Go-Go Bijuu Rangers!
You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!
From the twisted mind of: DarkFayt
Written by: Rageofkyubii (He didn't write shit!)
RoK: BullCRAP, I didn't!
Co-Authored by: DarkFayt
THIS WILL BE THE ONLY DISCLAIMER FOR THIS FIC AND SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD TO APPLY TO ALL FUTURE CHAPTERS!
I'm sure those of you that have me on Author Alert are a bit confused with this new fic. Simply put, after such a long time between updates, due to life leaving both DarkFayt and I little time to write fan fiction, I decided the best way to both improve Bijuu Rangers and make sure some new content was coming out at a better rate of updates was to restart the entire story. It will still include the scenes from the original, only with a bit more coherence to the plot(not too much, mind you) and additional scenes. As such, the first few chapters will contain a lot of the same content as the previous version. Hopefully, everyone will view this as an improvement over the original.
"Tsunade-sama!" was the cry that could be heard throughout the small gambling town that sat on the boarder between Hi no Kunai and Kaze no Kunai.
"Oh, those two are at it again? I didn't become a bartender to watch over a couple of drunk sluts all the time! Oomph…" were the last words from the bartender before a mug to the skull roughly put an end to his shift.
"Damn, old bastard…Shizune, keep it down…I have a terrible hangover…" was the muffled reply from the Slug Princess as she tenderly cradled her head in-between her arms.
"Not this time, Tsunade-sama! Not only did you gamble away all our traveling money, AGAIN, but you even got so drunk that you sold Ton-Ton! It took me almost four hours to find her! And look at her!" she exclaimed, holding up the pig towards Tsunade's face. The small animal had one of its ears pierced, and had somehow gained a tattoo beside her tail of a kunai pointing toward….well, let's leave it at that.
As Tsunade slowly raised her head, she couldn't help but let a bitter smile slip across her face…she always felt sorrow after one of her harder nights, and knew it would take days to clean up all the trouble she had no doubt caused but she knew that another was always to come. It always did these days, "Sorry, Shizune…"
If it wasn't for the loud talk of the bar many would have sworn a Fuuton jutsu had been cast with the deflation and sigh that had escaped Shizune.
"It's alright Tsunade-sama…let's just get back to the inn."
It didn't take them long to leave the loud and glowing aura of the red-light district of the small town. It was a quiet night, and even with Tsunade stumbling every few steps, it was still an enjoyable night for most without hangovers...
"Tsunade-sama…do you think we'll ever return to Konoha?" Shizune asked hesitantly.
Tsunade's face seemed to blank for a moment before she clutched her grandfather's necklace tightly. "Not if I have anything to say about it…it will take an act of Kami…"
In that instant, a bright flash of light exploded from the necklace, causing the two kunoichi to shield their eyes as a booming voice seemed to come from all around them.
"TSUNADE, MADARA'S ESCAPED! I NEED YOU TO GATHER A TEAM OF PRE-TEEN JINCHUURIKI WITH ATTITUDE!"
(About an hour ago…)
Elsewhere in the lands of the Elemental Countries, a great evil had begun to awaken…
Two shadowed figures stood around a dark pit that seemed to descend into the bowels of the earth. Large black crystals littered the dark cave, giving it an eerie purple glow.
It was slow, but a dark red light began to emit from the depths of the pit until the entire cave exploded with crimson light.
Each crystal began to react in turn as a different arcane symbol appeared in each and pulsed with power as if welcoming their long-lost master…
A dark, ominous laughter arose, seeming to come from the glow itself. "Ahh! At last…after ten thousand years, I am free! And now, it is time to conquer Kon-"
"Umm…actually Master, it's only been about five years since you went back to sleep…" one of the figures said, cutting off the ominous red glow's diabolical statement of malcontent.
"Remember? After the whole massacre thing? And you're barely over a hundred, why'd you say 'after ten-thousand years'?" asked the other, as a man with an orange swirl mask emerged from the light, flailing his arms wildly at the two.
