Go Go Bijuu Rangers!
You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!
AN: Well here we are again at the newest chapter of Bijuu Rangers Remastered. For those of you that read the original version of this fanfic, this is were things are going to start going more different than before. True be told, I think DF and I handled Naruto gaining his Ranger powers a little too differently in tone from the rest of the fic. It just didn't seem to flow right. Personally, I think it was a little too seriously done for the feel of the story(especially when DF admitted he was making him like Sasuke…~evil mutterings~), so this time around I'm going to make it a little more lighthearted. As for Naruto's personality, I'll get into that at the end of the chapter.
The initial concept of Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers belongs to DarkFayt. I just helped expand the idea and bring it to life in fanfiction form.
(Last time on Bijuu Rangers!)
Blah, blah, blah, the story started. Seriously, you need a reminder after just one chapter? Shame on you...
Minion#1 slowly made his way down the forest path, lifting his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow, curing when all he managed to do was get saliva all over his forehead. "I swear, out of all the Jinchuuriki left out there, Master just had to sent me to get this one…" he muttered under his breath, shaking his head in an attempt to dry it. "What exactly am I suppose to say to them in the first place anyway? 'Hey, want to be a part of Master's anti-good guy group?' Ugh, this is just gonna end up being really uncomfortable…for me, anyway."
The man pushed aside a few tree branches to reveal a seemingly random set of steps going down a hole in the ground, almost completely hidden by the trees and rocks surrounding it. The minion took a cautious step down onto the first step, wincing in spite of himself as a seal flashed a blackish-purple before returning to normal.
Minion#1 froze mid-step, staring down into the darkness of the entrance. "Alright, so I can either just wait here for who I'm looking for to come to me, probably in some very creepy way, or I continue to walk down there and run into them in the darkn-you know what, I don't even understand why this is a choice." He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted into the tunnel. "Oi! I know you know I'm here, so let's just skip the cliché 'sneaky ninja entrance' and get your ass out here so I can tell you why Master wanted me to find you!"
The man waited a moment before shrugging. "OhwellItried!" he rushed out, ready to get as far away from the man as he could. He froze, however, as he heard an androgynous voice whisper in his ear, a revolted shudder working his way down Minion#1's spine.
"Kukuku….and just what does your Master have planned for me?"
The man swallowed heavily, turning to face the speaker as he discreetly pulled a black pulsing gem from his pocket…
The group walked out of the bathhouse, led by a newly-transformed Yugito. Said girl was currently glaring back at her fellow Ranger, who had a large amount of tissues jammed into his nose. "That was a most dastardly reaction, my fellow comrade. Were we not destined to stop evil in all its forms, I would bring justice to you quite severely."
Eye twitching, Tsunade angrily tried to reach up and drag the Giant Floating Head to eye-level, to no avail. "And just why, pray tell, did Yugito's normal clothes magically disappear before her Ranger suit formed? When Gaara did it, they simply formed over his clothes!"
"Law of Anime #34."
"What?" All three woman looked back at Gaara, the one who had spoken, who now had his nose buried in another manga.
"Or Law #26. That one could technically apply in her situation." he responded after a moment, eyes focused solely on the book in front of him. "So really, with both laws in effect, it was practically a given."
"Even the Giant Floating head knew that."
"Shut it!" Tsunade snapped, finally given up on getting a hold of the corporeal cranium of her grandfather. "I don't even care anymore…so where to now?" she asked, though she already knew and dreaded the answer.
"HA! HA! HA! SILLY LIMBED BEING!" the Head exclaimed, bouncing above the group in seemingly blissful idiocy. WHY OF COURSE WE ARE OFF TO OUR LOVELY AND QUAINT HOME OF KONOHA! HA! HA! H-"
"Stop laughing like that!" Shizune shouted, looking both very annoyed and highly disturbed.
Tsunade sighed, rubbing her forehead to try and fight off an incoming headache. "I was really hoping to put this off longer." she grumbled, eyes narrowing. "This is about as worse as it could possible get."
Why do you hate me, Kami?" the Sannin thought as the group looked up to see a large amount of ninjas on the streets, walls, and roofs surrounding them. It was only then that it had occurred to her that they were trying to leave the village with their Jinchuuriki.
In broad daylight.
In front of everyone.
"Its stupidity is spreading…." Tsunade thought as she glared at the reason she was here in the first place, which seemed to be trying to hide behind Shizune….in its normal Giant Floating Head size.
"And just where do you think you're going with Yugito?" the ninja that has cleared his throat asked, the clothes he was wearing identifying him as a elite jounin.
"To protect the world from devastation?" Gaara tried.
"If you think we're just going to let you walk out of here with one of our village's strongest weapons, you've got another thing coming!" the apparent leader of the group shouted before the ninja leapt at them, some drawing weapons while others began handsigns.
