I'm at the hospital again today. Bobby still seems the same. He's still...annoyed. Annoyed that he got possessed. Annoyed that the doctors here are all "idjits". Annoyed that he can't help us fight the apocalypse. Annoyed that I started the apocalypse in the first place.
I walk into the room hesitantly, not wanting to upset or anger him any more than he already is. I know he's just pretending to forgive me for what I did, just because he feels he has to. But, with everything that's happened to him, I really don't want to cause him any more pain. I don't think he wants me to come visit him here anymore. Actually, I'm pretty sure he never wants to see me again, period. So, I just thought I'd let him know I understand how he feels and that I won't bother him again.
It's hard to see him, sitting so glumly in that wheelchair, considering this is the last time I probably actually ever will get to see him. Half of me doesn't even want to say anything. After all, this man is basically my surrogate father. And I definitely remember the pain I felt being told by my father to never come back. It's heartbreaking to think that in a couple of minutes, I'm going to feel that same pain again.
"Hey kid." He says this coldly, no emotion showing in his face or in his voice.
I swallow, trying to hold back my tears. I love him too much to cause him anymore pain. That greeting is more than enough for me to make up my mind that I definitely have to go through with this.
"Sam, what's wrong? Something happen to Dean."
He still loves Dean, still cares about him like he would his own son. I'm a little jealous, but I know that it's all my fault and as much as I'd like everything to go back to the way it was before, it's just too late. I missed my chance to redeem myself.
"Sam, answer me when I speak to you. What happened? Is your brother okay?"
I nod my head, not looking up at him.
"Dean's okay. Tired, angry, but okay."
Bobby snorts. "Hmm, I wonder why?"
That's my cue.
"Bobby, I'm so-"
He cuts me off, rolling his eyes.
"Boy, what's the point of saying sorry again, I already know you didn't mean to."
"Bobby, please let me finish," I plead with him, "You don't have to pretend to be okay with what I did. I understand that you really don't want anything to do with me, gosh, I wouldn't want anything to do with me either. And I know the only reason you tolerate me is because you still care about Dean and don't want to lose contact with him. I promise that he'll keep coming to visit you and everything, and you'll probably get better quicker if you just have the people you love around. I'll keep my distance, I swear, you won't ever have to see me again. I really am sorry though, for being such a heavy burden for you all these years."
I finally have the guts to look up. And it terrifies me. He looks like he's about to murder me. His face is distorted, his arms ready to punch.
"WHAT IN HELL POSSESSED YOU TO THINK THAT I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU?"
He rolled his way over towards me, looking like a raging bull. I took a cautionary step back, but he was too quick from me and soon had a tight hold on my wrists. He managed to pull me down to kneel on the ground, and then, out of the blue, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the tightest bear hug that I have ever felt in my life.
"So what, you started the apocalypse? How the hell were you meant to know that killing Lillith would be a bad thing, huh? You were trying to save the world, not end it. You're a good person, Sam, you weren't trying to hurt anybody. You didn't mean to do anything wrong, so there's nothing really to forgive. And what's this crap about me only wanting to have contact with Dean and not you? If you don't want to visit me anymore, then you don't have to, but don't try and pin it on me. Just know you'd be breaking an old man's heart, that's all."
I pull back a little to look up at him, still stunned by his sudden affection.
"You want me to visit you?"
He pulls me back in, tighter than before, and starts rubbing my back gently.
"Of course I want you to visit me. As you said, I'll get better if I have the people I love around me. And Sam, you idjit, I love you. Just as much as I love your stupid brother, okay. How could you possibly even think I don't love you and care about you? Have I been doing that bad a job of looking after you all these years?"
I pull back once more, keeping my arms around his neck.
"I love you too, Bobby. Thank you."
I laugh and go back in for one more quick hug before pressing a kiss to his cheek and getting up.
"So, you need anything."
"No, not really"
"Sorry, sir, visiting hours are almost over."
"Oh, um, thanks. Cya tomorrow Bobby."
I smile at him before picking up my backpack and walking out laughing, listening to him mumbling and grumbling about John's stupid sons.
I'm glad this wasn't the last time.