"DAMN IT! You fools ruined my dramatic entrance!" screamed the orange masked man. "Am I not allowed to be dramatic? Do I not deserve a badass entrance as the main villain? I've been saving that speech for the perfect moment and YOU BOTH SCREWED IT ALL UP!"
"Ugh…whatever, I don't have time to kill you fools now. I think of a proper punishment later…"
Both servants let out a tight breath. Their master was known for some rather…twisted punishments.
"Now then-ooh, shiny!" their leader exclaimed suddenly, staring into the largest crystal in the room and bouncing on the balls of his feet. After a few moments, he seem to be aware of his actions and quickly stood up straight, clearing his throat lightly. "Yes, well…The time has come for our most important matter at hand…."
Back on the outskirts of Fire Country, both females slowly blinked their eyes as the light faded, wondering just what the hell was going on…and that's when they saw it.
Surrounded by an aura of forest green chakra was the head of a man…a giant head of a man…a giant translucent head of a man…
A GIANT FLOATING SEE-THROUGH HEAD OF THE SHODAIME HOKAGE!
"I AM THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD OF THE SHODAIME HOKAGE!"
See, what I tell you?
As Tsunade slowly turned to look between the Giant Floating Head that claimed to be her grandfather, and the sake bottle in her hand a few time, a look of utter horror crossed her face…
"Shizune!" she exclaimed, turning and gripping the girl's shoulders as she looked her straight in the eye, "Do you see this too?" asked Tsunade with the utmost seriousness.
With a solid nod from her assistant, Tsunade let out a tight breath she had been holding, "Oh thank Kami…I thought I would have to give up drinking for a moment."
"Huh?" was all that Shizune could say as she watched her teacher take a rather large downer of the sake, "But, I thought you just said-"
"I said, FOR A SECOND there, I thought I was gonna have ta give up drinking." she said, throwing the empty bottle aside and pulling a full one out of who knows where. "But if that thing is really here, I need ta be a lot more wasted befur it starts talken again..."
(Several days later, among the dunes of Wind Country's vast desert)
"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THE BLONDE WOMAN DOES NOT JUST FLOAT TO SUNAGAKURE!"
"For the hundredth time, you floating freak, WE DON'T FLOAT!" screamed Shizune in rage and frustration. The sun was hot, sand was getting in every crevice she had, and now she finally understood why her master has never gone into Wind Country before…it was Hell. (the real reason being the bet she lost to the Daimyo of Wind Country several years ago…)
"The Giant Floating Head is not a freak! The Giant Floating Head is the Giant Floating Head!"
Check that, this was worse than Hell.
"Oh for the love of Kami, shut the fuck up or I swear I'll use the Shizune-Crusher to beat you again!"
"Well then, umm…Tsunade-sama, why are we heading to Suna again?" asked Shizune with trepidation.
"We're heading to Suna because my hallucination over there hasn't let me sleep for three days and won't stop yelling about Bijuu Rangers until I find them." said Tsunade as she leaped over another sand dune.
"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS NOT A HALLUCINATION! THE GIA-"
"SHUT UP!" screamed both women in a scary unison.
A frightening glint suddenly entered Tsunade's eyes, "That's it! SIC HIM, TONTON!"
"...ummm, Tsunade-sama, pigs don't-" Whatever Shizune was about to say was cut off as Tsunade grabbed TonTon by the vest and hurled her at the floating head at sonic speeds.
The Hokage Head widened his eyes in fright. "WAA! NOOOOOOO! Do not throw pink mammals at The Giant Floating Head! The Giant Floating Head is not a…"
"BWEEEEEEEEE!" TonTon squealed in sheer fright as it connected with the Head...
And passed through it.
And kept going.
Tsunade blinked as TonTon disappeared into the horizon. "Fuck…now, back to what I was saying, to find the Bijuu means I need Jinchuuriki-"
"No, my TonTon!" Shizune cried in dismay, twin trails of tears running down her face.
"-and I only know about three Jinchuuriki." the Sannin continued, ignoring her assistant's cries. "One in Suna, one in Kumo, and one in…well…we'll get to that one later."
