Hi Everyone! So, this is going to be my very first BTR story and I'm like seriously excited for this idea. Most of you might think I'm evil for doing this but just remember I have FCMD for Carlos.
Now I'm not sure if most of you know by now but recently, I had to send my laptop in again for repairs AGAIN! (Just thinking about it makes me angry) so I'm without a computer for the next couple of day, which might end up being weeks. If I don't get it back before Elevate comes and we're going to have some real problems.
I'm going off subject now. Forgive me. Most of the chapters I'm gonna have to type up on my mom's computer. Sorry for the inconvenience
Summary: The emotion of loss comes to all; but it's far too different when one feels they may have been responsible. The loss of a family member due to something which should never have happened; does the possibility even exist to recover from it? When one's heart seems beyond broken?
Warnings: Extreme angst for all of the boys but mostly Carlos and violence.
Ages: Logan is 17, Kendall's 16, James is also 16 and Carlos is 15 turning 16 (Yeah, Carlos is always the baby of the four in my FF world)
Genres: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, and Tragedy
Disclaimer: Me? Own Big Time Rush? Yeah right. that privledge belongs to Scott Fellows. If I owned Big Time Rush, they would NOT be on Nickelodeon. Just saying.
Now that all that is out of the way, I suppose I can move onto the chapter. I hope you all enjoy.
It was an uncomfortably gray atmosphere looming in apartment 2J.
Sixteen-year-old Kendall Knight came out into the living room from his bedroom to find his mother on the phone, two of his best friends, James Diamond and Logan Mitchell, in the kitchen, his sister, Katie, sitting on the couch watching some TV with his other best friend, Carlos Garcia, beside her looking at the TV, only he didn't seem to be watching. His eyes seemed blank.
"I understand," he heard his mother say as she turned around and saw him. "We're holding up the best we can." There was a long pause. "About what you'd expect. I'm really worried about him. He completely shut himself out from everyone. He won't eat and he won't sleep. He hasn't even moved at all. He just stares at the TV and won't talk to any of us." Kendall immediately realized his mother was referring to Carlos.
Kendall glanced over at his friend who sat on the couch. He hadn't moved an inch. He remained frozen in his spot on the couch. "Well, thank you for calling, Keith," Mrs. Knight said. Kendall realized his mother was speaking to his father on the phone. "Okay, we'll see you at the funeral. Bye."
The second Mrs. Knight placed the phone on the counter, it began to ring. Mrs. Knight sighed. She picked the phone up and hung it up.
Kendall was surprised at her actions. "Aren't you going to answer that?"
Mrs. Knight shook her head and placed the phone back on the counter before she turned her attention to her son. "Reporters have been calling all day, I'm not interested in dealing with every one of them."
Kendall rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, before he let it out slowly. The phone rang again and when his mother didn't answer, he picked it up and answered it himself. "Listen, you bottom feeding vultures." Kendall's voice was full of anger as he spoke. "Stop sucking the life out of my family and friends, we have worries of our own."
"Well, hello to you too, Kendall," he heard his grandmother say.
Kendall's eyes widened. "O-oh, I'm so sorry, Grandma. I thought you were some reporter calling to harass us and Carlos."
"Don't worry, Kendall. It's okay. Can I talk to your mother?"
"Yeah, let me give you to her," Kendall said as he passed the phone over to his mother.
"Hi, Mom," Mrs. Knight began. She turned her back to Kendall and leaned over. "Yeah, things are kind of crazy here. I'm going to have you call you back later." Mrs. Knight paused for a second. "Ok, Mom. Bye."
After that, Mrs. Knight hung the phone up and put it down. She turned her head towards the direction of the couch and took a long, good look at Carlos. The lack of sleep and food was clearly taking its toll on his body. His face seemed paler than usual, as if on the onset of getting sick, and the rest of his features appeared gaunter.
"Hey Carlos! Look!" Katie called out to the small boy, who didn't budge. He just kept staring off into space. "Pokemon is on. That's your favorite show." It was true. Carlos really did enjoy Pokemon. It didn't matter if it was the games or the show; Carlos had always been a fan of Pokémon, ever since he was a child.
The Latin teenager didn't react in the slightest. Not even a twitch, or a glance.
"Nothing," said Katie, clearly shocked. She was so sure Pokemon would have pulled Carlos out of his current state, especially with the emotion it often brought out of him.