"This isn't gonna be pretty…" Tsunade winced, watching as the newest Ranger jumped up into the air, turning almost fully upside down as she sailed over the direct center of the group. The girl reached behind her back, grabbing hold of two handles that quickly revealed themselves to be thick black whips, the tail ends hanging from the back of her belt looking like tails. "If you are against my duty of protecting the earth, you are my enemy and shall be punished as such!
The jounin's eyes widened in fear. "Aw, fu-
"Senkokusho de Raijin!"("Judgment of the Thunder God") Yugito called out, swinging both whips around both sides of her body. The whips tore through the surrounding group of ninjas, the weapons shocking anyone they came into contact with. At the center of their arc, the two whips slammed into each other with a booming clap of thunder. Less than a second later, a bolt of lightening struck the ground directly in front of the tips of the weapons, blowing back the gathered and sending them into painful unconsciousness.
Yugito landed gracefully at the center or the blast radius, tightening her grip on her whips as electrical energy crackled along their length. "What say you, Blockers of Duty?" she asked in a low, dangerous tone.
A weak and shaky salute was given by the Jounin, the only one left conscious, from his position half-buried by smocking chunin. "The village of Kumo supports you on your mission of justice and wished you look." he said weakly before passing out as well.
"Great! I'm pleased you now understand who important my quest for justice is!" the girl said brightly, her Range uniform changing back to her regular clothes with a crackle of lightning. "I wish you all well!" she said, bowing to the comatose piles of ninja.
"That was…..wow…" Shizune utter after almost a full minute of silence as the group stared at the remains of the very one-sided battle.
"Sad…" Tsunade responded, jumping slightly when the Head shot into the air.
"HA! HA! VICTORY IS ASSURED WITH THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD! THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL!" the Head announced, doing what could only be described as a victory lap around the area. "AND NOW, ONWARD TO KONOHA TO GAIN OUR NEXT RANGER! AWAY!" it proclaimed before shooting off rapidly into the distance, Yugito and Gaara following quickly after.
"Oh joy, another socially scarred child to help save the world…yay." the medic nin said sarcastically, following after the others very reluctantly. "I can't wait to see what personality disorder this one has created…."
"I know the place has bad memories for you, Tsunade-sama, but it is Konoha after all." Shizune said, slightly scolding her master as she walked alongside her. "Its the hidden village best known for the Will of Fire and its sense of kinship among its ninja. Even if some of the older villagers treat the one that holds the Kyuubi badly, I'm sure that he's at least treated with respect by his peers."
"Hey, wait! You guys aren't seriously leaving me tied here, are you? WELL?" screamed Naruto as he watched the retreating backs of his new teammates and sensei.
"Dammit, all that talk about the importance of teamwork and getting along, and yet I'm still stuck to the log…didn't those two learn anything?" Naruto grumbled to himself as he attempted to reach his equipment pouch for a kunai, "My life is just crap lately…first I've got to play the fool for the last five years or else the teachers pick on me, THEN I have to deal with the villagers glaring at me all day. And to top it all off, now I have to deal with Sulky McEmo and Little Miss Mental Disorder on my ass every day…well, at least hanging around Sakura kept the other Sasuke-zombies from trying to pound me for 'daring to oppose the wonderful Sasuke-kun…' Speaking of that, what's she saying now?" thought Naruto as he tilted his head slightly, straining his ear to pick up on the conversation the two Genin were having..
"But it was flying, Sasuke-kun! F-L-Y-I-N-G…You can't say that it doesn't mean anything to you! It's a sign; a sign that we're meant to be together!"
"Or that too much bullshit gas came out of you and took solid form." murmured Sasuke under his breath.
"Ara? Did you say something, Sasuke-kun?"
"Well, you can't deny the signs, Sasuke-kun. We're meant for each other." Sakura exclaimed, her eyes big, bright and shiny as she went into daydream-mode.
"For the last time, NO! I don't care even if a…I don't know, a giant log monster falls on me! I still wouldn't date you!" Sasuke yelled, though Sakura was already too far gone in her own fantasy to hear him.
"Note to self: build log monster to pay Sasuke back for leaving my ass here…but first, escape. Man, do I wish they had taught jutsu for this." Naruto thought, still struggling with his bindings. "Or should I say taught jutsu to me…"
Just then, a small black crystal flew through the sky before imbedding itself deep in the log just above head, actually parting his hair a bit. Tensing from the fact he'd almost had a hole punched through his face, Naruto slowly looked up at the object.
"Ok…glowing crystal…glowing black crystal…fell from the sky…this can't be good." said Naruto as the log he was tied to began to glow an eerie green.
"Definitely not good" was all Naruto could say before a burst of green light overtook the clearing.
"See that, Number Two! Do you see? I told you a log monster would be able to destroy the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki!" Madara cackled, watching as the light dimmed to reveal a demonic log, branches forming wicked elongated claws as it leaned its evil face toward the sky and let out a piercing shriek.
"Umm, my lord…the log monster can't reach him." said Number One, point behind the man.