A moment later, the Hidden Village of Sand came into view at long last.
"YES! THIS PLEASES THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD GREATLY! ONWARD, MY SERVANTS! ONWARD TO COLLECT OUR FIRST RANGER!"
"…the hell did you just call us?"
Meanwhile, in Konoha...
"Sasuke-kun! Please go out with me!" cried Sakura as she glomped Sasuke on their way back from their initial meeting with their hopefully soon-to-be sensei. Naruto had already ran off to Ichiraku's, luckily(or unluckily, depending on which one you asked) leaving the pink-haired girl with the brooding object of her affections.
"Damn that blue-eyed bastard! Why did he have to leave me with the crazy pink bitch… almost makes me want to go missing nin…" thought Sasuke, giving a disinterested glance at the girl before scoffing. "Hmn, I'll do that when pigs fly."
"Was that…a flying pig?" asked Sakura as stars lit up in her eyes.
A brief look of shock flicked across the Uchiha's face. "…I swear, if Naruto was behind that…" muttered Sasuke, staring up at the pig as it flew past overhead. He glanced sideways at Sakura.
"...I'm still not dating you..."
In a dark cave, a masked man stared intently into a pale crystal. As he gazed into it's depths, it was clear he was using it's powers to watch the group of three as they made their way into the hidden village.
"So that damn head is on the move already…but he doesn't realize how far a-HEAD of him I am…"
"Oh kami...he's making puns again..." groaned one cloaked figure to the other, his face buried in his hands as their leader stood atop a large rock, laughing manically into the sky.
The other men nodded "Yeah, but he pays more an hour then we could make in any village…besides he has free booze…and it helps make the puns funnier." He paused at the other man's stare. "…well, tolerable." he added, taking another long swig.
"You!" Madara suddenly cried, pointing at the second man. "Head out to Suna immediately! We must destroy the last known Jinchuuriki before they can reach it! Do it for evil! Do it for darkness!"
Both figures shared a glance before raising their bottles, "Do it for the booze!" screamed both figures before disappearing in black smoke.
The masked man sweatdropped slightly, sighing to himself as he rubbed his temples. "Note to self: find new hiding place for the good stuff…minions keep drinking while on the clock…"
"You know, for one of the major Hidden Villages, I kinda expected there to be…people around." Tsunade commented, looking round at the deserted moonlit streets of Suna, a shiver having nothing to do with the sudden gust of wind working its way down her back. "Gives me the creeps, its like a ghost town or something…"
Squinting her eyes to shield them from the dust being kicked up, Shizune gazed up at the full moon overhead. "Not to mention all the hotels and other buildings being completely locked down…it's like they're hiding from something…" Her gaze slowly panned over to the now-third member of their little group. "Aside from the obvious, of course."
"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THE TWO VILLAGE WELCOMERS FELL OVER AND WENT TO SLEEP!" the Head shouted, spinning around the two kunoichi as they entered a small playground.
Gritting her teeth in frustration, Tsunade scowled at the head of her grandfather. "For the last time, those weren't welcomers, you broken bobblehead! Those were guards! And they fainted because a GIANT TRANSPARENT GHOST HEAD floated up right in their faces and grinned wildly at them while shouting gibberish!" she spat, sighing in irritation as she tried to calm herself down. Truth be told, it was probably for the best they had managed to enter the village unseen, save for the unconscious and traumatized guards. She couldn't imagine sanely explaining something like the Giant Floating Head, not to mention trying to convince the village to willing hand over their Jinchuuriki of all things. "At any rate, all we need to go is find the ninja containing the Bijuu and hopefully convince them to come along. What could possible go wrong?" she asked sarcastically.
Tsunade blinked, eyes glancing down to look at the collapsed sandcastle around her foot, idly noticing that the wind seemed to have complete died out around them. Swallowing slightly, her eyes slowly trailed over to the redhead boy kneeling beside the castle glaring at her. Opening her mouth to apologize, she suddenly felt the sand around her foot beginning to tighten at the same moment she noticed the dark black circles around the child's eyes.
