her, she laughed and the tension dissipated instantly.

"Why do I feel that I'm going to regret asking you what you had in mind."

Hermione's grin widened, her face flushed. Indicating to Harry that she was about to suggest something she found embarrassing. Unable to meet his eyes, she reached in her pocket and pulled out a small, square card. Harry's eyes drawn to the gothic and intricate swirls on the shiny black business card. His fingers traced over the words, a shiver ghosting down his spine.

Pandora's Box

Where you're deepest desires are fulfilled.

Harry's wistful expression forced a laugh from Hermione. Harry snapped back to reality, his mind had wondered at the words.

"I'm not hiring a prostitute!" He shouted, Hermione staggered back for a moment, Then she gave him the look, the 'don't you dare raise your voice to me' look. Sheepishly he hung his head, muttering sorry.

"It's an exclusive fetish club, you idiot," she walked around the kitchen, slamming cups on the table, mumbling under her breath, "As if I'd recommend a whore!"

"How did you get their card?" he asked, laughter in his voice. He was intrigued to how she would explain this.

Wonder if Ron knows what a naughty girl Hermione is?

Hermione must have been reading his mind, she huffed indignantly.

"A colleague doing a psychological study gave it to me, I thought of you."

"What kind of study? you didn't mention my name did you?" Harry felt flustered at the implications. Picturing the front page of the Daily Prophet 'Harry Potter - pervert or saviour?'

"Of course not, silly, he was doing a study on sexual behaviour and fetishes."

She handed him a cup of strong tea, then decided to make sure the flat was tidy. Leaving Harry to stare at the card and think about the possibilities.

A week later, Harry stood in front of a very nondescript looking building. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. He had been standing staring at the black door for about ten minutes, nearly having ran home at least three times.

What am I doing here?

I must be crazy

The night that Charlie had left then Hermione had offered him the card had been one of the worst nights he had since before he killed Voldemort. Waking up coated in sweat, a scream trapped in his throat. Disturbed by the fact it wasn't a scream of terror but one of pleasure. The evidence of his excitement cooling on his stomach. Images from the dream had lingered in his mind for the next two days. A faceless, dark eyed man taking him, plundering his body, making him scream with pain and pleasure. Though all the while Harry had felt safe and content. Like he belonged with the man, like he was meant just for him.

His hand shook as he reached and rapped his knuckles on the door. It slowly opened, not a sound emerging. Harry wondered if he was in the wrong place. A large man stood in the entrance, his face glittering with various piercing. Harry felt himself gulp, the man offered him a warm and friendly smile.

"You have an appointment, Sir?" He ushered Harry inside to a slick and modern reception area. The minimalist nature of the room echoed in the black and chrome colour scheme.

"Yes, three o'clock with a Miss Raven." Harry remembered nearly laughing when a polite sounding girl had given him the appointment. Raven seemed an appropriate name given the circumstances. The burly man nodded, checking on their computer, confirming the appointment.

"Get I get you anything, tea, coffee?" Harry declined politely, not trusting his hand to stay steady as he tried to drink. The appearance of the place and of the man had done nothing to settle his nerves. He noticed that the man though tattooed and pierced wore an expensive suit. He wondered how much this was going to cost him, no price had been mentioned.

A buzzer sounded, Harry managed to not to jump at the noise. The man looked at him with a quizzical expression.

"Miss Raven, will see you now."

After being led down a long white corridor, he was escorted into a large comfortable office. Long white leather settees along the one wall, elegant pieces of art hanging on the walls. A long black desk by the large window, the sunlight streaming through, illuminating the room. Behind the desk sat a young women, in her early twenties by Harry's estimation. Ebony hair hanging in loose curls, high cheek bones, breathtaking blue eyes. Harry was awed by how stunning she was, berating himself for now finding men more attractive. His eyes drawn to her pale pink lips as she spoke, her voice melodic.

"Mr Potter, it's an honour to meet you, please take a seat." she gestured for him to sit opposite her.

"Are you sure that we can't get you something to drink?"

Harry nodded his head, kicking himself for having lost the ability to speak. She offered a beautiful smile, looking down at papers that were on her desk

"I've had a chance to review the questionnaire that filled in for us, I must ask you, how much do you know about Pandora's Box?"

Harry's voice started out quiet but he cleared his throat nervously and answered the question.

"Not much, only that you're a bondage club." Miss Raven laughed at the last two words.

"While yes we do cater for bondage Mr Potter, may I call you Harry?" her smile widening when he nodded his agreement, "Bondage isn't the only thing we can provide."

"How much?" Harry squeaked out, his throat dry.

Miss Raven leaned across and touched a button on the desk. A cool manly voice spoke, Harry recognised it as the man who had greeted him.

"Yes, Mistress Raven?" Harry's ears pricked at the different title the man used for her. She raise an amused eyebrow at Harry's shocked face.

"Could you please bring in two glasses of white wine," she looked at Harry as if asking if that was acceptable, he nodded.

I have to try and speak!

"Yes, Mistress."

They sat in silence for a brief moment, within a few minutes the man entered the office with the wine. Harry took a glass, concentrating on keeping it still, he sipped the cool crisp wine.

Miss Raven watched him with a critical eyes, she smiled making Harry feel instantly relaxed.

"We do not charge for our services, we simple ask for a yearly membership fee. This gives you unlimited access to our facilities and the exclusive invitation to any functions that we hold."

"Functions? You mean parties?"

The ebony beauty nodded her head and sipped her wine. Harry watched her tongue trace along her bottom lip, his cock twitched. Clearly reading his mind, she licked along her lip more obviously, teasing him. He looked up to see laughing eyes fixed on him, Harry face flushed with embarrassment.

"Yes, our yearly fee is four thousand galleons, is that acceptable?"

She was not going to draw attention to his earlier embarrassment, Harry found himself liking this woman. He nodded his head, a genuine smile on his face for the first time since he arrived.

"Now we have to discuss what we think you may need." Harry was surprised by what she said, surely he would decide what he needed. She lifted her hand in a placating gesture.

"Let me explain, the questionnaire that you complete is if you will, a psychological profile," she stopped to see that he understood before continuing, "Sometimes you can feel that you know what you need but its not always right, is it?"

Thinking back to the mess with Charlie he had to agree that her words made some sense.

" I suppose you're right."

"Good, I'm glad you agree, Harry," she stood up walking towards a door in the far corner of the room, fingers encouraging him to follow, " With what I have gleaned from your answers I have booked you a session in a training room."

The expression on Harry's face must have indicated his bewilderment and confusion.

What training, is this a gym?

Miss Raven threw her head back and laughed. A sweet non mocking giggle, she wrapped a friendly arm around his shoulders.

"All submissives must be trained." Harry froze at the words, she gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I think you know that deep down that's what you want." Her voice low and mesmerizing. Harry found himself no longer resisting, his mind telling him for once to listen to his instinct. His instinct was screaming that she was right.

The door swung open, the deafening beat of loud music and the scent of sex washed over him. Miss Raven turned to look at him.

"Welcome to Pandora's Box, Harry."