As Madara looked in horror at his viewing crystal, he could indeed see that the slim claws of his rather small wooden monster could not reach the prone form of Uzumaki Naruto that was tied securely to its back.
"I think you threw the crystal in backwards…"
"Backwards? Backwards? It's a damn crystal, there IS NO BACKWARDS!" Madara yelled, throwing the evil villain equivalent to a hissy-fit.
"You made it backwards…" commented Number Two, "The mouth was supposed to appear right where he was tied so the monster could just swallow him. Chalk up another one for Mr. 'Tobi's a Good B-'"
One large explosion later, the smoke cleared to show the dark figure of Madara holding a rather nasty looking cylinder of some kind pointed in the direction of where Number Two had been standing, whose headless body was now lodged in-between two rather large crystals some distance away.
"Anything else to add, Number Two?" asked Madara as he held his metallic cylinder
"Nope…not a thing, Master!"
"Good… now prepare a squad of Zetties to set loose on Konoha. Your screw-up with the monster is a setback, but not one we can't recover from! Soon victory will be mine, ALL MINE! BWA-HAHAHAHA!"
"You know, you could have just ordered the monster to cut the ropes holding the boy and THEN had it eat him…" said the smoking head of Number Two as it rolled towards its body.
"IT MATTERS NOT!" the masked ninja proclaimed, his voice booming throughout the chamber. "Besides, how long could it possibly take for the monster to finish him off this way?"
(One obvious transition later…)
As the enraged log monster continued to thrash about the training field, with its glowing yellow eyes and strange jagged limbs, Naruto couldn't help but say what was on his mind.
"Well, getting a log monster was much easier than expected…" he sighed, lightly banging the back of his head against the monster he was currently stuck to. "Too bad I can't DO anything about it now…."
"Oh shut up already! You've been doing that for the past three hours!" Naruto shouted, kicking at the monster as he continued to struggle.
Just as Naruto finished speaking, he was certain he had finally had one too many sour milk and was having some form of seizure. For nothing else could properly explain the sight he now saw.
"SILENCE, STRANGE WOODEN ABOMINATION! FOR I AM THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD!"
"I'm with you, log buddy…"
"THERE IS NO NEED TO FEAR, UZUMAKI NARUTO; JINCHUURIKI OF THE NINE TAILED FOX, EATER OF HOT NOODLES AND WEARER OF THE COLOR OF TRAFFIC CONES! THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS HERE TO ASSIST YOU ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING A BIJUU RANGER!" the strange floating head bellowed in a stupidly confident voice as it seemed to by trying to strike a pose.
"Umm…hooray?" was all ninja in question could say before a giant cloud of smoke exploded over the field, two figures appearing in its center. As the smoke cleared, the figures were revealed to be wearing what appeared to be orange and yellow spandex suits with some sort of matching helmet masks. This though was not what caught his attention…it was the horrifying posses they were trying to make.
Suddenly, in perfectly sequenced voices, they spoke "We are the Bijuu Rangers, and we are here to protect the ninja world from the forces of…"
"Um…who are we fighting anyway?" asked the orange-colored one in a deep male voice, glancing at his partner.
The yellow one clenched a fist in front of herself, standing proudly. "The forces of evil, what else?" she said in a dramatic voice.
"But what evil is that? There's a shitload of evil in the world. Robbers, missing-nin, animal poachers and their pet cat, the FCC…do we fight for the environment or something?"
"That's a good idea too! Superheroes should be interested in helping the planet! …but I thought this was more the 'evil villain wants to enslave humanity' type of thing?"
"WILL SOMEONE EITHER CUT ME DOWN OR KILL ME ALREADY! I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS SHIT!" Naruto shouted, finally snapping.
The two fell silent, the only sound in the clearing being light creaking of the log monster as it swayed back in forth with the wind.
"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD THINKS YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS! THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO ONE WHO HAS COME TO RESCUE YOU!"
Slowly but surely, a small twitch begins in the corner of Naruto's eye, "I have been tied to this log since lunch, then for the last 3 hours I've been tied to a log MONSTER, and now I'm staring at a massive disembodied head ghost!"
"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD! NOT LARGE."
"Right…you know what? I just don't care at this point. Please, go ahead and help me. I'll just be trying to wiggle close enough to one of these claws so I can end this." Naruto said dejectedly, slumping against his restraints.
"This guy's kind of morbid, isn't he?" the orange-clad Gaara asked the other Ranger, jerking his thumb in the direction of the struggling Naruto.
"I heard you weren't rainbows and sunshine either at first." replied Yugito as she faced him, hands fisted on her hips. "Besides, meeting the 'Head' over there for the first time is traumatic enough without the monster being involved."
"Umm, I know I was a bloodthirsty killer twisted by the murmurings of his deranged demon and all…but this dude is trying to chew through his own shoulder." said Gaara, sweatdropping slightly.
The two Rangers turned toward the direction of their rescue target to reveal that he was indeed chewing on his arm, already through his jacket and working on the steel mesh below.