Channeling chakra into her leg and yanking her foot free, she leapt backwards and took a defensive stance, eyes narrowing as she watched the Jinchuuriki(as it was obvious that what he was now) slowly stand up, the sand at his feet starting to rise with him. "Okay, we found one, floating freak, What now?" Noting the odd silence, she chanced a glance behind her. "Umm, hello? Earth to my insane apparition? We found what you were looking for!" she announced, cursing when the ghostly figure was nowhere in sight. "I really hate that Head…so, SO much hate…"
"Mother wants your blood…" the red-haired ninja said tonelessly, his eyes becoming slightly crazed as he slowly raised his hand, a literal whirlwind of sand swirling around him…
….only for a small pink blur to shoot down from the sky and collided harshly with the side of his head. The ninja froze in place, his eyes wide as the sand around him dropped harmlessly to the ground. With his arm still extended out toward the women, he slowly tilted sideways, eye twitching once before keeling over onto his side, eyes rolled back into his head and a small bit of foam in the corner of his mouth.
Blinking owlishly, Tsunade and Shizune slowly looked down toward the unconscious ninja's feet where the object that had slammed into the Jinchuriki's head had landed. As the dust cleared, they spotted a small animal holding its head in obvious pain.
"TONTON!" Shizune cried happily, running over and scooping up the injured pig in her arms.
Tsunade rubbed her chin in thought as she watched her assistant hug her pet pig to her chest, nuzzling her cheek against it. "Huh, around the ninja world in under an hour…I must be outta practice."
"EXCELLENT, DIMINUITIVE PINK-FLESHED PROJECTILE!" a voice rang out, causing the blond to somehow mange to shudder and twitch simultaneously as the giant ghostly head of her grandfather suddenly reappeared overhead. "Now that the first recruit has been calmed, the Giant Floating Head shall now use the Giant Floating Head's awesome powers to unl-"
"And just where the hell did you disappear to?" Tsunade demanded, cutting off the Head's tirade as she glared up at the…thing…bobbing above the prone Genin. "We could have used your help! You could have…I don't know, distracting him or something!" she continued, unable to come up with anything useful the Head could have actually done.
"Unimportant details, cranky blond-haired female! Now behold!" the Head declared, his hair suddenly extending from his head and wriggling dramatically as lightening struck around him, the head starting to glow brightly as if he was charging up. "ULTIMATE GIANT FLYING HEAD RANGER RELEASE POWERS….COME FORTH!"
Shielding her eyes as the winds erupting from the Head's power started to push her back, her friend gripping TonTon to her body in shock and awe. Tsunade's eyes widened in surprise. "Don't tell me he's actually…"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the Giant Floating Head suddenly exclaimed, abruptly returning to normal before shrinking down and shooting up Gaara's nose "Giant Floating Head awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
A lone gust of wind blew past the two med-nin as they stared at the unconscious ninja in stunned disbelief. A vein pulsed heavily on Tsunade's head, strong enough to momentarily disrupting the genjutsu she wore.
"Fuck my life…" she groaned, dragging her hand down her face in exasperation. Rolling he shoulder slightly as she walked over to Shizune, who had finally stopped fawning over her returned pet, Tsunade arched an eyebrow. "So how long do you th-"
A cloud of dust suddenly blasted upward between the two, the sound of an object slamming into the ground obviously apparent. As the dust began to clear, the image of a crouched man began to appear, the only evidence of his arrival a large bird-shaped object high in the sky. A dark chuckle came from the man as he stood. "Screw waiting, its just a pair of little kunoichi" he said, more to himself than the two in front of him. The dust fully cleared to reveal a grey-haired man in black, a three bladed scythe in his hand. He took a step forward, only to fall over, rolling on his back and cursing as he held his ankles. "Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap, broken ankles, ooh yeah fully shattered owowowowowow!"
Tsunade and Shizune both sweat dropped at the man's antics, the younger woman stepping forward in slight concern. "Umm, do you need any-?"
