…Hi *shot*

Yeah, yeah, where the hell have I been? Blame the writer's block. But thanks to my pm buddy, (ahemapersonkindofpersonahem), I'm back on track!

Field Trip to Hell

Giotto stared at the heinous paper sitting on his desk awaiting his signature.

And, no, for once, it was not the bill for damages caused on Alaude/Daemon's last mission.

God that was scary.

This paper was worse though. It just sat there, immune to Giotto trying to set it on fire with his eyes (he had already tried with his gloves to no avail) and mocking him.

Him. Vongola freaking Primo. Most eligible bachelor in the mafia. Great leader of the Vongola Famiglia, holder of one of the Trinisette. The only man that could control both Alaude and Daemon in the same room without losing a at least limb.

And he had to give his son away to hell for a day.

Giotto was not amused.

Meanwhile, Tsuna, innocent, oblivious little tuna fish, just stood in front of his Papa before crawling into his lap with somewhat difficulty before managing to get up and look up at his Papa.

"Ne, Papa, what's wrong?" Tsuna asked. "Can I go?"

Giotto picked up the permission slip once more.

'I, _, father/mother/ guardian, _, of agree to let my son/daughter/ward go on a field trip, sponsored by the Mafia Education Program, on a trip to the Vendicare Penitentiary to learn how the Vendice operate and why not to commit crimes. The field trip is 7/20/20XX and cost 50 Euros for Transportation & lunch.'

Now, what truly bothered Giotto was the second page.

'I also accept and agree that while in the presence of the Vendice, children should bring a change of clothing and underwear and could quite possibly die or be incapacitated at the hands of the prisoners or Vendice themselves.'

Giotto stood up, taking Tsuna into his arms and walked towards the fireplace with the boy. He dropped the paper inside and looked to see what happened.

Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.

Giotto's eye twitched and he wondered, just how was he being defeated by paper?

The door slammed open. Giotto didn't even bat an eyelash.

"You can't get rid of it either?"

"No. Your beloved right hand man was wondering if your flames could—"

"G. You're a Storm. Your flame attribute is freaking disintegration. I'm a Sky. Mine is harmony. If you couldn't burn it, do you think I could?" Giotto deadpanned.

G glared at the permission slip in his hand with pure unadulterated hatred.

Asari nervously walked in. "Hahaha…Takeshi and I will be at the vet. Be back by dinner—"

"Wait what?" The two said. Asari smiled sheepishly.

"Ah, well… I tried to cut the permission slip into oblivion, but that didn't work—"

"What…" G muttered.

"Yeah, one of my short swords got a little messed up after that—that paper was really tough!" Asari sighed. "I wanted to see if Jirou could rip through it and one of his teeth fell out."

"Did he rip it?" Giotto asked.

"Not a scratch."

"Shitfuck." G cursed.

Knuckles, Alaude, and Daemon walked in.

"Maximum Break."

"Nuclear weaponry."

"Illusionary pits of hell."

They all held up untouched papers. The answer was obvious.

They had failed. Badly.

Giotto turned, sighed, and was about to resign to faith and sign the damned paper, when he turned to Alaude. "Nuclear weaponry? Seriously?"

The man shrugged and Giotto dug a hand through his hair in frustration.

"How much?"

"About the Mist Arcobaleno's entire savings." Alaude said.

Giotto's eyes widened and looked at Alaude to see if this was, in fact, the first time Alaude was pulling his leg.

Nope.

Giotto cried. "If you guys need me, I'll be in the bathroom slitting my wrists…"

Tsuna pouted and tugged his father's cape. "Papa! That's not good, Tsuna-chan will be sad if you do!"

Giotto looked down and saw an angry pout with determination in his son's eyes. He knelt down and hugged his son.

"Tsuna, promise me that you'll come back home alive…" Giotto said, holding his son tight. "I don't want to lose my son…"

Tsuna blinked, not knowing what his Papa was saying or not registering it, all while smiling cutely.

Daemon turned to look at Chrome and Mukuro who was behind them. "Go tell Mommy Elena that you love her, alright?"

"Yes father."

"Kufufufu, fine."

"Now don't forget that we both love you two so you should both come back, alright?" Daemon said, adding 'preferably not in a body bag' in the back of his mind.

Alaude looked over at Kyoya.

"Hn." Be careful.

"Hn." I will.

"Hn." You better, or else I'll arrest you to death.

"Hn." I always wanted a spar, old man. And I'll bite you to death.

"Hn." Come back out alive and you'll get one. I love you Kyoya.

Knuckle fist-bumped Ryohei. "SON! STAY ALIVE TO THE MAXIMUM!"

"TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei cried out.

Asari pet his son's hair. "Hahaha, you're a good boy, Takeshi. I'm sure you'll behave on the trip."

"Hahaha, of course, Oyagi!"

G grabbed Hayato on the shoulder, startling the boy. "Hayato. Protect yourself, because you can't help anyone else if you're dead."