"Um…Orange, can you do something about that?" Yugito asked Gaara as she cringed, seeing the first hole forming in the steel mesh.
"I'm not sure…I'm used to just crushing things with my sand, but I suppose I could stop at holding something." Gaara said as he places his tops back in place on his belt, bringing his hands up and focusing on the monster.
"Just don't blame me if you hear a squish…"
"What are those fools doing?" cried Madara as he watched his log monster being covered and held to the ground by a large wave of sand that seemed to explode from the nearby riverbed.
"It looks like the Orange Ranger can control sand and is using it to hold your monster until the yellow one can free the Jinchuuriki from the rop-oh look, she just did." said Number Two, appearing from a back room through a sliding crystal door,
Madara turned back to gaze into his crystal yet again and saw, to his horror, that the Yellow Ranger had in fact freed Uzumaki.
"GRRRAAAAAA! WHERE IS NUMBER ONE WITH THE JINCHURIKI? He should have been here by now so I can unleash my own Ranger on them!" the masked man shouted, flailing his arms wildly.
(Elsewhere, in the skies above Yuki no Kuni…)
"Where the hell am I?" Number One shouted, staring down at the ground below from his giant clay bird, an unconscious figure wrapped in its oversized tail.
He crossed his arms and closed his eyes in thought. "There shouldn't be snow in Hi no Kuni! I flew straight south from the base, it's not like Konoha is small. It covers half the continent, for Kami's sake! ...maybe I shouldn't have taken that nap ten minutes into the flight." He stayed still for a few more moments before falling to his knees and crying heavily as he threw his head back, shouting into the sky.
"MASTER, YOUR NUMBER ONE IS LOST! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
(Back with our hero…even if it's against his will…)
"Okay, look. Its not that I'm not grateful for you for stopping the log monster and cutting the ropes, because I am…" Naruto said to Yellow(they still refused to tell him their names, dammit!) as he fought to keep the monster's mouth open, "but could you get Spandex Boy over there to let up with the sand blanket already?" asked Naruto, jerking his head at Gaara as he was now attached to the front of the wooden creature, only now he was being held there by sand. "This is kinda worse then where I was to begin with!"
"Um, believe me, we'd like to. But if we let you go, we'd have to let the monster go and we don't have a way to stop it yet…" said the Yellow Ranger, sweatdropping slightly from her spot next to the Orange Ranger. "There's not enough moisture in it for my whips to be effective, and Orange is busy restraining it, so…"
"BE NOT AFRAID, THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS HERE!"
"YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE ENTIRE TIME AND ALL YOU"VE DONE IS SPOUT GIBBERISH!" Naruto shouted at the Head, face red with anger.
"Look, Blondie I'm doing the best I can but this thing is pretty strong for how small it is. I have to move you away slowly in order to maintain the pressure needed to keep it in check." responded the Orange Ranger as he was visible shaking from the effort in trying to move Naruto away from the monster. "And hurling insults at me is NOT a good way to get me to concentrate on that!" he added in a annoyed tone.
"Sooooo I'm just supposed to lay here and what? Patiently wait and make conversation with Woody here?" Naruto snapped back, moving his head to the side as the log monster attempted to take his head off.
"THAT IS CORRECT, YELLOW-HEADED ORANGE BOY! PATIENCE IS ONE OF THE MANY VIRTUES ONE MUST CARRY TO BE CALLED A 'BIJUU RANGER'! THINK OF THIS AS A TEST TO FURTHER YOUR FUTURE SKILLS AS ONE OF US!"
Naruto turned his head slowly to stare at the floating….thing, a tick appearing on his forehead as his pupils seemed to get thinner. "Ok…log monster, I can accept. Strange people in spandex suit claiming to be trying rescue me…alright. Giant disembodied head talking to me…I'm just gonna ignore that for now, but now you're telling me I'm expected to join this band of costumed crazies?"
The floating head smiled eagerly as the Yellow Ranger nodded proudly along with him, the Orange Ranger smacking himself in the face with his hand. "I get the feeling you shouldn't have told him that…" Gaara said as the ground started shaking slightly.
"Ok, yeah…I don't think so. KYUUBI!" Naruto suddenly shouted, causing Yugito's and Gaara's faces paled behind their masks. "If there is anything that connects us other then this damn seal, you sure as hell must be as pissed off about this as me! So wake your fuzzy ass up and do something about it!"
In a dark sewer-like area, a single red eye appeared behind a large cage.
"URRRRMRMMMMRMM…noisy brat…demon lords need their beauty sleep too. ….now my fur will never lay down right."
As our hero finally came down from his pissed-off heights, he couldn't help but notice…nothing…nothing at all had changed. No explosion of power or giant fox enraged and chasing the freaks surrounding him… no amazing power from within manifesting itself for the first time ever to the surprise of all…nothing.
"Well I guess that was a little bit too much to hope for…almost thirteen years with the fox and it's never shown itself, so why now…Ok, Loggy go ahead…Loggy?" asked Naruto as he turned his head to look back at the log monster.