The man surprised them both by leaping to his feet, the cracking of bones apparent. "Feh, why do I need help from people who will be dead and bloody soon?" he mocked smugly, pulling his weapon from his back.
A sadistic smirk crossed the blonde's face as she cracked her knuckles, Shizune prepping her needle launcher as she leapt to her teacher's side. "You have no idea who you're messing with, you little peon." she stated, muscles tensing in preparation for he opening attack. "Just what the hell are you here for?"
"I have orders from my Master to bring the Jinchuuriki to him…" the clocked man stated, sadistically running his tongue along the blade of his weapon before spinning it around his body. "Though I can take some time for some wanton violence…" he cackled, charging toward the kunoichi.
"In the name of the sand…"
The three combatants froze in their attacks, four sets of eyes focusing on the source of the voice. They saw the boy awake and standing up, holding a kunai in his hand in a reverse grip. Crossing his arm in front of his chest, he channeled his chakra into his blade, a brightly colored jewel forming in the hilt as the sand around his feet began to stir. "…I will punish you." the boy finished with a boast smirk, the jewel bursting with light as he shouted his next words.
"Ichibi no Gaara…Awaken!"
The sand around his feet exploded outward, spiraling around him like a cyclone. Moving from his legs up, the sand began forming a spandex-like suit around him, shifting colors as it did. A tanuki-shaped helmet formed around his head, black markings quickly spreading over the suit. As the last remnants of sand fused into the suit, Gaara shifted into a fighting stance to face his opponent, the jeweled kunai in his hand shifting into a set of spinning top. "Bijuu Ranger: Orange!"
And off in Konoha, another orange-clad ninja suddenly bolted upright in his bed, peering around the darkened room suspiciously and frowning lightly. "Something terribly, terribly wrong has just happened…."
"Oh shit….his Ranger powers have activated!" the cloaked man said, glancing at the other two ninja before dashing at the orange warrior. "To hell with it, Ranger or not I'm gonna take you down as a loyal minion of Madara!" he proclaimed, swinging his scythe back in preparation for an attack.
"Madara?" Tsunade thought, eyes widening in shock.
Gaara's only response to his attacker's boast was to grasp the two ninja wires wrapped around the tops, shifting into a ready stance. "Toppu no Hakai Senkai!"("Whirling Tops of Destruction") he called, throwing the tops out toward his opponent and yanking the wires hard, causing the tops to spin at a high speed as they flew through the air.
The ninja scoffed, swinging his scythe around to bat the oncoming projectiles away. Oi oi oi, you think some silly toys will be eno-"
The tops suddenly shifted in midair, the points drilling into the scythe, shattering the bladed weapon. Sand exploded from the tops, forming thick spikes along the edges of the tops before shooting out at the clocked minion.
The sand spikes tore into the man's body mere moments before the tops connected with his chest, continuing to spin as they blasted him off his feet, sending him slamming into the rocky cliff wall running along the playground. Digging the man deeper into the bedrock, the tops finally stopped, disintegrating into sand before drifting back toward Orange and into his hand, reforming into duel tops.
"Amazing…" Shizune gasped, watching as the newly-appointed Ranger's outfit seemed to disintegrate off him, leaving him back in his original clothes.
Watching part of the cliff collapse onto the beaten foe, a grin spead across Tsunade's face as she pumped a fist in the air. "One down, eight to go!" she said, relieved to actually be making progress. "The sooner we find the others, the soone I can be finished with this crap! Now that the Orange Ranger has joined, we can finally-"
"I don't think so." the Jinchuuriki stated, stopping the med-nin's excited celebrations.
"Huh?" Tsunade blinked, looking over at the redheaded boy in disbelief. "What do you mean? You're a Bijuu Ranger! You have a duty to fight evil…apparently!"