"I already know that, senile old man!"

"Damn brat! I'm trying to have a touching moment here, don't ruin it!"

"You already did!"

"Aw, shut up!" G sighed. "Even the melon bastard got a nice moment with Chrome and Mukuro; at least let me have one moment of father-son emotional stuff!"

Asari laughed. "You know, Giotto, I'm sure if Hayato doesn't make it, G will end up yelling at him in the coffin to get up and stop wasting everyone's time with being dead at all."

G glared and pulled his bow out from thin air and Giotto swore that with the intense glare the man held, he could've burned that permission slip.

The Next Day:

Giotto sighed, having just dropped his son off at school with his Guardians. He saw Cozart and walked over happily.

"Hey Cozart, did you find a way to burn that permission slip?" Giotto joked.

The redhead blinked. "Wait, you mean you couldn't?"

Giotto swore he heard a mountain split in half just then. "What?"

Cozart sighed. "Giotto… that paper was Dying Will resistant and made of steel fibers and really, really freaking strong, but it was still paper. You could've just put it in water and mash it apart."

Giotto felt himself and the rest of the Guardian's soul fly up to the sky (yes, even Alaude and Daemon) and his friend sighed before using his gravity to bring to souls back to their still husks.

"…I just signed Tsuna's death certificate…" Giotto mumbled before pressing the back of his hand to his head. "Huh, were you always this fuzzy…"

Giotto fainted on the spot.

Meanwhile, Tsuna was talking happily about the hellhole he was about to enter tomorrow.

Ignorance is bliss.

In a few days time, the students of the Special Instruction Class have all been seated and were now on their way to Vendicare Prison. Tsuna giggled next to Hayato and Takeshi. "I hope this field trip is fun!"

"Hahaha, yeah, but Oyagi looked kind of pale." Takeshi said. Hayato scoffed.

"Well duh. We're going to Vendice. They're probably jealous."

"Ne, Hayato-nii, does that mean that if we get them souvenirs, they'll feel better?"

"M-Maybe Juudaime!" Hayato stuttered. Tsuna smiled and made a fist.

"Un, then Tsu-chan's going to bring something back and make Papa happy!" Tsuna said with cute little sparkles around him.

Several nearby teens got a mysterious case of nosebleeds.

Hayato's eyes narrowed. "Why do they always do that with the Juudaime around?"

"Hahaha, they also do that with Enma and Basil sometimes too, I think." Takeshi said. He put a finger to his chin, in 'thinking mode', "Ano, I wonder what would happen if all three of them sat together…"

The mental image of the three cute little shotas, all sitting together and just plain being the adorable little kids they were, made the bleeding teens into fountains of blood.

Reborn looked over all of them and sighed. Verde, beside him chuckled.

"Still happy you signed up to be their teacher?"

"Shut up, you damned scientist." Reborn sighed. "You don't have to clean up the blood."

Reborn stood up and clicked the safety off his gun. "Now no talking the entire ride or else you'll be chewing on a bullet, understand?"

Silence.

Reborn smirked an evil, sadistic (sexy) smirk. "Chaos. Perfect."

Once the kids were at the prison, they looked in awe. It truly didn't look like a prison, it was so clean and nice. Reborn saw this and smirked.

Time to break their amazement.

Reborn kicked the door open and sauntered in, amongst the mafia criminals and barked at the children "Hurry up!"

The kids followed and stopped short once walking in.

The glares of criminals was what stopped them dead on the spot. Tsuna "HIIIEEEE"ed and hid behind Takeshi, who laughed.

"Hahaha, guys, I'm scared." Takeshi shivered.

His brothers and sister looked at him with wide eyes.

Takeshi, their oblivious little Rain, could sense the killing intent of these men. That meant they should run.

Like, now.

The kids took one step back. Then another. Then they proceeded to turn and run away like bats out of hell.

Verde stood at the door, behind the group and grabbed Tsuna in one arm and Chrome in the other.

That stopped the rest from running anywhere and Verde pushed Tsuna and Chrome to the front where Reborn smirked at them.

"Nice try, Dame-Tsuna. Now come on, let's go see the nice Vendice and their lower levels, alright?"

Reborn said it so kindly and sweet, Tsuna swore he was the guide to hell.

Tsuna and Chrome clutched each other and their brothers followed them and huddled around each other in fear. Kyoya's hand drifted to his tonfas and he squeezed the handle comfortingly.

Tsuna shivered when seeing the men around him. He looked up to ask Reborn why they were here and met a bandaged face.

He screamed. Like a little girl.

"HIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!" Tsuna shrieked. He jumped and hugged the closest sibling, which was Ryohei. "HIIIIEEEE! HIIIIIIIIEEEEEE! HIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"

The man looked over at Reborn. "This is the Vongola?"

Reborn nodded. "Sad isn't it?"

The man looked over at Tsuna. "Hn, Tsunayoshi, eh…?"