"Ooookay…why is Woody so quiet…and not moving? Actually, why isn't anything moving?"
"That would be my doing, brat…"
"You called me, so don't start playing that…" growled the voice as a horse-sized
Kyuubi appeared before the shocked Naruto.
"Quite articulate, aren't you? Let me just cut to the chase; you and your wonderful soprano voice woke me from a very nice nap only to see this…" said Kyuubi as he used his tails to call attention to the scene around them, "And yes, I was even more pissed off then you can imagine. Being sealed in a human is degrading enough, but I will not allow myself to fall into this...this HORROR!"
"Ok, I get that and I totally agree. There is no way I'm going anywhere with that ghost head, but I'd rather not get eaten by the log either so get me out already!"
The Kyuubi looked as if in deep thought for a moment before he said, "I…can't."
Naruto, for his part, was still…save for a small twitch above his eyebrow upon hearing this. "You're right there, so why not?" he questioned in barely-suppressed anger.
"When you called out to me I only had two options to contact you. Number one, knock you unconscious and bring you into the seal, or number two…this."
In two separate parts of the world, two certain henchmen sneezed, one being blown offhis clay bird, and the other blowing his own head off.
"And what exactly is this? No one's moving but us and I can't hear anything…"
"If I had knocked you unconscious, time would have passed while we discussed this and there was a chance you could be killed…or worse, the head could have done something like gone inside your head to talk to me," Kyuubi let out a violent shudder, "so I went with option two."
"AND WHAT THE ASTERICK-AMPHERSAN-NUMBERSIGN IS OPTION TWO?"
"First of all, two words, anger…management."
"Okay, scary shit there…Simply put, I advanced your senses far past what mortals can comprehend, so time is flowing normally, it's just that your perception of it is so god-like that we are having this conversation in the span of nanoseconds."
"Ok, good, great, hunky-dory, but that still doesn't answer the original question of why you can't untie me!" Naruto growled out, trying to wiggle free again.
"You damn baka…I'm not really here! This is just an image of myself that I created so you would feel more comfortable then just having ANOTHER voice in your head!"
"Oh…thanks, I guess…three is enough as it is." Naruto said with a sigh. "….so what are we doing again?"
"What is this?" asked the figure in the darkened cave, "It seems the bijuu is moving on its own…but that shouldn't be possible. Of all the Bijuu, the Kyuubi is held by the strongest seal. I was sure even the Head would have difficulties creating the Nine-Tails Ranger, but it's clear that there is large amounts of energy at work. What is TAKING Number One with the first of my Bijuu Force?"
"No respect, just no respect…master takes credit for the Bijuu Force idea, then locks up all the booze during work hours, and now I get bathroom duty because stupid Number One gets sent on a mission…" Number Two's head muttered as his body scrubbed a rather rusty-looking toilet.
"Did you say something, Number Two?" asked the swirl-masked leader in an ominous voice.
"No, nothing just saying how clean the toilets will be when I'm done!" he answered in a nervous laugh before sighing as he watched his body reach for a plunger. "This is some nasty shit…"
(You get the idea…)
As Naruto lay there, staring at the ethereal Kyuubi, he couldn't help but wonder if he should have taken Mizuki's offer…
"Ok…that was uncalled for, so how about we meet each other halfway? I'll stop asking stupid questions, and you just get me the hell out of here in whatever way you can, ne?"
"That would be perfect, but it doesn't work that way." the fox answered. "The seal won't allow me to act unless you allow me to, and you saying 'oh save me from the scary blue-tinted head, O Mighty and Powerful Demon Fox' isn't enough."
Naruto arched an eyebrow at Kyuubi. "…your mind snapped from prolonged solitude long ago, didn't it?"
"At any rate…" Kyuubi continued, ignoring the interruption. "You have to know fully well what I'm doing and then consciously allow it."
"You know, these 'seal rules' are starting to piss me off…"
"Good for you, they've been pissing me off for thirteen years now. Simply put, there are only three way you can use my power or for me to act." the fox said, holding up three tails for Naruto to see. "One, you get so damn pissed off that I take over your mind and use you as a puppet…"
"Wrong, try again…"
"Two, you let that 'Giant Floating Freak' run into your head and toss me around until I submit to you, and him, which makes you a Bijuu Ranger like the others only that freak has free run of your mind whenever he likes and of course me hating you for the rest of eternity…"
"Strike two on letting the freak bounce around my head…besides, you already hate me."
"No arguments here. Lastly, you and I agree to disagree and create the power of a Bijuu Ranger on our own."
"Sounds the best of the three, but what's the catch? You have got to be getting something out of this as well…"
"I'm actually trying to avoid the worst case scenario."
"Kyuubisaywhatnow?" Naruto asked, blinking in confusion.
"To put it simply, if Bobble-Head over there gets inside your noggin to unlock your Ranger Powers himself, our personalities will…not so much merge, but influence each other. And I have no desire to crave nothing but hot noodles and wear bright orange."