Pulling a random manga out of his gourd with his sand, the Genin begin reading. "Yeah….sorry, but there's a lot of manga I need to catch up on, not to mention enjoying my intact sanity again, and traveling around with some old lady is gonna cut into that, so no." Gaara said simply,
Tsunade's fist shook in an effort to stay calm herself. "Listen here, you little-"
"HAAAA-HAHAHAHA!" a voice shouted, the self-proclaimed minion pulled himself out of the rubble and charged the group, multiple large holes in his torso and a obvious shattered arm seeming to not affect him in the slightest. "You fools! Behold my immortal body, the picture of perfection! It will take more than-!"
And with that, the last tiny strand of restraint holding back Tsunade's temper, worn down constantly from dealing with an insane ghostly head of her grandfather, finally snapped.
The rest of the man's rant was swiftly and brutally cut off as Tsunade's fist connected full force with his jaw in a vicious uppercut, separating his head from his body and sending it crashing through multiple buildings.
"MINI-ME, NOOOOOOOOO!" the Giant Floating Head suddenly exclaimed, shooting out of Gaara's gourd randomly chasing after the sounds of damage.
The blonde Sannin slowly turned back towards the group, her eyes blazing and her chakra flaring wildly as she glared daggers at the red-haired Genin. "YOU! You're coming with us when we leave tomorrow morning, and you're joining the floating freak's team…GOT IT?" she questioned, her chakra surging hard enough to crack the pavement beneath her feet.
And Gaara, who was known for being untouchable, ruthless, emotionless and bloodthirsty…quickly nodded as he shook slightly. "Yes, ma'am." he answered, feeling pure fear for the first time in his life and not eager to experience it again.
"Good boy." Tsunade said sweetly, the aura of anger surrounding her seeming to disappear instantly as she smiled down at the boy, pinching his cheek slightly. Turning away from the Genin, who was staring at her in obvious confusion, she calmly walked out of the battle zone, her assistant hurrying to catch up with her.
"I bet Goku never had to deal with this kind of crap…" Gaara muttered sulkily under his breath. Following after the two woman, he licked his thumb before idly turning a page in the manga, seemingly oblivious to the humming, bobbing head that had suddenly reappeared above him.
"I HAVE LOST MY DIMINUITIVE CLONE! WAIT FOR THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD, O WELL-ENDOWNED DESEDANT OF MY NOW-NONEXISTENT LOINS!"
A man leapt off a large grey bird beside a large creator, sighing to himself as he walked to the center of the impact zone and picked up a badly beaten, but still somehow breathing, head by its hair. Looking at the unconscious look on the of his cohort's face, the man shook his head.
"I warned you not to jump off, un."
(The next day, on the outskirts of Sunagakure…)
"Alright, one down and two to go!" yelled Tsunade, pumping a fist into the air as she walked triumphantly with her companions (and an extra-large bottle of sake) after a good night's sleep.
"Yes! The Giant Floating Head is pleased, First Servant! Now on to the next Ranger! …Third Servant, why is it taking you so long?"
"Third Servant? Why the hell am I third? I was the first Ranger, that makes me the leader." said Gaara as he twirled a strange kunai with an orange jewel in it between his fingers and flipped through a manga with his other hand. "And why am I going with you in the first place again?"
With a evil glint in her eye, Tsunade slowly turned towards Gaara while using her left arm to prop up her 'assets' "Oh? Have you forgotten already, my little Otaku? Now come along willingly…or else." she said in a fake-sweet voice.
With an audible gulp, Gaara quickly nodded and buried his back into his manga, making Tsunade smirk happily as she walked in front of the group. "Now there are only two left! On to Kumo!"
"But Tsunade-sama, Kumo is weeks away…why not go get the other one since its clos…"
"SILENCE! THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD HAS THE ANSWER! IT IS THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD'S MOST INGENIOUS IDEA YET!"
"Oh kami…not another one…" groaned Tsunade as she turned with slight fear in her eyes.
"BEHOLD!" cried the head as its eyes began to glow an eerie white, "NOW! SECRET-SUPER-ULTRA-FLOATING-HEAD-TELEPORT-POWERS GO!"
"Tele-wha?" was the last thing any of the three would say before a bright flash consumed them, four streaks of light shooting up into the sky.