Before anyone could say anything else, James and Logan came out of the kitchen, Logan carrying a plate with him. James took a seat on the other side of Carlos and Logan stood in front of him. "Hey Carlos, you must be starving," Logan said, holding the plate in front of Carlos. All he got in return was silence. "James and I made a sandwich for you."
"Come on, Carlos," James called out, trying to get Carlos' attention. "Please. You have to eat something. This isn't healthy." But it was no use. The Hispanic teen paid no attention to him.
Kendall was beyond worried. No matter how hard anyone tried to snap Carlos out of the grief-induced state he was in, they just couldn't. Kendall wasn't about to lose one of his best friends to grief. Without a word, Kendall knelt down in front of his youngest friend. "Carlos, I know you must be blaming yourself right now for what happened." Kendall paused and looked his friend. Nothing. Carlos wouldn't even pick his head up to make eye contact with him. Kendall sighed and gently placed his hand on Carlos' shoulder before he continued. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It was an accident. No one blames you."
He took a deep breath. "He wouldn't blame you." He looked at his friend and noticed some tears had made their way down Carlos' cheek.
Carlos mumbled something but Kendall wasn't quite sure of what though. "What was that, Carlos?"
"You don't understand." Carlos spoke louder and clearer then he had before. But, there was a chilling coldness behind the tone; there was no remorse sparing any lapse of understanding Kendall may have experienced. It was pure hurt in that voice, hurt combined with frustration.
Frustration and helplessness.
"But I want to try my best for you, all of us do, you know that. We've been through thick and thin, this is no exception. Still," Kendall's tone turned more serious, "you have to tell us this before we can do anything: what do you mean by what you said? What is it that I don't understand?"
Carlos picked his head and made eye contact with Kendall, causing the blond to gasp when he saw Carlos' face. The Latino's cheeks were tear-strained and his eyes brimmed with tears. The childlike sparkle that his chocolate brown orbs held had disappeared and carried a dull void instead. "Do you have idea what its like knowing you are the reason why someone you love dead? No! You don't, Kendall!"
"I said this before, Carlos, and I'll say it again. This is not your fault. He knew he was putting himself at risk when he did what he did. He was trying to save you, Carlos."
"Kendall..." Carlos began in a low mumble, then raised his voice above a hoarse whisper, "how is this not my fault?" Some more fresh tears began to well up in Carlos' eyes. "My father got shot trying to save me. My father died trying to save me." Carlos could no longer hold his emotions in. The tears began to fall freely down his cheeks. "H-how can you say this isn't my fault?"
The flood gates broke at that point and Carlos cried harder then he had ever cried in his life. Kendall said nothing, he didn't know what to say. He just took a seat beside Carlos on the couch and pulled him into a strong embrace, letting the Latino cry into his shoulder. He looked over at James, who sat on the other side of Carlos. The brunette was rubbing soft circles into Carlos' back, trying to comfort the teen. He looked up at Kendall and gave the blond a stern look, causing Kendall to give him a helpless shrug.
With that, Kendall turned his attention back to Carlos. He felt the tears soaking his shirt but he paid no attention to it. The only thing on his mind was his friend. He tightened his grip on Carlos and let a few tears of his own fall. "It's okay, Carlos." He tried to reassure Carlos. He used his free hand to wipe his own tears away. "We'll get through this together, I promise."
But Kendall just couldn't seem to believe that himself.
Sorry if I made any of the boys OOC in this story. I tried. I know most of you wanna kill me right about now for doing that to poor little Carlitos. Sorry, I had to do it.
I know it's short but just bear with me. This is just the prologue. The actual chapters will be longer, I can promise you that.
A very big thanks to EarthBolt-Infinite for the summary. The title is all mine but it's Bolt who came up with the summary. Thanks so much for all the help you've given me, Bolt. I seriously don't know what I would do without you. You're the best, B! Heck, you're a live saver! (This is the part where you ask me what flavor xDD) LOVE ya B.
I'm beyond excited for 'Elevate' (if you don't know what 'Elevate' is by now, then you're an idiot. 11/21/11! Why can't it come out now?)
Thats it for now, guys. Please tell me you think by giving me some feedback. Feedback not only equals a very happy Erin but it also makes the world spin around. Hehe xD. Had to say that.
I hope you all enjoyed this story and thanks for taking the time to read it. It makes me so happy.