"Hey!" Naruto angrily shouted, insulted in more than one way. "Ramen is nourishment from Kami! And you're already orange, what do you have to bitch about?"
"I'm not orange, I'm red! FOXES ARE RED!" the kitsune roared, blasting the genin's hair back with the force of his shout.
"Okay, geez..." Naruto muttered, rubbing his ear into his shoulder in an attempt to clear it. "Complete denial…" "It's not like I have any desire to think like an uppity fox either. Still, I find it hard to believe the 'All Powerful Kyuubi' would be willing to get along with a 'brat'…' Naruto responding, mimicking the kitsune's earlier words.
"And what are my alternatives? Get mindfucked by that flying…thing…over there, or death by essentially a point stick! Yeah, I so have options here." Kyuubi muttered in an almost-petulant voice.
Not that Naruto had an desire to call the demon on it. He wasn't suicidal…
"Look," Kyuubi sighed, "normally the Rangers draw on their Bijuu like a battery. They forgo using any of their own chakra and completely rely on the Bijuu, but because they are channeling power through a secondary source, a Ranger cannot access the full power their Bijuu actually possesses, even with it being docile because of the Head."
"So since you'd be giving your power willingly, I'd be more powerful then the others?"
"Not exactly. While you will be stronger then the others-it's a requirement of being the leader, after all-you will have more 'Ranger Power' to work with, so to speak." Kyuubi explained, sounding annoyed at all the exposition. "How much power you can actually use depends on your chakra control however, so for now you're only marginally stronger." the demon added with a smirk.
Naruto's eye twitched in annoyance at the crack at his control issues. "And just so we're, what exactly would happen to me if our personalities stated influencing each other?"
The Kyuubi hmmed in thought for a moment before speaking. "If I had to guess, you'd most likely become more asshole-ish, get a massive stick up your ass whenever something didn't go the way you wanted to, become EXTREMELY prideful and condescending….basically you'd act like an entitled prick."
"…so you're saying I'd be Sasuke." Naruto summarized, getting a snort from the demon in response. "And you don't seem to have a high opinion of yourself for a demon lord or whatever."
The fox shrugged. "The difference is I have the power, reputation, and general demon-ness to pull it off. You're just a scrawny kid on a constant adrenaline rush." he explained before leering a bit at the genin. "Besides, you'd also be doing something that teammate of yours wouldn't be caught dead doing: trying to get every piece of hot tail there is to be had in this village."
Naruto stared at the fox in slight disbelief before dropping his head. "Why do I always have to deal with the perverts…." he complained, sighing heavily.
The Kyuubi glared at his container in annoyance. "Tell you what, you go into complete and utter isolation for twelve years and see what YOU think about! Besides, I live in your head, whelp. I know all your secrets, especially those dreams about the sh-"
"Okay, okay, point taken!" Naruto said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Just tell me how to awaken Ranger mode or whatever so we can get out of here already!"
"What, no 'pretty please with sugar on top'?"
Naruto eye twitched heavily. "…"
"And here I though you were the one with a sense of humor…" Kyuubi muttered as a large red glow enveloped them both.
(Back in Madara's cave)
"What is that infernal red light coming from the boy?" screeched Madara as he watched his precious crystal crack before his eyes and explode, throwing him across his cave and impacting harshly with the wall. "My eye! My beautiful Sharingan eye! I'm not suppose to get shards in it! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"You know what? I'm just gonna clock out for the day…" said Number Two as he dropped his broom and grabbing his head from the corner before walking away.
"I'm bleeding, bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeding!"
(Meanwhile, at the action scene…)
As a fiery glow suddenly burst forth from Naruto, blinding all present, a giant gust of chakra-laced wind blew all parties a good ten feet away from the now small crater where Naruto once lay engulfed in sand.
Slowly, the large cloud of brown dust began to slowly blow away from the clearing as a few wisps of red chakra still turned and twisted through the air.
When Naruto finally came into view, it was as if nine tails of pure chakra exploded from the small of his back and began twisting around him in such intricate ways it was as if they were dancing, a strangely curved kunai with a red jewel in its handle appearing in front of the genin, hovering there as it slowly rotated.
The blonde's hand swung out and snatched the weapon from the air, holding it in a guard position. "Kyuubi no Naruto….AWAKEN!" Naruto shouted as fire literally exploded out from his seal, consuming him from the neck down as the flames seemed to grow in intensity before burning itself out, revealing the red spandex suit that had appeared on the genin's frame. As if sensing the suit's appearance, the chakra tails began wrapping around Naruto's body, forming dark crimson marks over the normal ranger suit in the shape of curved fox tails.