"Cuuurrrsessssssssssss!" cried Madara as he smashed the crystal he was using to watch our heroes.
"Hey, I was watching that…" one of the shadowed men from before said, swallowing his popcorn.
"They've already acquired their first Ranger…I must destroy the next one before they reach him…"
"Um…master?" tentatively asked the other hooded man
"Damn it, Minion #1, what is it?" demanded Madara swinging around a large piece of wood with a single nail sticking through it and pointing it at his subordinate. "Can't you see I'm doing an evil monologue here?"
"What, we don't even deserve names? Just Minion #1 and #2? Can you even tell us apart with our hoods up?" snipped the second minion, rubbing his neck in irritation. Despite being reattached, his neck still itched from where it had separated from his skull. Not to mention the pounding headache from getting punched by the Slug Princess.
"Um, yes…of course I can! I am the great Madara! My Sharingan tells me all!" Madara exclaimed, posing dramatically.
"Right…well, you tried that same thing with the first one, and the monster got there too late…since we've already failed to stop them, maybe we should, I don't know, go after different ones…there are supposed to be like nine of these guys, right?" suggested Minion One.
"Yes! We'll take out the ones they haven't gotten yet while they go after the next one!" exclaimed Minion Two, giving a thumbs up.
"I've got a better idea! Not all the Jinchuuriki can be goody-two-shoes like this last one was! The one from Suna used to be a mass murdering psychopath!" responded Minion One.
"So… we try and turn them into crazy people?"
"No, dumbass! We can make them our allies against the Bijuu Ranger! They can be our force to block them!"
"Who you calling a dumbass, dumbass?"
"You, Dumbass!" yelled Minion ONE, getting in Minion Two's face.
Minion Two snarled. "You're the dumbass!"
"Excuse me…" Madara said impatiently.
"NO, you are!"
"Hello? Evil Leader talking here…." the masked man tried again.
"SILENCE, YOU FOOLS!" Madara screamed, making the two men and hug each other in fear. "I have just thought of a fantastic plan! Not all the Jinchuuriki can be allied with the forces of light so we shall bring them over to our side…the dark side! MWAHAHAHAHA!" he cackled madly, throwing his head and head up towards the ceiling.
"Wasn't that my idea?" Minion One asked to no one in particular.
Minion Two stayed silent.
"And this group of evil rangers," said Madara, acting like he didn't hear anything, "shall be called…called…."
"…the Bijuu Force?"
"The Bijuu Force! And I will finally have my own evil force to battle that floating buffoon! Budwawawawawawawawa !"
After blinking his glowing red eyes several times, Minion One spoke, "Ouch, master…just ouch."
"Huh? What's your problem?" asked their leader, staring down at the two (who for some reason were still clutching each other) in confusion.
Minion One released the other and crossed his arms in a pout. "Its not like you don't already HAVE a force to help you…"
"Aww, don't be like that…" Madara said, patting One's back slightly. "C'mon…who's my number one guy, huh? Who's my number one?"
Minion Two raised his hand slightly. "Umm, speaking of number one…when Master yelled, I kinda…" he trailed off, pointing at his pants.
The Uchiha sweatdropped and turned to a new crystal, opting to just ignore what was just said as he placed a hand against the jagged quartz and focused. The crystal began to glow slightly, a swirl of color appearing in its center as it began to form into a clear image. The evil ninja smirked beneath his mask. "Yes…we shall soon know the identity of the first of the Bijuu Force, the ones that will strike back against that bobble-headed freak and his gang of…pathetic…" the evil commander trailed off as the image wavered slightly before becoming clear, focusing on the image of a single ninja. "…oh, you have got to be kidding me…"
"Err…Master? Is there something wrong?" Minion #1 asked, having returned with a clean pair of pants and tossing them to the other underling.
"No, no…just lamenting my lack of luck in the universe." the masked man sighed before a sudden thought came to him. Spinning around and pointing dramatically at the only underling currently in the room. "Minion #1! The time had come to prove yourself to your Master! You are to track down and bring me this Jinchuuriki so that I may recruit him to the Bijuu Force!"