"Hey!" Ryohei barked at the man. "You made Tsuna cry and you scared him, say sorry to the extreme!"

The man looked over at Tsuna. Normally, he would've ignored the request.

But the child was so tiny. So tiny and weak and pathetic and fluffy yet it made him want to apologize instead of belittle Tsuna. He knelt down and ruffled the boy's fluffy hair.

"I'm sorry, Tsunayoshi. I am Bermuda von Veckenschtein" The man said. Tsuna blinked at the man and smiled.

"'S'okay!" Tsuna said.

A man walked towards the group and looked at Tsuna. "Vongola…Die!" The man pulled out a knife and leapt at Tsuna. The boy watched as the Vendice used his chains to pull the man tightly.

"A week down at the fifth level." The man said, passing him to another Vendice. "Now while we escort him, let's continue."

In the next five minutes, Tsuna has been targeted 3 times, threatened 7 times, and hit on twice. All times, either his siblings or Vendice intervened. Bermuda turned to Reborn.

"This kind of thing happens often?"

"More than you know, but instead of criminals, it's mostly hormonal teens."

"Kufufufu, Bermuda." Mukuro called out, "Another one of your prisoners attempted to harm my little tuna fish."

Mukuro held said prisoner with a trident and flung him at Bermuda, who caught him via chains.

Bermuda sighed. "Oy vey… This is the worst class by far."

"What about the one where you guys had to hold the class because you thought Byakuran and Ghost were related?" Reborn asked.

"That was a mistake."

"Right." Reborn said. He sighed and shot another guy trying to kidnap, maim, or kill Tsuna. "That's number fourteen."

Bermuda gave up. He just freaking gave up. "Let's just bring them to the underground floors where all the prisoners are in containers."

The kids all looked at the men in their containers in awe. "They look like UMAs…" Hayato muttered. Tsuna wasn't looking where he was going and tripped over a wire, falling on a tube and cracking it. Bermuda jolted.

"Tsunayoshi! That's—"

Bermuda was interrupted as a man with long black hair stepped out, dripping the encasement liquid (I have no idea what to call that stuff).

Reborn looked at Bermuda. "Isn't that the former boss of the Estraneo?"

"Yeah."

"And weren't his favorite victims kids around their age?"

"Yeah."

Reborn sighed. "Lovely."

It took the next hour to calm the kids down, knockout said man, find him a new strait jacket, fix the container he was in, put new casement inside and stuff the man inside.

However, Tsuna still had somehow managed to receive several scratches from said man. However, the man was also lucky he was alive as Chrome and Mukuro and whoever else on the field trip who've been to Estraneo have ganged up on the man. Afterwards, Mukuro, Ken, Chikusa, and even Chrome had satisfied, and somewhat sadistic smiles on their faces.

Bermuda sighed. He had promised Luche that none of her students would get hurt if he could help it. And he was supposed to call her even if they had so much as a scraped knee.

Bermuda had the feeling this would not turn out pretty.

Two hours later, running from an enraged Sky Arcobaleno and Vongola Boss, Bermuda knew he should never have agreed to this.

Luche glared at the man before her, who was currently nursing his wounds and glaring at her. "I agreed to allow the kids to come because I thought, you, the Vendice could protect preschoolers, but apparently I was wrong." Luche sighed.

"Well you never told me that one of my prisoners would get beaten to a near-death state." Bermuda retaliated.

Giotto sighed as the two Arcobaleno got into a fight and picked Tsuna up and looked over his niece and nephews. "Alright, let's just go home now…"

"Ne, Papa, is it ok to let Mr. Bermuda and Auntie Luche fight like that?" Tsuna asked as the two got into an epic war.

Giotto only pat his son on the head. "Tsuna. They are Arcobaleno. One of the 'Seven' Strongest. I will teach you a lesson now: never interrupt a fight between them, because they label that as 'getting in their way', and they will maim you. It's best to just walk away and pretend you don't know anything."

Tsuna only nodded, hearing the shouts, bones being broken, and chains being clanged together. Tsuna giggled. "But it was a nice field trip, I guess!"

Giotto smiled. "Better than the one I had, I'm sure."

Omake:

At the peak of their fight, Reborn walked in between them and put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "L-Luche, come on, I don't want the kid to get hurt—"

Luche glared at him and he died a little, he swore to freaking god.

"Reborn-kun. Out of the way, now." Luche growled out.

The man continued to attempt to soothe his wife, sweating buckets all the while.

He soon lay in a steaming pile.

Mammon's lips twitched and he held an arm out towards Fon. "Ha. Pay up."

Fon grudgingly handed over 75 Euros. He frowned. "I was going to get I-Pin-chan a new martial arts robe."

Mammon sighed. "You should've learned not to make a bet with me."

Fon sighed and watched as Reborn shot at Bermuda to 'not be an idiot' and 'watch out for my fucking baby, you asscrack of a warden'.