Following that, the tails wrapped around his chest as another adorned his waist forming a metal belt, another tail wrapping around the kunai and morphing it into a large, wicked looking blade. With a final burst of fire, a crimson helmet shaped like the head of an kitsune formed over his head, two red eyes seemed to blaze to life behind the dark black visor of the helmet for a brief moment before disappearing, the ninja striking a heroic-looking pose. "Bijuu Ranger, Red!" he proclaimed, excess charka bursting behind him and forming the kanji for "nine" as a fiery explosion went off randomly in the background.
It was an awesome sight to behold.
Slowly the new Ranger turned to take stock of the others in the clearing. He ran his hands over his costume, examining his new look. "Now this is what I'm talking about! I look freaking awesome!" Naruto thought excitedly.
"Naturally. You think I would have been around for as long as I have and not picked up an amazing sense of fashion?" the fox asked, sounding a bit smug as he felt the need to inflate his own ego. "You don't give me enough credit, kit."
"Call it my way of getting along. We may be partners but you have a long way before I'll call you my equal…"
"Umm…thanks, I guess. And my transformation kick ASS!"
The Kyuubi gave the mental equivalent of a sweatdrop. "Unfortunately, that was all you…even as a Ranger, you're unable to grasp the art of subtly…" the fox demon sighed. "…though I will admit it was impressive."
"Damn right, it was!"
"Just go fight the damn tree thing already!"
"Sounds good to me…" After scanning the area and taking in the still shocked faces of everyone into account, Naruto grinned widely , letting out a laugh as he struck a heroic-looking pose, rolling his shoulders slightly. "Alright then, Log boy…" he said, turning to face the monster and making a "come and get me" motion with his hand and smirking. "Let's go wild!" Naruto blinked. "Wait, red? DAMN IT!"
(With the Bijuu Rangers…)
"What the hell happened to him? He looks like a damn tank compared to the other rangers?" hissed Tsunade not to hear a thing in return..
"Oh come ON!" asked Gaara, flailing his arms and stomping a foot down. "Why does he gets the ultra-cool transformation while we get stuck looking like the backup?" he demanded, pointing over at Naruto. "And he's red! That means he's the one in charge of the team! I was here first, why wasn't I Red? I even have the hair for it! Color coordination, that's how it works in manga!"
"Manga?" asked Yugito before shaking her head with a sigh as it looked like Gaara was about to explain. "Never mind, I don't want to know…but this is perfect! Our newest teammate has discovered the power of justice within himself and is ready to help defend the world the evildoers that seek to harm it!" she said in a confident voice, clenching her first in front of her face. "Evil stands no chance against the Bijuu Rangers!"
Gaara's head slowly turned to stare at his partner. "…do you practice saying these things?"
"What do we do, Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune as she grabbed the blonde woman's shoulder, "There's something different about this one. He changed on his own and he definitely has a different feel to him than the others…"
Tsunade could only grin as she watched Naruto stare down the wooden creature. "Let's just let him do whatever he's about to do. His little transformation blew the floating weirdo away for a bit, and I am damn sure going to enjoy the peace and quiet!"
Naruto couldn't help but to lightly chuckle again hearing the others conversations. Apparently his helmet increased his senses far beyond what mere chakra could have ever done, and it even seemed to adjust automatically so not to overwhelm him. Even he had to admit he was having a horrible amount of fun watching the log monster squirming before him. It was as if the thing couldn't decide to bite him or beg for forgiveness.
"This is a little weird now…I was supposed to be attacked by this thing, wasn't I?" asked Naruto to himself not expecting an answer.
"You'd be surprised what a little flaunting of power can get you. This thing has very little, if any, real intelligence so it's most likely working off of instincts and orders. With my supreme awesomeness of power surrounding you as your Ranger outfit, it's probably trying to shit hickory right now…" Kyuubi answered, its voice seeming to swell with pride.
"You're a bit full of yourself, aren't you?" Naruto asked, momentarily distracted from the monster by the conversation. "And thanks for the mental image. I think I have enough issues as it is, don't you?"
Before the Kyuubi could respond, Naruto was struck hard in the side of his head by the log monster, who had taking advantage of his lax in attention and attacked. The blonde ninja skidded back a few feet as his head twisted violently to the side, not speaking at all. The log let out something sounding close to a laugh as he stepped forward again, swinging both arms over its head and down towards Naruto, intent on finishing him off.
The other two Rangers ran forward to help when, with a deafening crack, the log monster sailed across the field, a deep gash in its hide, and collided harshly with a large tree, bringing it to a sudden halt. At the same time, Naruto once again turned his head back to face the monster, rubbing the side of his neck where he had been struck. "Well that sucked, getting blindsided by a walking log and being caught off-guard like that. I was going for the whole bad-ass hero look too…stupid monster." He muttered, rolling the shoulder of the arm he had used to cut into his opponent with his sword.
Naruto popped his neck slightly, tensing as he prepared to sprint at the log monster when…
"Here comes the Giant Floating Head to save the day!" the Head cried out, flying out of the trees at high speed and zeroing in on Naruto.
"OH CRAP!" Naruto exclaimed, eyes widening as he rocketed himself away from the floating projectile heading his way.