Unconsciously straightening up, the man stood at attention and saluted the Uchiha, eye twitching slightly as he was flecked with spit from his hand. "Yes sir! I won't let you down! Who's the target?" he asked, eager to get out of the cave.
Clearing his throat awkwardly, the masked man stepped to the side, allowing Minion #1 to see the image of the Jinchuuriki in the crystal. Said minion stared at the flicking image before turning almost as pale as the ninja he had been assigned to target was.
"…I hate my life, un."
"…urgaaa…what happened?" was the first thought that traveled through Gaara's mind as he attempted to move, "And why am I all wet? Last thing I remember is walking in the desert with those two kunoichi and the head…Kamina was about to blast the hell out of another Gunman…and then-"
"No time to think now, cub…if you don't move soon, we'll both be dead!"
"Wha-Shukaku? You can talk to me now? NOOOOOO I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN! Oh…wait…"
"That's right, you don't sleep anyway. But for now, get off your emo-otaku ass or we'll be skinned alive by kunoichi!"
"Huh? No one has ever wounded me? And why would Kunoi-"
"One: you are all wet so my sand is useless! And two: that damn head dropped you into the FEMALE side of the Kumo ANBU's ONSEN!"
Finally, as Gaara regained his senses, he felt the decent of the massive killing intent wash over him. With a shaky hand and an even shakier resolve, he turned his head to see a sight that would remain in his memory for ages once he looked back on it…but for now, all he could focus on was the many weapons the nude females bared…
"Umm…would any of you lovely ladies like to bear my children?"
A few minutes later, Yugito stood in front of the three of them, arms crossed and tapping one foot. "So….feel like explaining why you three magically appeared in my ba-STOP STARING AT MY CHEST, YOU PERVERT!" she roared at Gaara, who jumped slightly, turning his eyes away from her and into his manga as fast as he was able.
Tsunade sighed as she rubbed her forehead, sensing a headache coming. "Alright…this is going to sound very odd, and you may not believe it at first, but we-"
"SILENCE! The Giant Floating Head requests that you join the Bijuu Rangers, who will use their Bijuu powers to defeat a great evil and protect the people of the world!" the floating apparition shouted as it suddenly appeared directly in front of the female Jinchuuriki, cutting off the Med-nin's explanation.
Yugito stared at the Head with a blank look on her face as Tsunade groaned and rolled her eyes. "Great, she probably thinks we're insa-"
"I accept!" Yugito exclaimed suddenly, causing the other three ninja to facevault to the ground.
"Are you serious? You're going to join, just like that? Willingly?" Shizune asked the kunoichi in shock.
Yugito gave a sharp nod, a serious gleam in her eye. "Of course! We Jinchuuriki must band together to face the great evil and protect this world, for we are the only ones with the power to do so!"
"Yes, but…" Shizune began, struggling for words before simply gesturing at a happily bouncing Giant Floating head, a bored-looking Gaara with his nose buried in a random manga, and a clearly hung-over Tsunade, clearly still hoping for a way out of this. "Don't you thi-"
"JUSTICE!" the female Jinchuuriki suddenly exclaimed, clenching her fist in front of her as her aura seemed to flare up around her.
Tsunade cried silently into her hands. "I'm surrounded by crazy people…AGAIN!" she mumbled as the Head let out a booming laugh.
"Excellent! The Giant Floating Head welcomes you to the Bijuu Rangers…as the Yellow Ranger!"
As Yugito stood at attention saluting the Giant Floating Head, and Gaara chuckled as he idly turned a page in his manga, seemingly unaware of the conversation, Shizune and Tsunade looked over at each other, the exact same thought passing through both their heads.
"What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?"
RoK: So yeah, that's the new first chapter. I realize about 50% was the same as the original, but as more and more chapters are poster the new content will outweigh the old. Hopefully DarkFayt will get some free time to help out with the fic soon, but until then I'm mostly flying solo.
Also, bonus points for the person that can spot all of Gaara's references.