"THERE IS NO NEED FOR UTTERINGS OF VULGERITIES, FOUL-MOUTH YOUNGSTER-BOY! There is no need to fear the Giant Floating Head! The Giant Floating Head will make everything bet-"
"FUCK THAT! You stay the hell away from me!" screamed Naruto in total fear, unconsciously channeling chakra into his weapon as he swung the flat of the blade around to connect roughly with the floating head's gelatinous face and sending it careening into the log monster.
The log monster growled and swung its clawed arm at the Head, only for it to pass through harmlessly as the Head flew directly into it. The entire forest was dead silent as everyone stared at the log monster as it blinked stupidly, looking around in confusion.
"Ah hell…" both the yellow and orange Rangers muttered.
It was only a moment later that Naruto saw the log monster began to claw at itself, running around in circles and screaming in a high-pitched voice.
"Wow, maybe that was a little too harsh." Naruto stated, watching as the log monster slammed his head repeatedly into the ground...
(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away….)
As Naruto stared at the prone, swirly-eyed figure of his opponent, he couldn't help but let his transformation slip as his outfit disappears in a flicker of flames. It was one thing to deal with rangers, ghost-like disembodied heads, and ethereal demons, but watching a log beat itself silly was the last straw for Naruto. He began to walk away, glancing down at himself and noticing he was only in his boxers. "Note to self, find demon chakra-proof clothes…" he sighed mentally. Naruto was suddenly brought out of his thoughts when he felt a weight on his leg. He came to a stop and blinked before looking down to see the rather attractive blonde woman from earlier holding onto him for dear life.
"Welcome to the team, it's great to have you! Now how about you show me how you were able to hit that head?" asked Tsunade from her prone position, looking up at him with big shiny eyes in a way too sweet voice.
"Dwah?" was all Naruto could think to say, "Okay, not that having an insanely hot older woman hanging off me while I'm half-naked is a bad thing, but what the fuck is she talking about?" he asked, looking up at the others with a confused expression.
It was Shizune that answered the question as the other two Rangers seemed to be collecting the pieces of the monster into a small bag, the orange one muttering something about "sidekick duties". "She's…excited to have someone on the team that can deal with the Head. You're the first to be able to hurt him. Everything else just seems to pass through him…"
"We tried everything!" Tsunade exclaimed, seeming crying as she clutched Naruto's leg tighter. "Physical attacks, jutsus, pet pigs…"
"Wait, what?" Naruto asked, blinking.
"But you! You were able to hit him, even hurt him!" the blonde medic nin continued as if she hadn't heard him, nuzzling her cheek into his leg. "And now you're on the team, you can keep him in line."
The entire group sweatdropped as Tsunade continued to cling to his leg. "Sorry, she's had a stressful couple of days…" Shizune explained to Naruto, feeling a bit embarrassed at her friend's actions.
"Okay, not that that isn't flattering and all, but there is no way I'm going to stick around that head…so I'll just be going now. Ja ne!" finished Naruto as he disappeared in a puff of smoke leaving a slightly whimpering Tsunade. He suddenly reappeared beside the monster, raising Tsunade's hopes for a moment.
"I'm taking this, by the way." he said with a slightly sadistic grin before he poofed away again, along with the log.
"We finally find someone who can whack that freak for me, and he runs away the first chance he gets!" Tsunade cried, punching the ground in frustration. "What ELSE could possibly go wrong today?"
"SILENCE!" the head cried out, a large bump forming between his eyes. "The Giant Floating Head has a boo-boo! Someone must come kiss it and make it better!"
"We're fucked, aren't we Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune as she lowered her head. "Wait, why did he take the monster with him instead of destroying it?"
Sasuke's head jerked up at the shout in irritation-
-only to be completely flattened by what could only be described as a log monster.
An unconscious log monster.
A few seconds later, it was lifted off of him, giving the Uchiha a clear view of a masked red-cloaked figure holding the creature over his head by its leg. Staring down at the twitching genin, tilting his head to the side slightly as he spoke, the helmet making his voice unrecognizable.
"Congratulations. Irony just made you its bitch."
Sasuke just stared in a mixture of anger and confusion at the sight in front of him, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "Actually, I said 'falls on', not 'is used to pound" so technic-"
"Don't correct my badass one-liners."
AN: And done! I pulled it off, I actually managed to get this chapter finished before the year was over! Sorry for the delay, everybody. This chapter's a fairly heavy rewrite from its predecessor and went through a lot of revisions. Hopefully the finished product is worth the wait to you all.
In regards to Naruto's personality, I've always been a fan of Snarky!Naruto. I don't know why, but giving Naruto a sarcastic sense of humor is always entertaining to me. Maybe its because I just have a similar since if humor, I dunno. Anyway, I'm gonna try and leave in as much of Naruto's snarkiness from the original version as possible, because that part of his personality in the fic I did like. It was just the other stuff that bugged me.
Anyway, have a Happy New Year, everyone! See you in 2012!